Chapter Four
Taskill
Taskill paced at the top of the wall, waiting for his brother to return. Jasper said, “You’re pacing like an old maid, T. Let it go. Lennox won’t marry you off to someone you don’t approve of.”
The sound he hated to hear caught him. His mother. “Taskill, is Lennox back from visiting that old bird yet?” She wore her mantle this time, the rich red woolen garment wrapped tightly around her.
“Nay, Mama.”
“Come and get me when he returns. No point in him repeating himself.”
Meg flew up the staircase to the top of the curtain wall. “I’ll go tell her when he returns, Taskill. Don’t worry. I’ll handle her.”
“My thanks, Meg. What did I do without you? I lost Eva, but I gained you, thankfully.” He glanced at Meg, wondering why she looked as though she had eaten a mouse. “What?”
She hopped from one foot to the other, then glanced from Jasper to Taskill. “You don’t see it, Taskill?”
“See what?” Taskill asked, confused.
Jasper grinned. “I surely noticed earlier.” The man who was second to the laird when Taskill was busy had an expression on his face that appeared as if he carried the secret to the sea tides.
“Noticed what?” Taskill felt completely ignorant now. What had those two seen that he hadn’t? “Tell me. I’m too worried about being forced to marry on the morrow to see clearly.”
Jasper nodded to Meg, who chuckled and whispered, “Your mother and Dermot.”
“Oh, they do love to argue. I saw that. Just like when Eva and Sloan were the issue. Mama loves to put him in his place.”
Jasper tipped his head back and laughed. “Oh, I think she’d have loved to put him exactly in his place. And the place would be underneath her. I think she would love to be on top.”
“What?” Taskill couldn’t believe what he’d heard. “Mama and Dermot?” He jerked his head back and forth between the two grinning faces.
Meg let out a giggle that didn’t stop, and Jasper guffawed more than he’d ever seen him. “Those two? You think?” Taskill couldn’t have been more shocked.
“Oh, the tension in the air when those two go at it is powerful. Dermot would love to throw her down in a pile of hay and mount her like a Grant stallion takes its mare …” Jasper’s sides shook from his laughter.
“Nay, nay, nay!” Taskill yelled. “That’s my mother you are talking about.” He covered his ears and said, “I’ll never believe it. You are both daft.”
“She’s a woman, Taskill,” Meg said.
“I don’t care. Never, ever say that again. Never.” The very idea nearly made him spew over the edge of the wall.
Jasper pointed, noticing Lennox and his well-known gallop coming down the path toward them. “There he is.”
“Thank the Lord above. Does he look pleased or pished?” Taskill asked.
“Taskill,” Meg asked. “Before he gets here, I have to ask. Why aren’t you married? I know your brother was fussy, but you don’t seem to be.”
Jasper choked on the sip of water he’d just taken from his skin. “I’m going down to get Lennox’s horse.”
Taskill knew why Jasper ran. Because no one understood him—Taskill had always been referred to as the more handsome of the two brothers.
And true, he was five and twenty and should be married or at the least, betrothed.
But he’d had no urge to do so. Oh, he’d been with a few, and many had tried to talk him into marriage.
But something held him back.
Some liked to call him a big flirt, but he didn’t feel that way.
He never pursued a lass unless she came to him first. Fear of rejection caused that.
He couldn’t help it if he was friendly and happy most of the time.
He kept his hair thick, and it turned quite golden in the summer, something he hated to cut.
So, he let the loose waves grow, and women loved it.
But lately, he tired of it all. The lasses were pretty, but they all seemed to blend into the same person. They asked the same questions, thought the same way.
Where would they live if they married? Would he take her to Edinburgh for her gowns? Could she have a maid to tend to her needs? Could she choose the menu?
It was as if they all dreamed of being married to a chieftain, but they weren’t interested in Lennox. They’d been like that before Lennox met Meg, so nothing had changed much.
Lennox was serious, and his responsibilities made him short at times.
Meg had been the best thing that had ever happened to him.
Taskill would love to find his perfect match in the same way his brother had.
It was like a bolt of lightning came down from the sky and struck Lennox in the heart when Meg arrived.
Was there such a lass out there for him?
As Lennox’s second-in-command, Taskill had plenty of responsibilities. And he adored bairns. In fact, he couldn’t wait to see the first child born to Lennox and Meg. Or to Eva and Sloan.
