CHAPTER NINETEEN
I ’ve been sitting across from Miriam for the last hour as we go over the articles I have already submitted and her goals for me in the following weeks. I stand and pick up my greige suede bag, sitting it high on my shoulder.
She reaches across the desk and smiles at me. “Keep your chin up. There are many more men to meet out there.”
I can see the scar above her right eyebrow where she once wore an eyebrow ring.
I tell her how I have three dates this week.
Yikes!
I need to go shopping.
I call Lucy as I step outside and start making my way the three blocks to my car. The parking garage was full when I arrived. I can feel the wobble of my skinny heels underneath me.
“You still need some new clothes?” I ask as she picks up.
I hear her mutter, “Sorry, just out of a meeting.” A door closes. “Yeah, want to meet at the Outlets in the morning? I need some summer clothes.”
The sidewalks are full, it’s late afternoon on a Friday, and people are finishing up work early for the weekend. The temperature has been rising, and more and more people are venturing into the sunny weather. A woman bumps into me as she passes.
I switch my phone to my other ear, trying to squeeze through the crowd. I can feel my thighs chaffing under my leather skirt.
“Yes, I have three dates, and I could use a closet refresher,” I say. “I’ll call Briar and see if she can meet us.”
Once home, I sit at my desk and pull up my calendar when a text comes in. It’s from Ben.
Ben: Want to watch that new superhero movie tonight?
Me: Yeah, okay. I guess I can watch a superhero movie for you.
Ben: Oh, yeah. You only watch chic flicks, I forgot.
Me: Haha, you’re so funny! I’ll have you know that I also watch reality TV.
I smile to myself, knowing Ben will probably laugh at that.
Ben: LOL
See.
I go back to my calendar and see that I’m meeting Alex first on Sunday, for brunch. He’s a game developer, super nice so far, and maybe a little quirky. Quirky is good in my books. I think it’s better if I date people who are weird like me. It’s just easier when you don’t have to explain why you are the way you are or why you do things the way you do because, honestly, you don’t even really know. They just happen.
Another message pops up on my screen before I can look at the rest of the week.
Ben: So, a movie?
Me: Yes, I’d love to.
I mean, this is good. We can hang out as friends and get over the weird hump.
Me: Bring me Doritos, please. If I’m going to have to watch an action movie, I need food.
Ben: Got it. See you in an hour?
Me: I’ll be here.
I pull up my calendar again.
So, Alex is on Sunday, and I’m meeting Tom, a paralegal, on Tuesday night. I think we’re going to a comedy show at a pub. I scroll through the days and see that Friday is my date with Harper. Harper is a nurse. If I associate each guy with their job, I won’t mix them up when talking to them. One can hope. Again, I think dating is hard. It can get complicated. But I’m also learning that dating can be fun and exciting. I mean, yes, my dates have kind of sucked, but getting ready, going out, and trying new things has brought me a little out of my comfort zone. A tiny bit, anyway. And those kisses the other night, that feeling with Callum, I want more of that.
I put my laptop away and fed Bob supper.
Ben arrives exactly sixty minutes later. He walks in with a pizza box, a bag of Doritos, and two iced coffees. I also see some sort of plant poking out of a mesh veggie bag.
My stomach growls as I inhale the scent of the pizza. My saliva glands go into working mode.
He’s standing there, performing a balancing act as I stare at him, thinking about the food.
“Oh, sorry, I was kind of daydreaming for a second,” I say and take the drinks and bag of Doritos from him.
I hear him kick off his shoes and follow behind me.
He places the box of pizza on my countertop and starts opening the mesh bag. I turn to see what he has in his hands.
“Are you trying to win over Bob?” I ask.
Bob, hearing his name, jumps off my bed and saunters in slowly, looking up at Ben, clearly annoyed by his presence.
Bob sees the grass and starts walking in circles around Ben’s legs, rubbing his head as he passes, the annoyance leaving him as he sees Ben is holding some greenery that he now wants.
“Hey there, Bob, I got you some cat grass.” He places the mesh bag on the counter. “Do you have a plate I can put this on?”
I grab a small dish from my cupboard as Ben sprinkles a bit of water through the top. Bob meows at Ben, now impatient for the grass he’s about to get.
