The Day I Found Him (Lost and Found #2)

Chapter 11

Gavin

H e slept in my bed with me every night. He didn’t even act like it was strange or that I was childish for needing someone to hold me while I slept. For the first time in as long as I could remember, I didn’t have a nightmare every single night. It was almost as though I could feel him there in my sleep, that I knew I was in his arms and I was safe. It didn’t mean anything too deep for him, he was just trying to help me out and it was the only way he knew to do it, but just having someone touch me in a way that let me know they cared, it meant everything to me.

I was pretty sure he didn’t look at me in any kind of romantic way, but it still somehow meant more to me than all those guys I’d fucked in the clubs. Even if Nick and I were never anything more than friends, he was different. He meant something to me already, and that scared the shit out of me. Because if my dad ever found out, he’d kill us both.

Looking at Nick on Friday morning before his alarm went off, I found myself wishing his dumb ex was right and we really were a thing. I’d never met someone who cared so much they’d let a stranger into their home. Someone who was so concerned about a person they barely knew they’d spoon them every night just to keep that person from having nightmares. His care was genuine, and he had the biggest heart of anyone I’d ever met.

I took in his features, peaceful from sleep. He was the most beautiful person I’d ever laid eyes on. I knew he didn’t think he was, but what he saw when he looked in the mirror was quite obviously different from reality. Those doe eyes made my knees weak. The full lips. That messy hair that wasn’t supposed to be messy but never stayed where it should. And I could see him compare his body to mine, but I thought his was perfect. That body gave me hugs that made me feel like everything was ok again. He was strong and safe and I never wanted to leave his arms. It wasn’t just because I was scared of my nightmares.

My thoughts were starting to get a little out of hand, so I turned away from him before I could go too far. When I turned over, it woke him up and he stretched. “Sorry I woke you,” I said quietly but didn’t look at him.

Instead of being upset, he pulled me to him, my back to his front. “It’s ok,” he said sleepily, “But we still have ten minutes.” He held me tightly in his big spoon and I just smiled as my heart melted.

◆◆◆

I’d done laundry, but I had an interview at an upscale hotel near the youth center, and I wanted to look nice. Nick found a button-up shirt and a pair of black pants in his closet. They were a little big on me, but tucking in the shirt and using a belt worked perfectly.

I’d had three other interviews that week and hadn’t heard back from any of them. Not giving them a real work history probably had a lot to do with it. I claimed to have done odd jobs while taking care of an ill parent. I couldn’t tell them the truth. It wasn’t even that my dad had framed me, although what the gym would tell them definitely would have hurt my prospects. It was more because if they contacted the gym, my dad would find out where I was. I knew they’d tell him as soon as someone called them, because I was certain he’d made up some story about how I’d had a mental breakdown or something and had taken off on a drug binge that would end with me killing myself. They’d think they were helping me all while being the ones to actually kill me. Because I would not survive that place a second time.

I looked at myself uncertainly in the mirror, not used to dressing up at all. There was a tattoo partially visible on one side of my neck and one that went from my wrist to my hand, and I wasn’t sure if that was a bad thing. I tried to make my hair look decent even though I was getting ready to stick a motorcycle helmet on it.

Nick walked up behind me, looking at me in the mirror. “You look great, Gavin,” he said, but his eyes lingered a moment longer than I expected. I wanted to tell him he did, too. I wanted to tell him how beautiful I thought he was, but he was in his regular work clothes, and I didn’t want to make it weird.

I just said, “Thanks.” He smiled at me and headed to the kitchen to grab his stuff.

◆◆◆

I was pretty sure my interview did not go great. I was down on myself and life in general by the time I trudged back to the youth center. I couldn’t keep living in Nick’s apartment without paying my own way. He acted like letting me stay there, feeding and clothing me for free was no big thing, but it was something I was having a hard time accepting. I knew my mood was showing by the time I walked through the door.

Caden saw me and noticed my face before I could even go ask Nick if he needed any help. He still had two hours of work left and helping him with his job was the only thing I could do to try to make up for all he was doing for me. “Not the right job, huh?” Caden said, putting it all on the universe instead of my incompetence. Damn, it would be easier if he wasn’t so fucking nice to me.

I managed to look at him and shrug. “I don’t…I don’t think anyone is going to hire me. I have to lie and say I’ve only been doing odd jobs. It’s a whole…thing. You know I’m not good at lying, anyway, so they can probably tell. But I can’t give them my last place of employment. My dad fucking framed me somehow, and the gym I worked at thinks I’m an addict who stole from them. Caden, I swear to God I’ve never even done drugs and I’ve never stolen anything in my life. But even without all that, if I give them the name of the gym, and they call for a check, my dad will know what city I’m in. And he’ll trace it to you. Then it will not only be my problem, but a problem for you, Nick, Jamie, and this amazing place. I can’t let that happen. I don’t want to put anyone at risk.”