But Taskill was unlikely to have any. He didn’t think he could do the right thing by any lass. There was something inside him, something that ate away at him, that said he’d never be a good husband.
And he wouldn’t do that to any lass. If he couldn’t love them with all his heart, be completely devoted to his wife and his family, then he couldn’t stand in a chapel and say the vows.
He couldn’t marry someone like Sheona unless he could give her his full attention.
She deserved that much. They’d played together as youngsters, and he’d always admired Sheona because she never acted like a girl.
She swam and fished and rode on horseback when her father wasn’t around.
She loved obstacle courses, and he heard her ask Sloan once if he’d teach her how to throw a dagger.
But Sloan had denied her. Sheona was unlike any of the lasses who fawned over Taskill, begging him to court one lass or another. She was quite unique and he had always admired her for that.
But he still couldn’t marry her.
There was a time when they were younger that Taskill had thought he and Sheona would make a fine couple, though she was nearly six summers younger than he was.
But there had been times when he, Lennox, and Sloan had played together, pulling the three lasses in to join them, ignoring the age difference.
Lennox had been the eldest at ten and six, Taskill, ten and four, Sloan a summer and a half younger.
Then Sheona had been nearly nine. Of course, the lasses always played the enemy and lost to the stronger clan that the lads represented, but it had inspired a feeling in Taskill he hadn’t had before.
He’d begun to feel like Sheona’s protector. Every time her brother or sister ordered her about or criticized her, Taskill found himself standing up for her. Lennox had often teased him about it, but Sheona was brighter than anyone gave her credit for.
But his favorite characteristic of Sheona had been that she had no fear of anything they asked her to do. Eva and Marta would never play in the mud or touch a frog or a fish. Sheona didn’t mind any of it.
So, when they’d reached the point of choosing partners, Taskill had chosen Sheona first. Lennox always worked with Marta while Sloan matched with Eva.
Taskill’s favorite activities had been racing across the meadow on their strongest horses and preparing obstacle courses.
But then everything changed. Eva and Marta didn’t wish to play with the lads any longer, so Sheona had to give up the same.
They’d all continued to swim together until Sheona had developed. Then her mother stopped everything. He’d thought that odd because no one had told Eva or Marta they couldn’t join the lads, but Sheona had grown breasts at a young age.
And her mother had ended all swimming with the boys.
Staying apart hadn’t set kindly with Taskill. He didn’t find the separation the least bit respectful. He’d grown fond of Sheona, even though there were nearly six summers between them.
But he got over it once the lasses had begun to flirt with him. And flirt they did. More than he wanted, if the truth were known. Now he had a reputation that he’d never desired or deserved.
Lennox entered through the gates, so Taskill wiped the sweat from his hands and proceeded down the steps to determine if he was betrothed.
Oh, he liked Sheona well enough. She certainly was a beauty and smart too.
But he couldn’t do it to her. He’d not marry her.
She deserved a man who would be faithful, loyal, and one who loved her.
He liked Sheona, but that was it.
If he were forced, he’d leave the isle rather than force himself on the poor lass. It just wasn’t fair.
With that decision made, he moved to learn his fate. “Well?”
Lennox pulled him into the stables to the back stall. “Lads, do not let anyone near this section. Even my mother.”
“Aye, Chief.”
Taskill followed his brother through the passageway between the stalls, the horses nickering along the way, but it wasn’t until the very end when Lennox turned around and said, “I calmed him for now, refused him, but he’ll not agree for long.
Either you have to find a lass or Sheona needs to find a husband, because he’s angrier than an otter protecting its cubs.
He’ll be back for you in less than a sennight, if I were to guess. ”
“Shite.”
“Lennox, I need to hear all of it.” His mother came down the passageway toward them.
Lennox was about to yell at the stable lads, but Taskill stilled him by placing his hand on his brother’s shoulder. “Do you think they could stop her? They’re good lads.”
Lennox grumbled but agreed. Meg came along behind their mother, hiding a smirk.
The woman waited until she was close, then barked, “If he won’t listen to you, then I’ll go. That ornery bastard is not going to order my sons around. Douglas made no such agreement. I knew everything they discussed, every plan he and Dermot made together.”
Taskill knew that wasn’t true, though his mother liked to think she knew everything their father did. Men kept secrets.
He knew it better than anyone.
