Chapter 15
Ilived off the high of that night and Gage’s submission for three weeks straight.
That weekend had been a tipping point for us, and we fell into a new routine of sorts.
Friday night still came around like clockwork, but something had finally settled, finding its rightful place in the midst of our marriage.
Our anniversary and the unveiling of my deception had helped us build a new foundation.
But with new beginnings came new endings. I hadn’t been allowed to visit Emma at all, despite begging him for the privilege. I had many freedoms I hadn’t had before our anniversary meltdown and reconstruction, but he wouldn’t budge on the subject of Ian or anything about Ian.
Sadly, that included what he referred to as his hospital.
A rare occurrence of blue skies and sunshine made the day perfect for running errands.
A nippy breeze rustled my hair as I unlocked the front door.
I hefted a bag of groceries in one arm and pushed my way inside.
My phone went off in my pocket on the way to the kitchen.
I set the bag on the counter and dug out my cell, finding Simone’s smiling face flashing on the screen.
“Hey, what’s up?” I held the phone between my shoulder and ear so I could unload the bag of groceries.
“Kayla,” she said, her tone immediately putting me on alert.
I halted, and a jar of spaghetti sauce thudded on the counter. “What’s wrong? Is Emma okay?”
“Emma’s fine. Great actually. She’s going home in about another week.”
I let out a relieved breath. “That’s great to hear.”
“It is.” She paused. “I didn’t call about Emma though. Can we meet somewhere to talk?”
I glanced at the time on the microwave. Gage had given me four hours to do my errands. I still had an hour left. “Of course. Where should I meet you?”
“Can you come to the hospital?”
I hesitated. “I haven’t eaten lunch yet. That pizza place a few blocks away sounds good. You up for that?”
She sighed. “Don’t bullshit me, Kayla.”
“I can’t meet you at the hospital. I’m sorry.”
“The pizza place it is then. See you in twenty.” She hung up, and I stared at my cell for a few moments, bewildered. Something was wrong. She was never that curt, even for Simone.
I rushed to put the groceries away, checked for any new messages from Gage, then hurried out the door. Traffic was heavier than usual, causing me to walk into the pizza place ten minutes late.
Simone sat in a booth by herself. “I ordered pepperoni,” she said.
“Okay.” I slid in across from her, studying her distraught face. Fear tightened my gut. “You’re worrying me. What’s going on?”
She wouldn’t quite look at me, and when she wiped a tear away, I reached out and grabbed her hand.
“He needs you right now,” she said, holding onto my fingers like a lifeline.
“Who?” I squeezed her hand back, wishing my ears would rebel and not listen. There was only one he she could be referring to.
“He came looking for you a couple of weeks ago. I told him you’d quit your job, and things just…happened. We started having lunch together every day.”
“Okay…” I eyed her cautiously, wondering where she was going with this. As much as it hurt to think of Ian with anyone, I wanted him to be happy. I also wanted Simone to be happy, so if they were hitting it off… “If you guys are dating, I think that’s…it’s great, Simone.”
“We’re not dating. I’ve grown attached, but we’re not dating.” She chewed on her bottom lip. “He didn’t want me to tell you, but I can’t keep my mouth shut on this. Kayla, he’s sick.”
“Sick?” Like with the flu or bronchitis or pneumonia. As I swept my bangs to the side, the tremor in my fingers said otherwise. That tremor knew the truth before she said it.
“He’s got cancer.”
I shook my head, denying. “But I just saw him three weeks ago. He was fine.”
“He’s far from fine,” she snapped. “He hasn’t been to work in days. He’s stopped treatment. I think he’s given up.” Another tear slipped down her cheek. “You need to talk to him. He’s still in love with you. Maybe he’ll listen to you because I can’t get through his thick skull.”
“What are his chances?” I blinked, willing my eyes to stay dry. If I started crying, I wouldn’t stop, and that wouldn’t help anyone.
“Without treatment?” She dropped her head. “Not good.”
Our order arrived then. The waitress set the steaming pizza between us, but neither of us had an appetite.
I didn’t want to believe her, and I knew part of me would refuse to accept it until I heard it from him.
I stood, glanced around the restaurant at the half-filled booths, the people from the nearby hospital and other businesses gathering to share lunch.
The setting appeared too normal. Just another day.
I wanted to scream at everyone and ask how they could go about their day as the earth shook under my feet. It all seemed so unfair.
“Do you have his address?”
