CHAPTER 16
Lila
S omeone behind me taps my shoulder. “I’m getting dizzy.”
I turn in my seat to face Vera, one of Melody’s close friends, and find her looking at me with a painful expression on her face.
“Are you getting nauseous? Do you want to throw up?”
Please, say no.
Before we left this morning, Haniyah told me she always packs some sickness bags with her on these bus trips, but I’d rather not have poor Vera use them.
The loud voices of the kids on the bus drown out her tired voice, but I manage to read her lips. “Don’t think so.”
“The park is only five minutes away,” I reassure her.
She closes her eyes and pouts, leaning her head on Melody’s shoulder, who’s sitting next to her with her eyes shut. Taking advantage of the bus stopping at a red light, I round the empty seat next to mine until I reach the two girls.
“I’m opening the window, okay? The breeze will make you feel better. Let me know if it bothers you, and I’ll close it again,” I tell her.
When she nods, I get on my tiptoes and hold on to the headrest of the seat in front of me, trying not to bother a sleeping Melody as I struggle to reach the tiny window. Just when I manage to open it with the tips of my fingers, the light turns green and the vehicle moves, jerking me to the side.
Shit, shit, shit, s—
A firm grip around my waist prevents me from falling onto Vera and Melody.
“Didn’t they ever tell you that standing on a moving bus is a no-no?” Reed’s tone is easy, teasing.
His strong hands pull me upright until I’m standing safely in the aisle. I don’t need to look at my reflection to know I’m blushing furiously. I really need to check why it is I’m always blushing around this man.
Maybe because I have a cru—
No. Nope.
“Thanks,” I mutter, glancing at him over my shoulder.
Big mistake.
Since we’re spending the day at the park, eating picnic lunches and playing games, the dress code is casual. I thought nothing of it until I saw Reed in dark jeans and a Henley under a leather jacket, doing absolutely nothing to conceal how much boxing is paying off.
I should stop drooling over a man twelve years older than me who happens to be my kind-of boss at the youth center and a close friend of my parents. For my career, I really should.
“Sit down, Lila,” he says, sounding firmer but not angry. “I don’t want you getting hurt.”
But his arm is still around me, so I can’t exactly move.
The bus driver hits the brake when the car in front of us abruptly stops— damn it, man, really? —making me lose my balance again.
One moment I’m falling, and the next I’m sitting on a very hard, very muscular seat.
“Comfortable?” Reed’s breath is so close, it tickles the shell of my ear, and a shiver runs down my spine.
My brain short-circuits. It must be the only viable explanation as to why it takes me an embarrassingly long amount of time to realize I’m sitting on Reed’s lap .
I clear my throat. “Very. Thanks for asking.”
But I’m not, so I wiggle on his lap, trying to get into a real comfortable position just to be a little shit. This may be violating some sort of code of conduct, for sure, but what the administration office doesn’t see won’t kill them. I hope.
The huge man behind—and below—me lets out a grunt as he grabs my waist, his grip strong and warm. “Stop moving.”
Just as I’m about to ask why, I feel it.
A hard bulge pressing into my leggings.
Oh my God.
My thoughts are interrupted by the bus stopping one final time. I bolt out of his lap, feeling more than a little dead inside because did I just make him hard and wishing the ground would just swallow me whole and end my misery.
“Sorry,” I mutter as he stands next to me. At the back, Haniyah and two other volunteers are standing from their seats, too. “I didn’t mean to…” Holy shit. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s my fault.” His voice sounds strained and all wrong. Not because he’s lying but because he’s…embarrassed? “That shouldn’t have happened. It was highly inappropriate, and I’ll understand if you want to report—”
I roll my eyes before he’s even done talking. “I’m not going to report you, Reed. It was an accident. It was my fault for standing up on a moving bus.”
The kids start grabbing their backpacks and getting louder and more excited by the second. I look at the man next to me, only to find his eyes already on mine.
