Chapter 18
CHAPTER 18
I’ ’m far too excited to sleep, even after I return to my rooms. I’m certain it’s just the prospect of Eryx finally letting me in. It doesn’t have anything to do with seeing more of his monster form. Or being in close proximity to that rumpled hair, arrogant features, or chiseled body.
I’m much too practical for that.
Still in my nightgown, I traverse to the parlor, unable to stay turning in bed any longer. I seat myself at my desk, reach for the lamp, and procure a fresh page of parchment.
I’m not quite sure where the letter will go, all I know is that I have this desire to write to my sister. Probably because I need to soften her up for once I finally have the information I need to expose Eryx.
Dear Alessandra (or must I address you as Your Majesty in private, too?),
Only as I write this do I realize that we’ve spent so much of our lives conversing through letters. We’ve always written to each other on birthdays and special occasions. Or when we had something to gloat about.
I would like to change that.
I’m not writing to you today to gloat or send along fake well-wishes. I’m not entirely sure why I’m writing at all. But I enjoyed seeing you at your wedding. Though the words we exchanged were brief, they felt real, and I would like for there to be more of that between us.
So here is my attempt to share more real words.
· I love reading. It’s my favorite activity. I prefer romance and action in my stories, everything that my life is not, I suppose.
· I adore living out in the country. My garden is one of my favorite places. I like to smell the flowers and watch the butterflies.
· One of my servants has a little boy of four years, and he’s such a delight. I’m teaching him to play the piano. He likes to help me pick wildflowers or joins me on walks through the property.
· Feeling safe and in control are two things I’ve come to cherish.
This all probably sounds very simple to you. You’re ruling a country, and I admire that you have the stomach for that. I’ve always wanted a life that is free from scrutiny. I am content to finally have it.
If you have the time, I would love to hear from you.
Sincerely,
Chrysantha
I read through the letter several times, trying to decide if I should actually send it. Will she laugh in my face? Will she even read it? I suppose I won’t know unless I try.
When Doran wakes, I’ll send him off with it.
I spend the rest of the wee hours of the morning reading. I’m not entirely sure what our first monster training lesson should be like. It’ll obviously be much different from any other lesson we’ve had before. How am I to get Eryx to open up to me while thinking I’m helping him?
I expect something will come to me when it’s time.
Yet, as I take the stairs down for breakfast, I glance out the large windows leading to the east side of the manor, only to see Eryx striding toward the woods.
I groan and roll my eyes. It’ll surely be ages before he returns. He’s likely off to see what’s become of Argus and Dyson. They have yet to return, and it’s possible something went wrong.
My staff doesn’t seem to take note of the way I barrel through my breakfast. I rise from my chair as I’m placing the last bite into my mouth. Time is of the essence. I gather my skirts in one hand as I bolt for the library. Once I reach the doors, I spin about, eyeing the hallway right and left.
The two times I dreamed of Eryx, I was in the library. I’m almost certain that this has to do with the proximity to where Eryx is sleeping. For why else would he not take the master bedroom? He feared appearing in my dreams every night and not getting any sleep. Which means he must be near enough to this spot without being too near the servants.
The kitchens are to the right, far down the hallway. The servants’ quarters are beyond that. So he can’t be staying anywhere in that direction. To the left is my parlor, the entryway, the dining room, the receiving room, and ballroom.
He can’t be sleeping in any of those. I or the staff would surely have noticed.
If I travel up a floor, I’m met with the guest rooms, which I’ve already searched.
So what else does that leave?
Deciding I need to think outside the box, I head outdoors and look at the library windows. As I scan the estate from the outside, I wait for a burst of inspiration.
Nothing is forthcoming.
Has the man built himself a burrow in the woods? Surely that would put him too far from the library, not to mention the house in general.
I start to walk, taking in the beautiful flowers and well-maintained trees. Since hiring back one of the groundskeepers, the exterior of the estate is looking much better.
I halt in my tracks as I spot the wooden doors almost at ground level.
The cellar.
Surely not.
I approach the lock fastened across the doors with growing trepidation. He couldn’t possibly. It’s unhygienic and likely full of spiders and why is he making me go into the cellar?
My skeleton key fits into the lock without so much as a whine as I turn it. Darkness lurks far below, where the sun doesn’t reach. It’s the one part of the manor that wasn’t updated with electricity. There was little reason for it.
But I spot a lantern hanging on a hook just inside. The interior is full of oil while the exterior hasn’t a speck of dust anywhere to be seen.
Someone is certainly using the room.
