Chapter Sixty-Three Ella
Chapter Sixty-Three
Ella
The days aboard Poseidon’s Princess fly by. I can’t say I’m having fun. Kitchen work sucks, and I swear after this trip I refuse to dice, slice, or grate another vegetable in my life.
How am I going to survive ten more days of this?
After hours in a cramped kitchen, I stay away from people… and my shoebox. I need open space around me.
Staff isn’t allowed on the upper decks with the paying customers, but I sneak to the top level every night anyway, lying on a sun lounger at the bow of the ship, where hardly anyone goes, staring at the stars.
There, my racing mind slows, bringing me a level of peace. It’s dark and quiet, just what my soul needs.
I’ve only seen Claudette from afar, and that’s close enough.
I’m still rattled by her and haven’t returned the heart I broke. Super glue wasn’t easy to find, but I charmed one of the maintenance guys to get me a tube, and now it’s as good as new. You can’t tell it was ever broken.
Claudette read something more into this broken-heart paperweight. What did she mean, “You’ve waited for this”?
What is this?
I’m contemplating it as I sit under the stars all alone. Faint music drifts up from the bar below. I imagine people laughing, dancing, and having fun.
Will I ever be that carefree again? Or will I spend the rest of my life in hiding?
Right now I feel safe, secure in the darkness and quiet of the night. But someone might argue I’d be safer in a crowd.
If Gualtiero or Molinaro had their men on this ship, it would be so easy to snatch me from here or throw me overboard. Nobody would ever know.
The thought makes me shudder. I look over my shoulder and scan around me, reminding myself for the hundredth time that I got away and nobody other than a handful of Freemont staff knows where I am.
It’s sad how quickly looking over my shoulder has become second nature. Will I ever be the Ella again who is just in the moment, enjoying it without fear?
It won’t be anytime soon.
But things can change in the blink of an eye; they already have, many times.
In my twenty-six years on this earth, my life’s path changed in a big way more often than I liked.
Three events stand out.
Meeting Rhia when I was eight was by far the best one. I had hated moving from Austria to Ireland and thrown plenty of tantrums, but how wonderful it turned out. I can’t imagine my life without my best friend.
Then there was the saddest moment in my life. My parents’ sudden death left me in a pit of despair for a long time.
As for the third life-changing moment…
It’s the reason I’m here tonight. Saving Gualtiero’s life led me down a path I never saw coming. And only the next few steps on that path are lit.
But in a year or two, I’ll look back at this and marvel at how far I’ve come. All this turmoil will be a distant memory, and hopefully I’ll have found some happiness.
Happiness…
Of course I see Gualtiero’s face.
Island Tiero, that is.
Every day I tell myself not to think about him. Every day I fail.
Missing him has become automatic, like breathing, something I do without choosing to.
The memory of our last night together rises uninvited. His warm skin beneath my hands, the weight of him, the way he fit me so perfectly, like my body had been shaped around his.
I squeeze my eyes shut briefly.
This is pointless. Dangerous.
I stare up at the stars, willing my mind to empty.
The Milky Way stretches across the sky, brighter than I’ve ever seen it. For a moment, it feels like he’s there too, restless in the same way I am.
We are still connected. I don’t know how or why, or if it will ever fade.
If only he weren’t a mob boss… or if my conscience could live with it. But both are non-realities. I am who I am, and so is he.
These feelings will pass, won’t they? Or at least they won’t be so intense anymore?
As I gaze up into the vastness above me, my thoughts finally quiet for a few precious minutes.
I am small in this endless cosmos. My problems feel smaller too, reduced to something distant and abstract, like they belong to another version of me.
Maybe that’s what perspective is. Not answers, just distance.
I lie there, letting the night hold me, hoping this calm is something I can borrow, even if I can’t keep it.
Chatter nearby grows louder. Two women giggle as they sit down a few chairs away. They don’t notice me.
“I tell you, Rosie, you have to see Claudette. She’s amazing. She told me the other day there was someone on this cruise who would rock my world. And I met Chris the next day at breakfast. Oh my god, Liz, he not only rocks my world, he shoots me straight into the stratosphere,” the girl gushes.
“And she told me of a windfall coming my way, and tonight I found one of those scratchy lottery tickets in my bag I was given ages ago. You won’t believe it. Ten grand, Liz! Ten thousand dollars was sitting in my bag for four months. Un-fucking-believable!”
Wow, that is incredible. More so that Claudette called it. How does she do it?
I sneak away, not wanting to be seen by the girls.
As I walk down the corridor to my room, Claudette is walking toward hers from the opposite direction, and we reach our doors almost at the same time.
“I just overheard some amazing things about you.”
“Ah, happy customers… I love it. They’re good for business.”
“Yes, she was a very happy customer. That windfall you told her about happened. She’s ten grand richer.”
“Oh, I remember her. I’ve also seen her prancing around with some hottie on her arm. I didn’t tell her, though, that he’s going to try to take her money.”
At my shocked expression, she adds, “Don’t worry. Some other guy will intervene and voilà, a match made in heaven.”
