Chapter 15 #2
So, here I am. Third time is the charm, right? My caseworker stands beside me, gently squeezing my shoulder and staring down at me with hope in her eyes.
“You’ll love it here, Jasper,” she says slowly for me to comprehend and read her lips.
I nod, letting her know I understand.
Then, a man walks in. He looks larger than life. Striding in with a fancy suit, matching the fancy house. I can’t understand what the two of them are saying as they face away from me. But I’m sure she’s warning him about me. I’m a lot of trouble. I’m a lot of work.
I’m not.
I’m just a sad ten-year-old boy, begging for stability after my family was taken from me. I just want them back. I want to go home. I hate being the new me.
My eyes flick up when two boys who look my age approach me. The taller one with brown hair holds out a notebook with words written on a page.
Hey, I’m Hux, and this is my friend Mack. I heard you can’t hear.
I lick my lips and nod, waving in greeting.
Hux nods again, writing something in the notebook.
Jasper, right?
I nod again and gesture for the notebook.
My mommy calls me JJ.
And that was the first moment I met Hux and Mack.
They immediately took me under their wing and showed me what true brotherhood could look like.
Franco did his best as a foster dad, even getting me seen by a professional and getting me hearing aids.
We all learned sign language together and formed a real bond that continues today.
I still ache to hold my mother’s hand one last time or tell my sister I love her. Those feelings will always be there.
My family now is the two boys who helped dig me out of the depression I had fallen into. Another thing that’s never truly gone. Especially when I look out at the graveyard and spot her name from a distance.
With one last lingering look, I take in Olivia's final resting spot, making a mental note to order another charm for whenever I visit her again. I can only hope her spirit looks down and smiles at the many gifts I’ve left her in the past as a reminder that I’ll never forget her.
“Spitfire!” I whisper, knocking on the bars over her windows excitedly. “Happy birthday!” I say again, noting the movement coming from inside her bedroom.
She grins, looking at me through the thick metal bars. “Yes, happy birthday to me,” she quips sarcastically, twirling a finger in the air. She leans her chin on her hand and sighs. “How’s the outside world today, JJ?”
I grin, puffing out my chest. “I’ve come to break you out.”
Her brows raise. “Break me out? But he’ll know if you mess with them.” She blinks several times when I dig out tools.
“He’s gone, right?”
“Well, yeah. He always leaves around this time…” she trails off when I nod, getting to work and loosening the bolts on the bottom part of the bars.
“Good. I’m breaking you out, and then I have a present for you.”
She instantly perks up, looking wide-eyed. “A… A present?” she hums. “You didn’t have to get me anything…I….” she trails off when I pop the bottom sets of bolts off the bars and gently lift the solid piece up with a grin.
“You’re free now. Come and get your present.”
There’s fear in her eyes when she looks over her stiff shoulders and nibbles her bottom lip.
She’s been getting locked in her room for months now, and the bars were a new feature.
Raphael is keeping her locked up tight, trying to keep her away from everyone around her so he can continue to manipulate and isolate her.
I couldn’t take it anymore. Not seeing her after school or hanging out on the weekends was killing my heart. So, I devised a plan, keeping it to myself, to break her out permanently without her dad getting wind of it.
Liv doesn’t question it again as she climbs out the window with an umph and wraps her arms around me.
“JJ,” she whispers on the verge of tears. “Thank you for getting me out of there.” She doesn’t say it feels like a prison to her, but I know it does.
“You look beautiful today,” I whisper, wrapping my arms around her and squeezing her tight. “Now, you want your present?” She nods eagerly when I dig into my pocket and pull out a small jewelry box wrapped in birthday paper.
She grins as she opens it, tearing into the paper and letting it drop. “Oh, JJ...” she trails off, holding up the small silver bracelet with one charm hanging from it.
“It’s a lighthouse, Spitfire,” I say, running my finger over the small charm. “I’ll get you more charms to go on it. But this felt…. right. You’re the light of my life.” My cheeks instantly heat when she gently kisses my cheek and pulls away quickly.
It's a punch to the chest every time we walk past this graveyard.
I can never forget Olivia. The feelings she invoked inside me.
Or the way she laughed and talked about her favorite things.
Walking beside her final resting place every day is a constant reminder that I let her down.
I let her get swallowed by flames and let her slip between my fingertips.
"Spitfire," I mumble, taking her hand in mine. Her supple skin softens as her head leans on my shoulder.
"JJ," she mumbles as softly as she can, scooting closer to me in the tree house overlooking the forest surrounding us. The faint sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs in the distance infiltrates my ears.
This. Right here. Everything to do with Olivia calms the storms inside me. She's the lighthouse on the rocks, bringing me back from the brink of losing myself. If I didn't have her, I'd drown in the endless ocean.
"JJ, what's going on?" she asks sweetly, tightly clinging to me.
How can I explain what's going on? It's all inside my head. Like a bad feeling sinking in my guts. Something is coming, but I can't put my finger on it.
"I'm not sure, Spitfire," I sigh, snuggling closer to her.
I find peace in the silence of the night when no one is around.
No one, but her. My Spitfire. The girl who took me by the hand, learned ASL with me, and helped me adjust to a world without my parents in it.
The girl who soothed the angry boy who lived in silence and showed him that life was worth living again.
Her big brown eyes gaze up at me when she tilts her head. Her lips a breath away from pressing into mine.
"Whatever it is, I'll be here, okay?" She smiles at that, tugging at the edges of her lips.
"Always and forever, Spitfire."
But it wasn't always and forever. The feeling I had came true. In the form of taking her away from me. One second she was there, grinning at me. And the next? I was standing above her casket, attempting to be strong for everyone else around me, when I was anything but.
When Olivia died, she took pieces of me that I could never get back. She took the only noise I could stand to listen to. With her at my side, the world wasn't as fucking dismal as it is now.
Without Olivia, the world is too noisy. Too dull. Too fucking grey to ever exist in. Sometimes I wonder why I'm still here, and the love of my life is buried in the graveyard I'm forced to walk by. Why I still have oxygen to breathe, and she only has dirt, darkness, and a pit of nothingness.
Much like my soul.
The world used to shine with her by my side. She quieted the demons and terrors that kept me up at night.
And now...
I shake my head, following behind Hux up the steep hill.
The warm breeze blows the slight sweet smells of the white English Daisies planted outside our home.
As the heat barrels down, the flowers slowly wilt, curling their petals for relief, and soon, they’ll close up completely like they had never even bloomed.
Sometimes, I wonder if Hux thinks of her, too, when we stroll by the graveyard or walk by the flowers he planted in her honor.
Does her smile warm his frosted heart? Does the memory of our time together bring out the softer side of him that once existed?
I know Mack does. He can't help himself, even though he would never tell us.
Olivia wasn't only my safe space. She was all of ours.
Ours. Together. Forever and always.
224.