Chapter Fifty Ella
Chapter Fifty
Ella
As I sit on the train, a million thoughts are running through my mind.
Did I really just get away?
I can’t believe it.
This was such a close call.
Surely, one of Tiero’s goons made it onto the train.
Every time someone walks past, I tense, bracing for a hand on my shoulder.
But nothing happens, and after a while the tension eases.
Wow, I really got away!
But the pain in my heart increases with every mile the train pulls away from the man I love. The single tear rolling down my cheek is soon joined by others. A part of me is dying.
I push to my feet and hurry to the toilet. I can’t fall apart out there. It would draw too much attention.
I lock the door behind me and sit down on the closed lid, allowing the tears to flow freely.
This hurts so much.
It’s like a piece of my soul has been ripped from me, and Tiero is holding it in his hands.
All I want to do is curl up in a ball and hide.
The desperate look on Tiero’s face haunts me.
My stomach twists in pain.
He’ll never forgive me for this. Which is exactly why he must never find me.
The thought hits harder than anything else.
Because it means this was the last time I saw him.
My throat tightens, and the tears come faster, my whole body shaking under the weight of it.
Was it only this morning that he held me in his arms? It feels like a different lifetime.
I press my hands to my face, trying to steady myself, but the thoughts won’t stop.
Why does it feel like this when I’m the one who chose to leave?
I drag in a shaky breath.
I never want to feel like this again. Love isn’t worth this gut-wrenching pain.
Maybe I’ll stay away from men from now on. Or perhaps Zoe is onto something with her use-them-and-lose-them motto.
The thought almost makes me laugh. As if I’m capable of that.
No, that’s not me. And neither is pretending I can just move on from what I had with Tiero.
My chest tightens again.
Because what we had was real. No matter how much I try to convince myself otherwise.
Would things have been different if I’d stayed the first time he asked me to?
If we’d had time… if he hadn’t forced things?
Would we be together now?
I close my eyes.
I love him.
But loving him doesn’t change what he did, nor who he is. And it doesn’t make it safe.
My vision blurs and my head spins. It’s probably the lack of food, the running, and the adrenaline crash.
I should get up and find something to eat, but I don’t move. I have no energy left.
So I sit there, wishing I could disappear somewhere with no heartbreak, no danger, and no impossible choices.
I miss my parents more than ever. They would know what to do.
And Rhia… she always has an answer.
A flicker of panic rises.
What if I never see her again?
I press my lips together, willing the thought down. For now, I can’t risk contacting her. Not with Tiero watching.
I stay in the bathroom a while longer, feeling sorry for myself. But the truth is, I made my decision, and now I have to live with it.
As strong as the connection between Tiero and me is, love isn’t enough when our lives don’t align.
I can’t live in his world. No matter how much I feel for him, or how good it was between us at times.
Straightening, I draw in a steady breath.
No more crying. From here on out, it has to be onward and upward.
I force my emotions down.
I need to think, plan, and prepare, because I’m not out of the woods yet.
I blow my nose with toilet paper and toss it into the garbage.
Tiero knows I’m on this train. His hacker will have already pulled the station footage and tracked who removed the earrings. Which means my disguise won’t work anymore.
But I have another wig.
I pull off the auburn bob and stare at myself in the mirror.
Crap, I look like I’ve been through hell.
I splash water on my face and pat it dry with paper towels. My skin is blotchy, my eyes red and swollen. Good thing the sunglasses will cover a good part of my face.
I change into another dress and secure the black wig in place.
It’s different enough.
Turning my bag inside out, I repack it and, with a steady breath, unlock the door and step back into the carriage.
No one looks twice at me.
I move through the aisle until I find an empty seat opposite an elderly woman who reminds me of my Oma. I force a smile as I sit down, and she returns it with a compassionate one. She can tell I’m upset.
After a few minutes, my stomach growls loudly. With a gentle smile, she pulls out a wrapped sandwich and offers it to me.
I hesitate for a second, then take it. “Thank you.”
I hadn’t realized how much I needed some kindness.
An hour passes in a blur of scenery and constant vigilance. Every time the train slows, I scan the platform, searching for Tiero’s men, only to sag in relief when nothing happens.
We cross into Switzerland, and leaving Italy behind lets me breathe a little easier.
When the train stops in Lugano, the old woman stands. Before leaving, she leans in to hug me, telling me in broken English that everything will be okay.
I wish that were true.
Still, her kindness touches my heart.
For a moment, I consider getting off with her. But I know little about the place. Only that it sits by a blue lake with mountains rising behind it and that they speak Italian here.
The mountains are calling me. They’ve always brought me peace. And right now, I crave that more than anything.
But I stay seated. I need somewhere I can speak the language to blend in more easily. So the German-speaking part of Switzerland becomes my destination.
I haven’t spoken it much since Ma died, except with Oma, and even that has faded with her dementia. But I’ll manage. You don’t really forget, right?
Where to get off this train, though?
Basel is flat and open, no mountains at all.
Lucerne is coming up soon. I’ve never been there, and it’s where the Alps begin. The town lies along the banks of Lake Lucerne, which sounds pretty idyllic to me. If I have to hide, I might as well do it somewhere beautiful.
It might even help me figure out my next steps. Because getting away was the easy part.
Avoiding being caught again is going to be the real challenge.