Chapter 23
Casey
New York, same day…
As I finished a sip of my cinnamon dolce latte, I tossed out a question that had been nagging at me.
“I have no clue how to do this, Jane. When I see him tonight, do I just say I have it bad for you and I want to have a go at this for real?”
Jane nodded enthusiastically. “That’s certainly one way you can do it. Just be completely direct and upfront with him,” my friend suggested, as she drank her tea.
“It’s not as if I’ve had the best luck being totally direct with men,” I said.
I’d caught Jane up to speed with the Nate situation, from how it had started, to how it had changed, and to what I wanted now with him.
The answer to that was starkly clear. I wanted him all to myself for a long, long time.
I had never expected this to happen, but I’d fallen for him something fierce.
He was tender and protective, funny and smart, and so damn passionate.
My intensity for him knew no bounds, and I was sure he was crazy for me too, even though he hadn’t said as much in words.
The connection between us, though, was so strong that neither of us could stay away from the other.
The last few nights had been nothing short of amazing.
We hadn’t tried to put a label on what was happening, but I knew myself, and I couldn’t do casual.
I needed to define what we were and where we were going.
I needed to know if there was a real future, like I longed for.
The best way to do that was to be straightforward and put it all on the table, even though the thought of that terrified me, given my track record of speaking my mind with men.
“From what you told me, Nate doesn’t seem to be like those other guys you dated. Those assholes who had a problem with you saying what you wanted.”
“He’s definitely in a class by himself,” I said.
Jane slapped the table with her palm. “Then go for it. Tell him how you feel.”
“How is it that you’ve never had this problem with men? You’re a rock star. I can’t imagine anybody more intimidating than you,” I asked.
Jane laughed. “Oh, maybe it had a little something to do with the fact that my first husband turned out to be gay and I fell madly in love with the next guy I was involved with,” Jane said with a laugh. At least she was able to joke about that heartbreak now.
I laughed. “Good point. Fine, you win.”
Jane raised her arms in victory, then turned serious. “But for what it’s worth, I do think you should just be upfront with him. At the least the two of you can know what you’re dealing with.”
“What if I lose him as a friend though? I hate the thought of that happening.”
“I think the more direct you are now, the better off you’ll be at staying in each other’s lives in whatever capacity that is,” Jane said.
I nodded several times as if this conversation was giving me the courage to show my cards to the man I was falling for.
He was on his way back from Vegas and I was looking forward to seeing him tonight after he returned Joanna’s sculpture.
He’d insisted on doing it himself, and I had to admit I was proud of him for facing up to what scared him the most—Joanna and all the pain she’d caused him.
As we cleared our mugs and left the coffee shop, the name Grant Abbot flashed across my phone.
My blood froze. He was supposed to be overseas still, and I’d planned on telling him when he returned that things had changed, and my heart was elsewhere.
I took a deep, fueling breath, steeling myself, then answered with a breezy and businesslike hello.
“Any chance you would be free for a drink this evening? I find myself in New York City sooner than expected and I’ll be in the mood for a cocktail tonight.”
I gulped. A flock of nerves swept through my body.
I could hardly believe that three weeks ago I wanted to seduce him, and now the prospect held no interest for me.
But I also didn’t want to leave the man hanging.
Being upfront with Nate would need to start with Grant.
I’d have to let him know we were only in business together, and nothing more.
Perhaps the timing was serendipitous. I’d end things before they started with Grant, then I’d start something more with Nate.
I gave Grant the address for Speakeasy and said I’d see him there this evening. I returned to the office, plowed through work, and finally remembered to respond to Ethan Holmes.
I clicked on his note from nearly two weeks ago, then opened the attachment and read his proposal.
He was a smart guy, and it was ironic because he’d suggested something a bit similar to the deal Nate and I were finalizing.
Ethan didn’t know about the LolaRing. Joy Delivered was keeping the new toy under wraps until the official launch later this summer.
Ethan had, however, suggested the Victoria Hotels start offering The Wild One, a popular toy in the Joy Delivered catalogue, as part of a “Late-Night Sex Toy Menu to satisfy the red-hot appetites!”
He hadn’t quite hit the mark with the brand positioning I’d established at Joy Delivered—discreet, sexy and sensual being the watchwords.
Nonetheless, I admired his gumption, so I fired off a quick reply: Love the concept!
Really appreciate you thinking of us. There’s so much I like about this proposal, but we are in the process of finalizing a deal with another hotel, so we’ll have to pass at the moment.
Then, because it was always best to leave future partnerships open, I added a final line.
Looking forward to exploring possibilities with you! Drinks soon?
The idea did have some merit though. Maybe not for Joy Delivered, but perhaps for another company.
I was friendly with one of Joy Delivered’s competitors, Good Vibes, and could envision Ethan’s concept working better for that firm.
So I typed once more: I actually have a great idea for this.
Let me make some calls and I’ll get back to you.
When I gathered up my purse a bit later to head out for my meeting with Grant, I clicked on my text messages. Laying it on the table with Nate could start with this level of honesty—the one hundred percent kind, so I hit reply on the note he’d sent me before he left Vegas.
