Chapter 21
RAFE
“What’s up with your woman?” Jax said, appearing in the kitchen. “She didn’t acknowledge my presence.” He nodded in the direction of the front porch where Alex had spent most of her free time for the last two days on the swing. “I swear she looked right through me out there.”
“You hungry?” I asked, dodging the inquiry in his eyes as I removed a baking dish from the oven. I hoped the homemade mac and cheese would give Alex a shred of comfort, because she sure as hell wasn’t getting any from me.
Not for a lack of trying, though. My wife had completely withdrawn into herself, and I couldn’t bring myself to use my normal methods of reaching her.
“I could eat,” Jax said, pulling three plates down from the cupboard.
“Where’s Angel?”
“She’s not feeling well. She wanted to stay at the safe house today.”
“I didn’t realize you’d gone back there.” I spooned a decent helping onto each plate.
“We thought we’d give you guys some space. It’s temporary, anyway. I might have tracked down one of Angel’s relatives in Cali.”
“No shit?”
“Yeah, man. A brother.”
We moved to the eat-in nook. “Give me a sec. I’m gonna see if I can talk Alex into coming inside.” As Jax slid onto the bench, I picked up my wife’s plate before leaving the kitchen.
She wouldn’t come inside. I already knew she wouldn’t, but that wouldn’t stop me from trying. Finding her where I’d seen her last, pushing the porch swing into motion with absent-minded calculation, I crouched in front of her, one hand stopping the swing to get her attention.
“Jax is here. Why don’t you come inside and join us for dinner?”
She blinked. “Have you decided yet?”
Fuck.
She wouldn’t let it go, and I was beginning to think she’d latched onto the idea of making Zach suffer in order to cope with the miscarriage.
Truth was, neither of us were coping very well.
I still hadn’t processed it, and though I hadn’t brought up the fact that she hadn’t told me, it was always on the forefront of my mind, question begging to be asked.
But I needed to find a way to ask it without accusing, because regardless of whether she should have told me, I recognized that she needed more from me than anger-flung accusations.
She needed my love.
And apparently, she needed Zach to witness just how intense my love could get.
“Zach’s fate can wait a few more days.” I set the plate next to her on the swing, and that’s when I spotted the fresh scratches on her forearm. Jesus. Something had to give because she sure as hell couldn’t keep hurting herself like this. “Try to eat, okay?”
With a muted nod, she picked up the plate, and I returned inside, leaving her to her self-imposed isolation.
“She’s still struggling with all of this, isn’t she?” Jax said as I took the seat across from him.
“A lot of shit’s happened.” Pushing my food around the plate, I raised my eyes. “She had a miscarriage the morning after we got back. I didn’t even know she was pregnant.”
Jax’s eyes grew big. “Holy shit. No wonder she’s rocking herself to sanity out there.”
“It gets worse. She wants me to fuck her in front of Zach.”
“Come again?”
“That was my initial reaction too.”
“What are her reasons for wanting to do this?”
“She thinks it’ll hurt him.” Considering the level of his obsession, she was probably right. I still didn’t like the idea of inviting the sick fuck into our marriage.
Jax seemed to mull it over. “I don’t know, man.
Everyone handles grief in different ways.
This could be her way of dealing with the trauma, of taking the power back from him.
” He tapped his fingers on the table. “It’s not conventional, but nothing about your relationship falls into that category.
This might be what she needs to start the healing process. ”
His words hit me like a cold, physical blow. I’d never thought of it from that angle. Until now, I hadn’t been able to get past the elephant of Zach standing between Alex and me.
But maybe Jax was right. Maybe this was more about her moving on and less about the bastard who’d taken her to hell and back.
“Thanks, man.”
“For what?”
“For being my brother.”
“Anytime,” he said, voice thick. He forked up a bite of macaroni. “Speaking of brothers, what are we doing about the parasite in the cellar?”
“Alex wants him to rot down there.”
“Can’t blame her, though I figured she’d rather see him dead.”
“Me too.” Pushing my plate away, I frowned.
“It sounds like she’s just really messed up right now. Give her some time.”
“I’m trying, but I don’t like his presence under our feet. He’s gotten away too many times, and it always comes back to bite us in the ass.”
“Dude, he’s not going anywhere. I helped you design that prison.”
“That’s the only reason he’s still breathing.”
Jax raised a brow. “Sounds to me like Alex is the reason.”
I let out a derisive laugh. “I can’t believe this is our life.”
“It’s fucking stranger than fiction.” Jax shoveled in a bite, and I watched him chew, mind spinning.
“You think I should fuck her in front of him?”
“If it means that much to her, why the fuck not? Asshole’s got it coming.”
For the first time since she brought up this crazy idea, I envisioned it; saw Zach watching from the shadows, gnashing his teeth as I made her scream my name.
Maybe this idea wasn’t so horrible after all.