16. Chapter 11
Chapter 11
Lucy
W ho knew campaigning was such a gruesome task?
After spending most of the day going door-to-door with Stella and her insanely supportive husband—oh my gosh, the puppy dog energy rolling off Lucas Grady today—I’m beat.
And I’m now the proud owner of a new memorized spiel:
“Hi, I’m Lucy Spence, and I’m here on behalf of Stella Grady, Independent candidate for Mississippi’s 4th Congressional District. I’d like to speak with you today regarding state educational reform and congressional term limits.” Stella said the latter one would really get people talking, and that’s when we could hit them with the former, her true passion, educational reform.
If I never have to say those words again, I’d die a happy woman. Though I have to admit, hanging out with Stella and seeing such a force of a woman at work was inspiring. Maybe I could write a book about her one day .
I take a gulp of water as sweat rolls down my back, and I frown, wishing for my air conditioned apartment and darkness and aloneness.
But that desire is obliterated in two seconds as I remind myself that this is good . It’s good I’m in Dasher Valley for the Fourth of July. It’s good I’m not alone, hulled up in my apartment numbing my brain by watching television dramas, listening to triste Taylor Swift songs, or losing myself in unrealistic happy-ever-after novels.
Because on the days that Stone and I aren’t together for an event or random date—though there has only been one of those, and I suspect it’s because he didn’t want to go to the theater alone as a man to see a romantic comedy—that’s what I do. I also write, and that is an analgesic, too, I guess. Building up fake worlds with fake people with fake conflicts and fake happiness that are forced by the powers that be to fall into love.
My phone buzzes in the back pocket of my mini jean skirt with white stars painted on, and I pull it out to find my sister calling me. I check the time and, while it’s a little after noon here, it must be the wee hours of the morning in Korsa.
I hope she’s okay…
I shuffle off of the front porch of Marian’s house and weave through a few people standing around chatting until I’m far enough away to answer the phone without a ton of background noise. “Lorelei? You good?” A yawn answers back. “Yeah, I’m good.”
I stare at Stone, who is wearing stars and stripes Chubbies shorts that look exactly like they sound: one side stars with the other stripes. He laughs at something his newly married friend, Tate, says, and the way his blond hair bounces as he shakes his head in laughter, the sunlight creating a golden hue, mesmerizes me. The tanned man in a tight white t-shirt is a sight to behold. Anyone with a sense of vision would agree. Heck, even if a person was blind, they’d still be able to tell Stone Harper was the epitome of the predetermined Roman god by his heavenly, otherworldly scent. Maybe that’s the writer in me running wild, but the man’s scent—something akin to stardust and lightning and the rings spinning around Saturn—lingers in my mind after the long drive down from Juniper Grove yesterday evening after work.
Don’t even get me started on the kisses and light touches he’s given me since the moment we were in the presence of other people.
To keep up a dating contrivance, that’s all.
“Uh, Lucy? Are you there?”
Oh, crap. “Oh, yeah. Hey, Lor. What’s up? Why are you calling me when the sun isn’t up for you?”
“Earth to Lucy. I just told you why.”
I chuckle, my gaze still stamped on Stone. As if he heard me think his name, he glances my way and tilts his head. I wiggle my fingers in a wave to let him know all is well, and then he winks at me and blows me a kiss.
Even though I’m screaming internally at the cuteness, I don’t catch the kiss. I let it fly right past me and into the woods on the side of the quaint home.
Because I’m here as his fake girlfriend.
Fake. Fake. Fake.
Remember that, Miss Falls Too Hard and Too Fast .
I turn my back to the nuisance. “Sorry. I was looking for a spot outside to talk with you away from people.”
“Where are you?”
I rub my elbow with one hand as I grip the phone at my ear with the other. I haven’t told my sister about this arrangement I have with Stone. Heck, I haven’t told Hadley anything more about us after I told her I “called it off.” She doesn’t know we are “back together.”
Nobody knows but me and him.
And apparently his best friend back in Juniper Grove, but that’s all.
