Chapter 5 #2
I swallow around a lump in my throat. Getting hit with a Delrin rod is a pretty damn big deal. I won’t be able to sit comfortably for at least a day. “Uh, yes, sir?”
“Lying’s the cardinal sin, Bren. How can I top you if you’re not truthful with me?”
My stomach drops. Why did a Dom of my own seem like a good idea?
Ten and the other Blunts Doms probably wouldn’t even have noticed my evasion last night or called me on it if they did.
But Emily can’t get away with a single fucking thing; Logan even notices when she’s too quiet.
Do I really want that to be me? Twenty-four-seven with some fucking mind-reading Dom who knows when I’m being evasive because I’m feeling vulnerable?
When I’m quiet because I’m upset? I must be out of my mind.
“Sorry, sir. I know honesty’s important. I’m just—”
“Scared of being vulnerable?”
Fucking. Mind-reading. Dom.
I squeeze my eyes closed. “Yes, sir.”
“Look at me,” Mac says softly. When my eyes snap to his, he smiles.
“Consequences are that you have to keep a diary of every time between now and Friday that you feel worried, insecure, or vulnerable and turn it over to me when you next see me. You can text it to me if you’d rather, but I want it in writing. We will be discussing it.”
Fuck.
“Couldn’t I just have the Delrin?”
Mac chuckles. “No.”
“Is this the kind of thing I should expect? As consequences?”
“Maybe.” Mac shrugs. “I’m an equal-opportunity punisher. If this works, I’ll use it. If the Delrin works, I’ll use that.”
“Whatever works?” Even to my own ears, it comes out snippy and I clear my throat, worried I’ve gone too far.
“I’m interested in results, girl.” Mac winks at me. Winks. Damn him. There goes every ounce of snark I’ve ever possessed, straight down the drain. How does he do that? “I’m not at all picky about the method.”
I turn back to the stove, test the griddle with a drop of batter, and when it sizzles the way I want, pour the first pancake.
Like a good little service submissive. I should be irritated that Mac’s sucked the sarcasm out of me.
I should also be irritated that he’s making me show throat.
Instead, I feel . . . relieved. That can’t be right.
“Pancakes!” Emily’s squeal distracts me from my conflicted introspection.
Beside me, Mac chuckles. “Nothing like an excited little in the morning.”
On that we agree.
He doesn’t forget about the plug. Once I’ve made pancakes and bacon for everyone, he takes me into the bathroom and puts the plug in with what feels like a minimal amount of lube.
He doesn’t make it hurt, but it doesn’t feel good, either.
I end up squirming uncomfortably all through breakfast. Mac and Logan watch me with matching smiles. Sadistic fuckers.
Despite the perfect pancakes and Emily’s happy chatter, my mood descends through breakfast, until not even playing with the cat while Mac and Logan do the breakfast dishes can make me smile. Emily elbows me while I trail a feather toy around the dining table’s legs.
“What’s up with you?” she mouths.
I shrug. “I kinda want to get going. Clean up at my own place.”
“I’m sure Mac wouldn’t mind,” she says.
She’s probably right. I’m not even sure why I’m hesitating. But I still am, right up to the point that Mac gets a phone call. His smile slides off his face when he answers and after holding up a finger in my direction, he disappears into Logan’s office.
Emily grimaces. “Naomi.”
“Mac’s daughter?” I ask after placing the name.
Emily nods. “She’s a smart girl. At college on a scholarship. But she’s screwing it up with drugs. Mac’s already had to get her into detox once this semester.”
It’s only October, so that’s probably pretty bad, although I never went to college, so I don’t know exactly how long a semester is.
“Damn. What’s she hooked on?”
Emily scoots a little closer so she can whisper, “Prescription everything. Mac’s ex-wife got Naomi on diet pills when she was in junior high or something crazy and now she needs uppers to get out of bed in the morning and downers to sleep at night. Mac’s in knots about it, Daddy says.”
“Emily, are you gossiping?” Logan asks.
How can he possibly hear us? He must be twenty feet away and he’s standing over the sink with the water running as he rinses off the breakfast dishes.
Emily rolls her eyes. “Daddy radar. I’d better fess up. I’ve already had the paddle this morning. My legs can’t take another round so soon.”
She rubs the backs of her thighs, which are very pink, as she gets up and goes to stand next to Logan.
