The Darkness Consumes

Chapter 11 New meds

Viv woke to the empty rustle of bedsheets beside him.

Ash was gone.

The other half of the bed was still warm, faintly creased where he'd been lying just hours ago, but the boy himself was nowhere in sight.

Viv blinked blearily at the ceiling, throat dry, mind groggy.

His first thought was that he'd imagined everything from the night before.

But no, his pillow still held a slight indentation and scent. He'd been there.

Viv sat up slowly, the tightness in his chest crawling back in like it had just been waiting for him to open his eyes. He rubbed the sleep from his face, scowling toward the doorway. He hated being in this place.

By afternoon, he was officially medicated.

They started him on some new pills after lunch.

A nurse handed him the cup and watched like a hawk as he swallowed them, like they expected him to spit them out or hide them under his tongue or crush them into powder and snort them off the bathroom sink.

He hadn't done any of that. He'd just taken the damn things and gone back to staring at the wall.

He hated the idea of being on medication.

Not even because he didn't think he needed help, he was too far gone in this place to pretend he was totally fine anymore.

But the pills... they felt like surrender.

Like proof he was officially broken in the eyes of everyone around him.

Some part of him kept whispering, If you were stronger, you wouldn't need this.

That voice sounded a lot like his mother.

Viv sat on the edge of his bed now in the late afternoon before dinner, elbows on his knees, eyes tired.

He felt slow, like the meds had already started dulling the edges of his brain.

They told him it would take a week or so to really feel anything, but he already felt. .. off. Floaty. Disconnected.

Viv rubbed his arms and glanced toward the door. He wasn't in the mood to play good patient today but he had a feeling no one was going to ask.

Viv hadn't meant to fall asleep.

One minute he was sitting on the edge of the bed, staring blankly at the scuffed floor tiles, and the next his body just gave in—his muscles slackened, his eyelids drooped, and the heaviness that had been sitting on his chest all morning finally pulled him under like a tide.

He didn't even know how long he was out for. Ten minutes? An hour? It didn't matter.

What did matter was the door crashing open with a bang that jolted him awake like a gunshot.

"What the hell?" Viv muttered, blinking through the haze, his heartbeat stuttering as heavy boots stomped toward him.

The angry male nurse stood in the doorway, the one who always seemed one second away from losing his job over a temper tantrum. His scowl was carved deep into his face like it had been chiseled there, and his arms were crossed like he was already ready for a fight.

"Dinner," he barked.

Viv let out a slow, raspy exhale and slumped back down. "Fuck off," he mumbled tiredly, voice gravelly from sleep and irritation. "Not hungry."

Wrong answer.

The nurse marched across the room in three strides, grabbed Viv by the arm, and yanked him up so fast the world tilted sideways. Before Viv could even catch his balance, he was being shoved toward the door.

"What the fuck—get off me!" he snapped, stumbling forward, his shoulder slamming into the doorframe. Rage flared behind his eyes, hot and immediate. He spun around, ready to yell, to shove back, to do something—

But then a hand reached out from the hallway.

He turned around sharply.

Ash.

His hand was cool and steady, and his face—oh god, his face—was pleading. Not scared, not panicked. Just... calm. Grounded. His green eyes flicked up to Viv's with a silent message written clear across his expression: Don't. Just... don't.

Viv swallowed hard. His jaw clenched, and his whole body buzzed with the need to lash out, to do something about the fire that was building behind his ribs. But Ash didn't let go. He just held his hand like an anchor, like a tether.

Viv didn't say anything. He just breathed through his nose and gave in. His limbs still trembled from the adrenaline, but he didn't fight back. He let the anger settle. Wordlessly, Ash let go of his wrist and Viv followed him down the hallway.

They didn't talk. Just walked side by side under the buzz of the overhead lights, the faint smell of bleach and something overcooked trailing toward them like a warning.

The silence between them wasn't tense but Viv felt like it was holding something unspoken, like a thread pulled tight between two points.

He didn't know what would happen if it snapped.

The cafeteria was louder than usual when they walked in, chatter and clinking trays and chairs scraping against linoleum.

Viv kept his head down as they were handed their food.

His tray was the same bland nonsense it always was—overcooked pasta, a rubbery bread roll, and something that might have once been green beans.

