Chapter Thirteen
The Morning
Day Three
Ravensmire Castle
When Elizabeth woke up, Ethan wasn’t in bed with her, but she instinctually knew that he was nearby. From the bathroom, she could hear whistling, and she knew he was likely finishing up a shower, and shaving.
Truthfully, as a half Native man, he didn’t need to shave often, but the man loved a routine, and that she understood.
It offered comfort and familiarity.
So, as he enjoyed his morning, she did the same. Elizabeth wasn’t sure how long she’d have here, so she was going to enjoy it. With the situation between her and Ethan solved, now, she could just enjoy recuperating.
Because, boy, did she need it.
So, as she languished in bed, enjoying the fireplace, the coziness, and the fact that she felt better, she was in no rush to start the day.
That was new to her too.
Anymore, it was rush, rush, rush, and she missed having peace. In reality, someone always needed something from her, but now, she was enjoying not being needed to solve someone’s problem, but her own.
Well, and Ceit’s.
That was a definite.
The dead woman needed some help.
When she saw the bathroom door open, out came Ethan, and she’d been right.
He’d been getting himself situated.
There was a towel around his waist, and he looked absolutely gorgeous in all his damp glory. In fact, he made her get ‘damp’ all over again.
There was something about the way his dark raven’s wing hair kissed his shoulders, and the dark ink of his tattoos that stood out against his tan flesh.
It took her back.
And it was a journey she always liked.
“Hey,” he said, seeing her watching him from the nest of blankets on the big bed.
Without a word, Elizabeth yanked back a comforter to tell him exactly what she wanted, and he got the hint.
Someone wanted him back in their bed.
Well, what the lady wanted, the lady was going to get.
As he climbed in, he dropped his towel, and she grinned wickedly.
That one look on her face took him back.
God.
He’d missed her looking at him like that more than he’d ever realized. It was feminine pride with a mix of lust, and it made him feel…whole.
“Oh, no, pretty woman, don’t take advantage of me,” he joked, as she cuddled into him, resting her head on his shoulder. “Whatever will I do?”
She laughed.
“We both know exactly what you’ll do, Mr. Blackhawk. You’re predictable, and so am I.”
Well, she wasn’t wrong there.
He absolutely was predictable. At that moment, he was thinking about the difference between his chilly skin and her very warm flesh. It was an erotic contrast.
And he liked it.
As she rested her head on his shoulder, she ran her fingers over the raven on his chest.
“I’ve missed this,” he admitted.
Oh, well, she missed it too.
Being here was oddly healing, and being here with him helped more than she could explain. She didn’t feel so alone out in the world.
“When this is over, are you returning to us at home?” he asked, going there. While he’d been showering, he’d been thinking about it.
Would she abandon the whole family?
He didn’t believe she would, but he also knew she was fighting for her life still.
Maybe not literally, but…
When he asked, she considered it.
“I mean, eventually I am, but right now, I can’t go back. I feel like Swiss cheese, EJ. I’m full of holes. I need to work on refilling them so I can be whole for the family again. Our kids need me intact, and so do Chris, Gene, and Callen.”
Truth be told, Gene had the same holes in him, so they were in the boat together. Being a Hunter had damaged him in the same way, and she only hoped one day it didn’t come crashing down around him.
The man was strong, silent, and resilient, but holey nonetheless. Birds of a feather flocked together.
At her words, he didn’t argue. Honestly, there was no point. If a person needed a break, they needed a break.
“Okay, Baby.”
When he didn’t add more, she was curious.
“That’s it?” she asked. “No, you’ve got kids and responsibilities at home? No, you’re a grown ass woman who ran away like a child?”
If she was waiting for any of that from him, she was going to be upset because he wasn’t thinking that.
Instead, he kissed her on the forehead.
“That’s your feelings and what you think we’d say, not ours.
If you need time to recoup, take it,” he offered.
“No one is going to hold that against you. It’s been a rough year for you, and you deserve to take care of your mental health.
If that means tapping out and tagging one of us in, do it.
Isn’t that what a partnership is for?” he asked.
That was refreshing to hear, and it helped.
As for the year being rough…rough was pleasurable compared to what this year had been like.
The bumps in this road had been more than jarring.
It ripped the chassis right off of her.
Ethan wasn’t done.