Even the player confides in his closest friend. And you can’t even bring yourself to tell your twin. Tsk, tsk. What a mess you are…
I’m ashamed. It’s as simple as that. I am Lucy May Spence. Voted Most Beautiful, homecoming queen, and prom queen of Juniper Grove High School. I was a cheerleader in college as I pursued my degree in creative writing with a minor in business. I cheered for Stone as he started on the football team his sophomore year when I was a senior.
I’ve dated. A lot. And I’ve never had to enlist a man to pretend to want me for the sake of having someone on my arm at functions and events.
Granted, they’ve pretended on their own in the past. As much as I’ve dated, I’ve experienced heartache for at least half the time because of lying, manipulative men.
But that’s the thing. Stone hasn’t lied to me. He’s been completely upfront about his intentions and purposes…
And I went along with them .
I am actively going along with them as I stand on this green grass in his mother’s yard trying to figure out what to tell my twin.
“I’m in Dasher Valley for a Fourth of July celebration.” There. The truth. Most of it, anyway.
“All the way down there? With who? Did you go by yourself?” Lorelei’s deep lilt indicates her suspicion. She sounds like she’s put on her investigative hat. Her and those stupid crime shows she loves so much…
“No. I’m with my boss.”
“Huh. Are you dating him now?”
I cough several times at her blunt response, but what else should I expect from her? She never holds back from speaking her observations. I love that about her even though it gets me in hot water sometimes. “Um, yeah. I guess I am…”
There. Still truth. Just leaving the embarrassing “fake” part out of it.
“Huh,” she says again. “Hadley never told me that.”
Something stirs in my gut. “Should she have told you? I mean, I haven’t told anyone, really. It’s fairly new. Besides, do you have Hadley watching me or something?” My tone is quipped, and I instantly feel regret. Sure, Hadley knew I was “dating him” at one point, but I’m glad she kept it to herself like I asked. Though it doesn’t negate how small I feel when my sister casually insinuates she has our best friend watching me.
I mean, watching me for what? I’m fine. Does Lorelei think I’m going to do something stupid or crazy or unhinged simply because she’s not around to maintain order? I can keep my own order, thank you—
“Not watching you,” Lorelei says in her signature firm tone. “But I do ask her to check up on you for me. You’re my twin. And you’re missing from my life. We don’t talk as much as we did those first two weeks after I moved. I worry about you. Not because you can’t handle yourself but because you’re literally my other half.”
“I’m sorry I snapped at you.” I bite my bottom lip as silence ensues on the other end. “I’m glad to have such an amazing older-by-one-minute sister like you.”
“But Lucy. Are you okay?”
The hesitancy in her straightforward tone takes me back. Even from across the globe, she can still sense that something is up with me.
“I’m fine,” I lie. Tears threaten to shove their way through, but I hold strong. I didn’t tell my sister about the pool incident two weeks ago. I’m not telling her I’m fake dating my boss. I’m not telling her that dinner has begun to elude me or that I only vacate the apartment for work, “dates” with Stone, or necessary grocery shopping.
She doesn’t need to worry about me. It’s an adjusting phase. Everything will be fine, even if it’s not fine right this very second. And when it comes to Stone, I’m just having fun. When he brought up the idea to fake date on a more permanent scale, I figured what the heck… I’m lonely. He’s fun. I know where I stand with him so there’s no confusion. And if I do happen to meet someone, I trust Stone will let me go. Furthermore, he’s remained faithful to our agreement: we haven’t kissed, touched, or done anything couple-y in private. That alone assuages some of the guilt I feel. Stone is a good guy despite his obvious commitment issues .
He lets me put my feet on the dash, sing in the car, and doesn’t make me feel like I’m crazy or have too high expectations for men when I tell him my book ideas. He encourages my dreams to become a full-time author.
“I’m really okay,” I say after she doesn’t respond. “I see Hadley occasionally and chat with Karoline sometimes. Emma Jane is still at Books and Beans, so I pop in and see her every now and then. And I have Stone. He’s—”
“Did he force you into anything? You know that’s illegal, and I could—”
“No,” I laugh mirthlessly. “He’s done no such thing. I know I’ve said bad things about him in the past such as him being a player and all, but it turns out I misunderstood him. We’ve talked about it. He came onto me so many times, I just finally caved. He’s actually a really good man.”
He is. I told her that before she moved. I’ll continue to stand by that assessment. And I’ll also add “saves lives” to my list of reasons because…
He saved me.
