Chapter 15 #2
While the competition may dismay Logan, it delights the littles.
Cynnie’s happier than I’ve seen her all day, cheering me on, clapping wildly when we win a lap.
She never stops smiling, even when Sammi drenches her, splashing her from his boat in an attempt to distract us during the third lap.
She’s left off her horrible, black cover-up since she’s with me, and the way her floral, summer dress sticks to her sweet curves is more distracting than anything Sammi could do.
I strip off my shirt so she can cover up, which generates cheers and jeers from the surrounding boats. Cynnie’s adorably pink as she shrugs it on and even after her dress has surely dried, she keeps my shirt on, occasionally sniffing the collar, which makes her even pinker.
As we return the boats, Jack drags Sammi off to the men’s room. Cynnie watches them go with unmistakable yearning in her eyes. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her close so I can whisper to her.
“I’m not so new to this that I don’t know Sammi’s about to be punished for splashing you. Is that what you want?”
Her small hands stroke my bare back. “Yes.”
“Tell me why?”
“Because I’ve been mean and I feel bad about it and being punished wipes the slate clean,” she whispers.
“That’s all you had to say, baby,” I tell her.
“I’ll punish you tomorrow morning. I want you to think about it tonight, even while we’re having fun.
I’m not going to tell you what the punishment is, but I will listen to you and if there’s anything that would frighten your little, you can tell me, and I’ll take it into consideration. ”
Her eyes are black holes of need and trepidation. I kiss her forehead and give her a cuddle. I want her to anticipate her punishment, but not be terrified of me.
Warrin taps the arm I’ve wrapped around Cynnie’s shoulders. “You two up for a picnic? I can get my firm’s caterer to deliver to the Seventy-second Street entrance and we could eat at Bow Bridge.”
Cynnie nods eagerly.
“Sounds good, man. Let me know how much I owe you.”
Warrin waves a hand at me and gets busy on his phone.
When Jack and Sammi return, Sammi’s red-eyed, but barely less exuberant than when they left.
He apologizes to Cynnie for splashing her and she hugs him.
As soon as she releases him, Jack tucks his boy back under his arm.
Sammi jabbers at his daddy, clearly not holding a grudge for whatever punishment he just endured.
We make our way around the Lake and across Strawberry Fields, stopping at the Lennon Memorial to listen to a busker’s impressive rendition of “And I Love Her.” He does well off our group, with each of the littles going back to drop dollar bills in his guitar case several times.
Warrin’s phone pings to let him know the caterer’s arrived.
Since the littles are still enthralled by the busker, I nod to Warrin and tell Cynnie to stay with Logan while I help Warrin carry the picnic.
With a quick kiss on the top of Sammi’s head and a stern order to stay in sight of Logan and stay out of trouble, Jack joins us.
When we’re out of earshot of the littles, I say to Jack, “Can I ask what Sammi’s punishment was?”
“Cock cage for the rest of the day. If we weren’t out, I’d have edged him for an hour then iced his dick before putting him in the cage.”
My own dick beats a retreat at that idea.
“I need to punish Cynnie tomorrow morning,” I tell him. “She has family commitments in the afternoon, so impact isn’t ideal. But I want it to be a real punishment, something she remembers, not something she secretly likes.”
“First punishment?” Warrin asks.
I nod.
“Have her kneel on rice for fifteen minutes,” Jack suggests. “It’s uncomfortable but it won’t injure her. Fifteen minutes is long enough to make an impression. Expect some tears and whining.”
Warrin nods. “If she doesn’t seem contrite enough by the end of the fifteen minutes, have her put the rice back in the bag. Grain by grain. With tweezers.”
“Lines are another good first-time punishment. Have her write out whatever she did wrong a hundred times. Any time she makes a mistake, she has to cross out the whole line and do it again.”
I keep nodding, but none of their suggestions strike a chord with me. I want something that will impress on Cynnie why ignoring people is hurtful, but also something that brings us closer.
“If I check with her about confined spaces,” I say hesitantly. “Is it okay to put her in a small space for a while?”
Jack nods. “We have a punishment closet.”
“That’s one I can’t do with Aggie,” Warrin says. “She panics in small spaces after a while.”
“How long?” I ask.
“Less than five minutes.”
I scratch the back of my head. “So should I keep checking on Cynnie?”
“Yes,” Jack says decisively. “I check on Sammi every ten minutes even though I’ve been putting him in the punishment closet for years. I usually blindfold him so he can’t see it when I open the closet door.”
It reassures me to hear that Jack checks on Sammi often even after years of punishing him. I don’t like the idea of blindfolding Cynnie, but I could set up a camera in the closet with a feed to my phone so I could see her.
As we reach Central Park West, Warrin spots the caterer’s van. A bubbly brunette jumps out when Warrin waves, unloads a multitude of bags that she piles into our arms, then gives Warrin air-kisses before hopping back into the van and driving off.
“How much did you order?” Jack asks, surveying the bags.
“Picnic for six.” Warrin shrugs. “Rhoda doesn’t skimp. Why do you think I hit the gym every day? Woman’s feeding me to death.”
Jack shakes his head and hefts several bags.
“How is Sammi when he comes out of the closet?” I ask as we head back to the Lennon Memorial.
“Teary and clingy for a while. Be prepared for cuddly aftercare.”
“Bath or shower together isn’t the worst idea, either,” Warrin adds. “For us, punishment resets the clock. I can give her as much attention after a punishment as I feel like without reinforcing the behavior I don’t want.”
That makes sense to me. “What about, uh, sex afterwards?”
“Not with Sammi,” Jack says. “He gets cuddles, but no sex for six hours and no orgasms for twelve hours. Otherwise, he’d just do the same thing he was punished for again the next day.”