They sat down at one of the far tables, away from most of the noise. Viv poked at his food for a second, then glanced sideways.

"Where've you been all day?" he asked, voice low.

Ash didn't look up right away. He cut a corner off the bread roll with his plastic knife and shrugged. "Had a one-to-one with Dr. Jacobs this morning. Then they made me sit in on this... emotional regulation group thing after lunch." He grimaced. "It was as fun as it sounds."

Viv picked at his roll without appetite, still looking down at his own tray. "You didn't come back after."

Ash's eyes flickered upwards briefly and then settled on his food again. "Figured you needed some space," he murmured.

Viv blinked slowly, lips pressing into a line. He wanted to be annoyed. Maybe even hurt. But mostly he just felt tired. "Right," he said, and went quiet again, stirring the lifeless pasta around his tray.

"Did I make the wrong call?" Ash asked timidly, his voice barely above a whisper as he fidgeted with a torn piece of napkin on the edge of his tray. His eyes didn't lift from the table, and his posture was hunched like he was bracing for a blow.

Viv shrugged, not looking at him. He didn't know what to say. His fingers toyed with the edge of his plastic fork, pressing it hard into the table until the tines bent.

"Are you annoyed?" Ash asked again, quieter this time.

"No," Viv muttered, but the word felt heavier than it should have.

"Are... are you sure? You seem kinda..."

Viv finally looked up, and their eyes locked across the table. Ash blinked, startled by the intensity of it. Viv's face was blank, but his eyes were raw, dark-rimmed, tired.

"They finally put me on meds," Viv said flatly.

Ash's brows drew together. "Oh?"

"Yeah."

Ash hesitated. "Are... I mean, is that what you wanted?"

"No."

Ash's lips parted, then shut again. "I'm sorry," he said finally, and he meant it.

Viv poked at the edge of his food again. "Are you on meds?"

"Yeah. A few."

"For what?"

Ash huffed out a dry laugh. "Where do I start? Depression, anxiety, and other shit they put in the cocktail."

Viv looked at him for a second, brows pinched faintly. "You don't seem depressed to me."

Ash blinked. Then he smiled, just a small, surprised thing. "Thanks," he said softly.

And despite everything, a faint smile tugged at the corners of Viv's mouth too. Just a flicker.

"They're going to have another movie night after dinner," Ash said suddenly.

Viv raised an eyebrow. "Another boring black and white film?"

"Actually, no," Ash replied, a small smile tugging at his lips. "The Greatest Showman."

Viv looked at him. "Oh really?"

"Yeah," Ash said, and his cheeks flushed pink. "I kinda... persuaded Carla."

Viv blinked at him, caught off guard by the way Ash's face lit up.

His blush crept up to his ears and down his neck, softening his usually guarded features.

He looked younger like this. Sweeter. Almost delicate.

And for a second, Viv got stuck staring, his brain glitching with that same tangled question about Ash's gender.

The blush made him look even more like a girl—but Viv knew he wasn't. It was just another piece of the puzzle that made his chest feel weird and hot.

"You like that film?" Viv asked, forcing his voice to sound neutral.

"Love it!" Ash said without hesitation. His eyes had that glassy, excited shine again.

"So you're gonna go," Viv said more as a statement than a question.

"Of course."

Viv gave a slow nod, then stabbed a carrot chunk with more force than necessary.

Ash shifted in his seat, eyes flicking over Viv's face like he was trying to read him. Then, hesitantly, he asked, "Wanna join?"

Viv blinked. "Uh..."

"Please?" Ash leaned forward slightly, his tone hopeful but not pushy. "Come on, it'll be fun. It beats staying in the room. Plus..."—he wiggled his eyebrows—"there'll be popcorn."

Viv scoffed, lips curling in a half-smile. "How could I decline now?" he said sarcastically.

Ash grinned, and Viv hated how much he liked the way it made his own chest feel lighter.

Dinner was eventually over and trays clattered into bins as staff ushered everyone toward the rec room.

Viv trailed behind Ash, his own tray barely touched.

He wasn't hungry, he rarely was lately, but Ash had cleaned his plate like he always did, neat and methodical, like eating gave him a sense of control.

They walked in silence down the corridor, the low murmur of chatter ahead of them growing louder the closer they got to the rec room. The place still smelled like disinfectant and burnt popcorn.

