Chapter 18
ALEX
The spray of the shower sluiced over my skin. I closed my eyes, feeling his intense stare on my body, and let the water run over my head in hot rivulets, but nothing could wash away the blood. It clung to my mind, just like the musty scent of that tunnel burrowed several layers beneath my skin.
I slid to the tile, and my arms snaked around my knees. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. I wanted him to take the lead, to come inside and take me the way he should have in that fucking cell. I wanted him to take away the pain. I clawed my arms, chewed my lip, squeezed my eyes shut.
A zipper sounded, and clothing rustled. A soft thud landed by my feet before he slid to the floor behind me and dragged my ass to his groin. He engulfed me in the shelter of his arms and legs.
“Let it out, baby. Scream, cry, do whatever you need. Just let it out.”
“I want to hurt myself.”
He stiffened. “You’re not fucking hurting yourself. I’m here. I’ve got you.”
I grasped his arm and held on tightly. “I want you to fuck me.”
“Alex,” he warned.
“No!” I struggled against the cage of his body, but it was fruitless. He was too strong. Slumping against him, I sighed. “Stop holding back. You’re scared, I get it. But I’m scared too. We’re sitting in a shower naked, Rafe. You can’t get any more intimate than this.”
“Intimacy isn’t what I’m worried about.”
“We’re gonna wake up tomorrow, or the day after, or whenever we can bear to crawl out of bed, but for right now, I just need you to fuck me.”
“Why?” he whispered in my ear, his lips soft and warm and wet against my lobe.
“Only you can take it all away.” Reaching behind me, I wedged a hand between us and rubbed his cock. Immediately, it sprang to life against my palm. He couldn’t help but groan. I swirled my thumb over the head and spread the moisture collecting at the tip.
He pushed upright, bracing his back against the tile, and pulled me with him. He whirled me around, bringing us face to face, and shoved me against the opposite wall.
“I know you’re hurting right now, probably in shock.
There’s no easy way to get through what we’ve just escaped.
” He planted his hands on either side of my face, and his chest rose and fell quickly.
“I want inside of you, but not tonight.” He pushed away from the wall.
“Tonight, I want you to crawl in bed and sleep as much as you need.”
The burn of tears threatened, and panic bubbled up. I wasn’t ready to let them out yet. Somehow, those hot, salty drops would make it all real. Cement it in history. I blinked, reaching out blindly, and planted my palms on his heaving chest, smoothing down his abs before lowering to my knees.
“Alex?”
The cold floor numbed my skin. “Let me do this,” I whispered, my lips nearing his arousal. They’d forced us into this just days ago. Now, I needed to make a new memory. I slid my mouth over his tip, tongue laving the underside.
“Alex…fuck. I’m powerless here.”
That was all the encouragement I needed. I impaled myself on his shaft then worked my way back down the length, my tongue circling the head before I pulled away with a pop. I clasped my hands at the small of my back and peered at him. “Take it back.”
“Take what back, baby?” His fingers brushed my cheeks, slid into my hair, and pushed the soggy strands from my face.
“What they took. Take back control. It’s yours, not theirs or Zach’s. Only yours.”
He tugged me toward him. “This is what you want?”
I wanted him to remember. I wanted him to unleash the beast inside him, the one that didn’t give a shit about what I wanted.
But I was also scared of him remembering.
What if this soft side of him, the side I was falling even more in love with, completely disappeared? Was it too much to want the whole man?
“I want you. No, I need you. I don’t care what’s happened. That might sound heartless, but God…please, Rafe. Take it all away.”
He let out a rough breath. “Then open your mouth.”
“No.”
“No?”
“Don’t tell me what to do. Make me do it. You once told me that you had some fucked up fantasies. I want them. I want you to take what you need from me. I want you to strip me of everything so I can think of you and not that fucking dark place.”
He tugged me by the hair, bringing my mouth to his cock, and nudged my lips.
I pressed them together, wanting him to force his way in.
He slid his tip along the seam of my lips before slapping my cheek in silent command, then he pushed against my tongue and made me hold still for several seconds.
Warmth flooded the aching spot between my thighs, and my nipples hardened into tingling buds.
“Is this making you hot?” he asked in a breathless whisper.
My moan vibrated around his shaft, and he rammed all the way to my tonsils until I gagged uncontrollably. Pressing a hand on my throat, he massaged where his cock nestled.
The way his breathing filled the shower excited me, made me even wetter, and his raspy groans drove me up the wall in wanting him. He was so close to coming, just from having my mouth wrapped around him.
This was the part I craved, the reason I freely gave him the reins. In taking power, he was giving it back—in the way he dove over the edge at the touch of my mouth, the sensual slide of my tongue. In the way he took what he wanted, yet cherished the gift all the same.
He slipped out, then shoved in again. “I don’t wanna come in your mouth,” he said, words a hoarse plea colored by desperation.
“I want inside you, your legs spread. I want you fucking begging for it.” But his control snapped, and he pistoned his cock down my throat, each downward thrust bringing him closer to the point of no return.
My gag reflex kicked in again, fueling his fire.
Rafe became an uncaged animal, his reservations tossed to the side, all sense of guilt forgotten. He fucked my mouth with abandon. My heart raced behind my breastbone, and I pulled air through my nose, willing my throat to relax under the onslaught of his cock.
“Oh fuck…” He pulled out and yanked me to my feet, and his mouth crashed onto mine, his tongue conquering, dividing my lips and demanding entrance.
I severed the connection, inching back as my rapid breaths fanned across his mouth, and wondered if he liked the taste of himself on my lips. “You didn’t finish.”
“Your mouth is fucking amazing, but it’s not what I want.” He lifted me, urged my legs around his waist, and water rained over us as he pushed me against the wall again.