Warrin laughs. “I could not deal with your boy.”
Jack flashes white teeth. “Every minute with him’s a fresh challenge. Keeps me on my toes.”
“I don’t ever withhold sex from Aggie,” Warrin says to me. “That’s a trigger for her. If she’s interested after a punishment, I give it to her. Lots of times she just wants cuddles and reassurance that we’re okay, though.”
“Watch out for the post-punishment blowjob,” Jack says quietly as a family passes us. “That’s your little using sex to make sure they’re back in your good graces. I consider it topping from below. If you want her to give you a blowjob, make sure you control it from start to finish.”
I see the wisdom in that. “Okay.”
“And be alert for drop, in both of you. Punishment can be just as intense as a scene. Check in with her frequently, even if it feels like you’re overdoing it. Any change, particularly if she goes quiet on you, go straight in with drop aftercare.”
“Uh, what’s drop aftercare?”
And why haven’t I seen this in all the websites I’ve been reading? I’ve seen subdrop mentioned, but not what I’m supposed to do about it.
“I treat it like I’d treat her if she was sick,” Warrin tells me.
“Attention. Reassurance. Make sure she’s warm; I know that sounds crazy in this weather, but Aggie gets cold when she drops.
Surround her with her favorite things. Make sure she’s hydrated, well fed, make her nap if she seems cranky.
If it goes on for more than a day, I get her therapist on the phone.
Drop can become a major depressive episode with Aggie, so I don’t let it go untreated for more than a day. ”
I nod. That all makes sense and echoes what I learned from my therapist in the Navy. A day to feel down and recharge is okay. Any more than that and it can become a downward spiral.
“Sammi isn’t depressive,” Jack says. “Anything but.” We all chuckle.
“Drop can manifest as mania, too. If Sammi’s all over the place after a big scene or punishment, that’s the time to bring things down a notch.
Quiet activities. Maybe a movie if he has the attention span.
Sometimes I’ll have him cook something complicated with me.
Nothing overly social. Your sub’s attention should be on you after a punishment.
Once he seems back on an even keel, I give him back his phone and let him make plans with friends, but I keep him close and quiet for a day or two after a big punishment. ”
Our pace back towards the Lennon Memorial slows to a crawl as we trade tips.
“And lots of reassurance that they’re loved and worthy of your love,” Warrin adds. “It’s too easy to go from ‘I did a bad thing’ to ‘I’m a bad person.’ Don’t let Cynnie go there.”
Jack nods. “Cynnie hasn’t had a daddy for a while. She may not remember how to deal with a punishment. Make sure you normalize it for her.”
I nod in response, but even as I do, I wonder who is going to normalize it for me.
“Can I, uh, call you if things feel like they’re getting out of hand?”
“Of course,” Jack says.
“Absolutely,” Warrin choruses.
“Thanks. I know this has to happen. I need it as much as she does. But I don’t know how I’m going to feel about it.”
“It’s the unknown that’s the worst,” Warrin says. “Once you’ve done a couple of punishments, you’ll worry less. A little worry’s a good thing, though. Keeps you focused.”
“It’s when punishments become routine that you really have to worry,” Jack says.
“That means something’s broken. I’m strict with Sammi and he earns more punishments than most, but even so, I’d be concerned about our dynamic if I was punishing him more than every few days.
I’d take it as a sign he felt I was ignoring his needs, and he was seeking bad attention because he couldn’t get good attention. ”
“That’s something to watch for,” Warrin echoes.
“I don’t know what Cynnie’s relationships have been like.
Her last daddy didn’t come to playgroup.
I think they had a long-distance thing. But she could be attention-starved and willing to accept bad attention if she doesn’t feel she can get good attention. ”
“Or worthy of good attention,” Jack interjects.
“I met Cynnie’s daddy, Isaac. I use the term ‘daddy’ loosely.
The only thing daddy-ish about him was that he’s twice her age.
He didn’t play with her or nurture her. He was just all about the spankings.
She got spanked three times during one play party we went to, and an orgasm after every spanking.
If she associates punishment with spankings and spankings with orgasms, she may seek negative attention, consciously or not. You have to nip that in the bud.”
Warrin nods vigorously. “If she wants spankings, make them part of play, not part of discipline.”
“I, uh, I’ve been doing them during sex,” I whisper, hoping none of the families strolling nearby can hear me.
“Nothing wrong with that,” Warrin says.
“Give yourself space to explore,” Jack says, and I’m reminded of DirtyGurl’s advice. “Spanking can take a lot of different forms. Sammi gets spanked mostly as punishment, but I also spank him before big scenes to warm him up. Find what works for you and Cynnie.”
“What if I do something she hates?” I ask, voicing my persistent fear.
Warrin chuckles. “Apologize and move on.”
Jack gives me a purely evil grin. “Make a note of it in your daddy diary and save it for the next time she does something that pisses you off so bad you can’t see straight, then trot it out.
Punishments aren’t supposed to be fun. They’re a deterrent.
Use the shit she hates. You’ll punish her a lot less often. ”
Some of the weight tightening my shoulders falls away; that’s not only intuitive, but it appeals to my sense of fairness.
I don’t want to get caught in a cycle of misbehavior and punishment with Cynnie.
I’d much rather reward her than punish her.
I get that being a daddy isn’t all fun and games.
This is the harder part—setting boundaries and enforcing them—but I’ve seen how happy Emily is within Logan’s boundaries.
I want the same thing for Cynnie and me.
Warrin shifts the bags he’s carrying to one hand and wraps his free arm around my shoulders. “That’s it, man. Take it easy. Littles pick up on our moods waaay too easily. If you’re tied up in knots, she will be, too.”
“Incoming,” Jack warns.