Inside, the couches were already filling up, but Ash grabbed Viv's wrist and tugged him toward one of the good spots which was in the middle of the couch which gave them a decent view of the screen, but also not too close to the speakers.

Viv let himself be guided without complaint, and they dropped down side by side, their shoulders brushing.

A few moments later, Ava plopped down on Ash's other side.

Her presence used to make Viv roll his eyes on instinct, a quick jab always sitting on the tip of his tongue.

But tonight... he didn't say anything. He remembered the way her voice had bounced off the walls when they had dragged her out of the dinner hall a few days ago.

He remembered how her voice had cracked during group therapy when she'd talked about her depressive episodes, about how everything sometimes felt too fast or too slow, and how she'd once painted her entire room black in a manic haze. So he stayed quiet. Let her be.

Ash glanced sideways, probably expecting some snide comment, but when none came, his eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise. Viv didn't meet his gaze. He just leaned back into the couch, arms crossed, eyes on the blank screen as the lights dimmed. Maybe tonight wouldn't suck so bad.

Ash was immediately hooked as soon as the movie started. His eyes lit up in the dim room, lips moving soundlessly to the lyrics like he knew every single word. He sat forward slightly, hands tucked between his knees, and his whole expression softened in the glow of the screen.

Viv tried to watch the film. He really did.

But every few minutes, his eyes drifted sideways.

First to see if Ash was still smiling. Then because he wanted to know what part made him laugh.

Then just... because. Ash's blond hair caught the light, messy in a way that somehow worked.

His features were soft, almost delicate, and there was a warmth to him when he was distracted like this—when he wasn't nervous or guarded or trying to say the right thing.

It annoyed the hell out of Viv.

He forced his gaze back to the screen. Tried to focus. Hugh Jackman was singing. People were flipping around on trapezes. There were fireworks, or maybe it was confetti. Viv didn't know because he kept glancing at Ash like a complete idiot.

Finally, he let out a quiet, annoyed huff. Ash didn't even notice.

"I'm going to the bathroom," Viv muttered.

Ash turned to look at him, distracted. "You okay?"

Viv just nodded, already standing. But instead of heading down the hall to the bathroom, he turned the opposite way—toward their room.

The moment he stepped inside and closed the door behind him, he let out a breath.

The room was dim and quiet, the faint sound of the movie muffled behind thick walls.

He zombied over and sat down on the edge of his bed, hands in his hair, frustrated with himself.

Why couldn't he just watch a stupid movie like a normal person? Why did Ash have to be so... pretty?

Viv stayed on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at the floor. The distant sound of singing and applause filtered through the walls, muffled by the closed door. He didn't move. Just sat there, jaw tight, arms loosely crossed over his knees like if he let them go, he'd fall apart.

He didn't even know why he left. Or maybe he did and didn't want to admit it.

Time passed. The movie must've ended. Footsteps came and went in the hallway. Voices. Then finally, the quiet click of the doorknob turning.

Ash stepped inside, his voice light and teasing. "You missed the best parts, y'know."

Viv didn't look up. "Cool."

Ash shut the door behind him and walked over, standing in front of Viv with crossed arms. "Seriously. You ditched right before the finale. And the popcorn was actually decent tonight. That never happens."

"Okay," Viv muttered.

Ash tilted his head. "You just hate fun, huh?"

Viv gave a half-hearted shrug.

There was a pause, and the air shifted—less playful now. Ash's voice dropped a little. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?"

Viv nodded, still not meeting his eyes.

Ash didn't push. He just sat down on his own bed across from Viv, quiet for a few seconds before saying softly, "I'll still save you a seat next time, even if you walk out halfway."

Viv just grunted in response, his face unreadable in the low light.

Ash watched Viv for a minute longer, clearly debating whether to say something else. His brows were slightly furrowed, like he was trying to read between the lines Viv wasn't giving him.

"What's wrong?" he asked gently.

Viv didn't answer. He stood and pulled back his covers, crawled in without a word, facing the wall.

Ash let out a quiet sigh and followed suit, slipping into his own bed. A moment later, the hallway lights dimmed out and the room fell into darkness, save for the faint glow of moonlight through the high window.