I take out two plates and set them beside the pizza, then open the large cardboard box. Ben grabs a plate and leans over me for a slice. The cheese is pulling, leaving a trail behind it. I feel the warmth from his body next to me, and I am briefly reminded of the heat I felt in my dream.
“Hey,” I say, “I wanted that slice.”
Ben laughs. “There are seven other slices to choose from, and this is the one you wanted?”
“Yeah, it’s the biggest.”
He offers the plate to me.
“It’s fine. Your fingers are all over it now.” I make a disgusted face and laugh so he knows I’m half joking and pull a slice out of the box.
He grabs his iced coffee and carries it out of the kitchen to my living room.
I’m washing my hands, and I can hear him turning on the TV.
“Which movie are we watching?” I ask loud enough for him to hear me from down the hall. He mutters something I don’t hear. I close the box of pizza in case Bob decides to jump on the counter. I take my plate to the living room. “Which movie?” I ask again as I sit next to him.
“The new one with Blake Hennely,” he replies as the movie comes up on screen.
“Thanks for the pizza, by the way. So good.”
“Of course.”
Getting comfy, I lean back, my plate on my lap. I notice Ben relaxing, and the feeling I get when the side of his thigh presses up against mine is electric. I turn back to my pizza and take another bite. Ben finishes his.
“Should I just bring the box in here?” he asks.
“Yeah, for sure.”
He stands, and I reach over to pause the movie.
We spend the next hour and a half locked in a state of anticipation. Ben talks during movies. Usually, I would find this annoying, but I respond with similar thoughts. As the credits are rolling, I grab the bag of Doritos. I open it noisily as I return, and Ben picks out a fifth slice of pizza.
“How about another movie?” I ask. “I’m wired from the caffeine and won’t be going to bed anytime soon.”
He nods, his mouth full. I put on a romantic comedy before he can argue otherwise. As the music starts up, I feel joy spark through me. The only thing better than a good rom-com is a good romance novel. The movie plays out exactly how you’d expect, and it’s fantastic. I’m smiling, feeling all the feels by the time it’s done. This excites me.
I see Ben stretch his arms above his head and turn to face him, pulling one leg up onto the couch and settling in.
“So…” I say.
He raises his eyebrows. “So…” he responds.
I refuse to let us be awkward anymore.
“Any plans this weekend?” I ask.
He lays his head back on the top of the couch, staring at the ceiling. “Actually, I ran into Mel yesterday.”
“Oh, yeah?”
“Yeah, we’re going out for coffee tomorrow.”
“You don’t say.” Huh, feeling a little something something inside of me. Mel broke his heart. And he is going out for coffee with her…years later! “How do you feel about that?” I ask, secretly hoping he doesn’t want to go.
“It’ll be nice.”
That’s it? That’s all he’s going to give me?
“Nice?” I repeat his one-word answer. “She broke your heart. Do you think it’s a good idea?”
“I’m well aware she broke my heart, but people change,” he says, rubbing his forehead. “It’s just coffee.”
“Huh.” Not sure what else to say, I leave it at that. I pull my knees to my chest, making myself into a ball.
I think I’m jealous.
I’ve got absolutely no reason to be jealous. Ben’s not mine. We’re not a couple. We’re not dating. I’ve got a date with three other men this week. I’m hardly one to have any feelings of jealousy.
“I’m going out for brunch on Sunday morning,” I blurt.
Ben is eyeing me. “Cool, Sof. I hope he works out.”
Okay, this is awkward. I hear a horn blast from outside, and I’m pulled out of this wrecking ball that’s happening inside of me.
“Thanks, he’s a game developer.” I force a smile. “We’ll see.”
Ben smiles back at me. “Thanks for watching the movie with me.”
“Thanks for the food,” I say, biting into another chip loudly, crumbs falling out of my mouth. “Oops.”
“Is that how you eat on dates?” Ben asks.
My eyes widen. “Um, probably?”
He laughs, “I’m joking. I love that you’re always yourself.”
“Is it that embarrassing, the way I eat?”
“No, no, I’m just playing.” He’s laughing a little harder now as I stuff more Doritos into my mouth. I can’t help it.
