Chapter Seventeen
L ucy walked back to the table. Apart from anything else, she felt more than a little stupid standing in the middle of the dance floor by herself. Cal was sitting, spinning a wine glass on the table gently and looking troubled.
“Listen, I’m no relationship expert or anything,” said Lucy. “But I think we should probably talk about this.”
Cal sighed. “That’s kind of the point, isn’t it? Neither one of us are relationship experts.”
Lucy sat down beside her. “Are we not?”
“Think about it, “said Cal dismally. “Two women without close family ties, without role models and all the rest of it. We’re both broken, so how could we form a relationship? Neither one of us would have the faintest idea how.”
Lucy snorted at this. “I’ve seen enough of Pen and Ash, not to mention Billy and George, that I’m pretty sure I can fake it ‘til I make it. I’m slightly insulted that you’d call me broken, by the way.”
Cal looked up immediately, eyes glittery in the disco lights. “Jesus, Lucy, I’m sorry, I—”
“But I’m more offended for you,” Lucy interrupted. “You can’t go around calling yourself broken, Cal. If there’s one thing that I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t expect anyone else in this world to treat you well, so the least you can do is treat yourself well.”
“Right,” said Cal, like she didn’t believe that in the slightest.
“That out of the way, can we talk about the fact that we apparently have some amazing chemistry that seems to scare the hell out of you?” asked Lucy, settling into her chair.
Cal looked at her for a minute, then laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone quite as direct as you before.”
“See? Not having much experience with how relationships are supposed to go can be a good thing,” Lucy grinned. “After all, I’ve got no preconceptions either.”
“You don’t,” sighed Cal. She scratched at the material of her trousers as she thought, then she nodded, coming to a decision. “Alright, here’s the thing. From everything you’ve said you’re looking for a relationship, an actual relationship. I agree that we have chemistry, and I’ll be honest and say I really like you, but I think you already knew that.”
“I had my suspicions,” Lucy said dryly.
“The problem is, I can’t offer you anything long term. It’s not who I am, and I’m not in a position to change that.”
Lucy studied her. Okay, maybe being horrifically inexperienced did have its down sides. She was starting to realize that unintentionally she’d come across far too strong. “Cal, I don’t want to marry you.” She looked over at Pen and Ash, dancing together. “Not yet, anyway,” she said more softly. Because she did want what they had.
“I do like you, Lucy. But I’m not in the greatest place right now and I can’t offer you what you want.”
Lucy shook her head. “I mean it, I don’t want to marry you. We barely know each other. But I’d like to get to know you if you’d let me.”
“I don’t want to disappoint you, and I definitely don’t want to hurt you. So I need to be completely clear about this. Short term is all I have to offer here. I’m planning on leaving town by the end of next week or so, and I’m not looking at coming back.”
Lucy’s mouth went dry. “Alright,” she said. “I understand.”
“I’m not a hundred percent sure that you do,” Cal said. “So I think you should have a little time to think about it.” She looked over at the dancing. “I’m going to duck out now, if that’s alright?”
“Of course,” Lucy said even though she really didn’t want her to go. She cleared her throat because she needed to be fair here. “You don’t have to come to the wedding tomorrow if you don’t want to. I mean, if it’s too much, if it’s not you, if… if it’s uncomfortable in any way. That’s not what I intended.”
“I know it’s not,” Cal said. “And to be honest, it is going to be uncomfortable for me. But I do want to come, I think.” She bit her lip and smiled at Lucy in a way that made Lucy’s heart speed up. “I’d like to come for you. To thank you for your help, but also because you want me to come.”
Lucy’s lips twitched into a grin. “I do want you to come.”
“And maybe you could think about what we’ve talked about, think if it’s something you want and can handle?”
“Short term,” Lucy said, the words echoing in her head.
“Short term,” agreed Cal. “After all, you’re right, we do hardly know each other.” She grinned again. “And we do have some stellar chemistry.”
Lucy’s stomach tightened and she suddenly felt very, very warm. “We do,” she managed to croak.
Cal stood up and after a slight pause, dropped a kiss onto Lucy’s head and then walked out of the hall. Lucy watched her go, her confident stride, the way she carried herself. She’d never known anyone quite like Cal before, in both good and bad ways.