I light it, then begin my careful trek down into the cold area. Rows and rows of shelves house wines and food storage. Most of it is coated in dust, though a path has been worn along the ground. Evidence of foot traffic.
The room keeps going and going. I’ve never had cause to come through here before, and I really hope this is my last visit as I spot a fifth cobweb.
I try to orient myself as I imagine what the floor above me looks like. The servants’ quarters would be back that way. Then here are the kitchens. Yes, I can hear a slight commotion above me as the staff work to clean breakfast and prepare lunch.
That means the library would be about…
I round a corner and come to a standstill.
Someone has laid out floorboards on the ground to cover the dirt. A plain mattress with a white comforter rests right on the ground. And as I step into the space, I catch a smell.
That of the earth after a storm.
He’s been living here, between two shelves of canned fruits. I am horror-struck. I wouldn’t dream of letting one of my servants sleep in such a place, yet he has been hiding down here in an attempt to keep me from learning his secret. Were his accommodations in Dimyros better or worse than this? Why do I care?
A broom lies off to the side, to keep the floorboards clean. A small chest nearby reveals another pair of pants and a handful of shirts. Next to a bucket of water, I find a handheld mirror, a razor, and soap.
Good gods.
And then, as I survey the far side of the room, I find a single piece of parchment, staked to the wall with a dagger similar to the one Eryx keeps sheathed on his person.
When I approach, I’m able to read the scribblings.
BEMUS ANDRIS
TARASIOS KAZAN
URIAN STRATOS
TYPHUS VALIS
CALLISTUS LIAKOS
KYMUS PANOS
The first two names are the lords who have gone missing, the ones mentioned in the paper, as reported by Karla and Tekla. Has the king managed to cover up the rest? I try to recall if I saw any of these men at the ball. I don’t think I did, but it’s hard to be sure. I continue to read.
ORESTES SARKIS
GENERAL KAISER
The next two names stand out in stark relief. I know them. Sarkis is who Eryx assumed poisoned him. It’s the man who has been blackmailing him. And I just met the general last night at the ball.
His name has been crossed out, the line of ink darker than those before it.
Because it was struck out last night.
This is a hit list.
Also in dark ink is a new name that’s been added, written sideways along the margins because there’s no more room.
ZOSIMO BARLAS
My body goes hot all over.
Eryx added this name last night. After the earl mistreated me. Even though Eryx broke the man’s wrist. He said it wasn’t enough.
Clearly, he meant it.
And I feel light, as though I could float. I feel my heart surge as though it is growing. Those butterflies flutter in my chest as I think of the man who wants to protect me, even though he’s so desperate to be rid of me.
And then my eyes finally reach the very bottom of the list to take in the last name.
KALLIAS MAHERAS
I start laughing uncontrollably.
So much is finally coming together. The reason why Eryx was so opposed to me being in the house with him. The reason why he wasn’t sleeping in the duke’s chambers. The way he so readily agreed to attend the wedding with me.
He needed the title of duke to get close enough to these men. So he could end them. He ran off at the wedding so he could dispatch the general. Argus and Dyson are burying his body somewhere, hoping it won’t be found.
And Eryx has only two names to go if I exclude Barlas. Sarkis, who, for some reason, has evaded Eryx all this time despite his abilities, and the king .
Just how does he expect to get away with the last one? And who’s going to rule the country after that?
Well, Alessandra would, but she and the king have no heirs. There wouldn’t be anyone to pass the kingdom on to. Not to mention the huge target on Alessandra’s back without Kallias around to protect her.
I’m not really concerned for my sister. She can clearly handle herself. I’m not even too upset at the thought of the king dying.
It’s Eryx’s arrogance. What the hell does he think he’s doing? He can’t get away with this. This is stupid and ridiculous. And why? What have all these men possibly done to him? He’s only been in town for a few months!
It must have something to do with Eryx’s time in the army. What other connection could the general have possibly had to Eryx? And Kallias controls the army, so that must be the connection between all the men.
Still, I memorize the name Orestes Sarkis. I will have Kyros run the name by Mr. Tomaras for further investigation. Maybe he can find the exact connection to Eryx.
Then I pick up my skirts and head back out the way I came. I’ve no desire to be caught, and I have much to think about.
I MAKE MYSELF COMFORTABLE in the flower garden, where I have a clear view of the woods, and wait. For once, they don’t disappoint me.
Approximately three hours later, the world’s dumbest trio emerges.
They’re streaked with dirt and blood and devils know what else. Eryx single-handedly drags a large buck behind him, its eyes closed in death.
