Chapter Nineteen Ella
Chapter Nineteen
Ella
Iswallow hard, a bout of resentment hitting me.
“One act of random kindness unraveled everything. Since then, I’ve just been reacting to whatever comes next.”
My voice drops to a whisper. “Will I ever live life on my own terms again? Find happiness again?”
The fire crackles, suddenly loud in the silence. Claudette’s thumb continues its slow, grounding circles against my sleeve.
“Happiness isn’t really found,” she says eventually. “It shows up. And you decide whether to let it in.”
I stare into the fire, its glow blurring.
“She’s right,” Rhia says through the phone. “You can’t chase happiness like something you lost. You tried that after your parents died.”
I flinch, but she keeps going, gentle and steady.
“You thought your relationship with Marco would fix it. It didn’t. Our road trips helped, but they were moments, not a life.”
The fire pops and crackles, sending sparks into the air.
“Happiness isn’t some big reveal,” Rhia continues. “It’s there every day. You just have to notice what’s already around you.”
Claudette squeezes my arm. “And you don’t need to map out your whole future today, darling.”
“And don’t forget you have helpers,” Rhia chimes in.
Claudette presses her forehead lightly against my temple. “Two of them are right here.”
“You’re not alone,” Rhia agrees, her voice leaving no room for uncertainty. “We’ve got you, El.”
I close my eyes, breathing in the scent of wood smoke and warmth, and letting myself be held by the people who know me.
“There’s more though, isn’t there?” Rhia asks after a beat.
Dammit. She’s too perceptive for her own good. Then again, she’s known me for a very long time.
I let out a long breath as fresh tears well up.
Damn hormones. They really do make you cry faster.
“I miss him,” I whisper, quickly adding, “I feel like I shouldn’t. I wouldn’t be in this mess if it wasn’t for Tiero. But I miss him so much.”
It was hard not to think of him on the road trip. But here?
Once the work is done for the day, it’s impossible not to let my thoughts wander to him.
There’s not enough to keep my mind occupied, not enough noise to drown him out.
“Obviously, I know why I’m doing this, why I keep hiding from him. But it gets harder every single day, not easier like I hoped.”
My hand tightens over my stomach.
“And once the baby is here, there will be even more to remind me of him. What if she looks like him? How would I cope with that?”
I swallow, my heart heavy in my chest.
“The worst part is that my mind is justifying his actions now and romanticizing our time together. I know it was short, but what we had, especially on the island, changed something in me.”
Rhia exhales softly on the other end of the line.
“Of course you miss him,” she says. “I sensed something real between you and Tiero from the beginning. It’s why I pushed you to give him a chance.”
She hesitates, and I can sense she’s struggling not to blame herself for what happened.
“I hate what his world turned out to be and what it’s done to you. But that doesn’t erase what you felt. Loving someone, missing someone, doesn’t mean the situation was safe or sustainable. It just means he mattered to you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut.
I do love him.
All of him.
Even if I want nothing to do with his world.
It’s a truth I arrive at again and again in the stillness of night, staring out at the stars beyond the wide, uncovered window.
“Your brain is doing what brains do when something ends without closure,” Claudette adds. “It keeps replaying the moments that felt intense, meaningful, alive. Especially the ones where you felt seen.”
She pauses.
“That doesn’t make you weak. And it doesn’t mean you imagined it.”
My chest tightens.
Rhia sighs and says, “It also doesn’t erase everything else. The danger. The fact he’s a mob boss. His view of women and their place in the Mafia.”
Her voice firms just enough to anchor me.
“You can miss him and still know you can’t go back. Both things can be true at the same time.”
Claudette stands and, grabbing a blanket from the other armchair, wraps herself in it and sits down.
“I get it, darling, I really do,” she says when she’s made herself comfortable.
“Have you been through something similar?” I ask.
She nods as she stares into the distance with a faraway look. She’s no longer here, but back with whoever caused her heartache.
“It was a long time ago. I was only sixteen. I met a boy at a party. Jasper. I heard his voice before ever laying eyes on him, and I was hooked.”
I smile, thinking of Rhia on the other end of the phone line. She has a thing for voices too. It’s her kryptonite.
