Chapter 2
“God, you’re gorgeous.” His whispered words woke me, though I didn’t let him know I was awake. Early light crept beneath my lashes, and I listened to the morning song of birds, fearing he heard the drumming beat of my heart over the chirping melody.
His arms pulled me closer, flush against his chest, and he spooned me as if he didn’t intend to let go. “I know you’re awake.”
“Pretend I’m not,” I said, voice raspy from sleep. I wanted to pretend last night hadn’t happened. Pretend I still had a modicum of sanity left. I’d built a life here for Eve and me, and I wasn’t foolish enough to think that letting him back in wouldn’t smash it to smithereens.
“I’m not good at pretending.” His breath hitched, and for a few lengthy seconds, his silence pressed on me. “I need you. I need you so damn much it pisses me off. I’m crazy without you.”
“You’re just flat out crazy,” I muttered.
His laughter vibrated against my shoulder. “I won’t deny that statement.”
The warmth and safety of his arms was an illusion, but I sank deeper into it anyway. “Where’ve you been for the past year, Gage?” Somewhere deep inside, I’d always known he’d come back for me…if he were capable.
He didn’t answer right away. “Prison. I figured you knew.”
“I…suspected.” I’d seen the news reports about his arrest, but my own part in what went down haunted me, and I hadn’t wanted to know what happened to him afterward. “What was it like in there?”
“It’s not a place I’d ever send you.” His arms tightened around me. “The worst part was being without you.”
I stiffened. “What do you think is going to happen here?”
“You’re coming home. That’s what’s going to happen.”
“I am home. You can’t just show up and start in on your demands. Things are a lot different from last year.”
“Yes, they are. Fuck…I haven’t felt like this since Liz.”
His confession iced my veins. I untangled from his embrace and shot from bed. “No!” I cried, freaking out because he’d compared me to his dead girlfriend. The woman he’d loved—the woman he’d gone apeshit over. “Last night was—”
“Don’t you dare say it was a mistake!”
I whirled at the sound of his rage, but it was too late. He pinned me against the wall, hips smashing mine as his fingers bit into my shoulders. I couldn’t breathe, and I sure as hell couldn’t speak.
“I know what I am.” He swallowed hard as his attention fell to my mouth. “I accept that I’m a twisted bastard, but I don’t think you realize who you are.”
My lungs finally worked, and I sucked in a breath. “Who am I?”
“Mine.”
“You’re delusional. I’m better off without you.”
“No.” He gave a determined shake of his head.
“You’re alive when you’re with me. I recognize it in you.
You need what I give you. Even the discipline and pain.
Deny it all you want, but I know what I’m talking about.
” He brought his face closer, almost nose-to-nose.
“You crave it. Tell me you haven’t thought of me and gotten yourself off every fucking night for the past year. ”
I blinked rapidly, but hot drops of shame still coursed down my cheeks. “Why can’t you just leave me alone?”
A trace smile flitted across his mouth, as if he knew I was incapable of turning him away on my own. I’d only be rid of him if he decided it. “You know why.”
I shook my head, because I really didn’t. I had no clue what he found so appealing about me. Why me? It was a question I’d asked myself constantly since this messed up arrangement with him first began.
His eyes smoldered as he loosened his grip on my shoulders. Two warm palms rose to cradle my cheeks, and I was still incapable of moving. “I’m in love with you.”
“No,” I moaned as more tears spilled over. “You don’t know what love is.”
His fingers slid into my hair, tangling in the strands.
He closed his eyes and brought his forehead to mine.
“I’m selfish, controlling…cruel. Doesn’t mean I don’t know what love is.
” He brushed my lips with his. “I’m not in denial.
What I did to you was fucked up. But Kayla?
” His gaze found mine again, freezing me with the glint of resolve I saw there.
“I’d do it again. I need you too much to let you go.
I can be what you need, if you’ll let me.
I’ve had a year to find out what being without you is like, and I won’t go another minute without you in my life, in my bed. ”
His mouth pressed against mine, and his kiss instantly possessed me.
Wrong. Bad. So bad. Tell him to leave and never come back.
“Gage?” I moaned into his mouth. I should have slept with someone else—maybe I wouldn’t be so susceptible to his spell. “I hate you.”
His mouth hovered, brushed mine again, and I felt the upward curve of his lips.
The bastard was smiling. “Your head does.” He settled a palm over my erratically beating heart.
“But not here. And definitely”—he lowered his hand to the patch of hair between my legs—“not here. Here, you love me. You need me, so stop fighting it.”
He forced my lips apart and dipped his tongue inside, but I wrenched my mouth from his. “It doesn’t matter what I feel or don’t feel. It’s not important. I won’t have you around Eve.”
His eyes darkened to such a deep blue—the hue of the sky after sunset but without the beauty of reds, pinks, and oranges to soften the emerging twilight. Just the darkness. Just Gage.
“I told you I’d never hurt Eve.” His lips thinned, and his fingers shot out and held my chin in place. “Never, Kayla.”
“But you’ll hurt me, won’t you?”
“I’ll also make you scream my fucking name every night. I could tell you that by the time I’m done, you’ll beg me to take you again, but that’s a lie. I’ll never be done with you.”
