The Darkness Consumes

Chapter 15 Where is my brother?

Viv must've dozed off at some point, though he couldn't remember how. One second he'd been curled up in bed with his hoodie pulled tight around him, and the next, someone was gently shaking his shoulder.

"Viviano," Nurse Clara's voice was soft but firm. "Come on, dinner time."

His eyes cracked open to the dull ceiling above him. His limbs felt heavy, like they were glued to the mattress. Everything in him ached. Not physically, but in that exhausting way that made it hard to move, hard to care.

"I'm not going," he muttered hoarsely, voice barely above a whisper.

There was a pause. Then her sigh. "You have to eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"Skipping meals isn't going to help you feel any better," she said patiently.

He rolled onto his side, burying his face into the pillow, refusing to meet her eyes. "Don't care."

"Viv..."

"I said I'm not going," he snapped, voice muffled.

Another long pause. Then the scrape of the chair as she sat down beside him.

"You know I'll have to mark this down, right?" Clara said gently. "You don't have to eat everything, but you have to show up. That's part of the routine."

"Fine. Let it go down on my record," Viv muttered. "Let 'em all see how fucked I am."

There was no venom in his voice, just defeat.

Clara didn't argue. She didn't push. Just sat there quietly for a few moments, letting the silence breathe. The kind of silence that said I'm still here without needing to say it.

Viv curled tighter, pulling the blanket over his head like it could block out the whole world.

It felt like everything was pressing in on him.

There was too much going on. The four same walls around him, the weight of what he had said to Ash, the bitter taste of rejection, the stupid pills in his system messing with his head, the pressure from Matteo, Dr. Jacobs, everyone.

He couldn't win. Couldn't even function.

Couldn't even eat dinner. It felt like the whole world was against him.

Like he'd been drowning in it long before he even stepped foot in this place.

Clara finally stood with a quiet sigh, the scrape of her chair barely registering in Viv's ears. "Fine," she said, her voice even. "But I'm coming back to check on you later. Don't shut everyone out, Viv. Even when it feels like it's easier."

He didn't respond. Just stayed under the covers, waiting until the soft click of the door signalled she was gone. Then, slowly, he let himself go slack again, his body sinking deeper into the mattress like it was trying to swallow him whole.

Sleep came quicker this time.

The next time he opened his eyes, the light through the tiny window was brighter. Paler. Different. His head throbbed dully, and his limbs still felt heavy, but something told him it wasn't night anymore. He blinked, groggy and disoriented, then turned his head.

Ash's bed was empty.

The covers were pulled up neatly, no trace of him left behind. Them. No trace of them behind. Their pillow looked barely touched. Viv sat up slowly, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his sleeve. A tight pit settled low in his stomach.

Ash had gotten up without waking him. Without a word. Without even a glance in his direction. Viv stared at the empty bed across the small room, trying to ignore the cold weight of guilt that rolled over him like a slow tide.

There was a sharp knock at the door, followed by the sound of it creaking open. Viv didn't bother looking up.

"Time for breakfast," came a voice. It was male this time. It was Josh, one of the younger and newer nurses. Always chipper, always way too awake for this hour.

Viv groaned softly into his pillow, face still buried. "Not hungry."

Josh's footsteps padded a few steps into the room. "Don't make me write it down again, Viv."

Viv grumbled under his breath but forced himself to sit up. His body felt stiff, like it was resisting the idea of existing today. "Yeah, yeah. I'm going."

He dragged himself through the motions; pulling on a hoodie, shoving his feet into mismatched socks and the same pair of slippers he'd worn for weeks. His hair was sticking up weird, but he didn't care enough to fix it. He didn't even look in the mirror.

The hallway felt too bright. The chatter from the cafeteria grew louder as he got closer, like static against his brain. By the time he pushed through the doors, it already felt like he'd been awake for hours.

He scanned the room out of habit. His eyes automatically drifted to the corner where he and Ash always sat.

Ash was there. But not alone. He was sitting with Ava. She was laughing at something, twirling her hair like she always did when she was trying to be cute. Ash had a tray in front of him, barely touched. He wasn't smiling.

Their eyes met.

For a second, Viv forgot to breathe. He wanted to smile. To maybe give a small wave. To silently say: Hey... I'm sorry.

But Ash looked away. Quickly. Deliberately.

