Chapter 16
sixteen
LOGAN
With one question, my whole night goes downhill.
“Shannie, I trained you. Why didn’t you come to me with this?”
Shannie’s soft brown eyes go hard. “You left.”
“I was never further than a phone call away,” I protest.
She shrugs and sinks further into the guest chair in my office. Mac crosses behind her and gives me a hard look. I’m fucking this up.
I rise from behind my desk, hold my hand out to Shannie, and lead her over to the couch. I sit in my desk chair when I’m dealing with Emily. It reinforces our roles. But Shannie doesn’t need a Dom right now. She needs a friend.
I sit next to her on the couch and hold her hand loosely. Mac circles around to lean against Emmy’s standing desk.
“I’m sorry, Shannie,” I say gently. “I didn’t realize you felt abandoned. I thought I was leaving the house submissives in good hands. When I did my last check in with you, you said you were developing some real connections at the club and working toward your submission goals.”
“I was,” she says. A crystal tear trembles on her dark lashes, then slips down her cheek.
“Do you want to tell me what happened?” I ask. Cappa’s been pushing me toward interviewing Shannie but she was reluctant to talk with me. Now I understand why. I’m glad Javier wore her down and got her to come today, then gave me an excuse to take her into my office and question her.
She shakes her head. “It won’t help.”
Mac moves suddenly, kneeling on the carpet in front of Shannie.
“You don’t know me, Shannie. I know you’ve only got Brenna’s and Logan’s say-so that I’m trustworthy.
But I care about what happens to the house submissives.
Whatever you tell us stays in this room.
And we will help. No matter what you say. ”
Shannie glances at Mac, then at me. I nod.
She looks down at our joined hands. After a moment’s silence, she squeezes my fingers. “Remember how one of my submission goals was to submit to two masters?”
“I do,” I say encouragingly.
“Master Rob’s been asking to do scenes with me more an’ more. He said we should start talkin’ about being exclusive. I wanted to reach that goal before things got serious with Rob. Now I wish I’d just let it be.”
Mac reaches out and takes Shannie’s other hand. “Did something bad happen with Rob?” Mac asks.
Shannie shakes her head, her black braids swishing over her shoulders. “I haven’t been able to tell him about this, though. I think . . . he’d take it wrong.”
“How would he take it wrong?” I ask.
“He’d be angry at Ty and Hart. It wasn’t their fault. I didn’t use my safe word. If I had, they’d have stopped.”
Mac rubs the back of Shannie’s hand with his thumb. “Did they take a scene too far?” he asks, his voice going rough.
She shakes her head. “They were doing what we’d agreed on.”
Mac and I are both silent for a beat, waiting for Shannie to continue. When she sits sad and slumped, tears dripping off her chin, I prompt, “Did you stop wanting the scene? Shannie, you have to communicate with your Doms—”
A grunt from Mac shuts me up.
“Shannie, I can see you’re scared,” Mac says. “What’s more, I can see you’re shamed by whatever happened. If the scene went too far, that’s on your Doms. You have nothing to be ashamed of.”
“Can Doms get scared, too?” Shannie asks.
“Yes, we can,” I say, trying to recover from my fumble. “I’m scared right now.”
Her dark eyes flash to me. “You are?”
“I’m scared of failing you. I’m ashamed I have in the past,” I admit. “I want to do better. I want to make sure you feel safe at Blunts.”
She sniffles.
Mac spreads his impressive wingspan, snags a box of tissues off my desk, and offers the box to Shannie. She blows her nose and then takes our hands again. “I don’t feel safe at Blunts anymore,” she says, her voice so small and soft it makes my stomach roil.
“Why, Shannie?” I ask.
“The scene with Masters Ty and Hart, it was an open scene,” she whispers.
“When they started the scene, it was with a paddling. Master Javier and a couple other masters were watching. There were some men I didn’t recognize, too.
People came and went while I was bein’ paddled.
I wasn’t paying much attention to them. I was in subspace for part of it. ”
She stops and picks up the tissue in her lap, wipes her eyes and blows her nose, before continuing, knotting the tissue between her fingers. “They moved me to the bed. Master Ty was behind me. Master Hart was in front of me. They was . . . both . . . you know.”
Shannie’s soft, Southern twang becomes more and more pronounced as she speaks. When she was in training, I loved hearing her twang because it meant she was relaxed in the scene. That’s not what this is. She’s pulling back, drawing into her roots, to protect herself.
“They took you at the same time?” I ask.
She nods. “I wasn’t really paying attention to who else was in the room until I began hearing the voices.