“Mama, I’ve calmed him down for now. Sloan will talk to him. I don’t want you to go there. Leave it be for now, though I just warned Taskill that Dermot will probably return in a sennight.”
His mother narrowed her gaze at her youngest son. “Then Taskill should find himself a wife. It’s about time. I’d like to see all three of you married with bairns before I pass on. Have you someone in mind, Taskill?”
“Nay, Mama. No one at all.”
“What think you of Sheona?” she asked warily.
“Nay.”
“Why not? I mean, I don’t think you should simply because Dermot wishes for it, but she is a lovely lass and she’s still unmarried,” his mother suggested.
“We were friends for so long, playmates, that it just doesn’t seem right, Mama. I don’t look at her that way.”
“Who do you look at that way?” she asked, clearly doubting his words.
“I don’t want—I mean, I wouldn’t do that to her.” What exactly was he trying to say, anyway? He could not describe what weighed heavy like a rock in his gut.
“What the hell does that mean?” Lennox asked.
Meg said, “You would make a lovely couple, but if she’s not right for you, just say so, Taskill. No need to explain.”
“She’s not right for me,” he said, letting out a breath.
“Then who is?” his mother asked, her arms now crossed the way she crossed them when you didn’t dare cross her.
“No one. There is no one right for me. And I cannot explain it.”
Taskill didn’t understand it himself, so how could he possibly explain it to someone else? He wasn’t right for anyone.
They all left him alone, but he couldn’t handle the guilt raging through him. He knew exactly how it all had looked to Sheona. She’d been humiliated by everyone for one reason.
He’d rejected her in front of the entire MacVey Clan.
He mounted his horse and headed out, not knowing exactly where he’d go, but he rode toward the sea. A short time later, he found himself outside Clan Rankin.
Sloan was at the gates, but Dermot was not anywhere to be seen. “Sloan, may I speak with Sheona, please?”
“Are you sure you wish to see her after all that happened?”
“I owe her an apology, and I’d like to do it face-to-face. Please.”
Sloan said, “Come in. I’ll bring her to my solar. I’ll leave you two alone, but I’ll be in the hall listening.”
“And your sire?”
“I’ll keep him away.”
“My thanks,” he said, following Sloan inside, wiping the sweat from his hands onto his trews. The lass did the strangest things to him.
He paced, but he didn’t have to wait for long. She entered, her eyes red, but no visible tears. Even upset, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. Sloan closed the door behind her.
“Sheona, I came to apologize. I’m sorry everything happened the way it did. I didn’t mean to embarrass you, but I had no idea your father would do what he did.”
“Nor did I. I know it’s not your fault that it happened the way it did, but…”
“But what?” He stepped closer, a mistake because he took in her scent, the one he called the gift of the pines with a touch of lavender. His Sheona.
“Tell me the truth, Taskill,” Sheona’s voice cracked. “Why did the denial come so easily to you? We were such good friends for so long. Until that day in the sound. We’d always spent so much time together and it just ended.”
“Sheona, you deserve someone better than me. You’ll find someone and live a wonderful life.”
She put her hand up to stop him. “Taskill. Stop hiding behind excuses—”
“I’m not hiding behind excuses.” He cursed. “I’m protecting you!”
“From what?”
“From me!” The words tore out of him. “From what I am. From what I’ll become.” She stepped closer, her eyes fierce.
“You’re not making sense.”
“I’m my father’s son, Sheona.” His voice dropped to barely a whisper. “In every way.”
“Your father was a good man—”
“No.” The word came out harsh. “He wasn’t.
To everyone else, aye, he was the perfect chieftain, the devoted husband.
But I saw the truth. The day we stopped swimming, the morning before—I learned something about him that I’ve never shared with anyone, but he was not the man everyone thinks he was.
I caught him in a lie.” Sheona’s face went white.
“And do you know what he said after that? He said, ‘This changes nothing. You’ll tell no one.’ I haven’t been the same since then. ”
“Taskill—”
“I have his blood, Sheona. His weakness. Every day I fight it, but what if I can’t? What if I marry you and then—” His voice broke. “I’d rather cut out my own heart out than hurt you. I’d rather die alone than become the man who destroys you with lies.”
Sheona fell into a chair, her shoulders slumped. “You are not your father, but you’ve made your wishes clear. My thanks for taking the time to let me know. Sloan will see you out.”
His heart was totally ripped in half now.