“The kids will be good, and so will the men in the family. You have to do what’s best for you, and for once, we’ll work around it—instead of you working around us.”
She knew he would leave at some point.
He was the Shaman, and that meant being there for his people when they needed him. That made her ache inside. When she saw him show up, her heart came back to life, and she had hope. Having to see him leave…
That.
Would.
Suck.
“I appreciate that. I really do,” she admitted.
For Ethan, he knew the truth. After all she’d done, it was the very least that they could do for her.
As she was resting against him, he felt her body tense, and that tension returned. Now, he started worrying again.
“What is upsetting you, Lyzee? You’re now off. We’ve been on this ride long enough for me to know that.”
At first, her instinct was to pretend everything was okay, but that was how they got here. Faking it until she could make it had bitten her in the ass.
It was time to test out that trust.
“When will you be leaving?” she asked.
That was pretty much what he’d worried about coming here. Was she about to tell him to go?
That he was hindering her healing?
So, instead of assuming that was her way of telling him to give her space, he asked.
“When do you want me to leave?” he asked. “Because I just showed up here. If me being here is making your healing more difficult, I’ll go. Just say the word.”
There was emotion in his voice.
Lovingly, she nuzzled his chest. Then, she shared the truth with him.
“I don’t want you to leave. I want you to stay with me. I need someone to help me through this. I need backup.”
With her words, now he was curious.
“Someone?” he asked. “Any particular someone?” he added, knowing she said she wanted him to not leave, but he needed to make sure.
Yeah, she supposed she did, so Elizabeth clarified.
“I need you. I need you to help me find me again. I know she’s in there, but I need you by my side so I can figure this out.
It began with us, and now I need it to be with us.
I just know that you have obligations, and I know that going back could matter to you.
I didn’t want to make you feel trapped.”
Immediately, he stopped her.
Lifting her chin, he stared into her eyes.
“You’re my obligation, and I forgot that. I became yours, and I wasn’t reciprocating. If you need me to be here, Elizabeth, I’m going to be here. I would have run with you had you told me that was what you needed.”
She didn’t say anything.
But he did.
“Part of the issue we’re having is you don’t ask for help.
You take it all on, and instead of reaching out to me, or any of us for that matter, you just carry it.
So, as a man, I assume that’s what you want, because I have to trust that my wife will let me know when she needs help.
That’s on me, because clearly, you’ve been carrying a lot, and it’s been damaging you.
I should have seen that. I should have intervened when I saw the burden getting to be too much. ”
She let him talk.
“You gave up trusting all of us, and instead of reaching for me, to be your partner, you assumed it had to be all you or nothing. It began feeling like I wasn’t enough to help you, so I backed off. I gave you space because I didn’t feel like I had a place in your world anymore.”
Instead of getting offended, she listened.
“I didn’t think I was enough, and whether that was my own insecurities haunting me, and my own demons, or not, I should have just asked. We will always have that, at least, Elizabeth. I would hope we could talk to each other and not have it erode us.”
She reassured him.
“We can, Ethan.”
Well, then, he needed her to start trusting him.
“When you need me, all you have to do is ask.”
She was honest.
“You’ve had a rough year, too. Javier Hughes, and David Neives…”
He stopped her.
“Again, you shouldn’t assume. Yes, I have had a rough year, but maybe helping you would have helped me through my issues.
I’m learning still, and what I’ve seen is that relationships that lean into each other, and not away from each other, last longer.
All you had to do was ask for me to help, and I would have. ”
She knew he was right.
This was definitely on her, too.
The bottom line was that he’d never told her she couldn’t lean on him. That had been her trying to hold up the world alone. It would have been so much better to have them help her.
Maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.
As she was silent, Ethan held her.
“Lyzee, my love, I know that you are in a unique position where as a woman, you have to do a lot more to make that climb to the top. I know that my rise was not nearly as harrowing. Being a woman is far more difficult, and you’re doing a damn good job—especially considering you never wanted to be at the top to begin with. ”
Oh, he was right about that.
Gabe had trapped her in this.
She listened.
“But you can still rely on us. You took Gene out with you to hunt Devon Slater. You leaned into Chris when you needed an escape out of Damascus to heal. You’re in a castle that Callen bought you as a hideaway.
What did you need from me?” he asked. “It came across as nothing. Again, I would have come with you in a heartbeat.”
And he meant that.