They weren’t talking. It was more like .
. . chanting. They were gathered around the bed, real close.
” She drops her head and stares at the tissue in her hands.
“The things they was sayin’. So hateful.
I doan mind dirty talk in the moment but that’s not what this was.
It was like they were tryin’ to spur Ty an’ Hart on.
To be rougher. To be mean and hateful like them. ”
I take one of her hands again. “I’m sorry, Shannie.”
She twitches her head to the side like she’s shaking off my words.
“They all began sayin’ the same thing. Chantin’ it.
‘Split her, split her, split her.’ I got real scared.
Scareder than I’d been since I came to New York.
Master Hart was bein’ rough with my throat.
Really poundin’ at it. I’m okay with that usually.
But it felt like he was movin’ to their chant, like he was caught up in it, an’ I didn’t know if I could stop him. ”
“The most important part of being a Dom is being in control,” I say. “Did you feel Ty and Hart were in control?”
Shannie shakes her head. “Not really. I felt like if they went along with it, it’d be okay but if they stopped or told ‘em to stop chantin’, it would turn ugly real fast. They felt .
. . I don’t know how to describe it right but it felt like they were bigger than us.
Like they were a group an’ we were just us, too small to stand against them. ”
“I’m sorry you ever felt that way, Shannie,” I say, shame curdling my gut. No submissive should ever feel that unsafe. “Who were the people chanting?”
“I didn’t know them. They were with Master Drew when they came in but he left.”
“He left guests alone with you in a scene?” Mac growls.
“Ty and Hart were there,” I offer, knowing there’s no club rule about leaving guests with other members.
Mac shakes his head.
“I don’t want Ty or Hart to get into trouble,” Shannie says. “It weren’t their fault.”
It was if they lost control of the scene.
“Did you tell them afterwards that you felt unsafe?” I ask, keeping my tone gentle.
Shannie hangs her head, shaking it slowly.
“They were so happy with the scene they high-fived each other afterwards. An’ at first, I felt good about it too.
I’d submitted to both of them. I’d made them both happy.
But that chant kept comin’ back to me. It made me feel like nothin’.
Worse than nothin’.” She sniffles. “I haven’t felt that way since I joined Blunts. ”
I rub her back. “I’m so sorry you felt that way.”
“Shannie, what can we do to make this right?” Mac asks. “What can we do to help you feel safe again?”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know. That’s why I didn’t want to say anythin’. I don’t know how anyone could fix this. It’s just somethin’ I gotta get past—”
“No, no, Shannie, it’s not. We can start with a rule about staying with guests at all times. You shouldn’t ever have felt that you, Ty, and Hart were outnumbered or unable to control Drew’s guests. Drew should have stayed with them. We’ll start there. Is that a good start?”
Shannie nods. “I don’t want to do any more scenes with Ty and Hart,” she whispers. “I don’t know how to tell them without makin’ them feel real bad.”
“We’ll take care of that,” Mac says, patting Shannie’s hand. “You focus on you. Feeling safe. Feeling more grounded and confident.”
“Oh-okay, I’ll try.”
“Is this something you feel comfortable talking to Master Rob about?” Mac asks. There’s a little edge to his tone, like he’s gritting his teeth.
“I don’t want to make this his problem. He spends time with Ty and Hart, like hanging out. He goes to Master Hart’s gym. They’re friends. I don’t want him to be mad at them.”
“I know this is hard but nothing improves if we keep secrets. Give Rob the opportunity to help you and deal with his relationships with Ty and Hart in his own way.”
Shannie looks dubious.
“What’s wrong, Shannie?” I prompt.
“Master Rob’s just mentioned exclusivity. That’s what I want. What if this scares him off?”
I glance at Mac to see if he has any thoughts.
Mac rubs the back of his neck. “We don’t want to do anything to scupper your relationship, sweetheart. But if Master Rob finds out about this through the club grapevine, it might hurt him more than if he hears it from you.”
Shannie dabs at her eyes and blows her nose. “I need to think about it.”
“Okay, Shannie,” I say. “We don’t want to push you. We just want to help. You tell us the best way to do that.”
“A rule about guests would be good. Then it wouldn’t have happened.”
I don’t know Drew well, and some of our members use the club more like a country club, shuttling guests in and out of the nightclub, spa, and restaurant, than a lifestyle club with vulnerable employees. Maybe we need a retraining for members as well as a new rule.
“Is there any other way Logan and I can help make this better for you?” Mac asks.
Shannie glances from Mac to me. “Are you really stayin’ this time?”