Chapter Forty Ella
Chapter Forty
Ella
Iclose the cabin door behind me as quietly as I can.
I want to slam it, to let the sound shatter the stillness and give my emotions somewhere to go. But that would draw attention, and the last thing I need is for Tiero to see me like this. God knows what he would do in his overprotective state.
So I stay where I am.
I don’t move down the steps, just stand there on the landing, my hand still resting against the door, as if letting go might make me fall apart completely.
Tears blur my vision until the world turns indistinct.
Shapes, light, and shadows.
I blink hard, but it doesn’t help. My throat feels too small for the breaths I’m trying to take, each one shallow and uneven.
Sobs claw at my chest, desperate to break free, but I hold them back. I can’t afford to unravel here.
Rhia has been the one steady thing in my life since I was eight years old. The person who’s been with me through thick and thin. When I was scared, she stood between me and the world. When I doubted myself, she reminded me who I was.
We’ve had disagreements before, sure. But nothing like this. Nothing that felt sharp enough to leave scars.
I’m not going to lose her, am I?
For a man?
A man who kidnapped me. Who tried to mold me into someone I’m not. A man I ran from because loving him felt like stepping into something I might not survive.
What am I going to do?
This morning, the future was uncertain, but open and full of possibility. Now it feels narrow and closed in. Like every direction demands a sacrifice.
Tiero loves me. I don’t doubt that. But his love, no matter how intense, could never replace what Rhia and I have.
She’s seen every version of me. I would lay my life down for her without hesitation.
Is the universe really so cruel that it would force me to choose?
I don’t think I could.
They’re both woven into who I am.
My fingers curl against the wood of the railing as I draw in another breath, trying to force myself to calm down. I need to let the storm inside me settle before I do something I can’t undo.
Like marching back inside and making Rhia listen to my side of the story. She was so worked up that she barely let me get a word in.
If I told her Tiero was leaving the Mafia, she would understand why I’m not giving up on us. But I promised Tiero not to tell a soul.
Argh!
I drag my hands over my face, pressing my palms into my eyes. This is all too much.
I need to talk to Rhia again. I can’t leave things like this. The thought of that distance between us makes my skin prickle with panic.
But right now, everything inside me is too close to the surface. We both need space before words turn into damage we can’t repair.
The truth is, I’m not angry at Rhia for questioning my choices.
If I were in her place, I would have said the same things. I would have pushed just as hard. I would have fought to protect her with everything I had.
What hurt was how precisely her words landed.
They dragged my own doubts into the light. They reminded me that wanting something doesn’t make it safe, and that love doesn’t erase history.
Trust used to come easily to me. I gave it without hesitation.
Now, I second-guess everything.
If I want a future with Tiero, trust can’t be instant. It has to be earned. Slowly. Over time. Through actions, not vows spoken in the heat of emotion.
But for now, we have to start somewhere.
So yes, as impossible as it might sound to anyone else, I choose to believe him when he says he’ll find a way out of the Mafia. That he wants a different life. That he wants us.
But belief doesn’t quiet fear.
And right now, that fear is very much alive, crouched just beneath my ribs, reminding me how much I stand to lose.
I rub my eyes, willing myself to stop crying. The moisture on my skin has turned painfully cold, every tear biting like ice. I need to get back to the other cabin and warm up. Talking to Claudette and Lex will have to wait. I can’t let them see me like this.
I grip the porch handrail tighter as I stare out at the frozen ground. I can’t say I see much. My vision is still fuzzy, my thoughts tangled in everything Rhia said.
What if she’s right, and Tiero takes me back to Sicily? Once we’re back at the mansion, will life slide back into what it was after he kidnapped me?
What would I do then? I’d be trapped. And I’d have to worry not just about myself, but about Peanut, and what he or she will turn into living in the Mafia world.
A sharp gust of wind cuts through me, an icy reminder that I can’t just stand here like this. I wrap my scarf snug around my neck and take a step down the frosted stairs.
My foot slips.
The world lurches backward as the ground vanishes beneath me.