The Dating Debacle

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

I spin the gold-plated ring on my middle finger.

We are at brunch, Lucy, Briar, and I.

I think it’s time to spill the beans about Ben.

Ben has been flat-out ignoring me, even though he was the one who started and stopped that kiss. I mean, it was for good reason, and I don’t even know how I feel about it all, but still.

I want my friend back, and I need help.

Lucy has been giving us the details on her latest pitch, which went off without a hitch because obviously it’s Lucy and she rocks. She’ll land the account. She always does.

I don’t know anyone in my life who works as hard as her. She’s an inspiration. If you want it, you can have it - with hard work. That’s her motto.

Briar talks about the kids in her class and then lets us in on the new guy at the yoga studio that she is crushing on. She tells me I should attend a yoga class for one of my dates. I rub the tops of my thighs, my quads tight from yesterday’s yoga class and all the dancing the night before. I didn’t think that through–two workouts in one day. My metabolism is probably freaking out. I need some hash browns.

I tell the girls about my date with Blake.

“You need a one-nighter,” Lucy declares.

Briar laughs.

“No!” I say, not really convincing myself or Lucy.

There’s no more avoiding Ben and our kiss. I need to tell them.

“So… there’s something that actually happened with Ben the other night…”

“Wait, what?” Lucy asks. “I want details, and why are we only hearing about this now?” Her eyes narrow at me.

Briar perks up in her chair, leaning in.

I sit back, feeling slightly defeated over the situation. I can’t explain these feelings.

“Ben kissed me.” I put it out there, plain and simple. It’s off my chest, but why don’t I feel better?

Lucy’s eyes widen in surprise. “I knew it!”

“You knew what?”

“He likes you,” she says. “He’s liked you since you first started working there.”

“That’s not true, and anyway, it’s messed everything up. He regrets it, and now he’s evading me at work.”

Briar’s expression changes. I can tell she feels bad for me. Pity is the last thing I want.

“I just want Ben back, how we were,” I say.

“First, tell us everything,” Lucy says.

I start by explaining how Ben wanted to go for dinner and how I agreed. It’s not like we have never hung out before. I tell them about the little flirts and about him grabbing me from behind, how he almost kissed me right outside my door.

Lucy groans. “Well, nothing happened!”

My cheeks flush. I avoid her eyes.

“What is it? There’s more you’re not telling us.”

“When we got into my apartment, he grabbed my face and just kissed me.”

Briar speaks softly, “How was it?”

“Honestly, it was hot,” I mutter, avoiding both their gazes. “So lately, um, I guess I have started feeling a little of the feels when he’s around.”

“Babe, why haven’t you said anything?” Briar asks.

“I don’t know, I just don’t really know if I want to go there. And until the other night, I didn’t know Ben wanted to go there either. Plus, I have this contract, and I’m writing again. And although some of my dates sucked, I kinda like this whole dating thing. I’ve never done this before.”

“So, what happened after the kiss?” Lucy prods.

I shrug. “He just suddenly stopped and apologized. He said it was a mistake. He told me he likes me, but he doesn’t think this will work while I’m dating other people. I didn’t say much, but I agreed with him that I am under contract, and I do actually want to date people. We hugged, and he left. We haven’t spoken since.”

My heart sinks. I feel bad about the other night. Guilt has been running through me, but I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t ask Ben to kiss me. I mean it was great, no one has ever kissed me like that. I touch my lips where he left a memory of his on mine.

I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. I can’t figure out what I want. But I know what I have to do.

“I want my friend back. How do I get him back as a friend?”

“Is that actually what you want?” Briar asks.

“I don’t know, but that’s what I need right now.”

Lucy plays with her fork. “This guy likes you, Sofia. He’s liked you for a long time. And you just told him you’re not interested in him because you want to date other people. That’s got to be hard on him, don’t you think?”

My stomach sinks. I hadn’t thought of it that way. How would I feel? I’d hate it. I didn’t know Ben felt this way, how could I when he’s the one asking about my dates.

Our food arrives, and I am saved from answering. Eventually, though, I broach the subject again.

“What do I do, guys?”

They exchange a look between them. They do this, and they know I hate it. This means that they don’t technically agree with my decision but will help me anyway.

“You need to talk to him,” Lucy says quietly.

“Ugh, can I just act like it never happened? Just go back to normal, as if it was last week.”

“You know that can’t happen without a talk.”

Lucy’s right, but I pout anyway. I don’t like confrontation.

Briar hoists an eyebrow. “I can’t believe he kissed you.”

“I know, me either, actually.”

“But you liked it?” she asks.

“I did.” I think back to the way his eyes hooded as he came towards me or how he licked his lips after he parted from mine. I feel a little sadness overcome me that I choose to ignore, and I shove the memory away. “Anyway, I have to keep dating. I think I might reach out to that cook I was talking to.”

Even as I say the words, guilt coils in my stomach. Ben deserves better. He deserves someone who wants him with his whole heart.