“We’re having venison for supper!” Eryx calls out as they approach, then veers for the kitchens.
“It’s a good cover story,” I praise. “You’re finally getting good at the whole ‘deception’ thing. When you’re finished cleaning the general’s blood off you, don’t forget we have our first monster training session.”
Argus mutters a very naughty word, and Dyson exclaims, “How! How does she know that?”
Eryx smacks Dyson’s chest, warning him to be quiet.
“When are you idiots going to realize that I’m an asset to you? You’d be smart to keep me close, rather than try to shut me out of your schemes. And before you suggest killing me again, Argus, I’ve informed my sister that if anything happens to me, you’re the first person she should question.”
It’s a bald-faced lie, but it shuts the man up.
“What do you want now, Chrysantha?” Eryx asks, his face calm.
“I’m not threatening you. Believe it or not, everything I do is not a ploy. I merely wanted to offer a suggestion.”
“And what’s that?”
“Plant evidence of the general’s murder on Lord Barlas. He was seen talking to the general at the ball, and the man has it coming.”
With that, I walk inside the manor, leaving the three of them to clean up.
W HEN E RYX FINALLY COMES TO find me, he’s wearing one of his new pairs of pants. It’s a simple black pair but sewn in a fashionable style. He wears a white long-sleeved shirt, rolled up to his elbows.
“Hmm. Yet another reason why one should own more than two pairs of pants,” I say.
“To replace pairs that get ruined after murder?”
“Precisely.” I grin.
Eryx is astonished. “How can you joke about this? You clearly know I just killed someone. That doesn’t have you fazed even slightly?”
“I’m sure you had your reasons.”
“I think perhaps you should see a doctor.”
I arch one brow.
“Something is wrong with you. You don’t react in fear when you know a literal monster is standing across from you. You don’t blink at the thought of murder. I’m starting to think you’re not human.”
I scoff as I look around my parlor, then reach for my teacup. “Maybe you’ve just never trusted anyone with your secret. Of all the people who have figured it out on their own, how many rejected you?”
“Including you? Two.”
Sarkis must be the other one.
“That’s my point, though,” I say. “I don’t reject you because of what you are. I hate your role in my life. That’s entirely different. Besides, we’re here to change that. You need to learn to trust me.”
“If you were to break that trust, you could ruin everything.”
“Your petty revenge schemes rank low on my list of priorities.”
“Is that what you think I’m doing? Killing men who hurt my feelings?”
“Is it not?”
Eryx grits his teeth. “General Kaiser was a selfish prick who treated his men worse than dogs. Good men died who didn’t need to because he was given far too much power with little supervision.”
Power that Kallias Maheras gave him.
“And now you’ve set that to rights.”
He nods proudly.
“Did you mean to kill him? Or did you let the monster out?” I ask, even though I already know it was premeditated. I’m covering my tracks, lest he suspect I found where he’s sleeping.
“It was intentional.”
“Has it ever… not been intentional?”
His silence is answer enough.
“This is why you need me. I can help you.”
I expect him to argue or flee from the room without another word. Instead, he surprises me. He sits opposite me, on the second sofa across the tea table.
He’s finally admitting he needs help. Or he’s trusting me. Either way, I need to encourage this.
“Can you help me to understand? What happens when you lose control?” I hope it’s a safe question. I need to ease him into this.
Eryx bites the inside of his cheek, then glances at the ground. “The monster is all my baser instincts. He is the worst thoughts I’ve ever had. He wants to take. Take anything he fancies, take any life that inconveniences him or threatens what’s his.”
“I think I can follow that.”
“The problem is when the monster and I want the same thing. In the case of the general, we both wanted him dead. Keeping the monster at bay is nearly impossible then.”
“But you were talking to him. Your eyes weren’t glowing then.”
“The monster isn’t completely stupid. He can bide his time as long as he knows he’ll get what he wants. It’s when I get enraged or—” He cuts himself off. “When I get enraged, I shift.”
“I’ve seen you shift when you’re not angry.”
“This is embarrassing, and I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just focus on the—”
“You also shift when you are impassioned. Just say it. There’s nothing embarrassing about that.”
“Impassioned. Such a delicate way of putting it.”
I narrow my eyes. “You’re the one embarrassed, not me. I thought only to protect your delicate sensibilities.”
“Very funny.”
“I’m not trying to be. Men are the most sensitive individuals I have ever met, yet they claim it is women who are always close to hysterics. I can confidently say the reverse is true. Now, let me see if I understand this correctly. If you experience really strong emotions or have an intent that’s aligned with your baser instincts, you have a hard time not shifting.”