“We’re good,” I promise. “You could never make me feel uncomfortable, Reed.”
He gives me a stiff, not-so-convincing nod, and we leave it at that.
As all five of us get the kids out of the bus and into the spot we picked at the park, I keep thinking how that’s true. How we’ve gotten to truly know each other in the last month. How I’ve come to the conclusion that Reed Abner is an honorable man.
Turns out my parents were right—I’m in good hands with him.
Literally.
My face flames, and I push the thought away. Because what would Mom and Dad say if they read my mind and saw all these inappropriate thoughts about their friend ?
It helps that, for the next two hours, I don’t see much of him. We set up our picnic on a patch of grass between the playground and a cafeteria, where I got Vera a sweet tea earlier because I suspected her sugar levels were too low.
A few parents decided to come, too, to help us chaperone the thirty-something kids. And as I eat lunch with Haniyah, Melody, Vera, and a few other kids, I don’t feel one way or another about Jacob’s tall, super attractive, super smiley mom being glued to Reed’s side.
I don’t care at all.
So what if they eat lunch on the same picnic blanket as she talks and talks and talks and he listens attentively? Big deal.
Reed is a single man—he can do whatever he wants. If he wants to hook up with Jacob’s mom or with any other woman, so be it.
When I was little, my dad used to joke that I wasn’t allowed to date until I was thirty; maybe he was onto something. After everything that happened with Oliver, I swore off men for the foreseeable future anyway. Reed can do whatever he wants, and it won’t affect me at all.
Yet the invisible imprint of his hands on my waist burns as the hours go by—a lingering torture that gets worse every time our eyes lock and my heart jumps.
After I give up on my personal Stop Looking at Reed game, I notice he’s not talking to Jacob’s mom anymore, but only because she left for work—she told us as much when she came over to thank Haniyah for organizing this field trip.
And of course, of course , the woman smells great too. Because that’s just my luck.
I bet Reed likes her smell more than he likes mine. That’s why he hasn’t acknowledged me in two hours.
Great, and now I’m losing my sanity.
As I do so, we capture the flag, play red light, green light, and do an obstacle course. Now some of the kids are on the swings, others are playing soccer, and I’m standing alone, making sure the little ones don’t get hurt on the slides.
And then it happens.
“Lila.” Melody’s quivering voice makes all the alarms go off in my head. And it only gets worse when I see her teary eyes. “Lila, I think something’s wrong with me.”
I crouch in front of her. “Why do you say that?”
She doesn’t meet my eyes. “I… I’m…” She hiccups. “I’m bleeding.”
Later that day, I’d face-palm myself for not realizing it sooner. Now, I only ask, “Did you fall and hurt yourself?”
“N-No, I…” She touches her belly, right under her belly button, and it clicks in my brain just before she says, “I’m bleeding… down there.”
Oh.
Oh.
Oh, shit.
“Okay,” I start, ever the calm and reliable adult I’m supposed to be in these situations. “Do you know why you’re bleeding?”
Periods are the most common thing in the world, and I don’t want to freak her out about bodily functions. My mom always says we should talk about them with full normalcy, even when around kids, and I agree.
Melody gives me a small nod. “It’s a period, right? They taught us about them at school a little bit.”
A little bit. I can work with that.
“That’s correct.” I search her gaze to no avail. She still won’t look at me. “Have you ever gotten your period before?”
“No…. This is the first time,” she whispers, a mix between scared and mortified.
But I got this. And, soon enough, she will too.
My eyes meet Reed’s from across the park. Something silent passes between us before I focus back on the girl in front of me.
“All right. Here’s what we’re going to do,” I tell Melody as my hand roams around the interior of my backpack. Bingo . “Here, take this tissue. Let’s dry those tears. There’s no reason to be scared.”
