Chapter 4 #2
They are! That’s a great idea! I’ll suggest it to him, Daddy. Thanks :)
So he was here in Portland.
What did I want to do about it?
Something hot and possessive and—shit, fucking joyful flared to life inside my chest.
For about two seconds.
Before I realized that this really didn’t change anything.
Owen didn’t seem at all surprised that I recommended a local venue, so he must have realized, or at least already assumed, that I was here in the city, too. But he’d never suggested that we meet, so he must have had his own reasons for wanting to keep what we have confined to our daily texts.
And even if that weren’t the case, he’d never given any indication that he was anything but straight. Calling him a few pet names, knowing he liked it when I did, didn’t change that fundamental fact.
“So he isn’t for me,” I muttered, rubbing my chest. “Not like that. He never was, so that shouldn’t be an issue.”
As pep talks went, it sucked. I still felt an odd sense of having lost something, even if I’d never had it in the first place. But then again, maybe I just needed to look at it a little bit differently.
Maybe I’d gained something.
I’d been frustrated at not being able to help him more when his hot water heater had started leaking, but if I’d known he was right here in my hometown, I could have gone over and fixed it myself.
And I still could.
MONDAY 1:58 PM
Hey sweetheart, did you ever get a plumber to come out and look at that leak?
MONDAY 2:02 PM
Not yet, but I should be able to do it after I get the rent next month!
I hesitated, my finger hovering over the keypad on my screen.
The Daddy in me wanted to insist that he let me come over tonight and take care of it. This week. This weekend. Whatever. But soon.
And if I did insist, hell, even if I just offered, I was sure my good boy would let me have my way.
He took direction like he was hungry for it; like he’d never had anyone properly look out for him before.
And I wasn’t going to try and lie to myself about “not being ready” when I knew damn well that if he could have been mine, I would have loved to be the one who did that.
The one person in his life who finally took care of him the way he deserved.
But if I went over there, if I met him in person, it would also change things between us.
Not necessarily for the worse. But it would change things.
He’d done a good job patching up the leak when I walked him through it, for now at least, so it wasn’t like he needed me to come over right away…
“Christ, and I thought my boy overthinks things?” I muttered, huffing out a laugh as I scrubbed my fingers back through my hair again.
Okay. No need to barrel right through the door of possibility I’d just found out existed, but I could at least swing it open.
MONDAY 2:10 PM
That’s great, baby boy. But if you need help with it before you can get the plumber, call me, ok? I can come take a look at it if it starts leaking again.
I stared at my screen.
Baby boy.
Christ. When had I started calling him that one?
I’d thrown out “sweetheart” to tease him a little the first night he’d messaged my phone, not thinking much of it other than a fun, silly little exchange. But then it had become more, and Owen had said he wanted me to keep calling him sweetheart… and that had done something to me.
Something similar to what happened to my heart each and every time he so innocently called me Daddy.
It took longer than normal for the three bouncing dots of his reply to show up, and when he finally responded, the sweet, unfiltered word dump came across as flustered and adorable enough to make me realize that, apparently, he hadn’t realized we were in the same town either.
“This boy,” I murmured, smiling despite myself. “What is he doing to me?”
MONDAY 2:18 PM
Come over in person? Wait, are you here in Portland?
Oh! I guess you must be if you knew about the Hollywood.
I just didn’t realize.
Um, that was dumb though, right? I mean, you’ve got a local phone number, but I guess I just didn’t think about it?
I mean, about us ever meeting in person.
Not that I don’t want to!
I mean, I’m not saying I want to. I know you’re busy, and um…
I actually don’t know what I mean. Just, uh, I wouldn’t want you to have to come mess with my hot water heater after working all day. I know how hard you work, Daddy.
Oh, can I still call you that?
Never mind! I’m not sure why I asked that. It’s fine. Everything’s fine! I’m fine?
(But is it fine? I’m not sure why I feel like I have to ask, but is it ok to still call you Daddy now?)
I grinned. If he was this cute in person, I’d be fucked if we ever did meet.
Not that I’d let that hold me back. Not if he needed me.
Straight or not, I was still his Daddy. At least, some version of one.
I couldn’t have him doubting that.
MONDAY 2:26 PM
Of course you can call me Daddy, sweetheart. Always. And if you need me, if the hot water heater leaks again, if you need me for anything, I want you to promise to call me.
MONDAY 2:30 PM
Um, like, a voice call?
MONDAY 2:31 PM
Yes.
MONDAY 2:32 PM
Is that a rule now, too?
MONDAY 2:33 PM
Yes. :)
MONDAY 2:35 PM
Ok. I promise.
Thank you, Daddy.
MONDAY 2:36 PM
You’re welcome. Now put your phone down and enjoy your lunch with Tyler. You’re done with finals, and you deserve to celebrate.
MONDAY 2:36 PM
Ok :)
MONDAY 2:37 PM
Good boy -xo
Well, shit. When had I started adding a kiss and hug after every sign off? I didn’t remember, and wasn’t really sure I wanted to scroll back through our entire text history to find out.
Owen had never mentioned it though, so maybe the “xo” didn’t mean the same thing to his generation. Or, like calling him sweetheart, maybe he just… liked it, sexuality be damned.
But it meant something to me, and what it meant was that I needed to tell Juan yes.
I needed to go to the club with him this weekend.
It meant that I couldn’t deny to myself anymore that, in my heart, Owen already was my boy… but that I also had to accept that all he would ever be was the boy of my heart.
Not of my body.
And my body, my cock, had needs, too.