That’s not something I can easily forget.
I sneak a glance over my shoulder and find that he has positioned himself to where he’s staring straight at me while he talks with Tate. He brings his thumb to his bottom lip and winks. I snap my head back around, a blush crawling up my face as I recall the way he traced his thumb over my bottom lip when he pulled me under the Ease-Up tent to set up lunch only thirty minutes ago.
“You’ve said that before, but I just want to make sure you’re okay. If you say you are, then I’ll believe you. But please check in with me more often than you have been. Don’t make me have to call you every time we talk, okay?”
Guilt gnaws at my throat. “Okay. I’m sorry for worrying you.”
“Don’t apologize for such a thing, Lucy. I love you. Please… thrive.”
More tears press against my lids, but I know they won’t fall. I haven’t cried in two weeks. “I am, Lor. Promise.” Lies, lies, lies… “But I better get going. We are playing cornhole or something soon. Stone says I have to play at least one round.”
At that, my twin laughs. “Good luck. I can’t believe he’s got you playing a yard game.”
My mood rises at the upward vocalization in her voice. She’s letting me be, and that’s all I can ask for right now. “He’s something, that’s for sure. Love you, sis. I will call you soon, okay?”
“I’ll be waiting. Love you, too.”
After hanging up the phone and taking a few steadying breaths, I make my way towards my fake boyfriend, whose gaze never falters from my movement as every step brings me closer to him.
It’s unbelievably hot.
The weather, I mean. July is a very hot month in Mississippi.
Oh, who am I kidding? The way that man watches me approach him is sizzling and popping hotter than the fireworks that’ll go off tonight around the nation.
“Hey, Little Lion.” Stone reaches for me, slides his arms around my waist, and pulls me flat against him. I look into his vibrant blue eyes while fastening my “good, real girlfriend” smile on. It’s a sprinkling of sultry with a dash of coy and a heap of admiration .
I stand on my toes to kiss his cheek. He’s clean shaven, and his skin tastes like an exploding galaxy. Which is nothing compared to the black hole energy of his lips… “Hey, Onyx.”
He rolls his eyes at my nickname choice this time, but his beautiful, wide smile says he enjoys my antics. Finally, a man who likes that I’m a little extra…
“Ready to play cornhole? We will team up against Tate and Julia.”
“Let me go find her real quick,” Tate says, walking off towards the small two-story house.
Stone kisses my forehead before he releases me, and I struggle to stand on my own two legs from all that contact. Every time I form a physical connection point with that man, it’s like I’m rediscovering what electricity is and just how potent it can be.
“Everything okay?” he asks, taking a small step away from me, leaving a noticeable shift in energy between the two of us. “You looked worried on the phone.”
“My sister. All is well. She was just checking in.”
“Ah, okay. Did you tell her about us?”
I shift away from him and look over at Lucas and Jared, who are busy grilling chicken and other meats. “I told her we were dating.” I glance at him and smirk, attempting to bring lightness back to the air around us. “That I finally gave in to your incessant requests to take me out.”
It works.
He flings an arm around me, and I once again learn that electricity is volatile and unrelenting. “They say only the annoyingly persistent ever win.”
“Who says that?” I laugh and walk beside him. I slip my arm around his waist and learn that electricity can be applied at greater forces.
He gives me a big, toothy grin. “Me.”
As we set up to play cornhole, banter back and forth, and fling bean bags at each other instead of the board, I realize that I’m a lot less lonely, a little less numb, and a smidge more happy when I’m with Stone Harper, my notorious playboy boss.
This is a dangerous game I’m playing…
D o you ever get the feeling someone is watching you?
Colors explode across the night sky, the sound vibrating my body as the fireworks pop one after another. Patriotic music blares in the background while the whole town of Dasher Valley plus some sit on the back of pickup trucks, in provided chairs, on metal bleachers, or lounge on outdoor blankets in the grassy field of the baseball diamonds. Earlier, there were live musical performances by local bands, a comedy performance, and then some evangelical guy preached. Stone and I ate dinner during that segment. We hung out with his friends and family for a while, and then we found our little spot to watch the show from. Presently, the fireworks have been going off for about thirty minutes.
