Chapter 15
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Joey
It hasn’t escaped my attention that I’m perfectly comfortable, sitting on Dallas’ couch next to him and drinking coffee after a night like last night. And a morning like this morning. Normally, I’d be freaking out––at least a little––and in a hurry to escape back to the solitude of my apartment.
But being here, with him…it just feels right.
We’re both scrolling on our phones, and we’ve been pausing to show each other funny videos and memes as we sip our coffee. It feels domestic. Like we’re a real couple. I don’t hate it.
No man has ever paid such close attention, taking the time to figure out how to meet my mental and emotional needs before trying to get physical. It makes a difference. Dallas is tuned into me as a person, not just a body with which to find his own pleasure. And he made sure I found mine first every time.
But as amazing and life-changing as our time in bed was, sitting here with him like a real couple is the moment that has my emotions swirling. He doesn’t want me to leave. Not yet, anyway. He made it perfectly clear he wanted me to stay after our little romp this morning.
A romp I still can’t believe I’d initiated by teasing him and making him chase me back to his bedroom. That’s not me . I’ve never had the confidence to show someone how much I wanted them like that. But let’s be honest, I’ve never wanted anyone badly enough to risk the rejection. Not only was Dallas worth the risk, I knew he wouldn’t let me down. I knew he’d follow, and that’s a certainty I’ve never had the pleasure of feeling.
“More coffee?” he asks, snapping me out of my thoughts.
“Please,” I reply, handing my nearly empty mug to him.
He smiles as he takes it, and something in my chest clenches. So fucking domestic. It almost feels like a dream.
I open Cackle while he’s in the kitchen, and apparently, I built my algorithm brick by brick because the first post on my feed is by BodaciousBuckaroo.
DFW @BodaciousBuckaroo211
If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaky feeling you’ll find that love is actually all around.
17 ?8 ?98
Of course, I recognize the quote. The movie title is right there in it, and Love Actually is my favorite Christmas movie. Hell, it’s in my top five favorite movies of all time. I start to type out a response, then pause as Dallas returns with my coffee. I thank him and take a tentative sip. My eyes widen as I look to find him watching me expectantly.
I like my coffee sweet and creamy, and he got it exactly right.
As if he’s read my mind, he shrugs and says, “I paid attention.”
“Thank you.”
He nods and turns his attention back to his phone. I set my cup in the coaster in front of me, and, ignoring the tightness in my chest at Dallas’ pure perfection, finished typing out my response to Buckaroo’s post.
JoeyB @JoeVSVolcano
You’re probably the type to buy your secretary a gold necklace and your wife a CD.
0 ?0 ? 0
Dallas’ phone chimes with an alert, and I’m a little surprised I have no desire to sneak a peek to see who’s texting him. Normally, that would be my default reaction because of my anxiety and fear of being not enough, but with him? I feel safe.
I feel…
Like I’m falling in love for the very first time.
Cue the panic.
I tilt my head, focusing on my body. No racing heart. No intrusive thoughts about how Dallas could never love me back. Nothing.
I’m falling for my neighbor, and it doesn’t freak me out. What does that mean?
A notification bubble on my screen catches my attention, and I tap it to see a response from Buckaroo.
DFW @BodaciousBuckaroo211
Nothing can bring me down today. Not even you, Joseph.
0 ?0 ?0
What the fuck? Does he still think I’m a dude after all this time? I know he did in the beginning because he called me “brother,” but I guess I’d assumed he’d figured it out by now. I guess Joey is traditionally a shortened version of Joseph, but plenty of women go by the moniker nowadays.
And two guys arguing over romantic comedies for a solid year would be strange, wouldn’t it? Or am I being sexist? Shit, I think I am. Guys can like romcom movies. Point in case, my Cackle nemesis.
Shaking my head, I start to respond with “Josette, idiot. Not Joseph,” before quickly deleting it. I don’t want this guy to have my real name. It’s unique enough that if he’s actually a stalker or a serial killer, he’d have a pretty good chance of finding me. I type a new message, instead.
JoeyB @JoeVSVolcano
I love how you’ve just assumed I’m a man. Just as clueless as I always knew you were, Buckaroo.