“Why didn’t you warn her?”
“It wasn’t my place. Some things have to unfold in their own way. If I warned her, she’d dump Hottie’s ass and wouldn’t get her chance with Mr. Rescue. What’s a little stress when the happiness of the rest of your life is at play?”
“Oh.” It’s all the reply I manage. I’ve never thought about it like that.
Claudette opens her door and gestures inside. “Cup of tea before bed?”
Do I want to spend more time with her? She makes me nervous.
But I have a few questions. So I nod and walk ahead of her.
“How do you do it? How do you tell what’s going to happen?” I ask, sitting down on her sofa.
Yes, she has a sofa. Unlike my shoebox, her room is big enough to have one.
“I talk to angels and read energy. The present is easiest to see, and the immediate past leaves strong impressions.”
Okay, all of this is a foreign concept to me, but who’s to say she’s not right?
But that’s not what interests me right now. Something else has been playing on my mind.
“The other day, you said, ‘Wow, you’ve waited for this.’ What did you mean by that?”
She looks at me for some time, and I resist the urge to squirm.
Is she reading my energy now?
Eventually, she says, “Whatever you’re dealing with is big… life-altering, even.”
My heart stutters.
“This isn’t going to be a stroll in the park,” she continues as my chest tightens uncomfortably, making it hard to take a full breath. “I sense danger and deceit, but also love… of the pure kind.”
She stares at me, and it’s like she can see straight to my soul. Goosebumps run the length of my body.
“That kind of love is rare,” she adds softly, a small smile playing on her lips. “But the obstacles… they’ll be hard to overcome.”
No shit. They’re not just hard to overcome; they’re insurmountable.
“But you’ve got help… spiritually and physically. A lot of help.” She pauses and closes her eyes, a tense expression on her face.
“I’m here to help too. Whatever you’re going through, it’s my chance to set some things right.”
Her voice softens, losing its confidence for just a second. “To not turn away this time.”
I blink. Whatever does that mean?
She exhales slowly.
“I’m not sure exactly what I’m meant to fix yet, but I’ve been waiting for the chance.”
She whispers the last bit like a confession, and my interest is immediately piqued. She must have some idea, but asking seems insensitive. Plus, do I really want to know?
I’m tempted to blurt out my story with Tiero, to see if that will help her and in turn me, but Garrett’s voice to trust no one is too fresh in my mind.
There’s also another, much more burning question bubbling inside me, but I’m scared to voice it, afraid I won’t like the answer.
Once Claudette speaks it, I can never unhear it. But curiosity wins out in the end.
“How do you see this all ending?” I whisper, fighting the urge to look away.
Maintaining eye contact is uncomfortable as hell, but I need to see her reaction, need to see her expression, her eyes when she answers.
She gives me a genuine smile, and I feel myself relax, letting out the breath I didn’t realize I was holding.
It can’t be all bad then, can it?
“In the end, it will all be fine. You will be fine.”
In the end? That sounds light-years away. And what about in between now and in the end?
That has to be the vaguest answer I’ve ever received.
What sort of psychic is she?
Perhaps I should focus more on the ‘fine’ part. That’s the part that matters. I just want it to be here now.
Reading my rising annoyance, Claudette closes her eyes and speaks again.
“I don’t know how it’s all going to play out in the short-term. Unlike with the girl you overheard, the ending appears open.”
She moves her hands through the air as if feeling for something.
“There are many interconnecting wheels, set in motion long before your current dilemma. And each wheel depends on the action of the others.
“It’s too big a picture for me to put together. I’ve never experienced this, but…” she opens her eyes again. They’re greener than I’ve ever seen.
“But?” I prompt when she doesn’t continue. I swallow and try to draw more air into my lungs.
“But all will be fine in the end,” she repeats. “And it seems I’m part of this journey… at least for a little while.”
So, really, she has no clue either.
“I don’t think I’m any wiser than before,” I tell her honestly.
“You’re overwhelmed, and that’s understandable, given the magnitude of what you’re dealing with. But the universe always has the perfect solution. Trust it. Things are always working out for you. Believe that and you’ll make the right moves.”
My eyebrows shoot up, and the anger I’ve carried for so long suddenly boils up. My jaw locks so hard it aches.
“How can you say that?” My tone is accusatory. I know Claudette has nothing to do with my grief, but at the same time she brought it up.
“How did my parents’ sudden death work out for me? The death of other people I knew?” People like Oriana, and Sofia? “And don’t give me a shit answer like it was their time to go.”
I’m raising my voice now. This is crap.
“But it was,” Claudette insists calmly. “You need to consider the bigger picture. You might not like it, but it’s correct and for the highest good. Everything that has happened got you to this point today. It’s where you are meant to be.”
I let out a frustrated breath and shake my head.
“This is pointless. It’s clear you don’t know either.”
Standing up abruptly, I head for the door without looking at Claudette.
“Thanks for the tea.” I didn’t touch it. “I’ll see you around.”
Before she can say anything else, I leave.
I’m done with her riddles.