Chapter 7
RAFE
I’d been holding her for hours, comforted by the steady sound of her breathing. Maybe insomnia was a blessing, considering what I’d nearly done to her. If I hadn’t woken up when I had…a shudder tore through me, and I held on a little tighter.
My sleep-choking tendencies posed a problem, and one I couldn’t ignore. How the fuck was I supposed to fall asleep next to her every night if it meant risking her life?
Mid-morning rays trailed through the tiny window above us.
Fuck, I didn’t want to leave this bed. Her curls were everywhere; in my eyes, teasing my lips, tickling my face.
My fingers were everywhere; snuggled in the folds of her beautiful cunt, brushing a nipple.
I spooned her from behind, trying hard not to stroke her awake.
If that happened, I’d end up fucking her, and I couldn’t do that until I made damn sure she was taken care of.
I would not put her in the position of needing an abortion like Zach had.
I might not be able to control what I did in my sleep, but preventing an unplanned pregnancy was in my control.
Being careful not to wake her, I slid my fingers from her wet pussy. She sighed, stretched, then settled back into sleep. Something inside me filled to the brimming point. I never imagined I could love someone so much, or so fucking possessively. The urge to pull out the cuffs made my hands twitch.
I liked her helpless.
I liked her mine.
Biting back a groan, I eased from the bed.
She was mine—that wouldn’t change—but things were never that simple.
I was still keeping so much from her, stuff she sensed, if her stubborn questions from last night were any indication.
I’d killed. I’d lost myself to mental obliteration.
I’d erected a wall I wasn’t sure even she could hurdle.
The boat swayed, and I held my breath, worried the motion would draw her from sleep.
But she didn’t rouse. I pulled on my sweats and recalled how I’d kept her in sweet agony for most of the night.
It had been a fitting punishment—one that distracted her from giving me the third degree.
Truth was, I didn’t know if I’d ever be able to talk to her about my time in prison.
Even before I’d lost my memory, I’d buried that part of my past under the single-minded focus on getting my hands on her.
I tiptoed from the bedroom, leaving the door cracked open so I’d hear when she awoke though I didn’t expect her to rise for a while.
After last night, she was going to need her sleep.
And I needed something else so I could be with her the way I needed to be with her.
As I turned on the coffee pot, I dialed Jax.
Wedging the phone between my shoulder and ear, I tapped my fingers on the counter as the call rang through.
He croaked something incomprehensible after the fifth ring, then he coughed and cleared his throat. “What?”
“Good morning to you too,” I said, clenching and unclenching my fists three times to release tension.
“Sorry,” he mumbled. “Didn’t sleep well.”
He was preaching to the fucking choir.
“So what’s up?” he asked.
“I was wondering if you could do something for me.”
“Depends.”
“Any chance you can you get your hands on some birth control?”
A lengthy pause ticked by. “I think I can manage that.”
“Thanks,” I said, watching as coffee began dripping into the carafe.
More silence. “So,” he finally said, “guess what Nate told me last night after I left your boat?”
My eye twitched, but I kept my tone neutral. “What’d he say?”
“He said you and Shelton are getting into something lucrative.”
Fuck. People and their big mouths.
I must have muttered the obscenity out loud. His dry laughter filtered through the phone. “Funny how I had to hear it from a fucking stranger.”
“What else did he tell ya?”
“I know Zach’s involved. Is that what you’re worried about?”
Basically, yeah.
“You need to put a stop to this,” he said. “You’re gonna get yourself thrown back in jail, or worse.”
“What do you expect me to do? Zach wouldn’t be a problem if you hadn’t carted him off to Mexico.”
“You want to kill him? Fine. I won’t stop you this time. But shit, man, don’t be stupid about it. Don’t do it in front of a bunch of witnesses.”
“Shelton’s already got him. I’m supposed to see for myself at noon. I was hoping you’d keep an eye on Alex while I’m gone.”
“This is fucked up,” Jax said. “Do you really trust Shelton?”
“I don’t have much choice. He’s playing hardball.”
He cursed under his breath. “If you go through with this fight…how do you expect to come back from that? This is Zach we’re talking about. Not Brock, not even my old man. He’s Alex’s fucking brother, for chrissakes.”
“You came back from what went down in that tunnel just fine.” I pointed out as I set a mug next to the coffee pot. “You killed your own blood, so who the fuck are you to lecture me?”
“We’re not the same. I did what I needed to. I was born from a slave and raised in that ditch. But you…” He let out a sigh.
“Say what’s on your mind, Jax. Wouldn’t want to stop you now.”
“You’ve got a fucking huge ass conscience, whether you want it or not.”
I bit down on my lip hard. Part of me agreed with him, and it wasn’t because I cared what happened to Zach; I cared about what Alex would think of me.
“You’re right,” I said. “It’s complicated.
” She might be able to look past me choking Jax’s uncle in prison, could maybe even forgive that moment in Perrone’s estate when I’d snapped.
And Brock…well shit, Perrone’s most brutal thug had tortured her, only she didn’t have an emotional attachment to him like she did Zach and me.
But with Zach…there was only one way to make sure he never came for her again, and I was positive she would hate me for it.
Jax sure as fuck didn’t approve. He believed killing Zach would tip me over the edge, that I’d lose the last bit of humanity I still possessed if I killed someone I’d once considered my best friend.
“Complicated doesn’t even touch it,” Jax said as if he’d heard the internal battle firing in my synapses. “You and Zach have history.”
“Zach’s not the one I’m worried about. Something kept her quiet all those years. I’m not convinced she was only thinking of me. She even admitted to getting off on it.”
“He’s her brother, not the love of her life. You know as well as I do that you’ve got her whipped.”
My mouth thinned into a line. “I don’t know, Jax. There’s a fine line between love and hate. She threw me in that place for eight years because he told her to. That’s power.”
“And I thought I carried baggage,” he grumbled. “You’ve spent too much time alone in your fucked up head.”
“Probably,” I said.
“No probably about it. You’ve been a fucking robot these past six months. You need her. She needs you. I get that. But if you need to take care of Zach, then don’t be a dumbass about it. ”
Jax always gave it to me straight. Maybe the real problem was I wanted her to want him dead—it would make this much easier. But my gut told me she’d want to spare his life because she wasn’t a fucked up killer like me.
Doesn’t matter what she wants.
I was in control now, and no one was going to stop me this time, not even Jax. I refused to make the same mistake of leaving Zach alive—it was the only way Alex would be rid of him for good.