Chapter 20
CHAPTER TWENTY
MERI
B right light wakes me the next morning, and the first thing I see is Cormal’s blue eyes. Propped on his elbow, he’s staring down at me with a pensive look on his face. He sweeps my hair back before kissing me good morning. I rise and see Madoc’s gone. As usual, he didn’t even say goodbye. I sigh.
“So, you remember?” Cormal asks. His tone is flat and unsure, as if he still can’t believe it’s true.
“Everything,” I confirm with a sad smile. “I didn’t intend to go up against Leandra with my magic that night. All I wanted to do was leave and be with you. Everything kind of snowballed when she flipped out on me.” It’s important he knows I didn’t intentionally ruin things.
After we left Hiemal, Cormal and I continued to see each other behind Leandra’s back. He was right. It had been sweet and innocent and full of those stolen moments you think will last forever.
After he shared his power to mimic, I worked to accumulate as many powers as I could, but not to fight her. I thought if I showed her I could protect myself, she’d let me go. But when I showed her my magic, she laughed and told me I was never going anywhere. She made me for revenge, not love.
“When she told me I was a thing she created, I lost it,” I admit, even knowing Cormal lived the story with me. “She threatened me. Told me she’d unmake me.” His serious blue eyes flinch as if she’s standing here screaming the words at us. “She can, can’t she? That’s your biggest fear.”
He meets my gaze. “I refuse to let it happen, and we’re not alone this time. We’ve got Madoc and Rivan fighting with us, too. Solandis, and all the rest of your family. Leandra’s time is coming to an end.”
“Goddess, I hope so,” I pray. “What do we do now?”
“We’re going to hit this from two sides,” he informs me. “Arden and Astor are using a tracing spell to find all the objects with the Viridian language or Evren’s symbol on them. By searching for something innocuous, we think it will allow us to bypass the enemies rule.”
“Do we know how long that will take?” I ask, aware of how fast time is slipping through our fingers.
“A few days,” he assures me. “In the meantime, Madoc’s left to speak to The Wild Hunt and inform them that the current king doesn’t have the power. He hopes that by being transparent, they will favor him over Denir if they both end up fighting for the crown.”
“That’s an utterly terrifying statement,” I croak. “Seriously. Who drops by for a chat with The Wild Hunt?”
Madoc’s in a league of his own.
Cormal chuckles. “Actually, I’m quite jealous.” He stands and pulls me up for a hug. “I’d love to lie here all day with you, but I need to go check on one of my men. Don’t leave The Abbey.”
For a second, I cling to his hand. “I love you, Cormal. Then. Now. Forever.”
“Never-ending?” he drawls with a smile.
“Never-ending.” That’s my hope.
After one last kiss, he strides out, leaving me standing there, fiddling with the bracelet on my wrist.
Is Rivan with us? Cormal and Madoc both told me he watched over me while I was out, but since I’ve been awake, he hasn’t come by. Not once.
Needing to get out of this room, I change into workout clothes and head to the gym. I miss my sessions with Madoc. Maybe Rivan will teach me how to wield a sword. He’s pretty damn good at it.
The clashing of swords rings throughout the gym. I round the corner and see Rivan, drenched in sweat, fighting Theron.
“Meri,” Arden loudly whispers, motioning for me to join her against the wall. Blond hair high in a ponytail with a few damp tendrils plastered against her neck, she must also have been training this morning.
I find a seat beside her and lean back against the concrete wall. “How long have they been at it?”
“Only about thirty minutes,” she whispers. “But that’s the longest a single warrior outside of the cadre has held out against Theron and his two swords. It’s quite remarkable how much progress Rivan’s made over the last couple of weeks.”
“He spends enough time in here,” I remark with a wry smile. “Solandis told me he was once the greatest warrior of the Fae. Until Nyssa made him a prisoner.”
She swings her gaze to me. “You need to stop feeling guilty. It’s not helping you or him. You set him free. It’s up to him to make his life what he wants it to be. That’s how it is for all of us.”
She waves a hand at me. “Look at you. Once you had your freedom from Leandra, you blossomed. The crown chose you for a reason and look at all you accomplished in such a short time. Here you are at a crossroads again, and I have every faith you’ll forge your own path forward.”
My eyes water, and I reach over and hug her tightly. “Thank you. I needed to hear that today.” I follow her gaze to the men. Maybe it’s time I ask Rivan what he wants.
Ten minutes later, Theron calls a halt to the match. “You’re flagging. Take a break.”
Rivan doesn’t even question the cool order. Sheathing his sword, he picks up a bottle and gulps half the water down. As he lowers it, he spots me sitting by Arden and hesitantly makes his way over.
“You’re looking better,” he states, scanning me from head to toe. “How are you feeling?”
I hold up my wrist and show him the bangle. “Evren sent it to me. It stops me from turning into a monster.” Well, this is awkward. Hurting from the distance between us, I stand and look up at him. “Can we talk?”
He walks over to the corner, and I follow.