Caden stepped closer to me. “Look,” he said quietly, “I get that you’re worried about your dad. But I’m not scared of that bastard anymore. I promise you; I will keep the people close to me safe. This place is secure and so is Nick’s place. Jamie and me? Trust me, after what we went through, we got a place that not only has security but is practically booby trapped. That leaves you. And I know you might not think so, but all of us would go out of our way to protect you. So look, the offer still stands. I don’t need to background check people I know. I don’t have to call your previous place of employment. I know how you are, and I know it’s killing you not to be able to pay Nick rent. So think about it, alright?”

I nodded. “I’ll give it some real thought, ok?” I knew he didn’t think he was afraid of my dad, but he also didn’t fully know what he was dealing with or how many people my dad had under his thumb. There was too much at risk in working at the youth center, too many innocent people. They were more important than my pride, and I’d get Nick money somehow. It meant a lot that Caden was trying so hard to help me, though. Maybe I hadn’t completely destroyed our friendship back when we were sixteen. Maybe there was something to be salvaged there.

Caden grinned and gave me a pat on the back. “Great. Now go help that boy in the kitchen.”

◆◆◆

Nick bought me clothes because I was struggling to figure out what to wear to a party on a yacht. He tried to pretend that we were shopping because he wanted something new to wear, but I knew that wasn’t the whole reason. He made sure I knew I could pay him back later, but I would never in a lifetime be able to pay him what I felt I owed him.

We’d gone to a discount store which appeased my guilt a little, but it was still there. I was, however, feeling pretty good as I stood in front of Nick’s bathroom mirror in the casual black pants and sheer black shirt over a black tank top. Nick came up behind me and put a delicate silver chain around my neck and fastened it. “You just needed a little pop from all the black,” he said. He stepped back and looked at me in the mirror. I felt like I looked decent for the first time in a long time. The, “Damn, Gavin,” he gave me went to my head a little bit.

I glanced at him in the mirror. He’d gone simple with the new pair of jeans that fit him perfectly and kind of made me want to grab his ass, a white t-shirt, and a casual suit jacket. It went together fantastically and somehow suited him perfectly. “I could say the same,” I said with a half-smile.

He gave a little laugh as though he didn’t really believe me and said, “You ready?” I just nodded and followed him to his bike.

We drove out toward the beach and ended up at a marina that had a security gate just to access the parking lot. We had to go through more security where Nick had to give his name before we could set foot on the docks. There were huge, million-dollar sailboats, catamarans, and yachts lining the walkway. Some looked occupied, while others were dark. We headed to a well-lit yacht with music coming from it. It wasn’t the biggest docked there by far, but it was still bigger than anything I could ever imagine having.

There were people all over the decks talking and laughing. I balked, right at the ramp. I didn’t know anyone there but Nick, Caden, and slightly Jamie. I felt out of place and out of my element. I had literally nothing after running away from a shitty apartment above a laundromat. I had no business hanging out with all these people on a yacht.

Nick stopped when I hesitated, looking back at me. “Don’t worry,” he said, “I felt the same way the first time I came here. But Caden’s friends are good people. Jeff, the owner of this place is anything but a snob. His girlfriend is so sweet and super quiet. There’s a whole little friend group that’s just amazing. You’ll like it here, I know you will. And if you don’t, we’ll leave. Promise.”

I swallowed. I’d never ask him to leave a party full of his friends, but I nodded and moved to continue up the ramp. He held out his arm, looking at me questioningly. “You’re my plus one,” he said, “we might as well make sure they all know you’re here with me.”

I took his arm, and it actually made me feel better, like I wasn’t alone, and also like I could hide behind him if I needed to. He’d known it would help. We walked up the ramp to a brightly lit deck that led to a room with a champagne fountain and a huge buffet of food. Servers were passing by with trays of shots and glasses of wine. There was a fucking keg in the corner. “ Extra, much?” I whispered.

Nick gave a laugh. “You have no idea,” he said.

We glanced at the food, and to my surprise it looked pretty good, not pretentious at all. The down-to-earth menu didn’t even fit the setting it was in. Nick stopped and grabbed two shots off one of the passing trays. “For your nerves,” he said, handing me one before holding his arm back out for me to cling to like a lifeline. I downed the shot as he took the other. We sat our glasses down on a tray full of empty ones and walked into another room full of cushy leather chairs and couches. There were people all over, some of them already making out. Others had plates of food or glasses of wine, mingling with each other. We passed through the room without stopping and made it to a deck that was bigger than the one at the entrance.

I heard Caden’s voice. “They made it!” We headed toward a small group that seemed to be separate from the larger group of guests. I spotted Caden and Jamie amongst them. Caden’s arm was around Jamie, and they were both smiling at us. I saw Caden’s eyes drop to where my hand linked with Nick’s arm. Despite his smile widening, I pulled back a little bit, unsure if Nick would be ok with it. He’d only done it to make me feel better. I didn’t want to make him uncomfortable around his boss.

Nick tightened his arm to his body to keep my hand where it was. I was a little surprised but stopped trying to pull away. We walked toward the seemingly welcoming group, and I recognized one of the guys as a hockey player who was a model as well as Caden’s teammate from college. “Hey, Nick!” he called out. He had a pretty girl on his own arm who was talking to Jamie, but he and Nick managed to give each other an awkward handshake with their left hands.