Viv's chest ached like someone had just stepped on it.

He turned and walked stiffly across the room, ignoring the knot of shame curling in his gut.

He picked the first empty table he could find and when a tray of food was dropped in front of him with a quiet thud, he didn't touch it.

He just stared at it, feeling that familiar, hollow numbness spreading inside of him again.

After breakfast, the low buzz of voices and shuffling trays gave way to the slow procession toward group therapy.

It was routine by now. Everyone filed out of the cafeteria like half-asleep ghosts, guided by habit more than intent.

Viv moved with them, hands in his hoodie pocket, shoulders hunched, trying not to glance too much in Ash's direction.

Ash walked ahead of him, a few people between them. He was talking quietly to Ava again, their heads tilted toward one another like they shared some kind of secret. Not once did he look back.

Not once.

Viv felt invisible.

Everyone took their usual seats, like assigned spots in an unspoken agreement.

Viv sat in his regular chair, third from the left.

Ash didn't sit beside him this time. Just went the opposite direction, dropping into the seat beside Ava, two full people separating him from Viv. Ash still didn't glance his way.

It stung more than Viv expected. He kept his gaze fixed on the floor, letting the other voices blur around him.

Dr. Julie welcomed everyone, as she always did, with her soft, composed tone.

She asked how they were doing, encouraged honesty, guided the conversation gently from one person to the next. Viv didn't pay much attention.

His thoughts were stuck in the mess of the night before and Ash's expression, the way their voice had sounded so full of hurt and anger. The way they looked at him now like he didn't even exist.

You really fucked it up this time, Viv.

"Viv?" Dr. Julie's voice broke through the haze.

He blinked and looked up. Her eyes were on him—warm, but expectant.

"Sorry," he muttered, rubbing at his face. "What?"

"I asked how you're feeling today. You seem... somewhere else."

Everyone's heads turned.

Viv felt the back of his neck flush hot. "I'm fine," he said quickly, too quickly.

She didn't look convinced. "You don't look fine."

He opened his mouth to argue, to say something sarcastic or brush it off like always, but his voice caught in his throat. Ash wasn't looking at him. And for some reason, that fact hurt more than being stared at by everyone else in the room.

"I just..." Viv started, then stopped. His jaw clenched. His voice softened. "I don't know what I'm supposed to say."

Dr. Julie gave a small nod, her voice gentle. "That's okay. You don't have to have the words yet. Just showing up is something."

Viv looked down at his hands in his lap, fidgeting with the sleeve of his hoodie. "It doesn't feel like enough."

Dr. Julie smiled. "Maybe not today. But some days, it will be."

Viv let out a quiet sigh, leaning back in his chair. "Look, I'm not trying to be difficult or whatever. I just want to get through this dumb group therapy so it can be visitation already."

Dr. Julie tilted her head slightly, not unkind. "Looking forward to seeing someone?"

Viv nodded, eyes fixed on a scratch in the tile floor. "My brother. Matteo. He said he's coming today."

There was a pause. A few people in the circle glanced his way, some curious, some indifferent, but Viv didn't care.

"He's the only one who actually gives a shit," Viv added under his breath.

Dr. Julie nodded, her tone thoughtful, but a look of pity flashed across her face too. "It's good to have someone like that. Someone who shows up."

Viv shrugged one shoulder. "He always has."

"Do you talk to him about how you're feeling?"

Viv scoffed. "Nah. He tries, but... I don't know. I'm not good at it."

Dr. Julie offered a small smile but Viv just stared straight ahead, jaw tight, chest heavy. In his peripheral vision, he could see Ash still sitting beside Ava, arms folded, face unreadable. No eye contact. No acknowledgement.

It made him feel smaller than ever.

"I just wanna get through this," Viv muttered again, this time quieter. "I just want to see him. That's all."

Viv sat stiffly in the visitation lounge, his knee bouncing with restless energy as he stared out the tall, wire-meshed window.

The clock on the wall ticked far too slowly.

Every few seconds, he glanced toward the main entrance like it might open magically, like Matteo would appear any second and everything inside him would unclench.

Ava's voice pierced through the fog. She squealed with excitement and practically skipped across the lounge to throw her arms around a tall man in a sharp suit who Viv assumed must be her dad.

They exchanged a few words, all smiles, and then left the room together like it was the most natural thing in the world.

