CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
S o, I decided to date online…
by: Sofia Daria
So, I decided to date online… and I’m not sure what I’m doing.
So, I haven’t exactly been swiping the last week because I have been busy dating Mystery Man from my catfish days. But technically we met online, but also in a park, if you know what I mean.
Am I confusing you yet? Go back to my recent articles and catch up on some reading.
It has been a fun week. I’m getting to know him in person, there’s some flirting going on, we’ve gone on a few dates, and even had a game night with some friends of mine.
So what is the problem Sofia?
I don’t know.
Well, for one I said I wasn’t going to be pulling any type of How To Lose A Guy In Ten Days sort of thing, and here we are. Four dates have passed, and I haven’t come clean on the fact that I am writing these articles. Please don’t hate in the comments, this is hard!
It’s not that I don’t want to tell him, it’s that I feel like I’ve missed the opportunity to do so. It’s like when you forget a neighbor’s name and suddenly a year goes by, and it is just too awkward to admit you don’t know their name, so you avoid calling them out altogether. That’s what’s happening here. Maybe I’m just trying to talk it out with you when I should be talking it out with my therapist. But here we are. I’ll tell him. I promise.
On another note… I am going to let you in on a little secret, something pretty personal to me.
You all know I am new to the whole online dating thing, well I’m also new to the whole dating thing in general.
Yes, I have had a few relationships, but more long-term. I have never dated this way before. I have never done the whole hook-up thing, and I don’t know what I am doing.
Part of me feels by admitting this, half of you will think, Go Girl, Get It! And perhaps the other half of you may be thinking, how can you go from guy to guy? I know we are in a world right now of no shame. And I will be the last person to Booty-Call shame anyone, but I feel like I’ve been on a season of The Bachelorette, and I’m just going around kissing everyone. Again, there is nothing wrong with that!
Don’t get me wrong, part of me is LOVING this. Who doesn’t love some hot chemistry, flirtatious vibes, and wandering hands? Is this too much? My editor will tell me, I guess, Ha-Ha. In all seriousness, I have yet to hit a home run or bake the bread, if you know what I’m saying, but yes, I have kissed multiple guys in my recent past.
I’m not sure why I am letting this take up space in my brain, but I can’t help it. I am. It’s new to me.
I guess what I am saying, or perhaps just writing out what I should be writing in my journal and not for the world to see - but I think you need to test the waters a little bit to see if there is a connection, right? I think chemistry, passion, and physical connection are important in a relationship. It’s what takes you from the friend zone to the girlfriend zone, am I right?
So, in conclusion, what have we learned about my online dating this week? I need to be honest with Mystery Man and tell him I’m writing about him. It’s only fair. Secondly, I need to give myself space to be me and explore relationships I want to explore. Physical or not.
And I think you should be doing the same, exploring your dating life in a way that feels true to you. But be safe out there!
I send Miriam my draft, and she approves it almost immediately. I tell her that I know I haven’t been swiping but that I like Cole. She admits that the readers are interested in me now, and they want to know what’s going on in my dating life, and if I’ve caught the feels, I should be exploring that. But I do still need to write about it. I have just a few articles left to hand in.
So I need to talk to Cole.
I’m waiting for him to pick me up because we’re going to dinner and a movie. It’s been a few days since I’ve seen him, and I haven’t really spoken to him much since he left so quickly after game night.
I’m waiting by the window overlooking the parking lot when I see him pull in. I can see he’s talking to someone, and he doesn’t shut off the engine or get out right away. I’m watching him as he runs his hand through his hair. He looks a bit angry.
I turn away, I shouldn’t be watching, but then I’m back at my window. My nosiness outweighs my thoughts on doing the right thing.
He sits there another few minutes, and I can see his mouth moving a mile a minute. Who is he mad at? I hope his friend is okay from the other night. I sent him a text saying the same thing the next morning, and he replied to my other message but skipped over that one. Maybe he is just protecting his friend’s privacy.
That’s sweet. I mean, we just started dating. Trust is built.