“When I turned to search for the origin of that voice, my eyes landed on a hot guy who seemed just a little older than me.
“The moment our eyes met, it was like the universe shifted on its axis, galaxies collided, and I was right in the middle of it.”
My entire body freezes. This sounds so familiar.
That’s what it was like meeting Tiero. A shiver runs the length of my body, and Claudette’s eyes connect with mine, as if she knows exactly what I’m thinking.
“My life was never the same again. I felt whole, more complete. I was convinced Jasper was it. The person I was going to spend the rest of my life with. And, miracle upon miracle, he felt the same way about me.
“My parents didn’t approve of him, though. According to them, Jasper was too wild, too unpredictable. In hindsight, he was. They set stricter boundaries to protect me, but of course I didn’t see it that way and rebelled.”
She chuckles, then lets out a deep sigh.
“We ran away together.”
My brows lift, and Rhia exhales sharply in surprise. Neither of us saw that coming.
“It wasn’t good. We were both deeply insecure, and having little money worsened those feelings.
We fought constantly, blaming each other for our misery.
Splitting up seemed like the best solution.
So that’s what we did. Only to get back together a day or two later, because being apart was too painful.
“Then suddenly he got a job that paid very well. At first, I didn’t question it. We moved to a better place, and we could buy things we couldn’t afford before. I told myself that whatever he did, it must be above board. Or at least clean enough.”
Her mouth curves, but there’s no sign of her usual easygoing nature.
“I enjoyed the life it gave us. That’s the part I had the hardest time forgiving myself for.”
She shifts beneath the blanket, pulling it tighter around her shoulders.
“One night, I saw him with the men he worked for. I wasn’t meant to be there. I watched how they spoke, touched, and looked at the women around them… like they were disposable objects.”
She swallows.
“That’s when I understood what kind of world I was now indirectly a part of.”
Rhia is completely silent, and I can’t move either, too absorbed in Claudette’s story.
“I learned more after that. Enough to know that what Jasper was doing hurt people. Women, mostly. I realized that every comfort I had was paid for by someone else’s fear and misery.”
Tears cloud my eyes again. I know what that feels like.
While Tiero assured me he’d never engage in human trafficking, most of his wealth doesn’t come through legitimate channels.
Claudette exhales slowly.
“There was an incident. Something I saw that made it impossible to pretend any longer.”
She doesn’t elaborate. She doesn’t need to.
“I left that night without a goodbye, just ran and never looked back.”
The pain in her voice is obvious even all this time later. Some wounds heal slowly. Will this be me in years to come?
“Did he look for you?” I ask, feeling vulnerable all over again.
“I don’t know,” she sighs. “I hitchhiked from where we lived in France all the way to Spain. Once I got there, I took on waitressing jobs until I’d saved enough to go to India to join an ashram.
“I stayed there for two years. It helped me cleanse my soul. And it’s where I discovered my psychic gifts. They encouraged me to take them into the world and do good.”
Her gaze is unflinching when it returns to me.
“After I ran, I constantly looked over my shoulder, fearing someone would come after me. That’s what I recognized in you.”
She smiles at me, and it feels like sunbeams warming my insides.
“I tell you this because love can feel real and still be dangerous. Because comfort can be a trap. And because walking away later doesn’t erase the fact that you stayed as long as you did.”
She pauses, her expression softening.
“From what you told me, you tried to escape as soon as you found out who Gualtiero De Marco really was. I respect you for that. More than that, I’m in awe of you. I know how hard that must have been and how hard it still is.”
The room feels quieter than before.
“Is this why you’ve helped El right from when you met her?” Rhia asks, clearing her throat.
“Yes. I sensed the world she got caught up in long before she ever mentioned anything to me. Turning a blind eye and going on with my life wasn’t an option. I can’t let another woman suffer in a world she doesn’t belong in.
“Having said that, I also sense how much Tiero loves her. He’s willing to move mountains for her. Whether he can, that remains to be seen.”
Her eyes hold mine.
“I can’t undo the past or my shortcomings. But I can refuse to repeat them.”
She reaches for my hand, her grip warm and certain.
“And as long as you need someone in your corner, Ella, you won’t be facing things alone.”