Viv watched them go, jaw clenched, heart twisting with something sour and unnameable.

Maybe jealousy. Maybe just tiredness. It was hard to tell the difference lately.

He shifted his gaze across the room again and caught sight of Ash sitting on one of the sofas near the far wall, hunched forward, hands fidgeting in his lap. Viv's breath hitched. Even from a distance, he could tell Ash was tense. Waiting. Expectant. Hopeful.

Viv's chest ached.

Ash kept glancing up every time someone entered. The way his eyes lit up slightly and then dimmed again when it wasn't the person he was hoping for made Viv feel worse than he already did. He wondered if it was Brad.

The door creaked open again, and Viv shot to his feet automatically... but it wasn't Matteo. Just another staff member. His stomach sank.

Ash glanced up too. This time, he didn't look away when his eyes met Viv's. But there was no recognition in the look. No warmth. Just blankness. Like he was staring through him.

Viv sat back down, shoulders slumped, and pressed his forehead lightly against the cold glass of the window. He didn't want to be here. Not if it meant feeling like this. Not if it meant watching Ash look like a stranger.

More minutes dragged by like hours. Viv's foot was tapping now, a quiet, anxious rhythm against the tile floor. His eyes kept darting between the entrance and the clock. He'd been watching the second hand complete circles so long it was starting to blur.

Then the door opened again and this time, someone familiar stepped inside.

Brad.

Viv watched as Ash's face lit up. Ash said something, and Brad laughed, not obnoxiously, but loud enough for Viv to hear from across the room.

Viv swallowed hard.

Ash was smiling, head tilted in that shy way he always did when he was trying not to look too pleased. Brad leaned in close to whisper something and Ash's grin widened. Viv's stomach turned, and he dropped his eyes to his hands.

Fifteen more minutes passed. He looked up at the clock again. Then again at the door.

Still no Matteo.

He stood abruptly and crossed over to Nurse Carla, who was quietly organising some papers at the desk nearby. He didn't mean to sound as impatient as he did, but his voice came out tight and on edge anyway.

"Where's Matteo?" he asked. "He said he was coming. He's late."

Carla looked up, her expression softening when she saw the worry in his eyes. "Oh, Viv, uh..."

"Where is he? Has he called?" Viv asked.

"Well... Sometimes traffic can be unpredictable. Or maybe he got held up with work. He still has a bit of time left to sign in."

Viv shook his head. "No, he's always on time. Always. He—he wouldn't just forget."

"I'm sure he didn't," Carla said gently, though the look in her eyes betrayed her. She glanced around and looked at another nurse, almost as if she was looking for back up. "He might still come through that door."

Viv bit the inside of his cheek, forcing a nod even though he wanted to scream. His eyes flicked back over to Ash and Brad, still deep in conversation like the world hadn't cracked open inside Viv's chest. He turned away. His hands were shaking.

"Can you call him for me?" Viv asked, his voice brittle with anxiety. His fingers twisted the hem of his sleeve, knuckles pale from how hard he was gripping it. He couldn't stop fidgeting, couldn't stand still. His heart was thudding way too loud in his ears. He didn't feel too good.

Nurse Carla paused, clearly caught off guard. "Uh, that's not really—"

"Please, Carla?" Viv's voice cracked as he interrupted. "What if something's happened to him? He should be here by now. He never misses visitation time."

"I know," she said softly, her brows furrowing, "but—"

"Why are you doing this?" Viv's tone sharpened, not quite yelling, but urgent and raw. "Why can't you just call him?"

Carla took a small breath, clearly trying to stay calm, then nodded. "I'll see what I can do."

She turned and hurried off down the hall, but Viv didn't stay put—he followed quickly after her, his footsteps light but fast, like if he stopped moving he might fall apart.

"I wanna talk to him," he said, nearly breathless now, catching up to her.

Carla turned to him with gentle but firm eyes. "That's not possible, Viv. We're not allowed to—"

"He's my brother! I need to speak to him!" Viv's voice echoed faintly down the hallway. A couple heads turned in the distance.

Carla looked around nervously, then lowered her voice. "Why don't I go and get Dr. Jacobs, huh?"

"What for?" Viv demanded. "I haven't done anything wrong. I just want you to call Matteo and find out where he is!"

"And I will do that," Carla said quickly, holding a hand out in a calming gesture. "But I need you to wait in the rec room for me, okay?"