Nick started the introductions. He didn’t seem to know the people hanging out in the other areas well, but the group in front of us was obviously tight, and they gave him their full attention. “Everyone, this is Gavin. Gavin, this is Jeff.” The hockey player let go of his girlfriend and shook my hand warmly, a big grin on his face. “And this is his girlfriend, Amber. She works for NASA.” Well. That was impressive.

She giggled as she shook my hand. “Nice to meet you,” she said, but then looked at Nick, “You don’t have to say that every time you introduce me to someone, Nick.”

He just laughed and pointed to a couple holding hands behind her. “That’s Caitlin and her girlfriend Nadia. Beside them is Jesse and his fiancé Luke.” I greeted all of them with handshakes and returned the smiles, trying to keep my palms from sweating on them. I wasn’t used to socializing at all, and my nerves were at an all-time high. They were all very friendly, though, and seemed to think I was just there as Nick’s date, not the homeless guy he’d taken in when I’d run to my ex for help.

We stood there for a while, all of them talking and laughing, Nick included. I could feel sweat beading on my neck as I tried to answer random questions they would ask me occasionally and listened to crazy stories of other parties there. After a while, I glanced around and saw a dark, quiet section of the deck railing calling me. “Hey, I’m going to grab a glass of wine and get a little air,” I said softly into Nick’s ear. It was kind of silly because we were outside, but I needed more air. Airier air.

“You want me to join you?” he offered.

“No, stay and hang out with your friends. I’ll be back in a minute.” He looked a little uncertain, but I gave him a winning smile and headed off to find a glass of wine and claim that quiet spot.

I was leaning on the railing, the wine in my hand half gone as I stared out at the water feeling peace again, just like I had at the beach and strangely enough on the bridge, when a soft voice spoke behind me. “You alright?” I turned to find Jamie stepping up to the railing beside me with his own glass of wine. He gave me a small but friendly smile. “You just looked kind of lonely over here.”

I smiled back. “I just…I’m not really used to socializing much. I’m completely awkward in groups and it gets my anxiety up. I saw a quiet spot and thought I’d take a breather.”

“I get it,” he laughed, “Trust me, I haven’t always meshed well at parties with Caden. Do you want me to leave you alone?”

“No.” I really didn’t. “No, stay. I…wanted to talk to you again, anyway. I just wanted to apologize to you.”

He looked genuinely confused. “For what?”

“For just showing up here, looking for Caden when I needed help. I wasn’t trying to…I mean, I knew about you guys. I truly didn’t want to cause any trouble between you, I just didn’t know what else to do and I was panicking when I decided to come here. It’s no excuse. It was a dumb decision.”

“Hey,” he said, looking at me with an intensely serious look, “Stop that. Don’t apologize. I heard you that day, you know, on the bridge. I heard what you were saying, and you had no idea who I was. You needed help, and you looked for it. That was the right thing to do. It was the best thing you could have done. You have nothing to apologize to me for. We’re cool. Ok?” He held up his fist for a bump.

I smiled, and completely relaxed around him for the first time. I bumped his fist. “Yeah, ok, thanks, Jamie.” We stood staring at the water with our wine for a few minutes. He seemed to like the water and solitude as much as I did. I finally said, “Your friends all seem really nice.”

Jamie glanced back at the group of them still talking and laughing. “They’re the best,” he said, “But then, I guess if a group of your friends insist on travelling across the state and traipsing through the woods looking for you when everyone was telling them you were dead, you kind of have to say that.” He looked back at me with a grin.

I laughed. “Valid point.”

I finished my wine and traded my empty glass for a new one when a waiter passed by. Jamie straightened at the railing. “I see Caden looking for me. Come back and hang out with us when you’re up for it, ok? I promise we’re all as nice as we seem.” He was still grinning.

I nodded. “Yeah, I’ll be over in a few. Thanks for the talk.”

He gave me a pat on the shoulder and walked back over to his friends. Caden’s eyes lit up when he spotted Jamie, and he pulled him into a hug from behind, his arms around Jamie’s waist and his head on Jamie’s shoulder as he whispered something that made Jamie laugh. My heart warmed watching them in real life, seeing that there was nothing fake about their online persona. I was glad Caden had found someone so…perfect.

I noticed Nick glancing around and was about to head back over to the group when someone stepped up to the railing beside me, much too close for my liking. The guy was older than me by a few decades, and he reeked of alcohol. His words slurred as he said, “What are you doing over here all by yourself, gorgeous?”

I straightened. “Um, I was just getting ready to go back and find my date,” I lied, hoping he’d take the hint and just leave me alone.

No such luck. Instead of leaving me alone, he grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving, which pissed me off. “Come on, now. You don’t need to find anyone yet. Stay and talk to me for a minute.” I started to shove his hand away, but then he said, “You’re over here looking like someone hurt you. The night isn’t that long. It’s almost over. Let me make you feel better.”

The words made me freeze completely. It’s almost over. Do you want me to make you feel better?