“Yes.”
I think for a moment. “Which is your true form?”
“They both are. I was born looking human. The shifting came as I got older.”
“And it’s a result of…?”
“Nice try. We’re not there yet.”
I smile. Yet. That’s a good sign.
“All right,” I say. “What have you tried doing to rein yourself in in the past?”
“Everything.”
“Such as?”
“Pain. Inebriation. Distractions. Things like that.”
“What kind of distractions?”
“Argus or Dyson will try to take my mind off what is setting me off.”
“And does that work?”
“Not really.”
I cross my arms. “ You need to be what calms the monster. Not them. You will only gain control over him when he sees you as the one in charge.”
“Now you’re the monster expert?”
“No, but I know about impulses. I’ve spent years mastering my own. Do you think I enjoyed playing a simpleton? Do you think I didn’t want to verbally assault men when they would belittle me? I had to be in charge. I had to keep my end goal in mind. Surely this is no different.”
He purses his lips. “If it were that simple, I would have figured it out before.”
“What brings you peace?”
“What?”
“Peace. The opposite of war? Is there a place or thing or person that makes you feel whole? Calm?”
“A person? Definitely not. I’ve never been in a place that was peaceful. My whole life there’s been danger.”
“What about a future goal? Something you’re trying to attain?”
He thinks a moment. “I suppose I am trying to achieve peace in my own life.”
“By killing?”
“Among other things.”
“And what’s the end goal? When will you be done and your life perfect?”
“When my enemies are dealt with, then I can finally rest.”
I examine the dark circles under his eyes. “Then think of that. Imagine you’re finally at rest because the work is done. And that can be achieved only if you stay in your human form.”
“This is ridiculous.”
“You being unable to control your emotions is ridiculous. You’re like a child, throwing tantrums.”
“I am nothing like—”
“Killing people who upset you because you know no other way to deal with your problems.”
“They deserved—”
“No one can even blame you with the upbringing you had. First your grandfather abandoned your mother, then your mother abandoned you. You will continue the cycle. It’s all you know.”
His eyes glow amber. “I know what you’re trying to do, and it won’t—”
“Why didn’t you kill your grandfather? He was all that stood between you and wealth. Why let nature take its course? You knew the kind of man he was, yet you let him continue on. Let him continue on with me—”
His black-purple horns sprout from his head. I might feel guilty for pushing Eryx in this way, but I’ll do him no favors by coddling him.
“You have no honor. No sense of justice unless it directly benefits you. Firing people from the estate to protect your secrets. Stealing this dukedom away from me because you think you’re more deserving. You probably wouldn’t have even stepped in to save me from Lord Barlas if it hadn’t been your fault in the first pl—”
He growls and launches forward, leaping clean over the tea table without hitting a single cup. He lands before me and covers my mouth with the palm of his hand.
“For once will you shut up?”
I slap him away. “Not until you shift back. Find your peace. Think about the goal.”
He slams his eyes closed, and I keep talking. “Your father didn’t care about you or your mother. You’re probably what scared him away.”
His eyes crinkle from the attempts to block me out.
“Argus and Dyson only stick around because they owe you. They don’t actually care about you. They told me they hate that they’re bound to you.”
He cracks open one eye. “That’s ridiculous.”
Fine, he wants me to play dirtier. I can do that. “I don’t actually care about helping you. I only don’t want you to embarrass me because our names are tied together. If you go down, then I do, too.”
His eyes fly open. A hand reaches behind him to adjust the back of his pants, which tells me his tail has sprouted and he needs more room.
“Focus!” I shout at him. “How hard is it to do one simple thing, Eryx? Just don’t be a monster. Be what you need to be to find your peace.”
His mouth snaps at me, stopping just shy of my neck. An audible click sounds from where he stopped himself at the last second.
“I told you this would be dangerous,” he says on a growl.
“And I told you I’m not scared of you. Control yourself. How do you expect to run a dukedom when you can’t even keep your eyes brown? Will you kill all our tenants when you inevitably reveal yourself to them?” I hurl the accusations at him, unsure if they’re meant to convince him or me of his faults. “The first woman who pushes you too far, begging for a dance at the next party—will she meet your wrath? How many innocent lives will you take so that you can keep your secret?”
“Apparently, all of them except yours.”
In the seconds it takes me to parse that out, Eryx finally catches himself. He shifts back to a perfectly normal, albeit far too handsome for his own good, man. We should feel accomplished. He did it. Yet I feel as miserable as he looks.
“We’re not doing this again,” he says.
I stare at his back as he leaves.