13. Chapter 13 Expectations and Promises
GAbrIEL
"You want a full state wedding? In four weeks?!" The sweet contentment that put such a look of peace on my sweet jewel's face as she fell asleep earlier is gone, to be replaced by abject horror.
We are finishing our late luncheon repast in the courtyard. I have yet to take her on a tour of my home because she napped until quite late. If I did not think our subterfuge would be discovered, she would still be in bed, in my arms.
But I will do nothing to cause speculation among my staff regarding her. She is to be my wife. I cannot be seen sneaking out of her room like a lover making a booty call.
Not that anyone will see me come and go from her room because of the secret passage, but if I kept her in bed like I wanted, the fact I continued to be unreachable while supposedly working in my office would be noted.
As my intended, she is above reproach and I will do nothing to alter that.
"You could already be pregnant with my child," I repeat, not for the first time. "He or she will not be born under a cloud of scandal."
And announcing our engagement might be enough to get the new clinic up and running with her father's medical technology, but it's not enough for me.
An engagement can be ended, but a marriage is for a lifetime.
I need Juliana to be mine for a lifetime.
For the sake of the agreement with her father, of course. But also because the thought of a day without her by my side is now untenable.
As it should be.
"Why can't we elope though?" It is clear the idea is far more palatable to her than the pomp and circumstance of a state wedding.
"Because I am a sheikh and you will be my sheikha. We will not marry in secret as if we are ashamed of what we are doing. All of Zahriya will watch as I claim my beautiful jewel in marriage."
Her mouth opens and closes, her eyes wide and unblinking. "I'm not beautiful." She puts her hand to her cheek in an unconscious gesture I have noticed before. "But it makes me happy that you think I am."
"There is nothing wrong with my eyesight. You have no leave to doubt me. You or all that is lovely." I did not see her beauty at first.
Perhaps because I did not look beyond the frumpy clothing and deceptively shy demeanor.
My little jewel is not shy so much as she is reserved. She has learned not to trust others, but she trusts me. She loves me.
"When I look in the mirror, I still see the outline of my birthmark. Even after years of therapy. I probably always will." There is pained acceptance in her soft voice.
"Even if it was still there, it would not detract from the beauty that is you," I assure her. "Beauty is not defined by perfect skin with no blemishes and a symmetry of features."
"Um, yes, actually it is."
"No. Beauty is a light that glows from within and yours could lead a camel to an oasis in the dead of night."
"I kind of love it when you get all poetic."
"That is good. I find myself in touch with the poetry of my ancestors where you are concerned."
Her exquisite aquamarine eyes warm with quiet joy. "My sister and brother think I'm beautiful too," she says, like she's admitting a deep secret. "So does DeeDee."
Which explains their place in her heart and her life. They do not see the frumpy clothes or unwillingness to socialize for the sake of societal acceptance. They see the woman within.
The Juliana who took the pain and trauma from her childhood and turned it into a way to help others find a way past their own.
"They see you as you are."
"It's because they love me." There's a question in her voice.
"Romantic love is not an emotion I have been raised to value," I tell her with more honesty than I planned when I first met Juliana.
I was content to let her draw her own conclusions. Now, I need her to accept what I offer, knowing exactly what it entails. No, it is not adhering to Franklin Caldwell's stipulations, but it is not in me to allow another to dictate the terms of my life.
Once I received the final report on Robert "Bobby" Caldwell, the man's son and heir, I had all the ammunition I needed to set my own terms.
And those terms include emotional honesty with the woman who will share my life.
"Love of family. Love of country. Love of duty," I tell her. "These are the foundation stones of my integrity and life. Giving into sexual love is a recipe for undermining that which I hold most dear."
Juliana frowns with confusion, not sadness. "Because you're a sheikh?"
"Yes. My responsibility to my country and its people is written into my DNA."
"And that has to come first?"
"Yes." I make no effort to soften my agreement.
It is what it is.
"You said I can trust you."
"You can. As my wife you will be an important part of my family." The words are true, but there's something wrong with them. They are not enough. "I need you as I need no one else."
It is not love, but it is not something I ever expected to feel for my wife either.
"Will I be a priority in your life?" she asks. "I know I can't come first, but…" She shakes her head, her voice trailing off. "Never mind. There's no assurance you can give that will change the truth between us."
"No, there is not," I say with conviction.
Then I stand and move around the table to pull her to her feet, holding both her hands in mine, the beautiful, generous hearted woman.
"Nothing will change the truth between us.
You are meant to be mine. I am meant to be yours.
I will never touch another woman intimately.
You will never touch another man. Your happiness will always be of paramount importance to me.
I will never dismiss your stated wishes or the desires you cannot find the words to speak. "
She blushes. "That's sex."
"Between us, the joining of our bodies is more than mere sex. It is a profound connection."
"That's how it feels to me too." She looks down and away. "But it's not love." The last comes out in a near whisper.
I tip her head up with my hand under her chin. "Sexual love is no guarantee for a strong marriage, but I offer something that is. Fidelity. Affection. Respect."
"That sounds like love." The confusion is back.
"It is what it is."
Her brow clears and she grins cheekily. "A recipe for a strong marriage, according to you."
"According to my royal parents."
"They're happily married then? It's not just PR for the monarchy of Zahriya?"
"They are devoted to one another."
"And that is what you want with me?" she asks.
"Yes." Juliana's devotion is something I refuse to live without.
"Okay."
Something inside me relaxes at her word. She already agreed to be my wife, but this is the moment when she agrees to be a sheikh's wife.