The grip on my arm tightened when I stiffened, and I freaked out a little bit. Or a lot. I could feel a full-blown panic attack on the horizon, and I wanted to get away from the guy before I was completely incapacitated by it. “Let go!” I managed to cry out desperately. But he wasn’t letting go. He was pushing me against the railing, crowding me in and leaning toward me like he was going to kiss me. His other hand reached out and I thought he might grope me. A broken sob escaped, because pain and fear were coursing through my entire being. I was back in that room again, crying and helpless and begging them to stop.

Just as I reached my absolute breaking point, another voice broke through my haze. “Get your fucking hands off of him!” Nick was suddenly there, shoving the guy so hard that his drunk ass released me and fell to the deck, sputtering in shock. Nick was my hero, and I wanted to tell him so, but it was hard to get a breath, and I could feel tears in my eyes as I looked at him. As soon as his eyes met mine, he said, “Oh, fuck,” and he grabbed me, pulling me to him in a tight hug. A hug like he gave me at night when I had a nightmare.

Jeff was standing over the guy who’d harassed me. “Get the fuck off my boat now, you asshole. You won’t be coming back to any more parties.” A huge guy suddenly appeared out of the shadows like a bouncer and pulled the guy off the floor and away from us.

We’d attracted a lot of attention by that point, and I didn’t love it. Nick was hugging me protectively, comfortingly, but I could see them all looking at us, at me . “Are you ok?” Caden asked me, but I still couldn’t catch my breath. I was gripping Nick tightly and I felt a tear slip from my eye . Could it get any more embarrassing? I was really wishing I’d stayed in Nick’s apartment.

Jamie noticed the look on my face because he said, “Hey, let’s give them some space.” He looked around, annoyed, at all the people on the deck and in the nearby living room who were staring at me. I felt like I was under the scrutiny of the entire world.

Thankfully, all of Nick’s friends seemed to understand. “Hey,” Jeff said, sliding up beside Nick and holding up a key, “Get him downstairs. Blue room. These fools will become distracted by something else and forget. Just…go make sure he’s ok, yeah?”

Nick nodded and grabbed the key. “Come on,” he said softly, “Let’s get away from all of them, ok?” I nodded gratefully, still trying to remember how to breathe.

Everyone besides Nick’s friends were still staring as we made our way to a staircase. His arm was around me protectively as he tried to shield me from their eyes. The staircase was dimly lit by small lights near the ground and ended in a softly lit corridor with rooms on both sides. We walked to the third door on the left with a little sign on the door that simply said, “Blue.” Nick unlocked the door and led me inside a tastefully decorated ocean-themed room that was mostly blue. He shut and locked the door behind us and pulled me over to the bed where he sat me down and sat in front of me, his hands gently resting on my arms. “Breathe with me,” he said.

I took a few deep breaths with him until I could finally breathe on my own again. We sat there for a few minutes quietly as he gently rubbed my arms. I felt like crying. I hated that he had to deal with my shit all the time, even at a party with his friends where he should be having fun. I looked down. “Thank you for stepping in. I’m really sorry.” Another traitorous tear slipped out.

He reached up and wiped the tear off my cheek with his thumb. “Stop saying you’re sorry. You have nothing to be sorry for, Gavin. You did nothing wrong.” His hand lingered on my face. “Are you ok?”

I nodded and his hand dropped back down to my arm. “Yeah. I’m ok. He just said something, the wrong thing. I had a flashback or something…I…”

Nick sighed sadly. “I don’t know what you went through, Gavin, but I’m sorry. I wish I could fix it.”

I reached for him. I wanted another hug. His hugs were the best thing I’d ever felt. “You do,” I said quietly. He opened his arms but somehow when I fell into them, my head didn’t fall to his shoulder like I meant for it to. Instead, I rested my forehead on his. His arms wrapped around me, but I was looking right into his beautiful blue eyes, and he was looking back into mine.

My breathing picked up again, but for a different reason that time. My eyes dropped to his lips and his hands gave a mild twitch that let me know he noticed. I knew he couldn’t truly want a horrid mess of a person like me, but I needed him, even if just for that night. I wanted to feel him. His touch was the only thing that had felt safe to me since I was sixteen, and I needed more of it. I moved my mouth slightly closer to his, trying to prepare myself for rejection. But he didn’t hesitate. His eyes slid shut and he met my lips with a gentle kiss that lit up everything inside of me. Everything. Including things I’d thought had died a long time ago with my withered soul.

He pulled back a little when I tried to deepen the kiss, and I froze, my heart turning to ice. I misread it. I shouldn’t have done that . I started to apologize, but he reached up and touched my face. “Gavin,” he whispered, “Gavin, I don’t want to…I don’t want to hurt you.”

I knew what he meant. He knew I was in a fragile state, but he had no idea how badly I needed him. All I could say was, “Nick, please . I need you. I need you to…to touch me.” I couldn’t get the right words out, but he understood what I meant.

