Chapter Forty-Two Ella
Chapter Forty-Two
Ella
My eyes slowly open, and I stretch out my body. Despite the rest, I still feel exhausted. Nightmares chased me through my sleep again, just like they have for the past two nights.
I hate to admit it, but having Tiero hold me helps. In his arms, I feel safe.
It’s our last day in Rome, and I can’t wait to leave. This city is forever spoiled for me. I have no wish to ever return.
Everything that happened here weighs heavily on me. So many lives lost because of me. How can I ever reconcile that?
The deaths weren’t my fault, I know that…
Still, if I’d never met Gualtiero, if I hadn’t saved him that day, those people might still be alive.
But Tiero would be dead.
The thought alone makes me nauseous.
What-ifs are a trap that poisons the mind. I need to stay away from that kind of thinking.
I’m caught in the middle of Tiero’s life and everything that comes with it. I’m not cut out for this.
I’ve never felt so hopeless.
People are out to get me. They will go to great lengths to use me in a high-stakes game of chess. I should have been safe in that club, surrounded by a small army, and still they got to me.
What if they try again? What if they succeed next time?
There they are again. The what-ifs. All they do is make me more fearful, more drained.
Is this what the rest of my life is going to be like? Always in danger? Always looking over my shoulder? Never seeing the people I care about because it would endanger them too?
I let out a long sigh.
No, I can’t go down that rabbit hole. It won’t change anything. It will only break me.
Onward and upward, right?
I turn onto my side and look at the sleeping man beside me. His hand slides from my belly as I move, but only for a moment before he shifts closer, his arm settling around my waist.
Since Monday night, he’s always touching me somehow, even in his sleep. It’s as if he needs to reassure himself I’m still here.
And that quiet need softens the walls I’m trying to keep in place, leaving me more open to him again.
He’s been through so much in his life, though he’d never call it trauma. Is it any wonder he is the way he is?
Am I actually considering staying with him? Giving up on trying to escape?
I can’t see a way out of this. But there is always one. I know there is. And it will present itself eventually.
But what would my life be like if I got out?
There is no going back to that carefree version of myself. The life I knew before is gone.
Could I even go back to a world without Tiero in it?
It seems unimaginable. He’s become a permanent fixture, and I’ve known him for less than a month.
When I’m in his arms, nothing else seems to matter. It’s just him and me. And the love I feel is all-consuming.
Our connection can’t be denied. So why am I still trying?
Despite everything that’s happened, just watching him sleep stirs a heat in me I shouldn’t feel.
Or maybe it’s because of it. I just want something that makes me forget.
Either way, I shouldn’t give in. Or I’ll go down a path I’ll regret.
A path where I accept what he’s done, what he does, what he will always do. More importantly… one that will make me his. Forever.
But resisting him is so hard.
I swallow, my throat tight. Damn, I’m confused. There’s a war raging within me. I’m pulled in two directions at once.
I inhale his scent, the one I remember so well on my skin after hours tangled with him, after losing myself in him.
Don’t look at his lips.
But I can’t help it.
My gaze drifts to them anyway. Full. Tempting. I wet my lips without thinking.
I realize too late that his eyes are open. He’s been watching me.
The intensity of his hazel-brown gaze draws me in, the love and affection shining there… for me. I can’t look away.
The truth is, I don’t want to resist him anymore.
Not when Island Tiero is back.
My body aches for him. For his touch. For the way he takes over and makes everything else disappear.
I want to feel alive again, bury everything that happened under something joyous… ecstatic.
I don’t know who moves first, but the space between us disappears.
My body hums with anticipation.
I remember exactly what his lips feel like. Hot. Consuming. Enough to make the world fall away.
I draw in a breath, feeling his against my skin—
What if this is Stockholm syndrome?
The thought cuts through everything.
What if I only feel this because he saved me? Never mind that he’s the reason I needed saving.
“No,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“No,” I repeat stronger this time.
I don’t know if I’m telling myself or him.
I’m too confused to make a decision. Let alone one that would let him take over completely and change my life for good.
Who am I kidding? My life is already changed forever.
This can’t be Stockholm syndrome, though. I fell in love with him before he kidnapped me.
But then I hated him for what he did…
Only to fall for him all over again?
Tiero is still hovering close to my face, his gaze fixed on mine. So many emotions flicker in his eyes. I close mine to shut him out, but it only heightens everything else. His scent, his presence.
He doesn’t reply, and I keep my eyes closed, not wanting to see the disappointment I’m sure would be there. Maybe even a trace of anger at my continued resistance.
His warm hands cup my face, his fingers brushing over my cheek. “Open your eyes… please, cuore mio,” he whispers.
Slowly, I do.
When our gazes meet, there is no disappointment. No anger.
Only warmth. Affection. And… love.
Startled, I drop my gaze. With my face still cradled in his hands, my eyes land on his lips.
Beautiful. Tempting.
My desire for this man has a life of its own.
As if caught, my eyes snap back to his. A slow smile spreads across his face, and my heart starts racing. I’m sure he can feel it beneath his fingertips.
“Let it happen, angel,” he murmurs. “Let us happen.”
I want to.
God, I want to.
