Chapter 35
Aurora
The cozy scent of coffee fills our kitchen. I step back from the window and let the curtain slide back into place.
Maxime places my cup on the round dining table. "Would you like a croissant? Or some fruit?"
"I'll have something later. I'm not hungry right now," I reply, adjusting the oversized sweater I'm wearing over my yoga pants. Once I settle into the chair, I take a sip of the coffee. "Mmm," I sigh contentedly. "Just like home." The espresso maker I had delivered from Italy was worth every penny.
Smirking, Maxime grabs an apple from the fruit bowl. "You Italians and your coffee."
I pull my right leg toward me and rest my foot on the chair. "A Frenchman will never understand that."
He retrieves a knife from the drawer and divides the apple into two halves. Then he turns his head toward me. "He doesn't have to, as long as he knows how much he loves the Italian woman."
His mischievous grin, tousled hair, and stubble make him look cute and sexy at the same time. In fact, quite irresistible. I blow him an air kiss while I can't help but wonder when was the last time he had this effect on me.
Something is different. We came back changed from our trip to the ?les Chausey. Maxime is definitely more carefree, more grounded, and definitely happier.
And me?
The pressure to have to dance has finally subsided. But that's exactly what makes my big dream seem so unattainable now that I don't even recognize myself anymore.
Who am I if I'm not dancing? What am I looking forward to, what makes me shine, and what do I burn for? I wanted to work my way up to the World Championships—for Mamma.
Now, I feel hollowed out, but at least Maxime's dreams can fill my inner void, for which I will fight harder for than ever before. And I won't give up.
"Aurora?" Maxime suddenly sits across from me. In front of him is a bowl of chopped apple pieces. "What do you think? Should I agree?"
Confused, I shake my head. "But you already have." Didn't he tell me that yesterday when he came home from the academy? Or was I not listening properly because I was busy trying to breathe away the burning pain in my chest? "If Madame Durand wants you to dance with Alice, you can't refuse anyway."
He rolls his eyes to the ceiling. "She only wants it because Alice's parents are filthy rich. Ever since she met me, Alice has been doing everything to dance with me."
He doesn't need to say what that means. It's obvious that Alice's parents will financially support the academy as compensation. At least for a while, Maxime will have to play the puppet.
And all of this is just because I can't get myself together. Besides, I'm sure Alice has her sights set on him. But I know I don't have to worry about that. It might have been tough between us recently, but our conversation has bonded us back together. Alice doesn't stand a chance of coming between us.
"Alice is really good. With her, you can dance in any tournament soon. And that's what it's all about, right?" I ask.
Oh, that smile. Full of anticipation and passion. "Exactly," he says, taking a spoonful of his cereal. "And we can build on the points I earn with her together." His eyes sparkle.
It's good that he's so positive. That's exactly what I wanted. But seeing him having something to hold on to again while I continue to drift aimlessly through life inevitably pierces my heart.
Stop it, Aurora. This is not about you , I scold myself sharply, then I lift the corners of my mouth. "That's exactly how we'll do it."
Maxime nods at me, glances at his wristwatch with raised eyebrows, and starts eating a little faster. "Christmas is coming soon," he says between bites. "Have you decided whether you'll go home?"
I shrug. "Probably not."
Camilla asked me the same question on the phone last week. Immediately, I imagined what it would be like to spend Christmas at the estate.
In the embrace of family.
Where everyone knows me so well that they would immediately see that something is wrong. They would hug me and ask me to tell them what's burdening me.
Just the thought of it knots my stomach. I should be able to handle it, but I can't face this battle. The only thing that works is to escape. I don't want to look back anymore, only forward. For Maxime, who is sitting across from me, gazing at me with a questioning look.
"Why not? Family is so important to you," he says, hastily scooping up the rest of his breakfast onto his spoon.
"Vico won't be coming either," I reply with a heavy heart. What's the point of celebrating without my mother and my brother? Only the meager remains of the family, which would reopen the wound in me that needs to heal finally.
"I understand," he says, dropping the spoon into the empty bowl. Then he reaches across the table for my hand. "We could accept Maman's invitation; she would be very happy. But only if you feel like it."
His mother. I haven't met her yet. The thought of him wanting to introduce us fills me with warmth, but it's immediately halted by my worries. "You haven't told her anything, have you?"
He shakes his head. "That's what we agreed on, right?"
Yes, and that's good. Everyone at the academy knows. An evening without pitying glances and gossip would be nice. "If you tell me what your mother likes, I'll buy a gift," I say.
An intense glow spreads across his face. "The greatest gift for her will be having our company."
I stand and lean over the table to kiss him. "Still, I'll get something small," I murmur against his soft lips.
"Mm-hmm," he says, savoring the moment. Then he rests his elbows on the table, cupping his head in his hands. Only a few inches are between us. "I have to go. Unfortunately."
He shouldn't dwell on leaving me here alone. Instead, he should be looking forward to his first solo training in seven weeks.
"Promise me something?" I ask him with a compelling gaze.
He kisses the tip of my nose. "Anything you want."
Filled with love, I cup his face and press my forehead against his. "Enjoy the training. Rejoice in every step." I swallow, but I'm sure he doesn't notice. "Dance." Dance and hope , I add in my thoughts because there's nothing I wish for him more than to feel the passion for dance, which is as pervasive as pure happiness.
I, for one, would give anything for it. If only I could.
He nods infinitely slowly. "I will," he replies before we sink into a kiss that makes me forget the world around me.
I wouldn't mind kissing forever, but Maxime quickly breaks away. "I should really..."
He looks at me expectantly, waiting for me to signal that he should go. I accompany him to the door and watch him until he disappears around the corner in the stairwell.
Today marks the beginning of a new life for him, and I, too, will no longer let myself go. It's time to fill the emptiness inside me. Just because I can't dance right now doesn't mean I give up on myself.
I'll return to my job at the café tomorrow; today is for me. My gaze falls on my running shoes, which have been sitting unused on the shelf for weeks. I was never much of a runner. It was more of a necessity to build basic conditioning for dancing, but who knows, maybe it's just right for me now.
I owe it to myself to at least try. So I quickly change my outfit, slip on the shoes, and put on one of Maxime's caps.
Taking a deep breath, I open the door and step out into my new life. Maybe it's not the life I dreamed of, but at least it's a life.