"But why?" Viv pleaded, eyes wide and rimmed with frustration. His voice was beginning to sound more like a scared kid than a pissed-off teenager.

"Because I'm not allowed to let you use the phone," she said, her voice steady.

"I won't use it," Viv swore, desperation pouring out of him. "I'll stay on the side. I swear."

"Viv," she said again, her tone more pointed now, "if you want me to call your brother, I'm going to have to ask you to wait in the room again. Please."

He stared at her for a moment longer, chest rising and falling too quickly. Then, finally, he dropped his gaze and gave a tight, reluctant nod. "Fine," he muttered. "Just... please tell me when you've spoken to him."

"I will," Carla promised. "Now go sit down, yeah?"

Viv dragged his feet all the way back to the rec room, every step heavier than the last. His jaw was clenched tight, and his fingers were balled up into fists inside the sleeves of his hoodie.

As he pushed through the door, the familiar noise of board games and soft chatter hit him—but it all felt like background noise, muffled and irrelevant.

Across the room, he spotted Ash and Brad sitting cross-legged on the couch again, the familiar green and yellow Snakes and Ladders board stretched out between them.

Brad was laughing at something, Ash grinning, relaxed.

It looked like the exact same scene from the other week, only now it felt wrong.

Distant. Viv didn't even try to meet Ash's eyes this time.

He wouldn't have been able to look away if he had.

He turned away and headed straight for the big window by the far wall, pacing back and forth in front of it like a caged animal.

The outside looked bleak, cloudy and cold.

Viv stared out into it but saw nothing. Every time he passed the window and turned back, he expected to see Matteo walking across the garden, or his reflection behind him—but there was no one.

His pacing grew more frantic, his breaths faster. His mind spun with worst-case scenarios, with what-ifs, with the hollow ache that always came back stronger when Matteo wasn't around to soften the blow.

"Viv?" a familiar voice said gently from behind him.

Viv flinched and turned. Dr. Jacobs had appeared in the doorway, hands in his pockets, concern lining his face. He stepped inside carefully, like approaching a skittish animal.

"You feeling okay?"

Viv stared at him, tense. He didn't answer right away. It felt like a trick question—like of course they'd send in the big guns now. First Carla refused to let him near the phone, now this? Now he had to come in and check if Viv was losing it?

"Why?" Viv said quietly, but sharply. "Did Carla send you? Am I being monitored now?"

Dr. Jacobs tilted his head. "No one's monitoring you. Carla just told me you were upset and I thought I'd check in."

Viv scoffed and folded his arms tightly across his chest. "Right. Because it takes you to check if I'm okay. Like the regular nurses aren't enough."

"No," Dr. Jacobs said, still calm. "Because I care about how you're doing. And I heard your brother didn't show up."

Viv looked away, throat tightening. He suddenly hated the way the doctor's voice was so gentle. It made the lump in his chest heavier. He didn't want kindness. He wanted answers. He wanted his brother. He wanted everything to stop feeling like it was crumbling beneath him.

"I'm fine," Viv muttered stiffly, glaring at the floor.

Dr. Jacobs lingered by the doorway, his expression unreadable but his posture relaxed, not closing the distance yet. "Okay," he said quietly. "Well, why don't you tell me what's going on?"

Viv didn't respond right away. His jaw clenched, fingers twitching as he rubbed them against each other. "I'm waiting for Matteo," he mumbled.

"And he isn't here yet?"

Viv threw his arms out in frustration. "Clearly!"

Dr. Jacobs kept his voice steady. "Maybe he's just busy today—"

"He's never busy! Never!" Viv's voice cracked like glass. "Where is he? Why isn't he here? I— I need..." He paused, his breath hitching, panic rising in his chest like a tide. "I wanna talk to him. I wanna talk to my brother. Please, can we—"

"Take a deep breath, Viv."

"No!" he barked, louder this time, his voice ricocheting off the walls. "Please. I just wanna see Matteo, okay? I just wanna see Matteo."

The entire rec room had fallen silent. Every other patient and visitor had turned to look at him. Conversations had died, board games abandoned mid-turn. Even Ash and Brad had stopped playing—Ash sitting frozen on the couch, brows furrowed, while Brad stared at Viv warily.