“So, the mysterious stranger has left,” George said, flopping into a seat next to Lucy’s. “I’m pooped. Billy dances like an angel but I’m not as young as I used to be.”
“You’re the same age as me,” Lucy said.
“Practically ancient,” groaned George.
“Did you know you were going to marry Billy when you, um, when the two of you started, you know…?”
George laughed. “God no. He was just a bit of fun. We hooked up and, to be honest, I thought he was a bit of a, well, a traditionalist maybe. He took me out for a meal first, which with the kind of men I used to date was unheard of. But I liked him and his dimples, so I went along with it.”
“So what changed then?” Lucy asked.
George watched his husband as he twirled Pen around the dance floor. “He made me breakfast,” he said quietly.
“Breakfast? That’s all it took?”
“Well, it was breakfast after an amazing night of sex,” admitted George. “But yes, that’s all it took. I think I’d always thought of relationships as sort of boring, monotonous. Then Billy walks into the bedroom butt-naked carrying this tray and all of a sudden I realized that I could have this every morning for the rest of my life.” He shrugged. “And it didn’t seem so bad.”
Lucy felt a little warm glow. So there was hope yet. “You’d better go and rescue Pen. She has to walk down the aisle tomorrow, and the way Billy’s spinning her she’ll still be dizzy.”
George went to commandeer Billy’s attention and a few moments later, Pen dropped exhausted into the chair he’d just vacated. “Having fun?”
“Obviously,” said Lucy. “What about you? It’s your pre-wedding.”
“I’m having an absolutely lovely time. This is all I’ve ever wanted,” Pen said with a satisfied sigh. “A beautiful woman to love and dote on, and a life surrounded by my friends in a place I love.”
“And a honeymoon in South America with whatever surprises that might bring,” added Lucy, fishing for more information.
“Precisely,” Pen said, giving nothing at all away.
Lucy looked at everyone dancing, looked at their smiles and their happiness and knew that she’d been taking this all for granted. Tetherington had taken her in, adopted her when it didn’t have to, and she knew at heart that was special.
Special enough that it would be difficult to ever leave.
“What’s going on with you and Cal then?” Pen asked, poking Lucy’s knee.
Lucy blew out a breath. “It’s complicated.”
“How can it be complicated?” Pen laughed. “She’s been here less than a week, it can’t have gotten that complicated.”
Lucy shrugged and told Pen everything because Pen was her friend, and because Pen had way more experience than she did, so why not?
When she was done, Pen sat back in her chair and thought.
“You know, before I met Ash, I was single for a long, long time. Years, in fact.”
“Really?” asked Lucy, because she hadn’t known Pen back then at all.
Pen nodded. “I don’t know, I mean, it wasn’t as though I liked it or wanted to be that way. But I had other things to do, my own life to work on. And I sort of figured, well, that I didn’t want to settle. That one day someone would come along that I deserved and that deserved me and that it would all work out in the end.”
“Because you’re an incurable optimist.”
“Maybe,” allowed Pen. “But also because I like myself. I might not be the greatest person in the world, but I do my best and I try hard. I know that I deserve better than a one night stand, I know that I deserve someone who loves me for who I am. I get that’s not for everyone, people think differently, but that’s what I always carried with me.”
“Right,” Lucy said uncertainly because now she had George telling her that things happen just suddenly and Pen telling her to be patient and wait, and it was all getting jumbled together in her head.
“You’re young, Lucy, and I’m not saying that to be patronizing. I’m just saying that you’ve got a lot of life to live yet. Did you hear about the residency program?”
“Not yet,” said Lucy. She checked the mailbox every morning even though she knew Billy would bring the letter straight to her if he saw it on his route.
“Don’t confuse sex with love,” Pen said. “The two are quite different, even though when they’re mixed together they’re quite fabulous and… And when did I turn into such a prude?”
Lucy snorted a laugh. “You? Prudish?”
“You should have fun if you want,” Pen said. “But don’t confuse the fun with something serious, that’s how people get hurt.” The music shifted to something slower and Pen got to her feet. “I need to find my almost-wife.”
So what were all these feelings then, Lucy wondered as Pen disappeared. She couldn’t lie to herself, she did want a relationship. But then she wanted Cal too. She needed to decide which of these things was more important. Preferably before Cal decided to flee town once again.