Chapter 15 #2
“You are not my Master, Ten. You don’t get to give me consequences. Did you hear me? I said fucking red. Hit me and I’ll scream so loud you’ll need to be treated for tinnitus.”
“Walk away from me and you will not like what happens, girl.”
“Nothing’s going to happen because I used my fucking safe word, Ten! Put your goddamn belt away. I’m out of here.”
He snaps his belt onto his palm and my flesh recoils. Not because I fear the pain. I fear him. For the first time in five years of knowing this man, of letting him hurt and fuck me in ways that made me ache for days afterwards, I am afraid of him.
“When you come back,” he growls. “And you will come back, it won’t be on your knees, girl. Crawl to me on your damn belly like the fucking worm you are and lick my boots for a day and I’ll think about scening with you again.”
“You are on fucking crack,” I snap as I edge in front of the elevator doors and slam the button with the heel of my hand.
Thank the Benevolence, the elevator is on this floor and the doors swoosh open behind me immediately.
I step back into the elevator, keeping my eyes on Ten, who continues to glare at me and snap his folded belt against his palm until the doors slide shut.
I slump against the back wall of the elevator. When the doors open again, I stagger out and cling to the far wall for a long moment, fear playing Chopsticks on my spine, my heart still hammering against my ribs. Did Ten really just ignore my safe word?
“DirtyGurl?”
I turn as a small hand takes my elbow. Austin’s Domme, Dana, looks at me with concern darkening her big, brown eyes.
“I’m okay, ma’am.”
“Are you?”
I straighten my spine and let go of the wall. I’d be taller than Dana, who is Emily’s size, except that she’s wearing five-inch stilettos, so she’s looking me in the eye. “Yes, ma’am. I’m just on my way to the Blue Harem room.”
“Then I’ll walk you there. Would you like to tell me what happened and why you’re not wearing your collar?”
I touch my bare throat, feeling the loss again as fresh and sharp as a scalpel’s cut.
“I, um, resigned from the club. As a house submissive. I’ll still be dancing, but no more scenes.”
“Is this a good thing or a bad thing?” Dana asks as she steers me down the long central hallway of the club’s dungeon level.
“It’s a good thing, ma’am. Mac’s asked me to be exclusive.”
“I see. That happened quickly, didn’t it?”
She’s one to talk. She got her collar on Austin a whole two weeks after their first scene together, although they’re not exclusive, from what he’s said.
“I guess, ma’am.”
“I know everyone will be very sorry to see you go. You’ve been a staple of the club for years.”
Is that how she sees me? Rachel and her Drow always made me feel like I was here on sufferance.
“Thank you, ma’am.”
“Here we go,” she says, stopping in front of the door to the Blue Harem room and knocking. Logan’s voice calls for us to come in and Dana steers me into the room with her hold on my elbow.
As soon as I walk through the door, Mac stands from where he was lounging on one of the blue-draped beds. His eyes search my face and all the steel in my spine dissolves. I droop in Dana’s hold and feel fresh tears run down my cheeks.
He crosses the room in five quick strides, opening his arms and pulling me tightly against his chest. “He took your collar. I should have anticipated that. I’m sorry, girl.”
I sink into him, resting my head against his shoulder and letting the tears flow. “Five years, Sir. I’ve barely ever taken it off. That’s still the same one . . .”
“I know,” he soothes. “I know, my girl. It’s okay. I’ll fix this. Let me fix it?”
I nod wearily. The ups and downs of this day are just too much for my raw heart.
Mac guides me over to the bed he was sitting on and settles me on my back. Tears run hot down my temples and I don’t even try to wipe them away.
I hear Mac thank Dana and ask Logan if he can have the room for a couple of hours. While I lie there like the world’s saddest sap and sniffle.
Emily leans over me and kisses me on the cheek. “I love you, Bren. It’s okay to be sad over your collar but it’s going to be okay.”
I sniff. “When did ‘I love you’ become a thing between us? I hate it.”
She wipes my cheeks. “I know. I still love you and it’s still going to be okay. See you at dinner.”
I nod bleakly, staring up at the bed’s blue canopy.
Mac replaces Emily at my side as Logan herds her and the two other couples out of the room.
I feel a twinge of guilt at spoiling whatever scene they were planning.
The club’s busy today so they might have trouble getting another room, even though the house subs tend to treat Logan like a rock star and give him anything he asks for.
