Chapter Seven
Twenty Minutes Earlier
Drive To The Village
Nine A.M.
For those of them heading into the village, it was time to meet up with Gabby and have a fun day. The only issue was that Elizabeth was incredibly quiet. You’d have to be an idiot not to know that something was bothering her.
Unfortunately, it started earlier, when they’d left her to get ready.
When she’d come down from the upstairs tower, ready to go in the borrowed long skirt and pretty wool sweater, it was clear she was lost in thought.
And likely not good thought.
When she said she was carrying a lot, it hadn’t been an exaggeration.
And that worried both men.
Elizabeth was off, and Michael wasn’t sure it was because of the things that had happened, or if she was just off from being far from the people she loved.
Yeah, he and Graham were family, but they knew it wasn’t the same. She likely missed her husbands and kids. You didn’t ‘marry’ that many men and not miss them when you were apart.
So, it was time to mitigate this mess.
“Want to talk about it?” Michael asked, as he drove them down the mountain.
In the back, she was staring out the windows and trying to enjoy the whole process.
Only, she felt…empty.
“There’s nothing to talk about,” she admitted.
When a person said that, the opposite was generally true. You’d have to be blind not to see that she was struggling with something—and that something was probably men-related.
It always was when a woman was this stirred up. As two gay men, they were in the same boat—or had been.
At her response, Graham turned in his seat and touched her knee. What he wanted to do was help Elizabeth find herself, so her time here was special.
Ravensmire was a good place, and she needed that.
“It’s going to be okay,” he said. “You’re not even here a full day. Give it some time. We’ll work through it together, and when you find you, you’ll heal.”
She shrugged.
“This morning, I watched you two cuddled up together, and I felt…so alone. I haven’t felt that for a long time.
The last time was when Ethan kicked me out of his life, and before that, when Chris broke my heart.
I don’t do well when I feel like this. Everyone sees Elizabeth Blackhawk, and sees that she’s tough, but under it, I have my weaknesses, too. ”
Oh, boy.
It appeared they’d miscalculated.
Honestly, they’d never considered sleeping in there together as a couple would hurt her, but now, they could see that it was definitely throwing her off.
Then again, that made sense.
She was never alone, and now…she was.
“I’m sorry,” Michael said. “I didn’t think about it. Had I, I would have been in there alone.”
She reassured him.
“Don’t worry, Saint Michael. I’ll adjust. I’m just so accustomed to being surrounded by husbands, security, and kids, that I’m off when I’m not. I know it was my idea to get some space and find me, but even that takes adjustment. I’m flying without a net here.”
He was worried about her.
“What can we do to help you?” he asked. “Because all you need to do is ask. If there’s something that either Graham or I can do to help with this transition, we will.”
That was sweet, and unsurprising.
At his words, she considered it.
“Later, after we shop and meet with Gabby, I’d really like to just take a walk alone. I need to be with my thoughts and to think everything through. I know I just said I was alone, but that’s when I can focus best on healing.”
Well, he understood that.
Sometimes, you needed silence and to be with your own person to work through what was going on in your head.
“Can we make that happen?” she asked.
He wasn’t sure why she was asking that.
Of course, they could.
“Elizabeth, the grounds are safe. You don’t have to ask permission to move around. If you want a walk alone, you can just do that.”
She stared at him in the rearview mirror, and when their eyes met, it took him a second, but he eventually got it.
“Ohhhh. Yeah. You’re never allowed to do that, are you?” he asked.
She shook her head.
“No, I’m not. My life is all about permission. It’s all about carefully made steps, and lack of freedom because it’s dangerous. I can’t tell you the last time I took a run or walked by myself. That’s why I need to find me.”
Michael got it.
They’d taken her freedom in order to keep her safe, and that, too, was weighing on her emotional well-being.
That had to stop while she was here.
“Okay, after breakfast and shopping, we’ll go inside, and you can do whatever you want. A walk will do you good,” he admitted. “Maybe a horseback ride.”
That sounded wonderful.
“Thank you,” she said. “I appreciate your trust that I’ll be okay against anything that tries to eat me, like a goat,” she said, trying to joke.
But her heart wasn’t in it.
Hearing the tone, Graham stayed in contact with her leg. As someone who had emotional pain and trauma from losing D’Artangnan all of those years ago, he knew what she was carrying.
“You can talk about whatever it is you’re keeping in for our benefit, and maybe yours.”