I hit him playfully in the arm. “That’s not funny. I’m going to be paranoid eating now on my date.”
“God, no, Sof. I was just kidding. And if a guy can’t handle watching you eat, maybe he’s not your guy.”
My heart skips a beat. Is Ben my guy?
I swallow. “Thanks.”
“So, do you think you would ever get back together with Mel?” I ask, curiosity killing me.
“It’s just coffee, Sof. We’ll see where it goes.”
My chest tightens, and I wonder if this is how he feels when I talk about my dates.
He pushes his sleeves up and stands, picking up the empty pizza box. “I’ll put this in the trash out back.”
“Thanks,” I say, standing up too, rolling the bag of Doritos closed.
He bends to put his shoes on. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yup, I’m going shopping with the girls, and I’ll be in later in the afternoon.”
He leans in to give me a hug. I feel his breath on my neck. It’s warm and comforting somehow, and I feel my body melt a little against his. I hug him tightly, and he lets go first, so I step back.
“Thanks again for the pizza, and thanks on behalf of Bob.”
He nods as he opens the door, and he’s halfway down the steps before I turn to go back inside and close the door.
* * *
I pull open the thick white velvet curtain acting as a changing room door and step out. I walk up to the large mirror facing the rooms and join Lucy.
Briar calls out from her room, “Guys, this is way too small.”
Lucy decided we all needed a new going-out outfit and chose one for each of us to try. I’m standing in a pair of tight brown leather pants and a beige cropped tank. The tag scratches my skin, making it blotchy red as I pull it out, and my eyes widen. “I don’t think these pants look good enough on me to spend this,” I say, turning back to the mirror and meeting Lucy’s eyes.
We both raise our gazes in the mirror as Briar comes out of the room behind us.
“Damn, girl,” Lucy hollers, whistling.
Briar is wearing a short red skirt. It’s so tight that she is almost waddling. But she looks amazing. “Luce, I can’t even walk in this. How am I supposed to dance, or sit, or, I don’t know, live?” she asks, laughing and pulling at the material.
Lucy comes up to her and grabs her hands. “You look gorgeous. Aiden won’t be able to keep his eyes off of you.”
“These pants are a no for me, Luce,” I say, returning to the changing room.
“Same, it’s a no for this skirt.” Briar waddles away.
“You guys are boring,” Lucy says, turning back to the mirror.
“I’m okay with boring,” I yell as I struggle to pull the velvet material closed.
I pull off the pants and check what I have left to try on. I see the solid black jumper with a low neckline and take it off the hanger, pulling it on. Grabbing my heels, I step back into them. This time, I decided to squeeze through the curtain door instead of wrestling with it.
Briar steps out in a cute and flowy floral dress.
“Briar, you look so sweet,” I say. “You should def get that.”
She does a little twirl to the side, smiling. “I love it. I’m going to get it.”
I’m adjusting my bra in the mirror. We’re the only three back here, so we have the place to ourselves. The bonus of waking up early on a Saturday to shop. Worth it.
Lucy steps out in another incredible outfit.
“I think I’m going to get this jumper,” I say, “What do you think?” I turn, trying to visualize my butt from the back.
“You need a necklace, but yes, get that. It looks great,” Lucy comments.
I smile. I feel like I look good. The three of us are all standing side by side in such different outfits. We are so different. It’s what makes us…us.
We let the saleswoman ring us up, and we spend the next two hours going from shop to shop. I’ve spent quite a bit, but I love my new stuff. Lucy got a lot of stuff too, but Briar settled on just the one dress. She’s a minimalist. I could learn from her. I shove my bags into the back of my car.
“Wear the jumper to brunch tomorrow,” Lucy calls out from her car.
“It’s not too much for a breakfast?”
Briar chimes in, “Wear the jumper!”
I smile. “Okay, thanks!”
I cross to Lucy’s car and give her a quick hug goodbye, and then I hug Briar next, and then Briar and Lucy hug. We’re a huggable group. We laugh as we do the switch.
“Talk to you guys later,” I say, waving as I get into my car. I look into the backseat. I can’t wait to get back home and try it all on again.
I look at the clock. Crap. I have to get ready for work.