“According to Arden, only the cadre can hold out against Theron in a sword fight. She’s impressed with your skills, and that’s a lot coming from her. She lives and breathes warrior,” I say with a grin.
He blows out a relieved breath. “I thought… Never mind.” His smile is rueful. “Frankly, I was glad he called a halt. My arms were killing me. Damn Fae is a machine.”
“All this training,” I begin. “What do you want to do after this? Kill Brixton? Fight with the Water Fae? Lead the Fire Fae?”
He shakes his head as if he can’t believe I’m asking him these questions. “I won’t know until I’m done.”
“How will you know you’re done if you don’t have a goal?” I ask, genuinely wanting to hear his answer. Is this going to take days, months, or years? Does he want me to wait, or is he even thinking about us?
He gives me an obstinate look. “Why does it matter?”
A tear slips down my cheek, and I angrily brush it away. “I care about you more than I ever thought possible. More than anything, I want you in my life. Warrior or not. It doesn’t matter to me. I’ll support whichever path you take. As your friend, I want the best for you.”
Amber eyes glow brightly when he stares down at me.
“But I won’t wait for you. I don’t want my life to be in limbo. For almost a thousand years, I allowed Leandra to dictate my every move. Never again. Being queen showed me how to take risks and trust in myself,” I explain, trying to get him to understand why I won’t wait.
Pushing through the pain, I make myself finish. “I’m moving forward. Either step up and be in my life or tell me it’s over.”
Angry and hurt, he snarls, “You don’t understand. I need to get stronger. You keep saving me, but it should be me saving you. I need to be the warrior who can stand proudly by your side. Until I am, I can’t make any promises.”
“Out of all the people here, I understand you the most. You’re a survivor, which makes you a warrior in my book,” I remind him, trying to tamp down my anger, knowing it won’t do any good. “Look, I’m not asking you to stop training. I’m asking you to make us a priority in your life.”
He laces his fingers together and places them on the back of his head. Staring up at the ceiling, he says nothing. I don’t know whether he’s thinking or avoiding. I wait for him to say something, but several minutes pass in silence.
Men can be such idiots.
“We should know Leandra’s location in the next few days. Once we do, we’re going after her,” I tell him. “The window for you to decide is closing. Barring death, I’m getting my life back.”
The tic in his jaw jumps, and his stares down at me, his eyes full of thoughts and emotions, but he remains silent.
I let him get one good look at my face. I’m serious. This is our last chance.
Madoc’s standing behind me when I turn around. There’s a proud gleam in his eyes that would normally make me smile with pride, but I’m irritated with him, too.
I walk right up to him. “You need to tell me when you’re leaving and how long you’ll be gone. If not, I worry, and worrying gives me wrinkles. Got it?”
He raises an arrogant eyebrow, but to my surprise, he gives me a quick nod. “Got it.”
I crook my finger, asking him to bend down. “And I want a kiss goodbye. And hello. This is non-negotiable.” I’m tired of them doing whatever the hell they want. All I’m asking for is a little consideration.
His lips twitch, but he grips my chin and lifts it higher to meet the kiss he lays on me. Long and deep, it goes way beyond hello. “I hope this will count as two—one for the goodbye I missed earlier and one for hello.”
“That works,” I breathe out. “Thank you.”
I go to walk away, but he stops me and points to Rivan. “Hyne called Cormal. Brixton is dead. His body was found hanging from the mast of one of his ships. The head in ashes at his feet. Eternal death. He won’t be regenerating.”
Shit. “Did Hyne kill him?” I hope not. The last thing we need to contend with right now is a war between the Water and Fire Fae.
“No, he insists he didn’t kill him, and he has an ironclad alibi,” Madoc remarks. “Brixton had a lot of enemies. It could have been any number of people. Maybe Denir got tired of him.” His tone is indifferent, as if who killed him doesn’t matter, but it will to Rivan.
With Madoc by my side, I walk over to Rivan.
He looks at each of us but stops on me. “What happened?”
“Brixton is dead,” I blurt, then wince. I relay the information Madoc told me.
Rivan stumbles back against the wall. “My sister, Aeris. She must be devastated. I need to leave.
“Do you want us to go with you?” I ask him.
“You’re not fucking going anywhere,” Madoc decrees with his arms crossed over his chest. “It’s too dangerous.”
“I did say ‘us’,” I huff out. “You, me, Cormal. And don’t remind me about Leandra. Or Denir. I’m aware of the risks.” I turn toward Rivan. “Well?”
He shakes his head sadly. “The Phoenix won’t want me there. I only want to see Aeris. Tell her I’m sorry. Ask her if she needs anything.”
Knowing it will be too dangerous for Rivan to go alone, I narrow my eyes at Madoc, silently telling him to do something.
“Let me talk to Cormal. See what we can arrange,” he growls in gruff voice, then stalks off.
Feeling the teensy bit triumphant, I turn to Rivan. “He’ll return soon. You should grab a shower.” Still angry and hurt, I leave him standing there alone.