For a while, neither of them said anything. Just silence. Just the sound of their breathing and the occasional creak of the building settling.

Viv stared at the wall, eyes open. He could hear Ash shifting a little in bed, maybe still awake too.

Viv wanted to say something—wanted to ask Ash about himself, wanted to know things.

But he also didn't. Because asking meant caring.

And caring meant attachment. And attachment meant pain when the inevitable goodbye came.

They weren't gonna be in here forever. They weren't gonna share this room, these moments, forever.

Eventually, they'd leave. Maybe even forget.

But he couldn't help himself.

"...Where do you live?" he asked quietly, voice almost lost in the dark.

There was a pause, then the rustle of Ash turning slightly toward him. "Why?"

Viv hesitated. "Just wondering. I mean... maybe we live near each other."

Ash was quiet for a beat. "Greenville."

Viv blinked. "Greenville, like... the town with the big mall?"

Ash laughed softly. "Yeah. That one."

Viv rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling now. "Huh. That's only like hour away from me."

"Small world," Ash murmured.

Viv bit his lip. For some reason, that made something shift in his chest, like a possibility he didn't know what to do with.

The room was quiet except for the faint hum of the night's stillness, the soft glow of moonlight casting long shadows across the ceiling. Ash's voice broke the silence, gentle and tentative.

"Are you tired?" he asked, his tone careful, like he didn't want to push too hard.

Viv shook his head, voice low. "No."

There was a pause, then Ash's soft question came again, a little braver this time. "Wanna talk?"

Viv scoffed quietly. "About what?"

Ash smiled in the dark, the warmth in his voice unmistakable. "Let's play 21 questions."

Viv rolled his eyes, the corners of his mouth twitching. "I'll barely be able to think of five questions, never mind twenty-one."

"Fine, I'll go first," Ash said with a grin you could hear. "Who's your celebrity crush?"

"Emma Stone," Viv answered without hesitation.

"Oh yeah, she's totally hot," Ash said, a note of approval in his voice.

"Whose yours?" Viv asked back.

"Chris Hemsworth."

Viv blinked. "A dude?"

"Yeah, so what?" Ash challenged, playful.

"That's..." Viv started, then cut himself off.

"Shut up. Next question—what's the grossest thing you've ever done?"

Viv snorted. "Grossest? Like what? Picked a booger?"

"Gross-er," Ash teased.

"Is that even a word?"

"It is now. Just tell me."

Viv hesitated. "I don't know... you tell me yours."

The conversation felt lighter than before, a quiet thread weaving between them in the darkness, their voices soft but real.

Ash grinned in the dark, and Viv could hear the grin in his voice more than he could see it.

"Okay," Ash whispered, lowering his voice like he was about to share a state secret.

"When I was eight, I was at my cousin's house and we were playing in the yard.

I really had to pee but I didn't wanna go inside 'cause I didn't wanna miss anything. So I went behind the shed and—"

"You pissed behind the shed?" Viv interrupted, trying not to laugh.

"Let me finish!" Ash said, half-laughing himself. "So I went behind the shed, but I didn't realise there was a hornet's nest like... right there. I got stung. On my ass. Three times. With my pants down."

Viv snorted. "Okay, that's not gross, that's just tragic."

"I bled a little," Ash added, sounding proud. "Made my cousin cry just from looking at it."

Viv laughed under his breath, the sound surprising even him. "That's messed up."

"Your turn," Ash said quickly. "Grossest thing. No backing out."

Viv groaned. "Ugh, fine. Okay... when I was like... twelve, I was eating this sandwich my brother made me, right? And it tasted weird, but I didn't say anything. Then he tells me halfway through that he wiped his nose on the bread before making it."

Ash gasped. "No!"

"Yeah." Viv cringed just thinking about it. "I threw up on his bed. That part was on purpose."

Ash burst out laughing, muffling it with his pillow. "That's so disgusting. And so deserved."

Viv felt himself smiling again. It was stupid, all of it, but it made the room feel a little warmer. It made the silence feel less heavy.

Ash shifted under his blanket. "Okay, next question—"

"Already?" Viv groaned.

"We're only on question three, slacker."

Viv rolled his eyes in the dark. "Fine. Hit me."

"Have you ever cheated?" Ash asked.

