CHAPTER 31
Lila
T he world stops as soon as Reed utters those seven words.
Because I want to do it again.
“What do you want to do again?” I mutter in the silence of the hallway because I need to make sure he’s saying what I think he’s saying.
He takes a step forward, caging me in against the door.
“I want to touch you,” he rasps, low so only I can hear. “I can’t take it another second, Lila. I need to feel you again.”
The heat between my legs pulses at his confession. Breathless, I tell him my own truth. “I need to feel you too.”
At this moment, I don’t want to think about the consequences of moving forward instead of going back to our old dynamic. All I see and all I want is Reed.
Things may not be the same after tonight, but I’ve had enough of worrying about what other people will think of my choices. I don’t want to neglect my own desires anymore.
With my heart beating a million miles an hour, I move my hands up his leather jacket, hold it by the collar, and pull his mouth down on mine.
And we fall.
His lips are as soft and demanding as I remembered. I can only think about how I don’t want to kiss anyone else ever again as he reaches behind me and opens the door wider, then shuts it behind us before his hands travel down my spine until he’s cupping my backside.
“You drive me insane.” His voice is a rough whisper against my neck. “Wrap your legs around me, angel.”
There is no awkwardness, no hesitation, as he picks me up so effortlessly it makes my belly flutter. I do as he says, wrapping my legs around his middle before his mouth finds mine again.
His fingers stretch wide on my ass, squeezing it as if he knows he won’t get to touch me like this again. As we kiss, my own hands tangle in his short hair, earning a deep grunt when I bite down on his lower lip.
“Reed,” I whimper, grinding my core against his hard bulge. “I need you.”
“I know you do, sweetheart.” His mouth finds my sensitive neck. Kissing, sucking, biting. “You’re gonna let me eat you like I’ve been dying to do for months?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No,” I repeat, grinding against his hardness. “It’s my turn now.”
“Lila…”
“Sit on the bed,” I instruct, not fully convinced he’ll listen to me. Reed is bossy in and out of the bedroom, and I love that about him, but I need this. I need him to feel good.
He grunts against my neck but eventually does as I say. Still holding me in his arms, he sits on the edge of the bed and places me on his lap.
His mouth finds mine again as my hands explore the broad, hard planes of his shoulders. His strength drives me crazy on a normal day, but knowing he can pick me up so effortlessly wakes up something primal in me.
The burning desire to give him pleasure blinds me. I help him take his leather jacket off, and then I start playing with the hem of his shirt.
“I want you to take it off,” I breathe out, the arousal between my legs burning hot just from the thought of seeing his bare skin, of feeling his muscles under my touch.
He swallows, hesitating. “I…”
It’s the sudden change in his voice from possessive to doubtful that stops me in my tracks.
“Did I do something wrong?” I ask him, alarmed. “We can stop if you want to.”
“It’s not that.” His big hands engulf mine, placing them over his chest again. He pauses, then swallows. “I have a scar on my back. From one of my dad’s beatings. It’s not pretty.”
His admission shatters every piece of my heart, but I do my best to focus on him. This isn’t about me.
“Nothing about you is ugly to me, Reed,” I tell him softly. His throat bobs at my words. “You can leave it on if it makes you more comfortable.”
His eyes search mine, and I hope he sees the truth in them. His childhood made him into the man he is today—the man my heart beats for. Those horrors should’ve never happened, but they don’t make him a monster. They never could.
Reed is perfect to me in every way.
I follow the movement with my eyes as he unbuttons his shirt, knowing how important this moment is for him, and don’t look away until he says, “I feel safe with you.”
Our eyes remain locked in a silent embrace as he gets undressed. As he lets the shirt fall to the ground. As I trace his torso with my careful fingers.
“Will you show me the scar?” I ask him softly, hoping he knows he can say no.
His hesitation breaks something in me. “Are you sure?”
I lean in to press a kiss on the base of his throat. “I want to see all of you if you want me to.”
Gently, he picks me up and turns us around so I’m kneeling on the bed. He towers over me; he’s so imposing, so masculine, the need to make him feel good consumes me.
I pat the mattress. “Sit here.”
He hesitates for a moment but finally sits on the bed, showing me the scar between his shoulder blades.