I seemed to break all his resolve with those words. He hesitated for just a second, a war raging within his eyes, like he was fighting himself. He finally gave in and rushed forward, his lips meeting mine fiercely, almost like he was claiming me. He scooted toward me, and one hand moved up my back to cradle my head as his mouth opened and his tongue brushed my lips. As soon as I parted them he let out a little sound almost like a moan and pulled me even closer to him, tilting my head as he explored my mouth with his tongue. I didn’t recognize the sounds I was making. They were desperate. Desperate for more. If he was humoring me he was doing the best job of it anyone ever had. I gripped onto him to make sure he didn’t stop again. I still had a hard time believing he’d really look at me like that , even as his tongue wrestled with mine and similar sounds were slipping from his own throat.

I didn’t even realize he was lowering me back onto the bed until my head was resting on the pillow. He moved and his lips found my jawline, tracing it like that was something he’d been dying to do. His hand trailed down my shoulder and over my chest to my abs, then hesitated. “Gavin…” He kissed me again, then pulled back and looked at me. He tugged on my shirt where his hand had stopped. “Gavin, are you sure? Can…can I…”

I was in no position at that point to try and play it cool. “You can do whatever you want.” I wasn’t exaggerating. I’d let him do anything. There were very few people in the world that I trusted, and even fewer who could elicit the reaction from me that he was and still have me fully present in the room with them. Normally I would have been struggling to stay out of that room, but I was still there with Nick, and I could barely even picture that place, even though my body was definitely reacting to him. “Touch me, Nick. However you want. Please .” I’d never needed anything more than I needed his touch right then.

He sat up and fumbled with the buttons of my shirt. “I want…I just want…I want to make you feel g…” He hesitated. He’d just learned that certain things triggered me, and I could tell he wasn’t sure what to say. He finally settled on, “I don’t want to touch you wrong.” He got my shirt unbuttoned and pulled at my tank top.

I sat up and shrugged off the sheer shirt before letting him pull the tank top off of me. I was a little amazed at the hungry way he was looking at my torso as I lay back down. It wasn’t as though he’d never seen it. “You can’t touch me the wrong way,” I whispered, “Whatever you want.” He leaned down and licked my nipple, and I shivered.

His hand slowly trailed down to the button of my pants. He looked at me, and I just looked back. He finally, slowly, unbuttoned and unzipped them. I was shaking a little bit, but more in anticipation than anything else. He moved to gently take off my shoes and socks, then grabbed my pants at the waist and slowly pulled them down and off. He hesitated again at my boxer briefs, but it was quite clear by the tent in them that I was just as into it as he was, probably more so.

He looked back at my face again, anyway. “You won’t do anything wrong,” I said again, because he obviously needed more reassurance. It was enough. He pulled my underwear off me. He’d taken his shoes off when he took mine off, but he was otherwise still fully clothed, and I wasn’t sure of his plans.

He sat back and took in my entire body for the first time. I saw his eyes stop at my dick, and he stared. It wasn’t big, by any means. It wasn’t small , it was just pretty average, at least in size. And I knew it was average, but I’d always been a little insecure about it since my first boyfriend had been Caden, who was hung like a fucking horse. I might have thought Nick was staring in disappointment, except his eyes were screaming surprise, not dismay. I had a feeling it probably wasn’t quite average for him, because it was decorated.

I couldn’t help the little smile, even in the moment. “You’ve never seen a tattooed dick before, huh?”

His wide eyes finally slid back up and met mine. “Didn’t that hurt?”

I laughed a little. “Yeah.”

“I…um…is that poison ivy?”

I nodded. The tattoo wove around my lower back, over my hips, and down my length. Collin had done a really good job with it. I was pretty sure he’d enjoyed that one a lot more than I had, too.

Nick suddenly seemed to become aware that I was laid out naked on a bed in front of him, and I was starting to feel a little awkward about it. He yanked his jacket off and tossed it to the floor, leaning forward to lick over the tattoos on my abs, which brought a moan out of me and caused all the awkward thoughts to go flying right out of my mind. My hands found the back of his head.

He started planting kisses on my six-pack. “I’m really…” kiss, “jealous…” kiss , “of your…” kiss, “tattoo artist.” Kiss . He was so close to where I wanted him. His tongue found my skin and he worked his way down over my hip bone and to my thigh.

I wanted to grab his head and put him where I needed him, but I didn’t. I replied to his words, instead. “Don’t be,” I practically choked out, “He has nothing on you.” He already knew I’d whored myself out for tattoos, but he didn’t seem too worried about it.

He sat up and moved to position himself between my legs that spread on their own to accommodate him. He was looking over my entire body. “Mmm,” he said, running his hands up and down my thighs “But you’re so perfect. Do you know how beautiful you are? Your body is perfect. Everything is perfect.”

At that point I knew he must be over-the-top horny because there was nothing perfect about me. My body was ok, because I worked out, but I also didn’t get enough nutrition a lot of the time. My tattoos were pretty but depressing. And the things in my head were the opposite of perfect. I was a complete mess, but he was looking at me like he wanted to devour me.

