Chapter 18
ALEX
He didn’t remember? I searched his eyes, looking for a hint of recognition as I attempted to process what he’d told me.
He didn’t remember anything?
I tried to imagine what it would be like to wipe away that much pain and betrayal. Poof, gone. No more hurt, no more baggage, just a chance at a clean slate. Hadn’t I tried to do the same, albeit a more permanent method born from desperation in a bathroom in the middle of nowhere?
His fingers tightened around mine, instantly grounding me. “Now you’re the one who needs to say something.”
“I…” What if he’d forgotten for a reason? What if deep down, he didn’t want to know? “I don’t know what to say.”
He stood, pulling me with him, and led me to the chair.
Though his hand pressed on my shoulder with a gentleness that surprised me, he made me lower into the seat.
Some sick part of myself rejoiced in that.
His odd behavior had unsettled me to my toes, his lack of imposing do-as-I-say presence.
I wanted to wrap myself in it because it felt natural and familiar, and I needed that from him.
He tilted my chin up, and his mouth formed a hard line. “Who raped you?” Regardless of whether his psyche wanted to remain in the dark, some part of him still sought the truth, or he wouldn’t push for it.
“It was Zach.” I wasn’t about to repeat the same mistake. Whatever he wanted to know, I’d tell him.
His touch fell from my face, and I missed the contact instantly. “Did I know that? Before I lost my memory?”
“Yes.”
He let out a breath. “This is a lot for me to take in, Alex. I woke up in the hospital thinking I was twenty-one. The fight against Zach in Seattle is the last memory I have.” He clenched his jaw. “What happened the night I was shot?”
Suddenly, it dawned on me. He hadn’t come after me…
not because he hadn’t cared but because he’d lost his memory.
“Zach showed up. You guys fought, then you made me get into a boat.” I swallowed hard, but the memory of their last fight—the blast of the gun that still ricocheted in my head, even now—burned in my eyes and nose. “You tried to protect me, but he…he…”
“He shot me?”
I nodded, too choked up to speak.
He crouched in front of me, took my right arm in his hands, and ran his fingertips down the material hiding the ugly scars that had scabbed over.
All I wanted was to throw myself at him and beg him to hold me, to never let go.
I wanted to hide in his embrace forever.
What an impossible, dangerous idea. Zach wouldn’t stop until he got what he wanted… me.
“Is he in jail?”
I shook my head.
“Why the hell not?”
“Dad’s covering for him again.” I tucked my lip between my teeth. “He said Zach would leave me alone, but he cornered me in a restaurant today.”
Rafe pushed up my sleeve and caressed the wound I’d inflicted on myself. “Why did you come here? Why didn’t you go to the cops?”
“You make me feel safe.” I trembled under the warmth of his touch. “I don’t trust anyone else. Don’t make me leave.”
“I fucking kidnapped you, Alex. I might not remember the details, but I know that much. Jax filled me in, and I saw the prison in the cellar. How can you feel safe around me?”
“Because I’m as twisted as you are.”
“I think that’s the first sensible thing you’ve said.” His thumb rubbed over my scar. “Tell me what happened here.”
I shook my head, my brain refusing to go back to that cabin, even though I’d promised myself I’d tell him anything. “I can’t talk about it. Please don’t make me.”
“Make you?” He looked at me in confusion. “You keep using that word.”
“You’ve obviously forgotten the power you have over me.”
“Then tell me. I need to know what happened. All of it.”
“I can’t.”
“You can.” He tangled his fingers with mine. “Because we’re going to the police and they’ll need to hear it.”
I shook my head. “My father will have me committed. He’s got everyone thinking I’m crazy, that I tried to kill myself.”
“Did you?” His attention landed on my arms.
I studied our joined hands. “It’s not what you think. I tried to get away from Zach, but he kept me high on ecstasy half the time.” I blinked rapidly. “I convinced myself he was you, and…”
He squeezed my hand. “I’m listening.”
Turning my head, I gazed out the window at the cloudless sky, too ashamed to face him. “He snapped after I cried out your name.” I untangled our hands and slowly lifted my shirt.
Rafe stood, bringing my attention back to him. His jaw twitched and his green eyes went so dark, I was glad his anger wasn’t directed at me. “He did that to you?” Fury drenched his words, flooded the space between us with an oath of retribution.
Closing my eyes, I nodded. “Afterward, I…I lost my mind and locked myself in the bathroom, broke the mirror and…I just wanted him to stop.”
Without warning, he pulled me from the chair and into the shelter of his arms. One hand tangled in my hair as the other held me to his shaking body. “He’ll never hurt you again.”
Standing on tiptoes, I clutched his shirt and burrowed into the crook of his shoulder. “I wasn’t the only one he hurt. He wrecked your life, Rafe. We both did, and I am so, so sorry. I know I need to turn him in but—”
“Stop.” He pulled back and framed my face in his hands.
“If it’s forgiveness you’re asking for, you’ve got it.
Fuck, Alex, I’ll never forget the sight of you in that hospital bed.
If I’d known, there’s no way in hell I would have left you there.
” He drew in a deep breath. “But none of it matters as much as you being able to heal from all of this. You were only fifteen, way too fucking young to be held accountable for a decision your rapist coerced you into making.”
Hot tears slipped from my eyes, dripping down my face in relief.
In the deepest and darkest crevices of my being, I’d never believed he’d be able to forgive me.
A lump of anxiety formed in my throat, and I swallowed, but it only crashed into the pit of my stomach.
His forgiveness wouldn’t keep me safe from Zach’s madness… wouldn’t keep him safe.
“He’ll come after us both. He’s insane and jealous—”
“You need to turn him in, Alex.” His hands fell from my face. “Zach belongs in jail. Fuck, I belong in jail. We’re gonna do something about it, regardless of what your piece-of-shit father has to say.”
My gaze darted through the window where trees obscured the bane of my existence.
Those plans were terrifying—they involved getting into a boat again.
They involved coming forward. I wasn’t sure which I dreaded more.
“I won’t tell them what you did. If you want me to talk to the police, then you staying out of jail is my stipulation. ”
“I won’t argue with that. I’d rather be here protecting you than sitting in a jail cell, so I guess we’d better get our stories straight.”