I suck in a breath—not because I’m disgusted, but because I can’t even begin to understand what kind of monster would do this to their own son.
“Can I touch it?” I ask him in a whisper.
He nods.
My fingers map out his skin with care, afraid to hurt him, even though I don’t think I could. My heart fills with rage for him but also with admiration—how someone could live through hell and come out of it such an honorable man with such a strong desire to give back to the world is beyond me.
Overwhelmed by what I’m too scared to admit I feel for him, I lean in and press my lips to his scar. He flinches for a second before relaxing against me. My hands find the naked skin on his back, caressing it. He deserves to be taken care of, and I want to be the one to do it.
“You’re perfect,” I whisper against his scar. “Every inch of you.”
He lets out a shaky breath. “Come here, angel.”
I give his scar one last kiss before getting off the bed. Almost instantly, his hands find my hips and pull me between his legs. I let him rest his head on my chest because I know he needs it.
“Thank you,” he whispers, his voice rough.
I run my hands through his hair. “You don’t have to thank me. I’m here for you.”
He looks up at me then, emotion swimming in his eyes. “And I’m here for you.”
His grip on my chin is gentle as he pulls me into a kiss. He sighs into my mouth, telling me everything I need to know. So, I part his lips with my tongue, deepening the kiss, telling him without words that he’s the only one for me. That his past will never scare me away because he’s…
He’s the man for me.
I pull away, overwhelmed by my need to make him feel as good as he makes me feel every day. “Let me take care of you.”
He swallows thickly. “You don’t have to.”
But I’m already lowering myself to my knees between his legs, salivating at the thought of having him in my mouth. We don’t break eye contact as I undo his slacks, as he helps me lower them to his ankles, and as I start palming his massive bulge through his boxers.
Hissing, he shuts his eyes as I grab his cock through the fabric and squeeze him. “ Fuck .”
The sound of his pleasure makes my own arousal grow. I press my legs together as I keep stroking him.
“Do you like me on my knees before you?” I drawl.
“I fucking do.” He opens his eyes again and strokes my hair. “You look so beautiful right now.”
I press my lips to his covered bulge in a soft kiss, then another, and another. His grip on my hair tightens as he curses under his breath.
“You’re killing me,” he rasps.
I smirk, enjoying this power I wield over him a little too much. When I grab the hem of his boxers and start pulling them down, down, down, he throws his head back with a groan.
I salivate at the size of him. Just the thought of struggling to take him in my mouth makes me blind with need.
His eyes are already on me when I look up at him. I don’t break eye contact as I take the tip into my mouth deliberately slowly, then take some more until he’s hitting the back of my throat.
“ Shit . That’s it, angel. You suck me so well,” he praises, pulling my hair back and watching me with blazing heat in his eyes.
When I hum against him, his hips jolt forward, making me choke. He’s quick to put a hand on my cheek, caressing me. “Are you okay?”
My only response is to take him deeper.
“Lila,” he chokes out. “Stop, baby, or I’m going to come.”
I hum again, enjoying that idea too much, but he gently pulls away.
“I need to be inside you,” he says. “Stand up and undress for me.”
His command sends a thrill down my spine. It’s the thought that I have such an effect on him, that he wants me , that boosts my self-confidence as I strip to my underwear. He watches me in silence, one big hand wrapped around himself, stroking those generous inches in a lazy rhythm.
It’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen.
“Don’t take them off.” He stops me as I’m about to roll my panties down my legs. “Those are mine.”
Holy shit.
“Lie on the bed for me.”
I do as he says and watch him undress completely before he climbs onto the mattress, hovering over me.
He presses a soft kiss on my stomach and mutters, “You were made for me, angel.”
I whimper as his lips make their way up my torso, sucking on the sensitive skin above my breasts.
“I want to hear you scream while my tongue is inside you,” he rasps.
My back arches involuntarily, just from the possessive edge of his voice. “Take it off. Please .”
His fingers tease the clasp of my bra. “This?”
I nod, out of breath.
My nipples harden at the contact with the cold air of the room, then some more when he sucks one into his mouth. I moan his name, clinging to his neck like I’d fall to my death if I didn’t.