Viv blinked, surprised by the question. "What? No. Why would I cheat? I told you the other day I was a brainbox and my mother made me study constantly, so I pretty much had enough knowledge in my head to—"

Ash cut in gently, "No, I meant in a relationship."

The silence stretched between them, thick and a little awkward.

Eventually, Viv's voice came soft, almost reluctant. "I haven't cheated, but I've been cheated on."

"Really? By who?" Ash asked in utter surprise.

"My ex-girlfriend."

Ash hummed. "What was her name?"

Viv's tone sharpened slightly. "Why?"

"Curious."

Viv heaved a sigh. "Stephanie."

Ash snorted, "Sounds like a stripper's name."

Viv snarked back, "Guess you could say that."

"Why did she cheat on you?"

"Did she need a reason?" Viv asked, offended.

"I guess not."

Viv's voice dropped, more hurt beneath the words. "I don't know why she did it... but it was with my best friend at the time."

Ash let out a dramatic gasp "What the fuck? Are you serious? That's insane. When was this?"

"Last year."

"Were you angry?"

Viv thought for a moment. "I think I was more hurt. And then lonely, because I lost them both. Two people I was closest to, and suddenly I didn't talk to either anymore. It kinda hurt."

Ash's voice softened. "I'm sorry."

Viv gave a dry laugh. "Why? Did she cheat on me with you too?"

"Ew," Ash grimaced. "The day I kiss a girl is the day I know I've officially gone crazy."

Viv blinked, surprised. "...You're gay?"

Ash chuckled low. "Gay would imply that I'm a dude who likes other dudes."

"So you're a 'them' who likes other dudes?"

There was a pause, thick with silence, and Viv thought he'd messed it all up by being insensitive again. God, why did he have such a big fat mouth? He was about to apologise for being a dumb asshole again but then Ash suddenly burst out laughing, and Viv let out a relieved breath.

"Cute," Ash murmured when he had calmed down.

Viv did a double take in the darkness. "What?"

"Nothing. Anyway, next question."

"But I haven't even asked you one yet," Viv pointed out.

"Well, go on then," Ash said quickly.

Viv thought for a moment. He wanted to know the ins and outs of Ash's life, but for some reason, all that came out was, "have you ever been in a relationship?"

Ash was quiet for a while, but eventually said, "no."

"Really? Why not?"

Ash's voice was almost wistful. "I never met anyone I wanted to be in a relationship with."

"Oh."

Silence lingered again.

"But you've kissed somebody before, right?" Viv asked, curiosity breaking through.

Ash scoffed. "Obviously. I'm not a nun."

"Good," Viv muttered.

"Why's that good?"

"Because it would be lame if you hadn't."

Ash gasped. "Are you virgin-shaming me right now?"

Viv actually sat up at this and looked over at the other bed where Ash lay. "You're a virgin?"

Ash looked over at Viv and smirked. "Why do you sound so interested?"

Viv blinked, caught off guard by Ash's smirk. The room felt smaller somehow, the quiet between them suddenly charged. "I—what?" Viv stammered, trying to play it cool but failing miserably. "I'm not interested. Just... surprised, maybe."

Ash laughed softly, the sound warm in the dark. "Relax. It's not a big deal."

"Yeah, well, I guess I thought everyone here would be, I dunno, way more older and more mature than me."

Ash shrugged. "Maybe they are. Or maybe we're all just pretending."

Viv let out a breath, feeling some of the tightness in his chest loosen a little. "So, if you're not a nun, what's your story then?"

Ash's smirk softened into something quieter, almost thoughtful. "Guess you'll have to ask more questions to find out."

Viv smiled, a little spark flickering in the dark room. "You're really pushing for all twenty-one, huh?"

"Of course," Ash said with a grin. "I want to know the real you."

Viv laid back down but turned his head slightly, eyes narrowing in curiosity. "Alright, since you're so keen on questions... what do you look for in a guy?"

Ash paused, the grin fading just a little as he thought.

"I guess... someone who gets me. Like, really understands the stuff I don't say out loud.

Someone patient, not pushy. And yeah, someone who can laugh at the weirdness that is me.

" He glanced at Viv. "I don't want anyone fake or trying too hard. Just real."

Viv nodded slowly, surprised by how honest Ash sounded. "Sounds... kinda nice, actually. And kinda rare."