She needed to do that. Elizabeth was smart enough to know that she needed to vent in order to heal. Other than the husband situation, there was a big pink elephant following her around, weighing her down.
“I killed him,” she said. “I did more than kill him. I made his last moments absolutely torture, and I paid him back for Jet, for Uriel’s girlfriend, and Vivian.
Hell! I paid him back for Lance RunningWolf as I crossed all kinds of lines.
That’s what I’m trying to figure out, too.
When is it too far?” she asked. “And now that I’ve done it, can I pick the badge back up again? ”
Michael knew how difficult this was for her. Elizabeth balanced between two worlds.
Justice.
And.
Vengeance.
Like an Archangel, she was the hand of God, too—for the President of the United States.
So, he reassured her.
Duty always came first, and she’d done her job. Now, she had to realize that.
“You did the right thing,” he said. “I don’t know what you did to him, but he started the fight. You finished it.”
Yeah, she was aware.
But at what cost?
“It might cost me my badge if I can’t come back from this,” she admitted.
“Then add in that Ethan, and I parted on not-so-good terms…I’m just tired, Saint Michael.
I’m tired of being everything to everyone, and never having anyone see I’m sinking fast. Even through the case, they kept telling me I could do it, and I could handle it.
I was told to fight…but what if I’m too tired to fight?
What if I’ve used up all my fight? What if for once in my life, I want to be rescued?
Is that so much to ask? Why do I have to lead the way and carry it all alone?
Sometimes, a girl needs to be saved, too. ”
He heard the misery.
Oh, and she was right.
When he saw the very familiar car heading past them, driving toward the castle, she didn’t think anything of it, but both he and Graham did.
Yeah, they didn’t miss the telltale plate on the front that was a series of numbers and letters.
‘SJ-05-CJW’
That wasn’t only the same make and model as the sports car in the storage area at the landing strip, but that plate was for the Blackhawk five, and Callen’s initials.
Uh-oh.
There was another Blackhawk on the ground in Scotland, and it looked as if Elizabeth was going to get her wish. Someone came here for her.
But who?
The only thing at the top of this road was Ravensmire, and if the car that Callen kept in the hanger storage was on its way there, that meant someone who never had been there before was on their way up.
Because Callen and Chris would have seen their other familiar car that had driven past it and turned around. Instead, it kept going.
He’d bet money that it was Ethan or Gene.
Probably Ethan.
It appeared that Elizabeth had been found. Well, that was probably for the best, considering the conversation they were currently having.
So, he went there, setting it up.
“Then let them rescue you,” he said, as his husband gave him a questioning look as he, too, saw the car and was curious. “If your hero comes, let him carry you for a while. Take that as a sign if he shows up unexpectedly.”
Graham’s eyebrow went up, and he nodded. Yeah, they were on the same page.
Know who wasn’t?
Elizabeth.
Instead, from her spot in the back, she laughed sardonically.
“No one is coming to find me, Michael. Oh, everyone wants to know where I am, to make sure I’m safe, but no one is going to save me. I learned long ago that I had to save myself. I think chivalry is dead. I’m badass Elizabeth Blackhawk, after all. I can handle my shit. Alone.”
Yeah, and they’d all miscalculated on that. Part of this was their fault, too. Often, they forgot she was a woman, too, and instead, treated her like a Marine.
Even Elizabeth had her limits, and it was clear she was at it. He honestly hoped that if Ethan was in that car, he was ready to suit up and do battle.
He had a job to do, and none of them could do it but him.
Clearly.
“Are you leaving them?” Michael asked, hitting the one button on his phone to unlock the gate so whoever was in that vehicle could access the gate with a code.
When she didn’t answer, he got worried.
“I don’t like that,” he said. “Mom, are you thinking of breaking up the family?”
She sighed.
“No, but I am thinking of walking away from the FBI. When Ethan wanted to, he did. When he wanted to try his hand at being a Shaman, we all stuck around. I don’t want to threaten anyone, but I’m tired, Michael.
Something has to give. I need someone to take care of me, too.
Being the raven whose job it is to carry everyone on her wings is exhausting. ”
He knew why she was so tired.
Wyler’s chemo.
Chris’ HIV.
They had a brood of children.
A full-time job—or three.
Plus, helping everyone find their way...
Elizabeth had more on her plate than all of the men, and they all knew it. Now, they’d have to help her carry that burden, or the woman they knew might not be the woman who came back to them.