Devour me , was exactly what he did. With no further warning, he moved to lay on his belly and took my poison ivy covered dick in his mouth, holding it at the base. I let out a strangled cry and my hands immediately moved to the back of his head, fisting in his hair as he bobbed his head enthusiastically and his tongue worked some kind of voodoo on the underside of the head. My legs jerked, wanting to wrap around him and pull him even closer.

I gasped in a breath and looked down my body at him to find him looking up at me. I knew I must surely look wrecked. My hair had to be all over the place, I felt flushed and was already covered in a sheen of sweat. He moaned when we made eye contact, and the vibration on my cock made me cry out quietly. My hands were still gripping his hair. I wasn’t moving him, just letting him do whatever he wanted, but I still thought I might be pulling too hard. I couldn’t seem to let go, though, and he wasn’t complaining. He hollowed his cheeks and sped up his movements, taking me even further into his mouth and letting my dick hit the back of his throat.

His free hand moved to my hipbone, his thumb idly tracing the poison ivy there. The tattoo had seemed appropriate when I got it, but Nick wasn’t treating me like I was poison. He was practically worshipping my body.

He pulled off to catch his breath, licking up and down my shaft from tip to base like it was a fucking ice pop on the hottest day of summer. I couldn’t stay quiet. “Ungh, Nick. Fuck.” He gave me a little smile and took me into his mouth again.

His hand moved from my hip and slid slowly up my torso, where he found my chin then slipped one finger into my mouth. His eyes met mine, and there was a question in them. Instead of giving him a direct answer, I sucked on his finger in time with his movements for a moment, then popped off. I told him he couldn’t do the wrong thing, and I meant it.

His hand slid back down, the back of it tracing my body as he continued working my dick with his mouth like it was his favorite thing in the world to do. His hand ran all the way down, over my balls and farther. He paused with that one wet finger at my hole, looking up at me again as he kept sucking. I just pulled my legs up with my feet on the bed to give him better access. I was too far gone to get a word out. I could barely focus on his face, let alone give him any kind of verbal permission.

I’d had plenty of blowjobs, but none like the one Nick was giving me. I’d never had one where the person not only felt safe, but like they wanted to be doing it more than anything in the world. His mouth was definitely talented, but it was more than that. And strangely enough, the only thing I was having to block out of my mind was that he’d probably decide it had been a big mistake later.

With the unspoken permission, he slipped that finger inside of me slowly, moving as he tried to get the right angle, still bobbing his head on my dick. When he found it, my back arched off the bed. I was already so close, I knew I wouldn’t last long. “Oh, God. Nick. Oh. Fuck.”

My hands finally released his hair and dropped to the bed, where I gripped the sheets desperately. His eyes closed and he moaned around my dick again. It twitched in his mouth. He continued moving his finger, hitting my prostate every time, but not in time with his mouth, which somehow drove me even more crazy. My body didn’t know how to react or which sensation to chase. My legs were shaking and my back just wouldn’t seem to go back down onto the bed.

“Nick,” I panted, “I…” I suddenly realized that we hadn’t been careful at all. And while I’d always been careful in the past and had never gotten so carried away so fast, I still didn’t want to let him keep going. I knew my cock was already leaking, but as I rapidly approached my peak, I managed to grab his hair again and pull, trying to avoid coming down his throat.

He seemed to understand my concern, and with a slightly disappointed sound, he popped off my dick. He sat up and replaced his mouth with the hand he wasn’t using to tease my sweet spot. A whimper slipped out as he jacked me off quickly while continuing to finger me, and my toes curled on the bed. Within a few seconds I was crying out as my cum spilled out over his hand.

My back finally, slowly relaxed back to the bed as he slowed his movements but kept stroking me. When my next moan was slightly uncomfortable, he gently and teasingly pulled at my dick one more time and let go, pulling his finger out. My legs dropped back to the bed, and I tried to catch my breath as he wiped his hand on a tissue from a box on the nightstand. That was the best fucking orgasm I’d ever had.

He was still sitting between my legs, looking at me as he wiped his chin with the back of his hand. “You ok?” he asked me softly.

I laughed. I couldn’t help it. “I’ve never been more ok in my life.” The smile he gave me was almost proud. I sat up on my elbows. He was still fully clothed besides his shoes and jacket. “Can I return the favor?” I asked him.

He looked a little bit surprised. “Oh! Um, no. It’s ok.”

My heart sank. “Oh. Right. Ok.” So he had only done it out of pity, then? He’d done it because I begged him, and he wanted to help me because he felt sorry for me. He didn’t actually want me back. It hurt worse than I expected even though I’d really known it all along.

My thoughts must have been clear in my expression even though I was trying to play it off, because he said, “Gavin!” I looked up at him. His cheeks had turned bright red. “It’s not that I don’t want you to,” he said, “There’s just…no need.” My insecure ass still didn’t understand what he was telling me, and I must have looked confused, because he groaned. “Dammit, Gavin. It’s not what you’re obviously thinking. I, uh…I already…um…” He pulled at the front of his pants, and I suddenly understood.