Ash chuckled. "Yeah, that too."

The quiet stretched between them again, but it didn't feel empty. It felt like the kind of silence that happens when you're sitting close to someone who might just get you.

Ash shifted a little, curiosity sparking in his eyes. "Okay, your turn. What do you look for in a girl?"

Viv blinked, caught off guard by the question.

He hesitated, then shrugged lightly. "I don't know.

.. I guess someone who's real, like you said.

Someone who's not all fake smiles and pretending.

Someone who can call me out when I'm being an asshole but still stick around.

" He glanced away for a moment, voice quieter.

"And someone who doesn't expect me to be perfect. Because I'm not."

Ash smiled softly. "Sounds fair."

Viv let out a short laugh. "Yeah, well... easier said than found."

Ash's eyes twinkled with mischief as he tilted his head. "Alright, what about guys? What do you look for in a guy?"

Viv froze for a second, caught completely off guard. He blinked and stammered, "What? I—I'm not gay, Ash."

Ash just grinned wider, clearly enjoying Viv's awkward reaction. "Relax, I'm just kidding."

Viv rolled his eyes and muttered, "Just go to bed, alright?" He pulled the blanket up a bit higher around his shoulders, hoping to end the conversation.

"No!" Ash snapped. "Come on, we were just getting into the good bits."

"Ash," Viv heaved a sigh. "Go to bed."

"But I'm not tired."

"Well I am and you're interrupting my beauty sleep."

"Please?"

Vic could practically hear the pout. A beat of silence passed. Then another. And the silence settled too heavily on his chest.

"...what do you like to do for fun?" Viv asked eventually, his voice a low murmur in the dark.

Ash turned slightly, surprised, but his voice stayed gentle. "Thought you told me to go to bed."

"I changed my mind," Viv muttered, eyes locked on the ceiling. "I'm allowed to do that."

There was a small pause, and then Ash chuckled. "You're weird."

Viv smirked faintly. "Takes one to know one."

Ash shifted under the blankets, then said, "I like reading."

"Boring," Viv muttered.

"It's fun!" Ash defended. "What do you do?"

"Skateboard," Viv said. "Or watch movies. Or go for a drive."

"I can't drive," Ash said.

"You're older than me. Why don't you know how to drive?"

"It's not a competition."

Viv lay back on his side, staring at the line of Ash's profile just visible in the dark. "Is Brad the only one who ever visits you here?" Viv asked, trying to sound casual, though he wasn't sure why he cared.

Ash blinked slowly, turning his head toward him. "No, my mother's been a few times. But she's usually busy at work, so Brad fills in." There was a pause before Ash tilted his head. "What about you? What about your parents?"

Viv hesitated, his jaw tightening. "My mother wouldn't be caught dead in a place like this."

Ash sounded surprised. "Even if her own son is here?"

"I'm barely her son," Viv muttered. "I'm her trophy."

"What about your dad?" Ash asked gently, like he wasn't sure Viv would answer.

"He's probably busy too. They don't care all that much. All I have is Matteo," Viv said, a little quieter, the tightness in his chest loosening just slightly at the thought of his brother.

"Is he coming tomorrow?" Ash asked, his voice hesitant.

"He should be."

"Right."

"Yeah." Viv exhaled, the word barely more than a breath.

Viv didn't say anything else.

He rolled onto his side again, away from Ash, but his brain didn't quiet down. Instead, it just got louder. He hated this. He hated how his chest felt weird and floaty. How his throat was tight for no reason. How he was still talking when he should've just gone to sleep an hour ago.

Viv never went out of his way to keep conversations going.

He didn't care enough to. Usually, if someone stopped talking, that was fine with him.

Less effort. But now he was doing this thing—asking questions, keeping his voice soft, offering pieces of himself in small, hesitant handfuls.

Not because he wanted to. Because he didn't want Ash to stop.

Didn't want Ash to shut down and turn away, like everyone else had.

It annoyed him—how far he was willing to bend for his stupid roommate.

He pulled his blanket tighter, jaw clenched. This wasn't him. He didn't chase people. He didn't comfort them or try to make them laugh. He didn't... care. But here he was, still wide awake, wondering if Ash was smiling again in the dark.

And hating that a part of him kind of hoped he was.