Chapter Forty-Five
Taskill
While the group waited for Dermot to return, Taskill paced in the great hall. Here he was, a failure again. Why did he hate confrontation so much? He was Lennox’s second-in-command, at the ready with his sword at all times, yet confronting Clyde turned his belly inside out and upside down.
Lennox had always told him not to worry about it, that he’d been the same when he was younger. “When the situation matters to you, you will not back down. It’s youth, that’s all, Taskill. When it’s about someone you love, you’ll step up.”
But would he? Here he was, trying to decide whether to ask Sheona to marry him, and Clyde was just outside the castle, and he should have gone after the fool, but he hadn’t moved, instead her sire was chasing after the piece of slime.
Taskill was the fool. How was he ever to right this situation?
Should he marry Sheona or not?
Indecision had tormented his every waking moment ever since they’d walked out of the cottage on Erraid. The one that disappeared in front of their eyes. Or had they just been exhausted?
Nay, he could recall the fragrant smell of apples baking in a pot when they entered. It had been real. Just as real as their boat exploding and that odd thing that helped to keep Sheona afloat.
Rut came to the balcony and yelled to him, “Taskill, meet me in the solar.”
Taskill didn’t know what to make of the situation, but he did what his mother asked, going up the stairs to the MacLean solar, holding the door for her.
Once they were alone, he waited for his mother to take a seat, which she did behind the desk, so he took a seat opposite her. “Mama? Is something wrong?”
“I wish to know what you think about my relationship with Dermot.” She crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair, waiting.
Waiting.
Hell, but he hated being put in these situations.
“It’s fine. Whatever makes you happy is fine with me. I wish you much happiness, Mama.” Satisfied that his reply would surely garner no rebukes from the woman, he leaned back and sighed with relief. One argument avoided. He certainly was not about to answer honestly.
Though he wasn’t even sure what his honest answer would be.
He had too many other things on his mind.
There was Sheona and Lia and Sheona and Clyde and Sheona and so many other things to consider.
Sheona had almost died in front of him, and it would have been his fault for taking her across the water in a storm, and if that had happened, who knows what he would have done because he’d loved Sheona all his life and he’d …
His mother jumped out of her chair and grabbed him by the collar, yanking him to his feet.
“What the hell is wrong with you? Something is going on in that head of yours, and it’s not that everything is fine because it’s not.
You don’t like me being with Dermot, but I don’t even care about that. What is bothering you?”
Wide-eyed, he pulled back and stared at her. “I don’t know what you speak of, Mama.”
“Enough, Taskill. You are my son, blood of my blood, and it’s time to stop lying.
What is going on in that mind of yours? Something has you all tied up in knots, and I want to know what it is.
” She shoved him back in the chair and straightened her gown, smoothing the wrinkles with her hands. “Now out with it.”
“Mama, I really don’t know what you mean. Why do you think something is wrong with me?” Then he had a sudden thought. “Wait, I understand now.” He paused and smiled, nodding because it all made sense. Why had he been so blind?
“I think I understand. It was the boat exploding and the lightning and Sheona going into the water. Then I couldn’t see her, but then she came up for air and we swam for quite a while in the storm, the lightning over our heads, but we made it.
And Lia sent that odd object to help Sheona float, so we made it, though I was exhausted and …
” His mother came toward him again, so he stopped speaking and stared up at her.
“Not that. I know it was upsetting, but this has been bothering you for a longer time, and I know you won’t speak of it around Lennox because you think he doesn’t know. Speak!”
“Mama, with all due respect …”
And she slapped him across the back of his head with such vigor that he jumped out of his chair. “Ow …”
“Are you awake now?”
“I’ve been awake …” He rubbed his head and stared at her.
“Listen to me. Ever since your sire passed, there’s been something bothering you, and I wish to know what it is.
Why would you be happy to see me with Dermot?
You don’t like the man. He tried to force you to marry his daughter, so that’s a lie, and a big one.
What is it about your sire? Something is there, and it’s tied to you and the idea of staying single.
I have no idea what is nagging you, but we will remain in this chamber until you tell me the truth.
No more lies, no more smiles of false happiness.
It’s eating your insides, Taskill, and I’ll find out what it is if I have to get Lennox to hold you down and beat it out of you. ”
He gaped at his mother, taking two steps back and away from her arching arm.
She knew.
How the hell could she know? He couldn’t tell her. It would break her heart. This was something he vowed never to tell anyone, and one little slap in the back of his head would not change that.
“I’ll hit you again. You’ve got until I count to fifty to tell me. One, two, three, four …”
“All right. I’ll tell you.” What the hell.
The man was dead, so what did it matter?
He stared at his mother, tears brimming his lashes as he tugged on his sheath, wishing to hold his sword in his hand to feel better.
He spun around and faced the back, pacing, then turned to face her.
“I’ll tell you everything.” Perhaps it was time to stop keeping secrets, but he didn’t wish to tarnish his father’s image.
Yet since he was dead, why not tell his mother the truth?
She came toward him, her arm outstretched again, so he blurted it out.
“Da was a cheating man. He took a lover.”
There. It was revealed. The secret he’d kept for nearly four years was finally known. He’d never told his mother or Lennox or Eva or Jasper or anyone.
“That’s it? That’s what’s bothering you? Is that what keeps you from a betrothal?”
“Aye. Of course. I don’t wish to marry someone if it’s in my blood to be a liar and a cheat.”
She walked forward and nearly slapped him but stopped and grabbed his collar. “Never say that again about your sire.”
“But he was. A liar and a cheat. He was married to you and carrying on with another woman. I saw him, Mama. I heard him speaking with her, making their … arrangements.” He strung out the last word as long as he could.
“Sit down, Taskill.”
“Not unless you promise not to hit me again.”
A very unladylike snort came from his mother, something he hadn’t heard before. “I promise.” She moved back to the seat behind the desk. After she sat down, she folded her hands on the surface in front of her. “Taskill …”
“There’s nothing you can say to excuse it, Mama. And why is this not bothering you more than you are saying? I thought you’d be in tears by now, learning the truth of your husband. Why aren’t you upset?”
“Because I knew, Taskill. It’s not a surprise to me. I don’t know if you’ve ever noticed, but your mother is no fool.” She drilled the fingers of one hand on the desk in a perfect rhythm.
“You did? I’ve kept this for so long and you knew? Why? Why didn’t you hate him for it? I don’t understand you at all.”
“Because it was an arrangement we had. We were a married couple and our relationship had nothing to do with our job as parents. We both supported all of you, but we had different … needs. And we both did it willingly.”
“Wait. What? You did what willingly?”
“We did it as quietly as we could, made sure to use discretion, but if he was with a woman, then I was with her husband. It’s what we did as a couple, Taskill. We both agreed and enj—”
He covered his ears. “Nay, nay, nay. That’s enough. I don’t wish to hear anymore.”
And he ran out the door.