I’m peering into his car, and I can see something that looks like a car seat for a baby. My stomach dips.
I see him open the car door, and I quickly move away from the window before he catches me. I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but isn’t this the same thing as creeping into his social media accounts? Which, by the way, I can’t find. Nothing. Zilch. Is this a red flag that I am going to choose to ignore? I mean it’s really odd for someone now a day to not be online somewhere, anywhere, right?
I thought maybe he just wasn’t a social media person, but then again, I think of the pictures that were used online to catfish me. They had to be stolen from somewhere online.
I hear a knock and run to meet him. Someone must have let him in since he didn’t buzz me first.
“Hey,” I say, smiling widely as he pulls me into a tight hug.
“Missed you,” he says, muffled into the depth of my neck, where my hair tickles my shoulders. “You ready?” he asks as he pulls away. I see his jaw square with tension.
I hesitate. “Yeah, I’m ready. I’ll just grab my bag.”
I say goodbye to Bob. I like that Cole has a dog, we’re pet people. It’s good.
He opens the car door for me, and I slide into the warm leather seats.
“I see you have a car seat, any kids I should know about?” I ask jokingly, trying to sound light without sounding accusingly.
“Oh, right, yeah, no. No, it’s my buddy’s. He left it in here the other night.” He starts the car and signals to exit the lot.
“Oh, cool. How’s your day been? I haven’t talked to you much the last few days.”
“Work’s just been crazy. I’ve had some overtime to do.”
He drives us a short distance to the restaurant. A small, intimate place where they serve the best pasta. I order the chicken fettuccine, and he decides on the lasagna. I think now is probably the time to come clean as we wait for our food to arrive.
“I, uh, have something to tell you,” I reveal to him slowly.
He nods in my direction and reaches for my hand across the table. I don’t know why, but this always makes me nervous. I just don’t think I’m someone who likes holding hands on top of a table…even when Ben did it. It’s like when people kiss the top of your hand. It’s weird to me. I’m not a princess, I don’t need to be addressed with hand kisses, and we can hold hands after we’re done eating. I feel irritable. I should have had a snack. I can feel my hangry setting in.
I see him waiting patiently for what I have to say. I nibble on a piece of garlic bread, trying to work up the courage.
“Okay, so you know I told you when we first met that I was online dating…”
“Yeah, are you still dating other people?” he asks, pulling his hands away from the one that’s not holding the giant piece of bread.
“No, no. I’m only seeing you. I think I mentioned to you that I’m a writer. Well, the thing is, I started to date online for a series of magazine articles.”
“I don’t get it. What are you saying?”
“I go on dates, and then I write about them. The readers are following my online dating journey. Kind of giving them an inside scoop on what it can be like dating online, or for me anyway, my experiences.” I pause, and when he doesn’t say anything, I continue, “What I am saying is that I’ve written about you.”
“You what?” he asks with a little more hostility than I like.
“I haven’t given out your name or anything, I promise. I haven’t even said your dog’s name. No one knows it’s you. But I have to keep writing about us, I’m on contract, at least for the next few weeks, so the dates we go on, I have to write about them.”
“Except no one knows it’s me?”
I nod. His shoulders slump, and relief washes over his face. “as long as no one knows I am dating you.”
“I mean, my friends know. Don’t your friends know you’re dating me?”
“I’m kind of private. I’d rather wait till I know we’re the real deal, you know?”
My stomach flops in disappointment. I mean, he’s right. We just started dating. It’s not like we’re an official couple or anything.
I pick up a forkful of salad. “Okay.”
The rest of dinner feels a little off, but I know I surprised him with the whole article thing, so I think that’s why.
He takes me to a theater on the outskirts of town where they have these leather Lazy Boy-type recliners, and I spend the next two hours cuddled into him. By the time the movie ends and he’s driving me home, I forget about the angry call he had before picking me up, I forget about the no social media thing, I forget about his reaction to telling his friends about me, and I’m left wanting more of him.