Chapter 7 #2
“You sold yourself to save her, but when it comes to him, you put her last.” His upper lip curled in a sneer that was foreign to his features. “Fantastic parenting skills there.”
My palm sent a sound slap across his cheek. “You don’t know shit about my life.”
He rubbed his cheek, though he appeared unfazed by my loss of control. “Explain it to me then.” He brought his face forward until we were nose to nose.
I placed a hand on his chest, my fingers brushing his stethoscope. I despised the way he had me trapped. Gage had me in this position often—cornered and helpless—but I was used to his overbearing nature, was drawn to his dominance in a way that sickened me if I let myself dwell on it too long.
Ian’s behavior unsettled me beyond words, and it wasn’t because I didn’t like the feel of him being close. With much shame, I realized that I did. No, what sent off my internal alarm was the feeling that something was wrong.
I inched back and met his hazel gaze. “Why are you mad at me?”
The festering anger seemed to flee from his bones. He let out a breath. “I’m not mad at you. I’m mad at myself. I should have stopped your wedding, even if it meant crashing it.”
“Thank you for not doing that,” I said quietly. “I’ve built a good life with Gage, and Eve is happier than I’ve ever seen her. She has a father. A real father this time. She loves him.”
“Do you?” His heartbeat thumped under my palm.
“What type of question is that?”
“One you obviously don’t want to answer.”
“Because it’s none of your damn business.” When I got down to the grit of what Gage and I were, love just didn’t cover it. What we had was unhealthy and wrong, yet we both thrived on it, craved it, needed it.
“Let me go,” I told him. “Being here with you is just…torture. It accomplishes nothing. All we’re doing is dredging up the past and hurting each other.”
“We don’t have to dredge up anything. I’m content to sit here and not talk.”
I pushed him back an inch. “Ian, stop.”
He nuzzled my neck. “Am I making you nervous? Are you feeling things you’re not supposed to feel?”
I bit my lip, denying with a quick shake of my head.
“What if you could go back and do it differently?” he asked. “Would you?”
I flipped through the days and weeks and months of the past year, the scenes going off in my mind like flashcards.
My wedding night, when Gage had taken me with the tender patience he rarely allowed me to see.
Our first argument as a married couple. I’d made the mistake of saying hello to the neighbor while checking the mail—the very attractive and very male neighbor.
Gage and I had gotten into a shouting match over his ridiculous control issues, and that had resulted in him gagging me until Eve came home hours later.
Needless to say, I now steered clear of the neighbor, and I’d been careful to obey since that day.
Until recently, when I’d risked it all to volunteer, knowing full well that Ian worked here. What did that mean? Not for the first time, I wondered what my actions were trying to tell me.
That I missed him?
Definitely.
That I still cared about him?
“I regret many things,” I said. “But changing the past isn’t possible, and even if it were, I’m not sure I’d want to.”
“I think you would.” He leaned forward and pressed his lips on mine. The kiss barely lasted a second, but it was enough to knock the air from my lungs.
“Don’t,” I said through thinly veiled anger.
“You’re not the same woman you were a year ago. You’re stronger, more determined.” He narrowed his eyes. “You’re staying for her, aren’t you?”
I shook my head, mouth gaping. Was it true?
Did I endure Gage’s rigid rules and brutal hand for Eve?
Or was I staying because no one worked my body the way he did?
The heat flaring between my legs—heat that had nothing to do with Ian’s brief kiss—gave me my answer.
I loved Gage for the way he made me feel; wild and out of control.
But I also hated him for the way he made me feel.
Like a caged animal.
Just as Ian was doing now. “I love him.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“You can choose to believe what you want.” I shoved him back, surprised by how easily he relented. Compared to Gage, Ian was weak…or less determined to make me bend.
He fell back against the couch, his hand grasping his head. “I’m sorry, Kayla.” Wincing, he cursed under his breath. “This is harder than I thought.” He was about to say more, but my cell went off.
Gage.
“You going to get that?” Ian asked.
“No,” I whispered. “If you need to get something off your chest, do it now.” I pointed at the door. “Because once I walk out of here, I’m not coming back.” My cell blared again.
Ian rose to his feet. “I can’t do this with him calling every fucking thirty seconds.”
His constant mood shifts made the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. “Do what?” I stood and faced him, clutching my obnoxious phone like a lifeline. “You’re worrying me.”
He wasn’t acting like himself, and it scared me.
“You know what?” He paused, his attention veering to the ceiling for a moment. “You’re right. It’s too little, too late. If you’re truly happy, then I can accept that. I can leave you be.” He exhaled. “I just…I had to know.”
I moved to place a hand on his arm but thought better of it. Hell, his cryptic-speak was messing with my head. My phone went off again, and I answered on the second ring with a clipped, “Hello?”
“Where are you?” Gage’s question dripped with fury.
“On my way to pick up Eve.”
“Don’t bother. I picked her up early.”
My fingers tightened around the phone. I cast a furtive glance at Ian and noticed the tightness of his features. Afraid he’d see the alarm in my eyes and do something about it—like alert Gage to his presence—I turned my back on him.
“Why did you take her out of school early?”
But I knew the answer before I’d tossed the question out there. He’d done it because maneuvering me was what he did best, and if he wanted me home, getting the upper hand by using Eve would ensure I walked into his trap.
“We need to talk, so get your ass home and maybe I’ll go easy on you.”