The ache for him is unbearable. Heat pools in my core, a desperate need I can’t ignore. Every part of me reaches for him, remembers exactly how he feels, how easily he makes everything else disappear.
But I know what comes after. Regret.
“I can’t,” I whisper.
My body protests instantly.
What are you doing?
Tiero shakes his head almost imperceptibly. There’s no anger in his expression, only quiet determination.
Of course there is. He’s noticed the shift in me since the last kidnapping attempt. He knows my defenses are weakening.
In his mind, it’s only a matter of time.
“I love you, Ella,” he says softly, pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead before releasing me and getting out of bed.
I roll onto my back and stare at the ceiling.
Yes… my walls are crumbling. Piece by piece.
I let out a long breath, rubbing both my hands over my face.
There’s no denying it. My body, my heart… they want him.
But my mind? It refuses to follow.
Because wanting him isn’t the problem. Living with what he is… that’s the part I don’t know if I can survive.
I’ve seen what his world does. What it costs.
And loving him means choosing it.
What if love isn’t enough?
Mateo’s Rome residence truly is stunning, especially the garden, where flowering shrubs spill color in every direction.
Breakfast is set up in a small alcove overlooking the pool. As I follow the path lined with sweet-smelling roses, the turmoil from earlier this morning hasn’t faded. If anything, it sits heavier now, quieter but impossible to ignore.
I wish my puppies were here to distract me. I’ve grown so used to them darting around my feet that it feels strange to walk without watching my step. Oreo, Milk, and Brownie had to stay in Sicily, and Mariella promised she’d care for them just like I would.
I really do become attached too easily. To people and to animals. Will I ever see Knox again? Is he missing me too?
Tiero is already seated and, as always, on the phone. When I reach him, he ends the call without hesitation and rises to his feet. He pulls me into a lingering hug, nuzzling my neck before pressing a kiss to my cheek.
Electricity sparks between us, his touch sending a ripple of goosebumps down my arms.
“We’re leaving right after lunch,” Tiero says as he pulls out a chair for me.
“Are we going back to Sicily?”
A small smile tugs at his lips. “No. I’ve got a surprise planned for you.”
My brows lift despite myself. “A surprise?”
His eyes glint with amusement, his mood lighter than I’ve seen it in days.
“I’m taking you to Monza. We’re going to the Grand Prix. VIP access. Pit lane, starting grid… the whole thing.”
For a second, I just stare at him.
Then it hits.
“Oh my god.”
I’m out of my chair and on his lap before I can think better of it, my arms wrapping around his neck as I press quick, breathless kisses along his cheek, his jaw, the corner of his mouth.
“Thank you. I’ve never been to the Italian Grand Prix. I’m so excited.”
His arm slides around my waist, holding me close, his thumb brushing over my side.
“I’m glad it’s me who gets to give you that,” he says, his voice softer now as he tucks a loose strand of hair behind my ear.
The gesture is gentle. Intimate.
Too intimate.
Awareness crashes back in all at once. How close we are. How easily I fell into him.
I clear my throat and shift, sliding off his lap a little too quickly. Heat floods my face as I settle back into my chair, painfully aware of the hard press of him I just felt against me.
We eat breakfast in comfortable silence. I soak in the peace and quiet, feeling myself relax.
“Are we flying or driving to Monza?” I have no idea how long either would take.
Tiero takes a sip of his coffee. “We’ll take the jet,” he says, setting his cup down. “But before we can leave, I have to go out briefly.”
He has to go out? What about me?
I look up sharply. “Am I not going with you?”
The question comes out too quickly, too high-pitched.
Whatever happened to wherever I go, you go?
I’m well aware that I fought him on that rule not long ago. But now the thought of him leaving me behind unsettles me more than I want to admit. My pulse picks up, and the eggs I just ate sit like stones in my stomach.
“We got a lead on Molinaro’s whereabouts,” he replies, watching me carefully.
It’s the first time he’s mentioned anything business-related to me.
My throat tightens.
“Was it Molinaro who tried to kidnap me on Monday?” I ask quietly, even though part of me isn’t sure I want the answer.
“Yes.” His tone hardens almost imperceptibly. Then, after a brief pause, “I went after him that night.”
It doesn’t surprise me that he didn’t let it go. That he won’t.
“We caught a couple of his key players, but Molinaro himself went into hiding as soon as he got word that your kidnapping failed.”
A chill runs through me.
“What happened to them?” I ask, my gut churning.
Tiero doesn’t reply. He just watches me.
And that’s answer enough.
I bite my lip, inhaling slowly. More deaths… because of me. This will just go on and on.
I wrap my arms around myself, my voice faltering. “Molinaro is going to try again, isn’t he?”
To retaliate for his daughter and men. To hurt Tiero back.
He pushes back his chair and crosses the space between us before lowering himself into a crouch in front of me.
He cups my face, his thumbs brushing tenderly over my cheeks. “I promise you, he will never touch you again.”
His haunted eyes hold mine.
And I know, with absolute certainty, that he means it. That he won’t stop until Molinaro is found and… eliminated.
I shift in my chair, looking away, unable to meet his gaze.
I understand that Molinaro is dangerous, that what he did can’t be ignored. But is there really no other option than more violence? More death?
The question lingers, but I say nothing.
What is there to say?