Chapter 5
RAFE
Iwas a man obsessed, a man on the brink, and Alex would suffer for it. Even knowing this, I couldn’t go back. I’d finally done what I’d thought about doing since I parted ways with Jax amidst the inferno of our destruction.
Alex and I had come full circle. I remembered every touch, every cry of pain, every thrill that stormed through my blood at knowing she was at my mercy.
I wanted her there again, unable to get away or deny me anything.
As I squeezed the silky, water-based substance into my hand and palmed my cock, the darkness inside me took hold.
Potent and undeniable, I couldn’t stop this if I wanted to.
The idea of slipping into the one place no one had fucked was too tempting.
She must have sensed the near frantic need consuming me because she clenched her ass cheeks and squirmed.
I stilled her with a firm hand on her back, and that’s when my demons surfaced.
My whole body trembled as I gouged my fingers into her skin.
But even as I held her perfect ass in my hands, the ghost of Cleft assaulted me.
The rapes in prison were never far, always a part of me, no matter how much I tried to bury the memories.
Shuddering, I closed my eyes for a few seconds and eventually came back to myself. To her. She was trembling as much as I was.
“Are you scared?”
“Y-yes.”
“I’ll be gentle. Get on the bed and tuck your knees under you. I want your ass in the air.”
She climbed with a half sob, half whimper. “I’m not ready for this,” she said, her voice full of uncertainty. Yet she raised her butt anyway, displaying how easily she’d give in to me—how she’d always give in to me.
Grinding my teeth, I smacked her backside hard. “Higher.”
She immediately capitulated. I spread her cheeks, fingers teasing the opening of her tight hole I couldn’t wait to penetrate, and settled behind her.
I dragged my index finger lower and probed her drenched pussy, then slowly withdrew, making her raise her bottom without realizing it because she was too busy chasing my touch.
“You want me to be your first, don’t you?”
As a tremor seized her, she gave a reluctant nod.
“Good girl.”
“Why are you being like this?”
“Like what?”
“So…cold.”
My spirit took a nosedive toward hell, thrashing and screaming the whole way, begging me to save me from myself. She was right, but why I’d succumbed to treating her less than the treasure she was…that I couldn’t explain.
“You signed up for this,” I said, attempting to divert her with an ill-conceived cop-out, “the instant you said ‘stay’ on that island. I sure as fuck remember that night.”
“You’re scaring me.”
“You need to understand who I am.” She should be scared.
Her pleasure would be fought for and earned through her tears and pleas every fucking time.
That’s what got me harder than fuck. I leaned over her back and brought my mouth to her ear.
“Just submit, baby. Everything you’re holding onto… let it go.”
“What if I can’t?”
“I know you can.” I worked a finger into her puckered hole.
She clenched her jaw, and I withdrew and dipped in a couple more times.
If I weren’t such a shameless prick, I’d prepare her with a butt plug first, but I couldn’t wait.
I needed to take her this way—needed it more than anything.
I’d dreamed about it obsessively, jerked off at the fantasy the whole time we’d been apart.
The last thing no one had taken from her…it was mine.
I angled her face so I could see her eyes.
Shit, there were those tears again. As I positioned the tip of my cock and inched into her, I leaned down and dragged my tongue up her cheek, tasting the addictive flavor of her pain.
Giving her time to adjust, I waited several heartbeats, ready to explode, to pound my stress away.
To feel her tight around me.
I pushed in further, and she yelped. A man with a heart would have stopped for a few seconds so she could get used to my body invading hers, but I could barely manage to keep my pace slow and steady. I hungered for it too much. I pushed in another inch, eliciting another cry of pain.
“It hurts!”
Even as her muscles sucked me deeper, driving me to total annihilation, I hated myself for the heaving sobs that broke free of her twisted mouth.
Her hands formed two tight fists, and she screwed her eyes shut.
I was doing this to her, pushing her, being a complete and utter jackass… making her hate me.
Drawing in a breath, I willed my dick to take a breather. “Baby, you’ve gotta relax, or it won’t stop hurting.”
“I can’t!” she shrieked. “You’re too big.
” She tried crawling up the bed, making it a couple of inches before I pulled her ass flush with my groin and plunged into her.
The scream that tore from her mouth lanced through me.
She attempted to escape me again, but I held her captive in my madness, my hands gripping her perfectly round bottom and keeping her exactly where I wanted her.
“Take deep breaths. Relax those muscles.”
“Please, Rafe,” she sobbed.
I pulled out slowly, opened the bottle of lubricant, and fisted my cock with a wet hand, then I worked my way back inside her, rubbing her cheeks as I settled into a gentle rhythm. “Your ass is mine, no one else’s.”
Slowly, her body relaxed, despite her hiccupping mewls that broke me to pieces because they reminded me of that fucking underground tunnel. Reminded me of her on her toes, taking the harsh bite of Brock’s whip.
Now I was the one hurting her, and I couldn’t stop, couldn’t even grasp why I needed to push her to the breaking point. Not even hunting Brock down and torturing the fucker to death had eased this thing inside me.
But she did. Every salty drop glistening on her cheek, every howl of pain quieted the raging river of lunacy storming through me.
She was my elixir to sanity.
And I was showing her the blackness that tainted my soul. I was giving her what she had begged for in that dark tunnel—the guy my amnesia had nearly killed forever.
I wound an arm around her middle, mindful of her tattoo, and brought her upright until we kneeled together on the bed.
I was deep inside her, and falling even deeper as she leaned her head back on my shoulder and stared at me with tear-filled eyes.
Fuck, her ass felt good, closing around my cock with unbelievable tightness.
My gaze lowered to her throat. That expanse of skin tempted me, and I thought about curling my hand around her neck, but something held me back.
The flashes of blood spurting from Perrone’s neck; the euphoria of choking every last breath from him. And more recently, the copious amount of adrenaline that had flushed my veins as I meted out what Brock had coming to him. He’d been the only one to escape the police, but he hadn’t eluded me.
I couldn’t risk losing control with Alex—she meant the fucking world to me, and I wasn’t about to endanger her. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
“I love you,” I whispered, my lips nearing hers, my cock nestling a little deeper, making her wince. I searched the green sea of her eyes, hoping I’d find forgiveness for taking her like the monster I was.
But I only saw pain.
I reached for her clit and flicked lightly.
Her mouth opened, forming a delicate O. I was about to come, was too fucking close, so I tempered myself and gave her the time she needed to catch up.
Her body flushed with impending orgasm as I worked my fingers in and out of her cunt.
Even in the dim room, overwhelmed by winter and the shadows of night, the sheen of her pink-tinged skin was unmistakable.
“Crash with me,” I said before claiming her mouth, adding pressure to her clit, smothering her throaty cries that didn’t speak the language of pain, loathing, or even anger. Those muffled howls were an oath of uninhibited surrender. They were pure fucking ecstasy.