22. Chapter 22 Hammam & Revelations
JULIANA
The only sound around us the soft brush of our slippers along the floor, Queen Camille leads the participants for my wedding hammam down a passageway in the oldest part of the palace.
Lady Aliyah, my mother, sister, DeeDee, Delphine and her bestie, Chloe are with us. Chloe's older sister, Brielle, is also here. Both are the daughters of Queen Camille's goddaughter, Ghislaine Vanderlin.
I guess that makes them family?
They both probably feel more comfortable about the communal Turkish style bath thing than I do. They belong to this family. I know Gabriel loves me and I'm so, so glad, because I love him so much I'm feral with it.
But his family must still see me as the obligation he had to take on for Queen Camille to have access to the healthcare she needs in a setting they can control access to.
When Gabriel explained why the family are intent on opening Markaz al-Malika, the Queen's Center for Dermatologic and Vascular Medicine, it helped me to appreciate that his actions were spurred by love, not mere duty.
Love for his mom and a need to protect her.
I have reason to know how far Gabriel will go to protect the people he loves.
My brother-in-law accepted the job offer and he, my sister and Charlie, are moving to Zahriya next month.
They'll be living Nurayn, but that's a heck of lot closer than Seattle was to Santa Fe.
DeeDee is also moving to Zahriya for the teaching position in Ayn al-Hayat. She's already signed up as our first volunteer at Is?ablāt Jawharat al-Qalb.
My sheikh has done everything he could think of and things I never would have to insure that I am not only content as his wife and living in a new country, but that I thrive.
His protection extended to having a pointed talk with both of my parents and my mom hasn't made a single comment about my appearance since.
Unless it is to say how pretty I look, sans the caveat she used to include.
Things like for a person of your size, or I wouldn't have expected that color to look good on you, but now your birthmark is gone, etc.
She and my father are brilliantly happy I'm marrying my sheikh and dad doesn't even try to take credit for bringing us together.
I guess Gabriel impressed on him how badly they both messed up by not telling me about the arrangement and allowing Gabriel to court me without any secrets between us. We're together in spite of my father's machinations. Not because of them.
Gabriel is convinced we would have met eventually regardless, because his interest in Solace Ridge was genuine as was his desire to see a program like it started in Zahriya. My soon-to-be husband is beyond thrilled his own wife is the catalyst.
The director he hired is a dynamo with a ton of compassion for both the horses and the children we want to serve.
She also has a real heart for their families and things she's said about the effect trauma has on a person's loved ones has helped me to understand how mom and dad were affected by my childhood too.
It doesn't make the way they handled my birthmark, bullying and body type okay, but it helps me not to look at my past with a lens clouded by so much resentment.
The pain will always be there as will the commitment to treating my own children differently, but I can let go of the anger because I don't need it or my boxy clothes to protect me anymore.
When the corridor ends at a large set of double doors, carved with geometric patterns, they open just as the queen approaches them.
The scent of desert roses wafts into the corridor as young women on each side of the door bow toward their queen. Their heads remain bowed until Delphine and I pass as well, only rising as Chloe and Brielle step inside the antechamber.
I don't think I'll ever get used to being treated like a princess, but by the flash of discontent on the nineteen-year-old Brielle's face, she has the opposite problem. It must be hard to be raised as part of a royal family, but not actually belong to it.
With a nod for the attendants, Queen Camille leads us to a large room with pale pink marble walls and an octagonal fountain carved from the same stone in the middle of the space. Water splashes softly from several small streams around the edges of the bowl, shooting up and arcing toward the center.
Stone benches with beautifully carved pedestals line the walls, recessed niches about the size of a small gym locker above each one.
The Zahriyan women all go to a bench before they begin disrobing, attendants moving on silent feet to stand beside them and fold each article of clothing before placing it in the niche.
Seeing what's expected of us, my mom, sister and DeeDee quickly follow suit.
Delphine and Chloe share a bench close to where I stand rooted to the floor.
"I told you," Delphine says under her breath. "You just have to keep reading."
"I am reading," Chloe whispers back. "I'm halfway through the book and that scene hasn't happened. I think you made it up."
