25. Chapter 20
Evie
Present Day
Sylus looks me up and down. I feel I’m practically under a microscope. I frown and turn away. I don’t like it. I don’t like any of this.
“I have a better idea, how about you just drop me off at home?” My ears are met with silence. “What?” I question him. I’m starting to get really pissed. I don’t have the time or patience for this shit. I cross my hands over my chest and tighten my core, with my head held high.
“What do you think you're too good for me now? Living your best life, well, I’m still slumming it with the rest of the gutter rats.” Spittle leaves my mouth.
I am so fuckin sick of being looked down upon I have been looked down on my whole life.
When all I want is to be happy, to feel loved and for once to not struggle. Like how hard is that to ask for?
“No way are you going back to that shit Evie.” Damion grips my shoulder.
“Stop trying to test us right now.” He grips harder and all I can do is look at the Demon on his hand.
The words and actions speak louder than his words.
These guys are used to inserting dominance.
Well, they can fuck off with their testosterone shit.
I lean down and kick back into Damion’s balls. “How about this for a test.” I straight back up and fix my skirt. “You don’t want to ‘test me’.” I laugh.
“God damnit Evie, come the fuck on.” Marcus hurdles me over his shoulder like a god dam caveman.
“Put me down or you're next.” Marcus grips me as tight as a boa constrictor making its kill.
I look down at my foundation rubbing off against his tee, blotching the coverup. The letters on my knuckles are starting to reappear. I haven’t seen those in years. I always make sure those are covered.
Evie
10 years ago
I take a deep drag from the blunt. Smoke ripples above me.
I lay my head back on the questionable maroon couch and my head rests against the blue wall.
The buzzing sounds of the tattoo gun humms in my ears.
I pull in another drag and release. I feel light and motionless, ready to take on whatever comes my way.
“Yo Evie, you sure you want to do this?” Taz calls out and looks over to find me on his shop's couch.
“Don’t ask me again Taz, I’m doing it.” I flex my fingers a few times.
“One of the guys should be here.”
“Well they’re not and I’m a big girl Tazzy. I can take care of myself and make my own decisions.”
Taz throws up his hands in surrender. “Nahh, you're old enough to make your own decisions, but your guys have a say around here. You know this, Evie.”
With my blunt still in hand, I take another hit. The cloud of smoke I blow out lingers overhead. “I’ll take all the consequences.”
Taz nods and motions me to go back into the shop.
The walls are white, down the hall shows art displays all over.
My eyes lock on a pair of butterflies and I can’t seem to stop staring one day.
I’m gonna get that because as much as I wanna be out, I will never be free of this life.
I am forever in it and that’s why I’m about to get the tattoo that I’m getting right now, to seal my fate.
I drained every day of what it would feel like to be me, 100% to do whatever I would love to do.
I just wanna be as free as those butterflies and spread my wings.
I sigh, drop my head and look over at Taz.
“Are you ready for me?” I ask as I walk into his room.
A black chair sits in front of me with an arm rest. He has his chair and what looks like a massage chair.
I look around and find art of Japanese coy fish.
Traditional art and many, many, random pieces on the way.
Taz rips open some plastic that holds a new needle.
He carefully takes his time opening it and places it onto the machine.
He takes out small little containers and pours ink inside them.
I watch as he precisely does everything in such a way.
He pulls on black gloves, stretching them over his fingers till it snaps into place.
I fidget around with the tab on my zip down hoodie as Taz looks over to me.
“Well take a seat, girl. We gotta get this going.”
I exhale the breath I was holding and sit down, holding out my hand.
“Ok, you're sure about this? There’s no going back, you know that right.” Taz asks before he starts up the gun. “I'm fine. I got this.”
The tattoo gun hits my knuckles and the first letter starts to appear D. “This isn't that bad.” I hiss a little as the needle repeatedly hits my skin.
“This isn’t what I worry about Evie,” he goes back to my fingers. I don’t get what the big deal is, am I a part of this or am I what am?
Taz finishes the last finger. “Thanks Taz,” I jump up and wrap my arms around his thick tatted neck. I place a kiss on his cheek and jump back. “Here's what I owe you!” I place a wad of bills in his hand.