“You came in your pants?” I knew he thought I was making fun of him, but I wasn’t. He’d been that turned on by me? He’d been so turned on just giving me a blowjob that he’d come without even being touched?

He put his hands on his face to hide it. “Yes.”

“You really wanted me?” I asked because most people didn’t. They just wanted to get off with no strings attached, and I was there and willing. Or they wanted to see if they were a little gay. Or they were just fucked up on something and horny.

He laughed, but it was a little sad. He moved over and dropped to the bed beside me, resting on his side as he looked at me. “Surely that was obvious,” he said, “Surely it’s been obvious since the first day I met you?” I just shrugged. “God, Gavin, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t keep my hands or my mouth to myself any longer. And I didn’t think it was the best time to completely lose all of my self-control, but when you said please…damn, Gavin, I’ve wanted you so bad the whole time. I just wasn’t sure you wanted me .”

I looked at him. “Who the fuck wouldn’t want you?”

He laughed at my bluntness. “Well, according to Gabriel, pretty much everyone in the world.”

“Well, Gabriel is an idiot. He let you get away, so we already knew that. But yeah. What a dumb prick.”

Nick smiled and leaned forward, kissing me softly on the lips. Then he sat up. “Stay here,” he said, “I’ll be right back. I’m going to go…um…clean up a little bit.” He blushed again as he headed into the bathroom. He was in there for a few minutes, and I started to get cold on the bed, but I stayed there like he asked me to.

He came back with a warm washcloth and gently cleaned me up before pulling back the covers and helping me under them. He climbed under them with me and held out his arms like he did every time I had a nightmare. It felt different though, especially as he gently kissed my forehead. It didn’t even feel weird that he was still fully clothed and I was completely naked. I snuggled up to his chest without hesitating. “I know you don’t realize how amazing you are,” he said softly into my hair, “But you are. I’m in awe of how you are overcoming, how you’re forging your own way even with so much trying to hold you back. I know you’ve been through a lot, I can tell, but you keep going, no matter what it takes. You’re always so worried about affecting everyone else and you don’t want to hurt anyone. Most people wouldn’t care like you do. I wish you could see the things I see in you.”

I kind of thought I might cry. I snuggled closer to his chest because I knew if I looked at him, I would. He still might decide later that he’d made a mistake, but right then, I wanted to be close to him.

He ran his hands through my hair gently as we lay there in silence for a few moments, but he finally broke it. “Damn,” he said, and I could hear the smile in his voice, “I hope I don’t get poison ivy.” I started laughing and gave him a little shove with my body. He laughed, too, and said, “Ok, can I ask about one more tattoo?”

I settled back in so I didn’t have to look him in the eye. “I told you, I’m a curse. I’m poison. And my dick is what got me into the whole mess. My dick is why my dad caught me. Couldn’t be more careful. Too horny to think about the consequences. I cursed Caden, I cursed myself, and God knows how many people I’ve managed to hurt without realizing it, because that’s all I ever seem to do. I’m just walking bad luck.” I paused. “And that’s why this ,” I motioned between us, “as bad as I want it, scares the shit out of me, Nick.”

He pulled back and forced me to look him in the eye. “Don’t you dare do that,” he said, gently but firmly, “Don’t start that again. Not after tonight. Don’t you do that to me. The only curse you could give me now is taking off on me after I’ve quite plainly let you know how I feel about you. You aren’t a curse, Gavin, I told you that. If anyone is a curse, it’s your dad. He’s the one who hurt you and made you feel like it was all your fault. Don’t let him win. It wasn’t you who hurt anyone. All you ever did was be yourself and try to love someone, and I’d like to kick that fucker’s ass for making you think you were wrong for it.”

He was speaking with such passion and conviction that I blinked and looked away. The understanding that he wanted me to stay with him, no matter the cost, crept slowly into my heart and made its home there. I still wouldn’t let him get hurt if it came down to that, but his words made me warmer inside, like something in there started to thaw.

His hand moved and he was rubbing my back gently. “You are so beautiful and amazing, Gavin. Please don’t ever feel like you’re poison. You aren’t. You never were. Ok?”

I nodded, but I felt like crying again. “Ok,” I whispered.

He pulled me back to his chest and we stayed like that silently as he rubbed my back. He finally broke the silence again. “But, for real, though. How bad did that hurt? That had to…I know a piercing would hurt, but this pain would just keep going. And how does it…like, did it bleed? And I mean, did you have to be hard, or…? And were you guys the only ones there or were there other…?”

I cracked up. “It hurt like motherfucking hell. Yes, it bled. There’s no way I could have stayed hard through it, but I did have to be hard for him to stencil it. The shop was open. There were those swinging saloon doors on each room. I don’t think anyone saw it happening besides one other tattoo artist, who kind of laughed at me because I was about to rip the chair to shreds with my nails. I can’t be sure, though, because there were moments when I couldn’t be bothered to pay attention to my surroundings. I have a lot of tattoos in a lot of places, but it beats all of them by a wide margin on the pain scale. It makes my dick look prettier, though. Even if it is poison ivy. He's a damn good artist.”