0 ?0 ?0
As soon as I tap the icon to post the message, Dallas’ phone chimes again. A shiver of apprehension races down my spine as I look over at him. He has a perplexed look on his face as he stares down at the screen.
“Is everything okay?” I ask, my voice cracking on the words as all the hairs on the back of my neck stand up.
“It’s nothing. Just this guy who’s been trolling me on Cackle for the last year.”
I freeze as all the blood drains from my face. “A guy?”
Dallas doesn’t notice my reaction because he’s still looking at his phone. “Yeah, well, I always thought so. He…or she, I guess, just called me out for assuming they’re a man.”
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God .
Dallas is Bodacious Buckaroo. Bodacious Buckaroo is Dallas. What the fuck?
I shoot to my feet. “I’ve got to go.”
He drops his phone to the couch and stands, too. “What? Why?”
“I, uh, forgot I have lunch plans with my sister today. I need to go get ready.”
He’s obviously disappointed, but doesn’t seem suspicious despite my nervous behavior. “Oh, okay. Well, text me when you’re done. I’d love to see you again this afternoon.”
My head bobs erratically, and I stiffly return the hug he gives me. I pull away before he can move in for a kiss goodbye. I vaguely recall that I’m still wearing nothing but his t-shirt, but it’s long enough on me that if anyone sees me dart across the hall, they won’t really see anything.
I pretend I don’t notice the hurt and confusion on his face, spin around, and grab my purse off the table near the door before rushing out and slamming the door behind me. Luckily, there’s no one in the hall as I fly across to my own door. Yanking my keys out of my bag, I fumble twice trying to unlock the damn thing before I finally succeed and rush inside. Slamming it shut, I twist the lock and lean back against the door, breathing hard.
Dallas is Buckaroo. What am I going to do?
Dropping my bag, I tap at my phone’s screen to pull up my text thread with the girls and type out a message.
Me: 911. I need you. Can we meet at your house, Callie? Is Royal there ?
Thankfully, I don’t have to wait long for a response.
Callie: He is, but I can kick him out, no problem. What’s wrong? Are you okay?
Me: No. I’m not okay. I’ll explain everything when I get there. Thank you!
As I stalk toward my bedroom, Twila and Raven text that they’ll be there, too. I send a quick thumbs-up emoji before tying my hair up and taking the fastest shower in the history of showers. After pulling on some sweats, a hoodie, and some flip-flops, I grab my phone, keys, and purse before sneaking out of my apartment as quietly as possible. I don’t breathe until I’m safely inside the elevator, alone , and the second it opens on the first floor, I rush out and don’t stop running until I reach my car.
As I drive toward Callie’s apartment, my mind starts to spin. I recall Dallas telling me about his break-up, which was about a year ago. Bodacious Buckaroo’s cynical anecdote that started my beef with him was posted about a year ago.
Shit. He was heartbroken and venting, and I was an asshole to him. A complete and total asshole.
Now that I know what he was going through, how his girlfriend and almost-fiancée broke up with him because he didn’t “complete” her or feel like her other half, his post back then makes perfect sense. And knowing the actual man behind the Cackle handle, the man I’ve been falling for, hard …
If he figures out I’m JoeyB, he’ll want nothing more to do with me.
I’m out of the car the second I pull into a parking spot. I rush up to Callie’s apartment, knocking incessantly until she pulls the door open. I rush inside without greeting her and plop down on the couch between Raven and Twila, who obviously beat me here. Closing my eyes, I try to even out my breathing. My anxiety and the physical exertion of running are not a good combination.
When I open my eyes, the three of them are staring at me with concerned expressions. I open my mouth to tell them I’m okay, but I can’t get the words out.
I am not okay.
“I slept with Dallas last night,” is what flows through my lips when I finally find my voice. “And again this morning.”
My cheeks heat with a blush as they continue to stare. Raven’s eyes narrow just before she speaks.
“Did he hurt you?”
“What?” I snap. “No. No . Nothing like that. It was honestly the best sex of my life. He…uh…made me come twice last night. And once again this morning.”
“That’s great,” Callie says, looking confused. “Did he kick you out this morning, or something?”
“No,” I say. “He wanted me to stay.”