I can’t hear what she says over the water, but I can see her hang her head as Logan speaks to her.
His shoulders are relaxed, and he keeps doing the dishes while they talk, so I don’t think she’s in serious trouble.
She trudges away from the sink with her head still down, past me and into the great room, where she retrieves a silver plug and a bottle of lube before trudging back to Logan.
Since I’m feeling my own plug this morning, I try to keep a straight face.
Logan escorts Emmy to the bathroom and when she returns, she sulks through and plunks down in front of the TV. She puts on How To Train Your Dragon, which tells me exactly how sorry she’s feeling for herself. I follow and curl up on a pillow next to her, staying off my bad hip, which is sore today.
We’re maybe halfway through the movie when Mac emerges from Logan’s office. I’ve started to doze against the couch, the broken sleep catching up with me, but I snap awake when Mac drops onto the sectional beside me. He leans forward and lets his hands hang between his knees.
“Bren, I’ve got to go.”
“Sure. Is everything okay?”
He scrubs his hand through his hair, raising it into spikes.
“My daughter’s missing. That was her roommate who called.
She went to a party Sunday night and hasn’t been back to her room since.
Campus police aren’t taking it seriously.
I’m going to have to go up there and see if I can find her.
I’m sorry. I hate leaving right after our first scene. ”
I hate him leaving right after our first scene. Even though I’m feeling grumpy and restless at the moment, once I clean up and maybe get a nap, I’d definitely be up for more, even if it’s just another phone date.
But in comparison to his missing drug-addict daughter, my desire for another scene comes in a pretty weak second place.
“Don’t worry about it, sir. Is there anything I can do?”
“No. I appreciate the offer, though.” He catches my shoulder and pulls me toward him until he can kiss my forehead.
“Look, I may be a little preoccupied for the next couple of days, so let’s forget about the plug and other stuff until Friday.
I’ll do my best to make it back for dinner.
I’ll call you when I have a better idea. ”
My stomach sinks. Something in me that might have been opening snaps shut. Then I give myself a firm mental shake. What’s important here is taking care of his kid.
“Yes, absolutely. I hope she’s okay. If there’s anything I can do, call me.”
“Thanks.” He kisses my forehead again before he releases me and I take that as a signal that I’m dismissed and can clear out.
I start to climb to my feet when Emily catches my hand.
“Master Mac needs to take out your plug,” she says quietly.
“I’ll do it myself. I’ve done it a million times.”
Mac stands and rests a hand on my shoulder. “Em’s right. I put it in. I should take it out. Rules of the plug.”
He tries for a smile, but it’s strained.
“Sir, go take care of your daughter,” I say gently. “The plug’s not important.”
“You sure? I really don’t like leaving like this, Bren.”
“I’m sure.” I smile, and it’s a much better attempt than his.
I must convince him, because after running his hand through his hair again, he turns away and heads into the kitchen, presumably to talk to Logan.
“Bren,” Emily says quietly. “You should have made him take out the plug. It is important. Things come up all the time. He doesn’t get to bounce out of here just because there’s a problem. He started something with you and he should see it through. You’re letting him be a crappy Dom.”
Am I? Probably, but I hate forcing people to make me a priority when I’m not to them. And I’m clearly not to Mac.
I lean over and kiss the top of her head. “I’m fine, Emmy. I can take care of myself.”
Always have. Always will.
I wait until I get back to my place before I take out the plug.
I’m a little sore, but I’m used to some soreness there after a scene.
Since I’ve still got plenty of time before I’m scheduled to be in the shop, I take a bath with some Epsom salts instead of a shower and by the time I’m out, I don’t even notice the soreness anymore.
It would make me sad to lose that lingering reminder of Mac so quickly except that I don’t really want him to be on my mind when I’m not on his.
I pull on soft clothes—black yoga pants and a loose sweater—before I head down into the shop. My skin’s still stinging a little even after the soothing bath. I tell myself to take it easy today. It was a big scene. I’m definitely still feeling it in lots of spots. I don’t need to push myself today.
But when Fareena calls thirty minutes after she’s supposed to start to say that her childcare has let her down, I shuffle around her appointments until I’ve covered them all and do nine hours straight, only stopping to stretch out my stiff muscles a few times.
By the time I lock up, I’m dragging myself from my station to the desk and back, but I’m much happier about the day’s receipts, even if I do put a third aside for Reena.