“No, Evie….” Taz trails off in his deep tone. The guy’s a brute, and not one to mess with.
“Nope … bye,” I run out the front door and hear the chimes knock against the building.
I did what I had to, to earn that money.
Could I have asked the guys, yes. But I wanted to be free.
I want to make my own decisions in life.
As much as the guys love me and do for me, I still feel like they hold me back in a way.
Because that decision I made today with the tattoo, is definitely a decision that they would not have made for me.
I glance down at my knuckles and smile when I see DEMON. I’m now one of them. I screech and smile. I walk down the street and head down a back alley. A steel metal door hangs at the very end. I head down and knock on it. There's a guy on the other end who opens at the sound.
“Hey Evie, I didn’t know you were working tonight.” His bald head shines in the lights above us.
“Yeah neither did I, but you know sometimes you have to do what you have to do.” I shrug my shoulders.
Stopping by the bar, I find the shot that I usually have every night when I come in to drown all my pain out, pour it down my throat and slam it on the oak counter, asking for more.
I smile when the bartender generously gives me a double shot.
I slam it down my throat, put it back on the bar and walk away.
I do the same thing each and every time.
If I’m not high and drunk, what’s the point of even living at this point?
I carefully go to the back room and open up the black curtains.
They hang to the floors and have little bows, as if this is an elegant place to be.
The smell of dirty schwag has my body tensing.
All I can do is pray the alcohol takes over.
I can’t take another day of this shit. The one who I fucking hate comes up behind me and wraps his arm around my throat squeezing me in an head lock grip.
My breathing starts to shallow. I tap on his arm.
“Please…..” I can barely breathe to make out my words.
I start to kick my feet in hopes of release.
Then, I still remembering some of Marcus' training.
I lean back, making myself dead weight. With all my weight, I throw my elbow back.
When he steps back, I take my other elbow, shoving it in his throat.
With sheer will power, I straighten myself out.
“You fuckin brat, stop doing shit like this.” He grunts, I can’t help the sinister laugh.
“Oh? Like what?” I cross my arms over my breasts.
I don't want this skeez ball looking at me. I hate feeling vulnerable. “You mean defending myself, from you. My supposed stepdad.” I swear I want to swallow bleach or something to get the taste of that word off my tongue. I hate him with everything I have, and then sometimes I feel bad. Like I shouldn’t hate him so much, like I should be thankful for something.
But to be thankful for what? Now this is the part that upsets me the most. What the fuck should I be thankful for?
My brain hurts from even trying to think because you know what it is.
It’s my heart. It’s me being a good fucking, goddamn person.
Tears start to gloss over my eyes, and I try to hold them back as much as I can. I can’t let him see this. I can’t let him know that he’s getting to me in any type of way.
“You’re a goddamn fucking spoiled little brat who deserves nothing in this life. Now, help me up. You still owe me and I was just coming to collect what’s mine.”
I swear I’m going to barf. I gotta keep it together.
I breathe in slowly, and then force the air out.
“I don’t have anything to offer you, right now.
I haven’t really made any money.” I lie, but he doesn’t have to know that I’ve been stashing away everything that I get.
I need to, so when the day comes, I have a way out.
Sometimes, I wish the sky would just swallow me up.
To be present in this man’s vicinity just makes me want to throw up all over.
I can’t control my emotions whatsoever. I can’t look at him.
I can’t smell him. I can’t feel him, I want nothing to fucking do with him and yet my mom thinks he’s some fucking, goddamn, savior when he’s more like the monster living under your bed.
I pull away and look at him over my back.
“I’ll get you what I can, when I can, so just hold your fucking goddamn horses for once in your life.
You have never given me anything. Can you please, just give me this?
” I just need a minute to decompress. I need to think everything through and see how I’m going to do this. I know he’s not gonna leave me alone.
“Where are your little lap dogs at?” He pulls himself up against the wall to straighten out.
“They’re just some lap dogs?” I throw my hair over my shoulder and keep walking. I need to get on stage soon. Hummm.
“I bet they would just love this if they knew what you did for a living, wouldn’t they?” I stopped right in my tracks and turn around.