Shaking my head, I tried to push him away, suddenly self-conscious of my nakedness, but he wouldn’t allow it. “I can’t do this with you. I can’t go through this again.”
“Things will be different. We’ll discuss boundaries.” He dropped his hands to his sides. “You say you can’t? Well I can’t be without you. There’s no one else but you.” It was the closest he’d ever come to begging, and the honesty in his voice pulled at me.
Damn him.
“How about I make us breakfast?” I asked.
He stepped back, and I took the opportunity to slip by him.
His appreciation burned along my skin as I dressed, and I didn’t have to look at him to know he was watching my every move.
But I glanced at him anyway and caught him reaching for his pants on the floor.
My blood rushed hot through my veins as he pulled the slacks up his legs, past the powerful build of his thighs, and I was certain my cheeks warmed to an obvious pink.
How could someone so dark and rotten to the soul be so beautiful?
The heat in his expression rooted me to the spot, and I swallowed nervously as he buckled his belt.
That belt…I remembered that strap of leather all too well, and from the upturn of his mouth, he did too.
I breezed past him and left the bedroom. The worst he’d done since showing up on my doorstep yesterday was tie my hands behind my back, and his actions and words were almost gentle in the way he treated me now, but I wasn’t about to fall into his trap. He’d show his true colors again eventually.
But did I want to be around when he did?
The sight of the kitchen stopped me cold. The space was tiny, the linoleum cracked in some spots and the counters faded with age, but the sink was clear of the dinner dishes I’d left the night before and the counters were spotless.
He leaned into me from behind. “I cleaned up last night while you had your freak-out moment in the bathroom.” His arms looped my waist.
“Thank you,” I mumbled, unsure of how to handle the varying emotions boiling inside me. Was this a trick? Why was he being so…decent?
“It was nice having a home cooked meal with you and Eve. Prison food leaves much to be desired.” He released me and took a seat at my small dinette. “So what are you making me?”
I blinked before moving into action. The contents of my refrigerator made me cringe. I’d been so busy with work and Eve that I hadn’t had time to go grocery shopping, but at least I had some eggs and cheese. “Omelets okay?”
“Yes.”
I slammed the door shut, hating how off-balance his presence made me, and as I fixed our food, I allowed my mind to wander to a year ago. To the smack of his hand on my ass, to the force of his belt as it struck my skin.
The taste of his cock in my mouth as his hands held my head in place.
My breath grew shallow, from arousal, from fear.
Gage was good at that—eliciting strong emotions that contrasted so sharply, they knocked a person on their ass in total confusion.
I shouldn’t want him. I should scream at him to get the hell out of my house and never come back.
I should get a freaking restraining order.
As if the turmoil inside me didn’t exist, I set our omelets on the table and calmly took a seat across from him.
“What did you mean by boundaries?” I stabbed a bite and shoved it in my mouth.
Raising my eyes to his turned out to be a mistake.
His hypnotic stare paralyzed me; I couldn’t look away if my life depended on it.
I fell into the ocean of his gaze and almost missed the satisfied quirk of his lips. Almost.
“You know by now that a relationship with me won’t be your standard variety. You’ll have rules that govern your behavior.”
“My behavior?”
“Yes. I expect you to obey me.” He set his fork down and winced. “But last year I was cruel to you and that’s not how I normally treat a woman. Not even when they beg me to hurt them beyond what I’m comfortable with.”
“Then why?” I choked out. Everything he’d done hit me square in the chest, and his admission that he’d been exceptionally cruel hurt more than it should.
“I wanted to destroy what was his.” He lowered his head with a frown. At least he had the grace to look ashamed.
“Congratulations.” I let my fork drop, satisfied with the clatter it made. “You succeeded.”
“No, I didn’t. Your strength is both my frustration and my undoing. There’s nothing more irritating or sexier on a woman.” He took a bite, and his gaze veered up to mine. “And to clarify on what I mean by boundaries, we’ll set limits this time. You’ll have a safe word.”
“You’re talking as if we’re going to be together.”
“I’m not leaving here without you, Kayla.”
His words crawled up my spine, and every inch of my skin broke out in goose bumps. Definitely the bad kind. Before I could form a thought, let alone a reply to that loaded statement, a knock sounded on my door, loud and insistent enough to be heard from the kitchen.
Stacey had taken Eve to preschool for me, and I’d called in sick the previous evening so I’d have time to deal with Gage’s unexpected appearance. I had no idea who knocked at the door.
Gage scooted back, and his eyes narrowed to dangerous slits as he rose to his feet. “Expecting someone?” he asked.
“No.” Shaking my head, I left the kitchen, knowing he was on my heels as I headed to the front door. My lungs deflated when I pulled it open.
This wasn’t happening.
“Hi, Kayla.” Ian’s gaze swerved over my shoulder, and I didn’t have to feel the warmth of Gage to know he stood inches behind me, most likely giving off a nasty territorial vibe.
A dark shadow passed over Ian’s face, extinguishing the usual warmth of his expression. “I figured you’d be here,” he told his brother.