But Viv didn't notice. He was pacing again, fast and frantic, his shoes scuffing against the floor with each pass by the window. His hands flailed slightly, as if he didn't know what to do with them. His chest was heaving now, eyes glinting with unshed tears.

"Why don't we go into my office?" Dr. Jacobs said gently, taking one slow step forward.

"I don't wanna go anywhere!" Viv shouted. His voice broke again, high and raw. "I just want to see Matteo!" He could feel his throat tighten, heat rising behind his eyes. "Where is he?!"

"I don't know, Viv," Dr. Jacobs said, calmly but firmer now. "But I think we should go to my office so we aren't disturbing other people. What do you think?"

"I can't!" Viv gasped, shaking his head violently. "What if he comes here looking for me and then realises I'm not here and leaves?"

"If he ends up coming, Nurse Carla will come and get you immediately, I promise."

"No, I don't wanna go!"

The door suddenly opened again with a sharp click, and in stepped the nurse Viv hated. Broad shoulders, square jaw, and a permanent scowl—he stood like he was always waiting for someone to mess up. And when his eyes locked on Viv, Viv flinched.

"Please don't," Viv whispered, voice trembling. His whole body tensed.

"Viv," Dr. Jacobs said, raising a hand between them like a barrier. "Nothing's going to happen, okay? Everything is fine."

But it wasn't. Viv could feel it wasn't.

"Please... I just wanna see my brother," he whispered again, voice cracking under the weight of it as he tugged at the strands of his hair.

From the couch, Ash stood up slowly, uncertain. But before he could take a step, Brad's hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. He whispered something, probably don't get involved, but Viv couldn't hear them through the ringing in his ears.

"Why is everyone looking at me like I'm crazy?" Viv shouted, turning in a full circle to face the room. His voice was raw and breaking. "Please, I... I just wanna see Matteo. Where is he, Dr. Jacobs? Why isn't he here?"

"Viv," Dr. Jacobs said carefully, taking a slow step forward. "Let's go to my office and talk."

And then the male nurse moved. He stepped forward like it was nothing, like Viv wasn't in the middle of a breakdown. Like he wasn't about to explode.

"Don't touch me!" Viv barked, stumbling backward.

"Let's go, kid," the nurse muttered gruffly, and reached out to grab his arm.

"No!" Viv shrieked, twisting violently, trying to pull free. His eyes were wide with panic now, brimming with tears, his chest heaving in rapid, shallow breaths.

"Viv!" Dr. Jacobs said, urgently now. "Steve, no. Let go of him!"

But the nurse's hand (who Viv now knew as Steve) tightened, and Viv felt it like a trap snapping shut.

"Get off me!" Viv yelled out. He bucked against Steve's grip, struggling with everything he had, adrenaline flooding his veins like fire. All around him the rec room had exploded into noise again—chairs scraping, people calling out, the familiar chaos of something going wrong.

But all Viv could feel was that hand on his arm and the fact that Matteo wasn't here. No one was here. No one but the wrong people.

Viv thrashed as the nurse's grip tightened around his arm, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt. "Let go of me!" he cried, voice raw with panic. "I didn't do anything! I just wanna see my brother!"

"Stop resisting," Steve growled under his breath, dragging Viv toward the hallway like he was nothing more than a problem to be removed. His shoes scraped against the linoleum floor, arms flailing uselessly as he twisted in the nurse's grip.

"Dr. Jacobs!" Viv shouted behind him, desperate, begging for someone to make it stop. "Tell him to let go of me! Please—please!"

"Viv—!" Dr. Jacobs' voice followed behind, but it was distant now, tangled in a blur of noise and panic.

As they passed the couches, Viv's eyes darted around the room, frantic and searching. And then he locked eyes with Ash.

Ash stood frozen where he was, still half-turned from where he'd tried to stand up earlier.

His face was pale, stunned, but there was something else there too—something soft and heavy and unbearable.

Guilt. His jaw was tight, lips parted slightly like he wanted to say something, but no sound came out.

Viv's heart cracked wide open at the sight of him. "Ash!" he shouted, breath hitching. "Do something! Please!"

Ash didn't move. Didn't speak.

He just stood there, staring, his arms limp at his sides and his face carved with something that looked almost like regret. Something broken.

And then Viv was gone—ripped from the room and pulled down the hallway, his cries echoing behind him like something wounded and wild.