“Maybe we should give them the room, Sir,” I whisper. “Club’s pretty busy.”
“They’ll find somewhere,” Mac responds from where he’s rummaging in his toy bag. “This is more important.”
That he thinks so makes the tears run faster. The bed dips as Mac stretches out beside me and rolls me into his arms. He kisses the tear-tracks and strokes my cheek with his thumb.
“This is temporary, sweetheart,” he says gently. “I’ve ordered you a collar but it’s still being engraved and won’t be here until Tuesday. So, all I have is this one, but will you accept it from me?”
He holds up a plain, black leather collar with a silver O ring in the middle.
My breath catches in my chest. “You’re offering me your collar, Sir?”
“I am, my girl. I know this isn’t going slow, but I don’t have any doubts, Bren. If you have doubts, will you share them with me now so we can talk them through?”
I rub my lips together as I stare up into those warm, summer-sky eyes.
If I say nothing, he’ll collar me and that’s what I want but I also want it to be for real and not something temporary that he takes off after a couple of months when he’s had enough of me.
Accepting his collar when I’m still shaky is wrong—it’s not being honest with my Sir.
“There’s the age thing,” I say, because Ten resurrected that nasty niggle.
“You seem to be keeping up with me just fine, girl.” He grins at me and I feel the corners of my lips lift in answer.
“You do have a lot of energy for a geezer, Sir. Seriously, it’s more that you’ve had your family and, I don’t know, someday I might want a kid.”
“I’m not opposed to a second family, girl. I love kids. I’m looking forward to playing granddad to Logan’s little one when she arrives. We’re getting way ahead of ourselves, but this is not an obstacle. Next?”
“My juvie record,” I whisper.
“Not something I care about, girl.”
“But those bikers wouldn’t let you join because of me. I know you wanted to.”
“I want to belong to a brotherhood, but not that one. While you were sleeping off the scene, Napa invited me to meet his brothers. They want us to stop for a barbeque on our way back from Poughkeepsie on Sunday night. If that goes well, I’ll do some rides with them and see if they’re a better fit.”
“What if they’re unhappy with my record?”
“They already know about it and don’t care. No one but a bunch of ex-cops with their thumbs up their asses would, Bren.”
I let that sink in. “I’ve felt bad about it, Sir.”
“Stop feeling bad. I feel like I dodged a bullet there. Napa was telling me they kicked Wreck out after he got a DUI conviction. Instead of getting their brother help and keeping their arms around his shoulders while he got sober, they left him to sink or swim on his own. That’s not a brotherhood, Bren.
It’s not something I could live with. My days with Rolling Blue would always be numbered because the first time they kicked a brother out for something like that, I’d be out the door with him. Set that aside. Next?”
Is there anything more? I could say that I’m not sure about us lasting, but he said he doesn’t have any doubts and mine feel insignificant now that we’ve talked about them.
“I think that’s all I’ve got, Sir.”
“That’s all you got?”
“It is, Sir. Would you please collar me?”
His eyes ignite. “It would be my pleasure.” He reaches out to my side and picks up the long strip of black leather. “Kiss the collar, my snuggleslut, and ask me to put it on you.”
I press three kisses to the smooth material. “Please, Sir, would you put your collar on me?”
“Sit up and lift your hair out of the way. I don’t want to catch you.”
His consideration—the way he always ensures I’m safe and comfortable, even when he’s about to hurt me—makes another tear roll down my cheek. Mac leans in and kisses it away before helping me sit up with a hand between my shoulders.
The clasp of the cool leather around my throat makes me catch my breath. The constriction increases as Mac works the buckle then loosens and drops to rest against the base of my neck. The panic I felt at handing my club collar to Chess leeches away slowly. I exhale and feel everything settle.
“Thank you, Sir.”
Mac tips my chin up and gives me a deep kiss. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. I’ve collared you today because you needed it, but if you want a formal ceremony like Emily’s when I give you the collar I’ve had made for you—”
I shake my head. I’ve had ceremonies. They didn’t sprinkle any magic dust over the relationships. “I’d rather it was just you and me.”
He smiles. “I’m not one for big productions, either. You realize, of course, that I’m going to have to claim your holes again.”
“What? Wait, Sir, I’m barely recovered from the last time!”
Mac chuckles as he strips my robe off.