"Being a princess of Zahriya and my sheikha won't always be easy, but I promise to do all I can to make our life together a source of joy to you as you are a source of joy to me."
"There you go being all poetic again, but I promise to bring happiness to your life when I can too. No one person can make another happy, but we can be committed to bringing good into each other's lives."
"Yes."
"I want you to kiss me right now," she admits with a little sigh.
I don't bother to give a verbal answer, but pull her close, lean down and press my lips to hers, swallowing her gasp of surprise.
I do not venture into the realm of carnality but neither do I limit myself to a chaste buss of her lips. I kiss her until her body is soft and pliant against me.
Only then do I lift my head. "My staff will have to grow accustomed to displays of affection between us, I think."
"We have to be more circumspect around others though, right?"
"Yes. But this is not a former century. Our roles will dictate more discretion than Zahriya's social mores."
"I see. You said I would be Zahriya's princess and your sheikha. What does that mean?"
"As my father's daughter-in-law, you will be a princess with certain state duties. As my sheikha, your life will be indelibly entwined with the people and welfare of the Jabal al-Dhahab."
"I thought we were in Ayn al-Hayat."
"The oasis is part of the Jabal al-Dhahab sheikdom."
"But I thought jabal meant mountains."
"It does. Zahriya was first settled by one of my ancestors at the behest of his sovereign as a port on the ancient shipping and trading routes.
Our wealth and prosperity were the result of being a well-fortified port where ships could find safe harbor to exchange wares or replenish supplies.
When Malik Qadir discovered precious metals in the mountains, the royal family established mines and another lucrative industry for our country.
Centuries later, oil was discovered both in the northern desert and the Harir Sea. "
"I read about that. Your brother is expanding the company into clean energy, isn't he?"
"Yes. Karim is aware, as we all are, that fossil fuels are not inexhaustible. Our house is always looking to the future and the viability of our country's prosperity."
"That's neat and all but doesn’t explain why you're the sheikh of the mountains but your palace is at an oasis in the desert at their base."
"When my great grandfather established the sheikdoms of Jabal al-Dhahab and Sahil al-Jadid, he decreed that Ayn al-Hayat and parts of the southern desert, including the airport are under the authority of the Sheikh of the Jabal al-Dhahab."
"But your father is the ultimate authority, right?"
"His word is law, but all that reside in my sheikdom are my responsibility. It is on me to keep the airport maintained and economically feasible."
"And to grow the mining company."
I incline my head. "That as well. But I am responsible for far more than a single royal business. Ayn al-Hayat is the largest population center on this side of the mountain range. We have a thriving economy of weavers and herders as well as more modern businesses."
Not to mention the traditional souk, a hospital, a theater sponsored by the Ministry of Culture and just enough tourism to cause a headache at times.
"I can't wait to explore," she says with enthusiasm, showing no desire to remove her hands from mine and return to her seat.
"There is no mall. We do not have a single night club, though there are several restaurants, both with Zahriyan and international foods."
"I've never wanted to go to a night club and I'm not fond of malls, but I'm eager to shop in the souk." Her excitement at the prospect cannot be missed.
"You will need guards with you at all times." I have said this before, but it bears repeating.
"Someone to carry my purchases," she says, tongue in cheek.
I mentally note to assign a person independent of her haris detail for just such a task. Her security cannot be distracted by such things and Juliana would not dream of asking Reem, who it is clear she is determined to establish a friendship with.
"If you have finished your lunch, I would like to show you my home," I tell her.
"Oh, yes, please!" She leans close and whispers. "I want to see the secret passage between our rooms too."
After showing Juliana the passage between our rooms, I lead her down a connecting corridor and explain about the warren of private passages known only to my parents, siblings, Moza and the head of my Royal Protection Detail.
Juliana's eyes glitter with delight. "And now me."
"You are my wife, part of the inner circle of my royal family."
"Uh, we're not married yet, my sheikh. I'm still your fiancée."
"In my heart you became my wife the first time we made love."
"It's a good thing I agreed to marry you then, or you would have had a lonely future," she teases.
"Too lonely," I say all too seriously.
Who knew that an arrangement like the one her father stipulated could be the source of such delight in my life?
That thought sparks a reminder of what she said earlier about her sister, brother and best friend loving her. She did not mention her parents. Does she believe they don't love her, or don't see her as beautiful?
Which if her father's description of her as "dumpy" is anything to go by is inexplicably and foolishly true.
But the former is not. I am certain of it. "Your parents love you."
Her father does not understand his daughter. He does not see her, but there is no doubt he loves her. From the report compiled on Juliana, the same is true of her mother.
My precious jewel's hand comes up to touch her cheek. "Their love and approval is conditional. If I would only lose some weight. Or develop some interests that were more appropriate to the social set I was born into."
"Surely your love for horses and skill with them is more than acceptable among their peers."
"If I'd been willing to do dressage, jumping or hunter-equitation, yes.
But I never have been. Horses were my therapy.
They are my friends. My interest in them has always been in the realm of rehabilitation, theirs and the people that come in for equine assisted therapy.
That's not the kind of horsemanship that my mom can brag about. "
"On the contrary, that is something any mother should be proud her daughter is adept at."
"I'll let you tell my mother that."
"It will be my pleasure. I am acquainted with your father, but when will I meet your parents officially?" It is my intention never to lie to my soon-to-be-wife.
There are things she has no need to know. Circumstances that would cause pain in her tender heart, but to withhold that knowledge is not a lie.
It is what is best for her and it is my responsibility to protect her in all ways.