Then he slammed into me, plunging so deep he reached the center of my soul. I clawed his shoulders, and the wantonness inside me unraveled as he stretched me, filled me.
With his body, his spirit, his whole being.
“God, Rafe,” I said, lips teasing his earlobe. “You belong there. Don’t ever leave me.”
A moan caught in the back of his throat, and he fastened his mouth on mine again. He held me to the wall and sought control by seizing my wrists and raising them above my head. I tasted desperation on his tongue, and it zinged through my veins until I fought the band of his fingers.
I yanked my lips from his. “Let me touch you.”
He freed my wrists and wrapped both hands around my neck.
The action stunned him. I saw self-disgust in his eyes but also the overwhelming need to take my breath.
This wasn’t the gentle pressure of a few minutes ago, when he’d had his cock deep in my mouth.
He wanted to choke me. I sensed it in the barely restrained energy emanating from his grip.
He hesitated, and I wondered which part of him would win the battle.
I fisted my hands and didn’t move, even though I ached to run them through his soaked hair. Slowly, he moved inside me again, his thrusts the speed of a crawl as he flexed his fingers. Memory or not, the need to take my air was embedded in him.
“You can’t break me,” I whispered.
“But I want to.” He leaned his forehead against mine and shuddered. “I want to make you beg for mercy, watch you shatter. Does that make me a monster, Alex? Does that make me no better than them? Than your brother?” He let up on my neck, and I placed my hands over his, urging him to squeeze harder.
“Get your hands back up there,” he ordered.
The hard edge of his tone made me shiver. I extended my arms. “You can’t break me. I need this from you. I need it because you need it.”
“Sweetheart, once we open that can of worms, there’s no going back.” He gnawed on his lip, eyes narrowed, then dropped his head to my breasts—maybe to hide from me, or maybe because that’s where he belonged.
Suddenly, I understood. His reluctance, his bullshit talk about right and wrong. It wasn’t to protect me. It was to protect him.
“Fuck…you feel so good.” He scraped my nipple with his teeth, darted his tongue out to tease, and I trembled from the hot, wet stroke of his mouth on my breast. “I could stay inside you forever. Just like this, Alex, with my hands around your neck, my cock buried deep in your cunt. Not moving at all.”
I let out a restless whimper, my hips jutting forward uselessly. He had me pinned in place, unable to move. “Please…”
“Please what, baby?”
“Don’t hold back.” I swallowed under the firm weight of his grip.
“I’m not choking you,” he said. His hands fell away, and he grabbed my ass before turning from the wall.
We stumbled out of the shower, past the dreaded tub, and found our way to the bed with our mouths glued together.
Water dripping all over the place, he pinned me to the mattress, and his cock owned me as he worked my body like it was made for him.
His thrusts were shallow, hitting the perfect spot at just the right rhythm, and he kept that pace up for what seemed like forever.
I quaked underneath his powerful body as warmth pooled around his slippery cock.
His name ripped free of my lips, but he forced his fingers into my mouth, pressed on my tongue, and stifled the sound as he plunged to the hilt.
He buried his head in my shoulder and rumbled a groan along my skin.
I dug my feet into the mattress, widening for him, arching to meet his thrusts with muffled gasps. The fact that he’d gagged me with his fingers was a major turn-on. The pressure built, turning me into a writhing animal, and holy fuck, the plummet stole my breath.
He removed his fingers and kissed me, his tongue battling mine, eating up my cries. I came undone, broke into pieces as my release poured from me, dampening the bedding on the last cresting wave.
He sank his teeth into my shoulder and smothered his own grunt of completion.
By the time we both crashed, our limbs tangled in a sweaty mess, darkness had fallen over the room.
He rolled to his back, taking me with him, and the moon filtering through the window illuminated our entwined bodies in the shadow of night.
The lack of light didn’t feel suffocating, and the walls weren’t caving in like they had while locked in that cell.
I placed my head on his chest and draped a leg over his, content to just be.
To doze.
To feel safe for the first time in forever.
“Why do you love me?” he asked, pulling me from the allure of sleep.
I opened my eyes and lazily traced a finger over his tattoo, following the dark tribal design toward his belly button. His muscles quivered under my touch, and one glance at his cock gave away his renewed desire. “What kind of question is that?”
“The kind of question I want an answer to.”
I stalled my hand just below his belly button, and his sharp intake of breath thrilled me.
“I don’t know why. Maybe it started out as a crush, like you said on the island.
” I lifted my head, and his fingers tunneled through my hair.
“When I finally told you about Zach, you wanted to fight for me. You weren’t disgusted or running away.
You wanted to kill him for me. No one has ever cared that much.
That’s what I love about you. I love you for your strength, because I have none.
I love you for the way you make me feel, because I feel nothing when I’m not with you. ”
“You’re not weak. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” He tugged me closer by the hair, his clutch a deep burn in my scalp, and brought my mouth to his.
“I love you,” I whispered against his lips, “for wanting to make me hurt in the best ways possible.”
“I’ve never said it, Alex.”
“Said what?” My heart raced so fast, I thought my chest would rip in two.
“That I love you.”
“You didn’t have to.”
“Because I wasn’t sure that’s what it was.”
“But now you know?”
“Yeah,” he said, his lips teasing mine for an instant before he pulled away enough to incinerate me with the heat in his eyes. “When you became more important to me than my own life, that’s when I knew. And it makes no fucking sense because I have so few memories of the two of us together.”
“Love doesn’t have to make sense. It just is. Something pulled us together. Maybe it was the darkness in each of us. Does it really matter?”
“No, sweetheart. It doesn’t fucking matter. C’mere.” He hoisted me on top of him and spread my thighs until I straddled his cock. “I’ll never get enough of you. Ride me, baby. Fucking ride me.”