"You'll get there. Believe me." Delphine's tone is laced with innuendo.
I was right. The young princess is definitely reading racy romance novels just like I did when I was seventeen. And the hushed tones she uses to talk about it with her friend tells me she's just as secretive about it.
"My lady," a soft voice sounds from my left.
I turn to see one of the attendants indicating the empty bench between the queen and Delphine.
Right. I need to get undressed. Only, old memories have me locked into place. Mean comments. Ugly names. Mocking laughter.
The girls' locker room was never a safe space for me.
Not so snide, but equally hurtful words spoken in a voice laced with love hampered by conditions I was destined never to meet.
My own bedroom at home wasn't all that safe either when Mom was trying to get me to try a new outfit, bought a size too small on purpose to encourage me to lose weight.
But this isn't there and I'm not that bullied teenager. These women are kind and here for me, not to judge me. Even my mom. Whatever she thinks in her head, she's not going to say anything critical in front of the queen.
"Come, chérie, you have nothing to fear here." Queen Camille puts her hand out toward me. "We are your family."
Family can be some of the hardest people to please. I should know.
Flicking a glance toward my mother and then back to the queen, I force a smile. "This communal bathing thing is new for me."
"My daughter is very shy," mom says. "I was surprised when I saw that the hammam was one of the events on the schedule this week. She refused to use the pool at home if anyone except her brother and sister were around. Not even me and her father."
"There was a reason for that, mom," Tessa mutters under her breath.
But both mom and the queen hear her because both women frown.
Do I have hangups? Yes.
Am I ashamed of them? No. Not so much.
I've worked hard to overcome the ones that I can.
Instead of getting defensive, my mother sighs sadly. "I'm sure you're right."
"We are your new family," Lady Aliyah repeats the queen's words with a twist. "Allow us to share in this ritual with you as is proper and right."
Queen Camille nods at her mother-in-law before meeting my eyes. "We are here to celebrate your wedding with you, to engage in a tradition that women marrying into the House of Al Qadir have been engaging in for centuries."
"And it's so good for your skin," Delphine offers enthusiastically.
Chloe grins at her friend. "You'll make sure I get a hammam, no matter who I marry, right friend?" Delphine nods decisively and Chloe grins at me. "It's better than any spa day I've had back in New York."
"It is the opportunity for the women of our house to help you prepare for your transition from your current life to one as part of the House of Al Qadir," Lady Aliyah adds.
"When I was a girl, the hammam was when we learned about the secrets of the marriage bed and what to expect from a considerate and dutiful spouse. "
Heat climbs into my cheek. "I uh…" My voice chokes off.
I can't just announce that Gabriel and I have been lovers since his trip to Santa Fe to woo me.
"Please, jaddati. Have you seen the way Gabriel looks at her? I'm pretty sure he's already covered that part of her education." Delphine giggles and Chloe joins her.
My cheeks sizzle with embarrassment.
"As did my own beloved malik, but I knew better than to let the women of his family or mine know he had done so at my hammam." Lady Aliyah says repressively, but her eyes twinkle with wicked humor.
Queen Camille's smile can only be described as mischievous. "That explains Harun's birth only eight months after your marriage."
"It does indeed," Lady Aliyah agrees complacently. "Back then acknowledging he was born late rather than early would have been a great scandal."
"Such subterfuge is not necessary among the royal family today," the queen says to me in what could definitely be interpreted as a leading manner.
Did Gabriel tell his parents? He wouldn’t without warning me, would he? Or would he assume I would realize he'd let them know I'm pregnant for potential PR reasons, if nothing else. Life in a royal family is nothing like life as a single horse trainer-slash-equine therapy specialist.
Still, if he told them without giving me a heads up, we are going to have words. And they won't be friendly ones.
This feels like the right moment to start undressing. Pretending not to see the now incredibly curious gazes of all the women in the room, I move to the empty bench and start taking off my clothes.
Tessa asks a question about protocol for one of the wedding events, and DeeDee chimes in with another distraction, guiding the discussion away from pre-wedding pregnancies.
They are the best sister and friend ever.
The queen is reminiscing about her own courtship when we move into the warm transition room.