“Thanks.” She takes it with shaky fingers. “I was playing, and then I felt something weird, and I looked down, and…”
Indeed, there’s a little red spot on her green leggings. I can see how that could be mortifying for anyone, let alone a young girl, so I make sure my voice is reassuring as I talk to her.
“It’s nothing we can’t fix. Do you trust me?” She quickly nods. “Then let’s go to the bathroom so we can get you sorted. I have some pads in my backpack you can use. Do you know what pads are?”
She sniffles. “Mrs. Crawford at school told us about them. I thought they were like diapers.”
“Kinda. They come in really handy.” I squeeze her arm and get back on my feet. “If you have any questions, you can ask me. I get my period too, you know? It’s nothing to be worried about.”
“Hey. What’s wrong?”
I look up just in time to see Reed towering over us, a concerned notch between his brows. His gaze ricochets between Melody and me, stopping at the tissue in her hands.
And my heart melts a little more when he crouches in front of her and asks in that soft, calm voice he always uses with the children, “Did something happen, kiddo?”
Melody looks at me, her eyes flashing with silent concern. With how immature boys her age usually are when it comes to talking about periods, it doesn’t surprise me she isn’t sure whether to tell Reed. I know he’ll be nothing but understanding, but she doesn’t know that, and maybe—
“I just got my period,” she blurts out.
Her cheeks turn pink, and she sounds a little out of breath, but she was bold and brave, and she told him. Pride swells in my chest.
“I’m afraid I have no experience with periods, but Lila will help you with everything.” His smile is as gentle as his voice. “Do you need anything? I can call your mom, and she can pick you up.”
Melody shakes her head, glancing between us. “I’m having fun. I want to stay.” She swallows, looking down at her sneakers. “I just need to use the bathroom. I’ll be okay.”
“Yes, you will,” Reed assures her. “You girls can handle periods and much more.”
She smiles and is about to say something when her brother’s worried bellow breaks through the park.
“Melody!”
I turn just in time to catch Cameron running directly to his twin sister. Ignoring Reed and me, he holds Melody by the shoulders and scans her gaze frantically.
“You’re crying,” he says, out of breath. “Who made you cry? Tell me, Meli. Tell me, and they’ll regret it.”
“Slow down, tiger.” Reed settles a calming hand on the boy’s shoulder. “Nobody did anything to your sister. And if they had, Lila and I are here. We’d handle it. Remember what we talked about in our last session?”
Cameron shrugs him off, his eyes never leaving his sister. “I don’t care. If someone hurt you, tell me. I don’t care what happens to me.”
“Cameron,” Reed rumbles.
But anger keeps seeping from his pores. “I will do anything to protect my sister. I don’t care about the consequences.”
“All right.” Reed sounds calm but serious. The gentle authority in his voice sends a thrill of something down my spine that makes breathing a little more difficult. “Have you tried asking Melody what she needs instead of jumping to conclusions and upsetting her even more?”
“That’s dumb. I’m not upsetting her.”
“You kinda are,” Melody says.
We all turn to her, who’s looking at her brother with determination glinting in her eyes. “Nobody hurt me, Cam. And even if they did, I don’t want you to hurt yourself to protect me. I’m not a baby anymore. I can handle it.”
My lips curve into a proud smile that she doesn’t see because she’s focused on her brother.
“Meli, I…” Cameron starts, clearly taken aback by her unexpected words. “You know I love you, and I want to—”
Her shoulders shake with a sigh. “I love you, too, but I really need to use the bathroom right now.”
I put a hand between her shoulder blades. “Come this way.” I turn to her brother. “We’ll talk about this later. Everything’s okay.”
My eyes find Reed’s, and he dips his chin in acknowledgement. “I’ve got this.”
Melody reaches for my hand on our way to the bathroom at the nearby cafeteria, and she squeezes my fingers. “That was very admirable of you,” I assure her. “Telling your brother what you needed and standing up for yourself. That’s what you should always do.”
She worries her bottom lip between her teeth. “Do you think I upset him?”
