30 - Olive
B rose is gone. I feel his absence.
But in his place is someone else. Someone who is no longer hiding. An old man, that I know for sure. But who he is, I have no idea. All I know is that he’s inside me . He’s telling me what to do.
Kill him, Olive .
Kill him right now !
At first, I think he’s talking about Shep. But he’s not the target here. The old man is talking about Collin and Collin is staring right at me.
I think for you, you act for me. Kill him !
I’m just about to reach for his weapon when I realize he’s no longer carrying. He smiles at me, grabs me by the shoulders and shoves me through the open door of the room. I go crashing into Shep as Collin and his men follow us unto the room.
Something interesting happens next—the voice in my head becomes distorted and distant. Like someone is talking underwater.
“It’s gonna be OK,” Collin says.
But it’s not. Nothing is ever going to be OK again.
Amon and another man are standing behind him, pointing rifles at Shep and me. “This is a SCIF,” Collin says. “You’re being targeted by a low-frequency weapon, but the walls of this room block out all incoming electromagnetic waves.” He grabs my shoulders and shakes me. “Do you understand me, Olive? You’re being attacked by signals. Whatever is happening inside your brain, it’s not real!”
I turn and look at Shep. The room is not that big so he’s leaning against the back wall, about ten feet away. He’s holding his hands up to his head, like he’s got a headache.
“Olive,” Collin says, shaking me again.
“Yes,” I say. “I understand.”
My brother lets out a loud sigh. Amon and the other guy remain on high alert with rifles ready. Shep takes a few steps away from the wall. He turns to me with squinted eyes. “What the fuck was that?”
I don’t know what to say. I know what it was. I was inside him. I was controlling him. Except it wasn’t me. Because I wasn’t myself I was… Brose?
But I have a sick feeling that if Brose was here with us, in real life, I mean, that he would be saying the same thing. It wasn’t me. There was someone inside me.
It was an old man, of that I’m sure. This old man was controlling both of us .
I want to tell Collin but I can’t seem to get these words out.
Collin takes over, turning to question Shep. “What happened?”
“I’m not sure. I don’t know. Someone was inside me. A woman. She was making me do stuff.” He’s looking at me when these words come out.
“It was me,” I tell Collin. “I was inside him.”
“No, Olive,” Shep insists. “It wasn’t you. It was my handler.” He shakes his head. “I can’t… I don’t remember her, but I know it wasn’t you.”
“How is that possible?” Collin asks. He’s looking between the both of us now. “Who was controlling Olive then?”
“It was Ambrose,” Shep says.
“It wasn’t,” I say. “The first time—” I know how this sounds. I’m listening to myself. But what else can I do but try and explain? “The first time, it probably was. But just now? That wasn’t Brose, Shep.” I look at him, begging him to believe me. “It wasn’t him. It was someone else. An old man was inside me! And then I was inside you. And that’s how they got inside you.” And then the words I’m looking for come spilling out. “It was a chain reaction.”
Because this is what the old man told me. Welcome to Chain Reaction, puppet. We think for you, you act for us .
“She’s right,” Shep says. “It wasn’t her. This old man, he was inside me too. He kept calling me his puppet.”
No one knows what to say now, so we just stand there for several long seconds trying to process things. My eyes lock with Collin’s and for a moment, I see him the way he was that night, when he shot the kidnapper. I remember looking into his eyes—and he’s got some crazy eyes, so I got lost in them. Time slowed down for me. I remember that the man smelled weird. It was… filth. And alcohol. And fear, I think. And part of it was my fear because you hear about people who break into the bedrooms of little girls, but you never think it could happen to you.
And then it does.
But then, in your darkest hour, while that endless terrifying moment is on pause, someone steps forward as your savior.
Collin’s eyes that night were filled with anger. I’d never seen him like that. And the man holding me was begging for his life. Like he knew what was coming.
Collin either didn’t care or couldn’t hear him over his own thoughts inside his head.
The next thing I knew, my body was hot with blood and the man was on the floor behind me.
After that, I don’t know what happened. I lost time, I think. The next thing I remember is waking up in a hotel room. We couldn’t go back to the house because of the investigation and the mess.
No one really asked me what happened. Not until much later.
I went back to school. I did homework. The Revival was on winter break, so there were choir rehearsals, but nothing really structured on the weekends like during the season.
I think I lost all my friends. Not because they didn’t care about me or want to be around me, but just because I withdrew. I didn’t want to do anything with them anymore. My parents were fighting all the time. My father was so angry. But I didn’t understand why. It never made sense to me. I don’t really remember what I did that spring other than go through the motions.
The next really important moment in my life was the day after Collin left for the Marines. Because that’s the day that the CORE people showed up at the door. I was there when they came. There was an argument. My father was loud. My mother was crying.
Jim Bob Baptist showed up and there was more yelling.
I was in my room because the CORE said I needed to go with them and they wouldn’t let me leave. After hours of this back-and-forth arguing, the woman from CORE came into my bedroom and started packing things into a bag. Clothes, and shoes, and a couple of books and toys that were lying around. She didn’t say anything to me as she did this, but when she was done, she turned and smiled. It was a fake smile that every kid learns to recognize when speaking to strangers. And she said, “You’re going away to camp.”
I’m pretty sure she said more than that, but that’s the only part I remember. The next thing I knew, I lived in a dorm with other girls my age.
And from there, everything got blurry.
Some days I remember very clearly.
Some years I don’t remember at all.
Not until Brose on my eighteenth birthday.
But just because I don’t remember it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.
“Olive?” I blink and find myself still looking into Collin’s eyes. “What did you hear?”
“‘Welcome to Chain Reaction, puppet. We think for you, you act for us.’ That’s what I heard.”
“I can still hear the voices,” Shep says. “Olive? Can you still hear them?”
“Yes,” I say. “But they don’t make sense now. They’re not words, just... sounds.”
Collin lets out a breath. “That’s the SCIF shielding you from their manipulation. Once I close the door, you should have complete relief.”
“You’re gonna lock us in here?” I ask.
“It’s the only way,” Shep says, taking a few steps in my direction. His hand takes mine and he offers me a smile. “But don’t worry. I’ll be right here with you.”
“It’s OK,” Collin says, reassuring me as well. He steps towards me and puts a hand on my arm, giving it a rub. And I’m suddenly very sad that we’ve been apart all these years. “It’s OK, Olive,” he says again. “You’re safe in here. The voices can’t get you. No one can get you. I’m gonna call Penny and we’ll figure it out. I promise. I don’t know what happened to you.” He looks at Shep. “To either of you. But I promise, we’re gonna figure it out.”
And then he backs up, which makes Amon and the other guys back up, and they close the door, leaving us in the darkness.
Shep squeezes my hand and then, in the next moment, the commotion in my head—a maelstrom of information, and voices, and sounds that have been my entire world since I was eight years old—goes silent.
“They’re gone,” Shep says.
He’s right. And, maybe for the first time since that night the man came into my bedroom, I feel like myself again.
No CORE.
No voices.
No mission.
No Brose.
It’s quiet.
The only thing is, I’m not sure who I am in the silence.