Hi. Grant Abbot is in town. I’m meeting him for drinks to discuss our deal. I plan to let him know as well that I’m taken these days. Speaking of taken, perhaps you can take me tonight.
I hit send. There. It wasn’t so hard taking that first step.
When I reached Speakeasy, I said hello to Julia behind the bar, then gave a quick hug to her husband, Clay, who was enjoying a scotch and chatting with his wife as she mixed drinks.
“Didn’t think we’d see you until the flight next week,” he said, since he and Julia, along with Michelle’s brother and his wife, would be sharing Nate’s plane to the Maldives.
“You know I can’t resist Speakeasy,” I told him, then gestured to a booth. “I’m meeting a business associate. I better go grab a spot.”
“See you soon.”
A few minutes later Grant strolled in, scanning, then grinning widely when he spotted me.
I waved, and soon he was wrapping his arms around me in a warm embrace.
And though I’d been keen on him for a year, whatever had been there was gone.
I felt nothing—no spark, no zing, not even a frisson of attraction.
That was good. After all, I was downright wild for another man, and I didn’t want to feel anything for anyone but Nate.
Even so, I felt a bit like a first-class jerk knowing I was about to break up with the guy before we’d even started.
“Such a delight to see you again,” he said, and then slid into the booth.
He signaled a waiter, ordered us each a vodka, then shot me a smile once more.
He’d always been an outgoing guy, but oddly enough he seemed less flirty this time, and more…
friendly. As we chatted about our deal, I noticed his innuendo was gone, and he was simply being straightforward.
Which was exactly what I needed to be with him.
“Grant, I’m so glad you’re here and that everything is all set for our rollout. I do need to be upfront, though, about the other matters we talked about in New Orleans—the possibility of us getting together,” I began, keeping my voice as businesslike and cordial as I could.
He held up a hand to stop me, shaking his head, and grinning.
“Actually, I need to be direct with you too. And I need to say I’m sorry if I put you in an awkward situation,” he said, his Southern charm shining through in his tone. But the words surprised me.
I furrowed my brow. “What do you mean, Grant?”
He took a deep breath. “You see, I have a natural tendency to be flirty, and I should truly curb that habit. I’ve been told, in fact, that I’m too much of a flirt.
I would never cross the line with a business partner, so I hope you’ll forgive me if I made you think otherwise in New Orleans.
I remain, as ever, completely committed to our business deal.
And the big night out on me I insisted on is my own little tradition when I check in with new collaborators—wine ‘em, dine ‘em, keep ‘em happy. But I realized on reflection that I probably made you feel quite uncomfortable. I should not have been trafficking in so much innuendo that evening. Do forgive me.”
I was in the twilight zone. Up was down, down was up, and inside was out.
While I came here to be upfront with him and tell him that my heart was elsewhere, it turned out that he hadn’t even thought of me that way.
And though I never regretted any of my nights with Nate and where those lessons had taken us, I couldn’t help but feel like a stupid idiot for having misread Grant so badly.
However, I had no intention of revealing that my radar was this faulty. Better that we have a good laugh about it than he take me for the fool that I was.
I forced out a laugh, hoping it sounded legitimate.
“Grant, you have nothing to apologize for. I’ve looked at you as a solid and dependable business partner and I couldn’t be more thrilled that everything is all set for launch.
As for being a flirt, who isn’t every now and then?
” I said, in the best flirty voice that I could muster in that moment, hoping it covered up all the embarrassment I felt inside at having been so far off the mark with him.
He mimed wiping his brow. “Whew. I’m just glad we’re all good.”
“We are all good,” I said, flashing the biggest, brightest smile I could.
“Now, let’s talk about how things are going to work as we rollout in a month,” I said and we focused on business for the rest of the time until I said goodbye and walked away from Speakeasy, weaving through the evening crowds in Midtown, keeping my chin held high, until I finally let a few stupid tears fall.
I should be happy. This was what I wanted.
A clean break from any complications, and the chance to move forward with Nate, having taken care of the Grant Abbot problem.
But Grant Abbot had never truly been a problem, and once again I was left feeling like I had no clue what a man wanted from me.
What if I had it all wrong with Nate too?
I stopped in my tracks, grabbing onto the doorframe of an apartment building to steady myself as my heart plummeted. If I had misread the situation with Grant that badly, was I misreading things with Nate too? He hadn’t said how he felt about me.
Just like Grant had never said it either.
Sure, I knew Nate enjoyed the sex, but had he ever remotely suggested he wanted more with me? The same kind of more that I wanted? The sidewalk swayed beneath me, and my stomach roiled with the answer—no.
He hadn’t breathed a word about more.
I was about to put my heart on the line, but I’d learned that I had a bad habit of reading men completely wrong. As I resumed my pace, walking through a sea of New Yorkers, I had no faith in my own instincts anymore.
The trouble was the one person I wanted to turn to for comfort was my best friend. The same person I had fallen for.