“What’s wrong?” Twila asks. “Something obviously happened since you’re here, freaking the fuck out, instead of there, with him.”
“It’s him ,” I exhale on a stuttering breath.
They just stare at me like I’m speaking another language. I know it’s my fault for being obtuse, but frustration still erupts inside me when they aren’t able to read my mind and decipher what I’m saying .
“Bodacious Buckaroo.”
“What about him?” Callie asks, her lips pulling down into a frown.
“It’s Dallas.”
“I’m so confused,” Twila grumbles.
“Oh, my God!” I shout. “Dallas. Is. Him. He. Is. Dallas. I’ve been falling for Bodacious Buckaroo!”
That last part comes out as a half-shout, half-whine, and all three of them go deathly still with matching shocked expressions. A beat later, they all start speaking at the same exact time.
“No fucking way.”
“What are the odds?”
“How is this possible?”
I squeeze my eyes closed and groan. I only open them when I feel a soft hand on my knee. Callie has taken a seat on the coffee table in front of me, her eyes filled with concern.
“Are you okay?” she asks in a soft voice.
“No,” I say on a near-hysterical laugh.
“Does he know you’re JoeyB?” she asks, and I shake my head.
“No.” This time the word comes out a bit more calmly.
“How did you figure it out?” Twila asks.
“We were sitting on his couch, having coffee and staring at our phones this morning, after…you know. And I saw a post from Buckaroo and responded, of course.”
“Of course,” Raven parrots, offering me a grin.
“Dallas’ phone chimed with an alert, and I thought he was just getting a text message or something. Then Buckaroo responded to my reply and called me Joseph .”
“What the fuck?” Raven breathes.
“Yeah,” I say, nodding at her. “He thought I was a man this whole time. Anyway, I almost responded with ‘Josette, not Joseph,’ but then I changed my mind. Thank God. I just told him I’m not a guy or something like that, and as soon as I sent it, Dallas’ phone chimed again.”
“He has an alert set for your posts and replies?” Callie asks, her eyes widening in surprise.
“I guess. I don’t know. I started freaking out, internally, and when I asked what was up, he laid it all out for me. He said some guy who’s been trolling him for the last year wasn’t actually a guy like he thought.”
“Oh, shit,” Twila breathes, and my head wobbles in some semblance of a nod.
“What did you do?” Callie asks.
“I hopped up and told him I had to leave. That I forgot I had plans for lunch with you today. He wants to see me after. What am I supposed to do?”
“Tell him the truth? He’ll probably get a good laugh out of it.”
“What if he doesn’t?” I ask, my gaze bobbing between the three of them before settling on my sister. “What if, when he realizes who I really am, he ends things with me?”
“So, you want to lie to the man you’ve admitted you’re falling for?” Twila asks, her voice soft while still being laced with reproach.
“No, I don’t,” I say, burying my face in my palms. “ I’m the asshole, here. I figured out that the original post that set me off and started this whole war was right after his long-term girlfriend dumped him. He was getting ready to propose, and she ended things because he didn’t––in her words–– complete her. He posted something negative about the concept of soulmates, and I responded by insulting him. I remember because I was in a mood that day. I had just watched The Notebook, and I was depressed as hell by all the crying I did while wondering if I’d ever find someone to love like that. I was a complete asshole, and have been to him nearly every day since. If Dallas finds out I’m JoeyB…”
My words trail off, and I look up to see my sister’s gaze has turned sympathetic as she says, “Maybe it won’t be as bad as you think. If he’s got alerts set for your posts and responses, maybe he actually enjoys it when you two butt heads.”
“I don’t know if I can take that chance. I like him so much. And he likes me, too. But I can’t lie to him, either. And if I can’t tell him the truth, and I can’t lie to him, what am I supposed to do? Break things off?”
The mere thought sends pain lancing through me. I curl inward, pressing a palm to my chest. It feels like it’s cracked wide open, and my heart is filled with acid.
“Don’t do anything, for now,” Raven says while she rubs slow circles along my back. “Take some time to think about it before you react.”
I nod, still leaning over. I don’t know if time will help in this situation, but it’s the best option I have for now .
I’ll just have to avoid Dallas as much as possible until I figure this whole thing out.