“I’m sure you didn’t. He’ll understand when you talk later. And even if you upset him a little, you still have the right to ask for what you need. Let him deal with his own emotions.”
The smell of food surrounds us as we enter the busy cafeteria. Nobody pays us any mind as we head for the restrooms at the back.
“At least he has Reed,” she muses out loud. “He says he’s a good man. Helps him a lot.”
“Reed is a great counselor.”
He’s great at other things, too. But I don’t say it out loud.
I’m taken aback by Melody’s knowing smirk. “You like Reed, don’t you?”
Why has my heart just jumped?
“Of course I like him.” I give her an easy smile that—hopefully—doesn’t give away the confusing chaos her question has just unleashed inside of me.
Melody must be on a boldness rampage today because she adds, “I mean that you like him like that .”
A flash of his hands on me just hours earlier crosses my mind, heating me up from the inside.
“You’re blushing.” Melody giggles. “I knew it.”
Mortified, I usher her inside the empty bathroom with one hand as I reach inside the backpack hanging over my shoulder with the other. “Let’s focus on what’s important right now.”
She smirks, taking the sanitary pad as I hand it to her. At least she’s not crying anymore. “Vera and I think he likes you like that too.”
“Get inside the bathroom, you busybody.” She laughs. “Do you know how to use it? The sanitary pad?”
She sobers up at that, but her teasing smile isn’t fully gone. “Yeah. I think.”
“I’ll be waiting here. Holler if you need anything.”
“Okay, Mrs. Reed’s Future Wife.”
She shuts the door before I can tell her that’s the most insane and untrue thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m twenty-four, damn it. I should know better than to get hung up on the words of kids who don’t understand complex feelings. The girls are probably just seeing things.
Yet for as long as Melody stays in the bathroom, that’s all I do—wonder if they have a point, if they’re right, if Reed might just feel even an ounce of the attraction I…
Fine.
I am attracted to Reed.
I’m attracted to how he always has the right words, to the passion he feels for his job, to how gently he treats the kids, to how right his body feels against mine.
I’m attracted to a man twelve years my senior, a forbidden man in far too many ways.
My parents would never approve.
My reputation will be tainted, and I will forever be known as the girl who slept with a professor.
Oliver took too much from me. Men aren’t worth it.
The voice in my head is right—I don’t need a man. What I need is to nail my thesis, graduate, and become a youth counselor just like I’ve always wanted.
The last thing I want is to ruin my career before it’s even begun with rumors about being involved with a professor who happens to be my internship supervisor.
“I’m done.” Melody opens the door behind me, snapping me out of my thoughts. No man for me anytime soon, let alone Reed Abner . “The pad feels weird.”
I give her an apologetic smile. “You can talk to your mom later about other options. Are you sure you don’t want me to call her?”
“I want to stay here.” She looks down at her green leggings, biting her lip again. “But I can’t remove this stain, and I don’t want people to see it. It’s embarrassing.”
I don’t think twice before I take off my hoodie and give it to her. “You can put your jacket in your backpack and wear this instead so no one will see the stain.”
She takes it, quickly replacing her jacket with it. Like I suspected, it falls just past her knees. “You look great.”
Before I know what hit me, Melody throws herself at me and wraps her arms around my torso. “Thank you, Lila.” My heart swells. “You’re like the big sister I never had.”
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
I wrap my arms around her. “I’m really proud of how you’ve handled this whole situation with your period and your brother.”
She beams at me. “I’m feeling better now. And your hoodie smells really nice.”
I chuckle. “I’m glad, because it’s yours for the day.”
With the situation under control, we go back to our group. The second we reach the park, my eyes fall on Reed.
Vera and I think he likes you like that too.
When his dark eyes meet mine, I tell myself whatever weird infatuation I feel for Reed needs to stop. Now .
My future is on the line, and no man is worth sacrificing my career for.