Briar smiles. “The chef sounds nice.”

Lucy laughs. “Apparently, our girl here doesn’t want nice.”

I laugh but smack her in the arm playfully.

“I want sizzle,” I say.

“Who doesn’t?” Lucy agrees. “Maybe he will cook for you?”

“That’d be sweet,” Briar says.

I nod in agreement.

We each have another mimosa, order another plate of bacon, and agree to go to another yoga class next week with Briar to check out this man-bun yogi. She sounds elated.

I walk through the front door of Plants, Pottery & Books, holding the yellow box from the donut shop down the street. I decided donuts would be the icebreaker. If in doubt, bring food. Although this is the second time this week I brought Ben donuts. But it should do the trick. Some chocolate and sugar couldn’t make the situation between Ben and me any worse, that’s for sure.

I can feel the tension coming from Ben when he spots me. His brows furrow. He looks down at the box I’m holding, and I can see his demeanor shift…slightly.

“Hey,” I say as I approach him slowly, like a lion approaching its prey.

I’m nervous. I haven’t been able to get that kiss out of my head since it happened, despite the attempts at locking it up in the tiny little box in the back of my mind.

I can see Ben contemplating his words. The shop is empty, and there’s nothing between us except a giant cactus. I make my way around it, coming up to Ben. I put the box of donuts down and open it for Ben to see his favorites sitting there, facing him.

“You must be their most frequent customer,” Ben declares, looking up from the donuts and finally making eye contact with me.

I smile. Okay, donuts were the right option.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” I reply. “As a matter of fact, I think they just like the fact that I provide comic entertainment by embarrassing myself every time I go in there. Their display cabinet glass is too clean, and I whack my forehead on it every time.” I can see Ben starting to smile.

“Maybe learn to keep some distance between yourself and the donuts,” he says, shrugging his shoulders but holding back a smile.

Phew.

Ben takes the cinnamon-covered donut, and I internally sigh with relief. I was really craving the lemon one.

The clock behind the counter shows that I have five minutes before I need to take over for Emily at the bookshop.

I close the box.

“Thanks,” Ben replies, holding his donut up in a cheers kind of way.

I watch him bite into it and stand back, looking around the room, avoiding his mouth altogether.

“So…” I start, not sure where to go from here. “About the other night…”

“No worries, Sof. It was a bad idea. Let’s just move on from it.”

I can see a touch of sadness cross his face. I can feel the same sadness throughout my body, from my head down to my toes.

He’s right.

Bad idea.

We couldn’t possibly start something now. We’re friends anyway, and I don’t want to lose that. Although a part of me worries that I already have. My mind drifts as I think about what it would like to date Ben. He’s sweet. He really is a great guy. He’s kind, playful, and respects me. What is wrong with me? Why am I not jumping at the chance to be with him? No. It’s settled, we’re friends. I have to put my career in front of love right now. But wait, my career is love right now. Is there a way to try things out with Ben? I halt all incoming thoughts and decide that Ben deserves someone who will put in as much as he would. I can’t do that right now. I don’t want to. Timing is everything, and now is not the time. It’s decided.

“Okay, I’m happy you are my friend, Ben.” I force a smile, and I see him do the same. We just need time. Time to forget how my hips kept trying to meet his as his hands were trailing down the sides of my face in a way only someone who cares about you does. Okay so my mind has decided, but it might take my body a little longer to agree.

“Same,” he says, finishing his donut.

Okay, good talk. It’s a start.

“I’ll see you later?” I ask as I walk towards the back of the store.

He nods and gives a small wave.

In the bookshop, Emily is on her phone. She hangs up as I approach the counter, her eyes widening as she sees the box of donuts.

“Oh! What kind did you get?” she asks excitedly. She opens it up and grabs the lemon one. Damn.

“Wasn’t sure you’d want one,” I say, taking the one covered in sprinkles.

There’s never a bad time to eat sprinkles, but I’m eyeing the lemon one she just bit into. I’m having food envy again. This happens a lot. Maybe too often.

“I’m going to the gym, so I need some energy. Was a late-night last night.”

My eyebrows lift, questioning. “Oh?”

“Girls night.” She replies. No follow-up needed. “How are the dates going?” she asks, leaning her elbows on the counter.

“I went dancing. It was fun.”

“Dancing, like to a bar for a date?” she asks, wrinkling her nose.

“Not a bar-bar, well, not initially,” I say. “We had a salsa dance class and then had a drink.”

“Ooh, sounds like a sexy night.”

“Meh, no spark,” I reply, taking another bite.

“Ah, too bad. Maybe the next one,” she says enthusiastically.

I nod. “Maybe.”

But I’m thinking about the spark with Ben.

No, stop it.

I decide then and there. I can’t keep going back to that kiss.

I pull out my phone, ready to swipe more. But first, I need to message the cook.

Emily grabs her bag. “Well, I’m off. Thanks for the donut, Sof. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Have fun at the gym,” I say, settling behind the counter. I open the App and hit reply to the chef’s latest message.