Nick chuckled and he peeked under the covers to look at it now that I was soft. That made me blush a little and I wanted to put my hand down there to cover myself. But Nick just said, “That he is. But it was perfect without it, too.”

“Now I know you’re drunk.”

“I am not drunk. It’s beautiful, just like the rest of you. But I mean, not going to lie, the decoration is pretty bad ass.” He pulled me back to his chest and I felt him grin into my hair.

“Glad you like it.” I hid my own grin. We fell into a comfortable silence as he moved the blanket a little and traced the tattoos on my back with his fingers. I was so comfortable there in his arms that I dozed off. I had dreams of Nick. No nightmares, just smiles and laughs and happiness. The dreams were vague, but they were the best dreams I’d had in as long as I could remember.

When I woke up and opened my eyes, he’d backed up slightly and was watching me. He smiled when our eyes met. “That looked like a happy dream,” he said softly.

“It was.”

“What did you dream about?”

“You.” I don’t think I’d ever seen anyone look more pleased at something I said. “How long was I asleep?”

“About thirty minutes. Do you feel like going back to the party? If not, we can sleep here, Jeff won’t mind. Or we can leave. I’m fine to drive. I’d never tell you that if I wasn’t. I’ll get us home safely.” He said home . Not “my place,” or “my apartment.” He went on, “I guarantee you everyone has been distracted and has little recollection of what happened earlier, though, if you do feel like staying. You haven’t even had the chance to truly experience one of Jeff’s parties yet.” I must have looked incredulous because he went on, “I’m serious. It’s been over an hour, and whatever we find up there is going to be much different than what we left when we came down here.”

The hopeful look on his face was all it took. “Ok. Let’s go check out this party, then.” He grinned. He climbed out of bed and found my clothes, handing them to me as he sat down on the edge of the bed to put his shoes back on.

I held them awkwardly for a second, still half under the covers. I knew he’d just had his mouth on my dick and his finger in my ass while I was laid out completely naked for him like a buffet, and that it was weird that the getting dressed part would be what bothered me, but it had been hard for me ever since they’d made me dress and undress in front of them in that room. I was working on fighting back the embarrassment and making myself do it, but he suddenly seemed to become aware that I was hesitating. He glanced back. “I’m going to use the bathroom while you get dressed, then we’ll go.” He went in there, and I wasn’t sure he was really using it, but him being so understanding of what he couldn’t understand made my heart flutter for him a little more. He didn’t come out of the bathroom until I was putting my shoes on. “Ready?” he asked me as I stood up. I nodded. “Brace yourself,” he said with a laugh.

◆◆◆

Good God . Nick was right. No one on the deck or in the living room where his friends were seemed to notice us, let alone remember that I’d been an object of interest an hour before. I looked around the room, wide-eyed.

There were people all over, many of them in various states of undress, some for no apparent reason, others because they were making out with one, or more, people. Jamie was giving Caden a lap dance that bordered on porn. They both had their shirts off, and Jamie was twirling his around above his head as he gyrated on Caden’s lap. Caitlin was on her girlfriend’s back, and she was trying to grab the shirt from Jamie as Nadia stumbled around drunkenly trying to get close to them. Amber and Jeff were both singing along off-key to the music that was playing as they helped Jesse and Luke do keg stands in the corner where they’d either brought the keg from the dining room or had another one. The people on the couches across the room were getting louder, but I couldn’t look away as Caitlin finally got Jamie’s shirt from him. She smacked his ass with it, cracking it like a whip and making him yelp as Caden laughed. At that moment, no shit, two fucking flamingos with diamond chokers on their long necks sauntered by all of them, unbothered, on their way to the deck.

“Oh, the bird lady is here,” Nick said casually as an older woman dressed like a damn flamingo herself, pink feathers and all, strolled nonchalantly past us behind the birds. She flirted with Jesse, who was straddling Luke’s lap on a chair near the keg while Jeff helped sweet, quiet Amber do a keg stand. Jesse flirted back with the woman, and Luke just laughed.

My attention was finally drawn to the commotion by the couches, where some guy was insisting to his friend that he could do a back flip, while he pushed at the girl who was sucking on his neck and finally got louder than everyone else in the room. The last thing I heard was, “Seriously, watch!” The girl stumbled back a little, laughing at him as he attempted it and crashed into the coffee table behind him. He landed on his back on the floor, managing to knock a Monopoly board two people had been using to the floor, scattering the pieces everywhere. The people who’d been using it stood up, yelling at him as he groaned on the floor. I wasn’t sure why they’d been trying to play Monopoly, of all things, with everything that was going on around them, but they were pretty upset he’d ruined their game.

I seriously couldn’t tell if I was at some kind of fetish party or a college dorm party. “Uh, what the fuck?” I looked at Nick, who’d grabbed me another shot. He handed it to me with a grin.

“Well,” he said, “It looks like the party is getting started.” Getting started? “You want to stay or go?”

It was kind of like watching a train wreck, and I couldn’t seem to look away. “Guess we might as well see it through, at this point.” He laughed and grabbed his own shot as we found a seat on an empty couch.