All sorts of grunting noises leave the back of his throat as he sucks one nipple, then moves to the other, kissing and sucking and biting. My hips move up of their own accord, colliding with his hardness. Only the thin fabric of my panties separates me from pure bliss.
“I need you inside me,” I breathe out.
He comes to a sudden stop, cursing his breath. “I don’t have any condoms.”
My stomach sinks. “Me neither.”
He holds himself up with one arm, staring down at me. “Are you on birth control?”
I bite down on my lower lip, shaking my head. “No.”
My doctor said I’d have a higher risk of blood clots if I took birth control pills, but I guess talking about my medical history right now wouldn’t be too sexy.
“It’s okay.” He places a loose strand of hair behind my ear with so much care, my heart leaps. “You’re gonna come in my mouth.”
My breath hitches. “Am I?”
He winks before scooting back on the mattress so he’s kneeling on the ground, just like I was mere minutes ago. His strong grip holds me by the hips and pulls me to the edge of the bed.
Reed starts kissing the inside of my thigh, then the other, as wetness pools between my legs.
“I wanted to taste you so fucking bad last night,” he admits. “I’m going to eat you until your body starts shaking.”
I don’t have time to react before his mouth descends between my legs, kissing me through my panties. My back arches, my breath hitches, and I become blind with need. Those thick fingers move the fabric of my panties aside, his eyes on me. Starving .
I thought I’d feel self-conscious, baring myself like this to such an imposing and older man, but now I realize how stupid I’ve been. This is Reed —there’s nobody I trust more.
“You’re perfect.” When he presses his thumb to my clit and I moan, he smirks. “So responsive, my girl.”
My girl.
It hits me that, yes . Yes, I am. I want to be.
I’m his girl—nobody else’s.
And he’s mine.
His mouth descends on my core, undoing me with the first faintest touch of his lips. He kisses me slowly, groaning under his breath, his eyes shut as if he were rejoicing over every second of it.
When his tongue pierces my entrance, a high-pitched whimper gets stuck at the back of my throat. He starts slow, taking his time, before he picks up the pace when my hips start bucking. I can’t think straight as he devours me like I’m his last meal, like I’m the best thing he’s ever tasted.
With my hands in his hair, I pull him closer, begging him to go faster, harder, deeper. He obliges.
When I can’t take it anymore and start clenching around him, he pulls away long enough to say, “Come on my tongue, angel. Soak my face.”
My release hits me in powerful, overwhelming waves. He puts his mouth back on me, hitting all the right spots, helping me come down from my high with gentle kisses.
I’m breathless, shaking, sated, when he stands up minutes later. “Are you okay?”
Still regaining my breath, I give him a tired smile. “Do you really have to ask?”
He lets out a low chuckle, but my attention shifts to his cock. It rests against his stomach and is so hard I hurt just looking at it.
“Where do you want to come?” I ask him, taking him off guard by the way his eyebrows shoot up. “On my stomach? My tits? Somewhere else?”
“Baby…” He shuts his eyes, grabbing a fistful of his length and pumping it up and down. “If you don’t want—”
“Choose, Reed.”
He groans. “You’re a fucking dream come true.”
I smirk. “Come here.”
He hovers over me again, supporting his body weight with one hand. His eyes don’t leave mine as he says, “I want to mark your stomach.”
The word mark sends a thrill directly to my already too-sensitive nub. I’ve never liked possessive guys—at least, I thought I didn’t—but Reed’s bossy nature in and out of the bedroom brings out something primal in me. It’s raw and it’s new, and it feels liberating.
I start touching myself at the same time he does, not breaking eye contact, breathing like one.
“I’m going to come,” he grunts after no more than a few minutes. “Are you gonna come for me again, angel?”
I whimper, nodding, too aroused to remember how to use my English.
He kisses me again, hard and fast, before he explodes on my stomach. Hot waves hit my skin as I come for a second time with his name on my lips and a silent scream in my throat.
Breathing heavily, Reed pulls away and asks me if I’m okay again, telling me he’s going to clean me up. That I don’t have to move. That I did so good for him.
And my chest opens wide as my heart admits what I’ve been too scared to.
I’ve fallen in love with the one man I can’t have.