Booklover (Sofia): I would love to meet up sometime. What did you have in mind?

GourmetFoodie (Ty): Hey Booklover, been a few days. How are you?

Oh, yeah. Maybe he’s already moved on to someone else. I hadn’t thought about that.

Booklover (Sofia): Hey, yeah. Sorry, I’ve been slow at responding. I’ve been good though .

Am I supposed to tell him I was on a date with someone else or that I kissed my friend?

No!

And no!

I can hear Lucy in my head, mentally answering me.

GourmetFoodie (Ty): Good to hear. Life gets busy, I understand.

Booklover (Sofia): Yeah, and just at work now.

GourmetFoodie (Ty): I’m headed there myself in a few minutes, but I’d love to cook you dinner if you’re interested.

I light up probably more than I should, but dating is kind of exciting.

Booklover (Sofia): That sounds great.

GourmetFoodie (Ty): Great, how’s tomorrow night?

Booklover (Sofia): Perfect. Do I meet you at your restaurant?

GourmetFoodie (Ty): I’m off tomorrow. Why don’t you come to my place? Do you have any allergies?

It’s thoughtful of him to ask if I have any allergies. Not that I do, but I’ll give him brownie points there.

Booklover (Sofia): No allergies. Sure, what’s your address?

Ty sends me his address, and we confirm the time. I open the friend group chat with Lucy and Briar and give them the basic details.

Lucy: Nice, a girl’s got to eat.

Me: Lol

Briar: That’s nice. Which restaurant does he work at?

Me: Um, I’m actually going to his place. He’s off tomorrow night.

Lucy: No, you’re not!

Briar: You can’t go to some strange guy’s house Sofia.

Me: What’s the big deal?

Lucy: Do you not listen to murder podcasts?

Me: No, no I don’t. Guys, I’ll be fine. I’ll text you his address and I will follow up while I’m there. I’ll just go to the washroom and message you.

Briar: You better.

Lucy: I’ll be sitting by my phone, baseball bat in hand. You better update us.

Me: Come on, Lucy. A baseball bat, really? Do you even own one? Lol

Lucy: Yes, and I’m not afraid to use it.

Me: Plus, you guys have my SNAPCHAT Location, so you can track me. If you see me going for a swim in the river, know that I am not swimming, and my body might have been pushed overboard.

Briar: Not funny, Sof.

Me: I’ll be fine, but thanks for the concern.

A young woman enters the bookstore, eyeing me as she sees me texting.

I smile at her. “Hi.”

She replies, ‘Hi,’ not making eye contact, and makes her way to the young adult section.

Me: Guys, I’ve got to go. I have a customer. Talk later! xo

I put my phone down and approached the girl.

“Can I help you find anything?” I asked in my friendly, customer service voice. I didn’t think I had ‘that voice,’ but Ben laughs at me and tells me I do. He says I ‘turn it on’ as soon as someone walks in.

“Just looking.” Her fingers trail the spines of the books as she looks at them one by one.

“I’ve got a great enemy to lovers, a fantasy that just came in by the front desk. Looks like a fun read,” I say. “It’s by a local author.”

Her expression perks up.

“Sure, I love fantasy.”

“I’ve got an entire table of them here, but this is the new one.” I pick up one of the copies that was just brought in. My hand glides over the dark cover.

She takes it and scans the back cover. She opens it up to the author’s bio. “I want to be a fantasy writer one day,” she admits.

I smile. I know what that feels like.

“That’s great,” I say. “You should totally do that.”

“I’ll take it.”

She pays for her book and heads out the door. I see Ben peering through the entrance as she is leaving.

I open my laptop and look at the shop’s calendar. Emily and I have been saying we should host a writing seminar. I think one for young adults would be a great idea.

I spend the rest of my shift helping customers and planning a writing workshop for the following month. I text Emily, and she’s in.

I prepare a mass email and send it to everyone on our mailing list. I print a few posters and bring one to Ben for the plant shop.

“Hey,” I say as I approach. He’s playing in the soil. I know this is his favorite part of the job. Planting seeds so he can watch them grow. “Can I put up a flyer?” I ask. Expecting the answer is already yes, I make my way to the bulletin board at the store’s entrance.

“Sure, what’s it for?” he asks, taking his hands out of the dirt and wiping them on a cloth beside him, pieces of dirt crumbling to the countertop.

“Just a sec,” I say, and I pin up my poster. When I see that it’s straight, I return to the store.

I walk around a couple arguing over how many plants to buy. I think back to when Jake would argue that I spent way too much money on books. You can never have too many plants or books.

I approach Ben. “We’re having a writing workshop for young adults next month.”

“That’s a good idea. I’m sure you’ll get a lot of interest.”

“Yeah, I sent an email over to the local high school too,” I say as I head towards the door to the bookstore. “Gotta go. I’m alone this afternoon. Thanks!”

He nods in understanding and grabs another pot, fingerprints of dirt now marking the sides.