She pulled a pen from her purse and wrote on a napkin before pushing it into my hands. “You’ll talk to him?” Hope held her vocal cords captive.
I clutched his address to my chest. “I’ll try.”
“Get him to start the chemo again. We both know how fast things can turn around. He’s throwing away any chance he has of living.”
It was true. Volunteering in the oncology wing had taught me a lot, and Simone had more firsthand experience with this frail thing called life than I did.
Fear seized my gut. Eve had come close to dying, and she would have if Gage hadn’t intervened.
People could definitely take a turn for the better with the right treatment…
but it didn’t always play out like that.
“I’ll talk to him.” Vomit had found a new home in my throat.
Simone and I exchanged one last glance before I exited the restaurant in a fog and slid behind the wheel of the shiny Lexus Gage had bought for me.
I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten to the car, or how I made it to the other side of the Willamette River.
I pulled into his driveway, or at least, what I believed to be his driveway.
The parking spots were empty, so unless he’d parked his SUV in the garage, he either wasn’t home, or I’d found the wrong place.
I exited the car, cringing when the slam of the driver’s side door ricocheted in the quiet, and headed toward the front door.
Stepping onto his stoop, I raised my hand, readying myself to knock, and almost turned around.
Simone had to be wrong. Ian was fine. He’d seemed perfectly healthy three weeks ago, if not a little…
off. Swallowing my fear, I pounded on the door.
Footsteps sounded from the other side. Something crashed, a curse whispered through the door, then the lock clicked over before he yanked open the barrier standing between us.
My knees nearly gave out at the first sight of him.
The pallor of his skin was too familiar, and the sweatpants and T-shirt he wore were too big on him.
He’d lost weight. Dread coiled my heart, constricting with lethal power.
I denied the truth staring me in the face, even though Simone had laid it out straight.
“What are you doing here?” he asked, gazing past where I stood as if he expected someone else behind me.
“Simone gave me your address. Can I come in?”
“Why? You made it clear you want nothing to do with me. I’m done, Kayla.”
“You can’t give up.”
He scowled. “She told you, didn’t she?”
The air knocked from my lungs. “So it’s true?”
He ushered me inside and shut the door. When we reached the living room, he sank onto the sofa and let his head fall back against the cushion.
“What kind of cancer is it?”
“A brain tumor. Inoperable.”
I shook my head. “No…no. You’re gonna be fine. You just need to start the chemo again. Simone said you’d stopped.” Desperation clouded my tone, strained my expression.
“Kayla…no. Don’t do this now. I can’t handle any more pressure. I’ve made my peace with it.”
“Well I haven’t! They made a mistake. You need a second opinion.”
“I got a second opinion, and a third and a fourth.”
“I don’t care!” I spun around, my hands clutching my hair because if I let them loose, I’d put a hole in the wall.
He was going to beat this. There was no other alternative.
“Gage can help. Like he helped Eve.” I didn’t recognize my voice, could barely see through my tears.
Barely heard him through the shrill ringing in my ears.
“Our situations are completely different. Besides, we both know he won’t lift a finer to help me.”
“You’re his brother! This goes beyond grudges.” I blinked hot tears down my cheeks, hating the turbulent cyclone of terror that had taken over my stomach. “You can’t die on me. You just…you can’t.”
“Come here.” His voice held a quiet note of resignation, and I didn’t like it.
Crossing the few feet between us was a no-brainer. “What do you need from me?” I whispered, drained to my soul. “What can I do?”
He opened his mouth, seemingly at a loss. “Just let me hold you.”
I placed a knee onto the cushion and straddled him, squeezing his frail body with enough force to steal his breath. As I laid my head on his shoulder, he buried his face in my hair. My heart cracked in two at how much weight he’d lost.
“I dig the new haircut,” he said.
“I was pissed at Gage.”
His chest rumbled underneath me. “You’ve still got it in you.”
“Instances of temporary insanity? Yeah.”
He pressed his lips to my neck. “Do you remember our first kiss?”
“Of course I do.”
“That kiss knocked me on my ass.”
“Me too.”
“That night was the most intense bout of temporary insanity ever. We were so young, so fucking clueless.” He inched back and caught my gaze. “But I wouldn’t change it for anything.”
I leaned my forehead against his and closed my eyes, remembering the intoxicating taste of first love on my lips, the exhilarating way his fingers had slipped beneath my panties. The first time he’d pushed inside me. Like he belonged there.
Like I was home.
“I loved you so much,” I said, my voice cracking.