He wasn’t messing around when he said the private investors of the city put on a grand display.
His arm easily rests around my shoulders, tucking me into his side as we lie on a blanket on the tailgate of his truck. My feet are crossed under me while his dangle off the edge of the lifted vehicle.
My gaze is focused on the myriad of colorful sparks lighting the sky, but if I was to lift my head from his chest and tilt my chin up, I have an eerie feeling that he’d be looking at me.
And because I’m not good at not knowing things, I do just that.
Once again, my intuitions are correct.
His expression is stormy under the dark skies; pops of red, blue, and white reflect within the irises that are pointed at me. Stone doesn’t smile. Instead, his lips part ever so slightly when I meet his stare. Naturally, I notice the movement of his lips like I’m a child tracking Santa, so he takes that as his needed cue to create our own fireworks in the bed of his truck.
The kiss is gentle and soft—there are families around us after all—but it still ignites my body all the same. After a few seconds, he pulls away with a satisfied grin and touches his head to mine as we continue to watch the fireworks above us. My heart aches with longing. Longing to have a deeper conversation with him that goes beyond our usual flirty banter and bickering. Longing to have him know me. Longing for all of this to be real.
Through the time I’ve spent with him, gleaning any piece of information about himself that he drops behind him as I follow on his heels, I’ve learned that he’s not only considerate and kind to those around him, but he’s also giving. Giving of his time, his money, and his attention. He makes any person that he speaks with feel like they have his undivided recognition.
And it just makes me wonder… What happened to this good man that he can’t commit? What goes on within the depths of his brain that prevents him from giving all that he has to offer to a singular woman for the rest of his life?
The fireworks finally come to an end, and the mayor of the town takes the stage to ask people to help clean the recreational baseball fields and facilities we are currently using.
“Should we go help?” I ask Stone as we both sit up.
He nods his head, hops down from the tailgate, and then puts his hands on my waist to help me off. “We can do a lap around the outside of this field and then call it a night. What do you say?” He grabs a trash bag from his backseat.
“Sounds good.” I follow him, picking up discarded water bottles and other cans. He picks up any plates or napkins that we happen upon, saying he doesn’t want me getting my hands too dirty.
I mean, seriously… This man is doing the world a disservice by not allowing himself to love a woman.
“Is this something you and your family come to every year?” I ask as we continue our lap.
“Mostly, yes. Some years we forewent coming because of rain and such. I’m always amazed at the people who willingly sit out here after a rain shower. The mugginess is unbearable.”
The heat and humidity as it is right now feels stifling and all encompassing. Like I’m walking around inside of a bathtub. A cold shower is in order when we get back to Marian’s house.
“This is a really cool event. I wonder if Juniper Grove could do something like this one day. ”
Stone picks up a nacho container and tosses it into the bag I’m holding. “I’ve asked the mayor about it, and while he would like to, Juniper Grove is much bigger than Dasher Valley. Plus it’s a college town. There are a lot of logistics to think about.”
“Do you remember me from college?”
He stops and turns to me, wearing a crooked smile. “You were my favorite cheerleader to ‘accidentally’ bump into on the sideline.”
I laugh, remembering several instances when he did just that. “Do you remember hitting on me at an athlete party your first year there?”
His smile falters, an uncertain look clouding his face. “I, uh—”
“It’s okay if you don’t. You were pretty gone that night.”
“Yeah, my first year of college wasn’t pretty. I got my crap together after because I wanted to continue playing football.” He laughs sheepishly.
I place my hand on his arm and then remember I’ve been touching trash. “Oops, sorry.” I pull my hand away.
“No, please. Hold onto me. I don’t mind.” We look at each other for a moment before he grabs my hand and places it back on his arm. We continue walking, only breaking contact to pick up more trash.
“We all have our moments in college,” I say, trying to walk a tightrope, using my own stories as my balance pole. I don’t want to frighten him off from opening up more, but I’m desperately craving emotional connection with him. “When I was a freshman, I got so tired of everyone confusing me with my sister that I chopped my hair off and dyed it blonde. ”
Stone stares at me incredulously. “I can’t imagine you with any other hair color than this.” He places his fingers near my hair but doesn’t touch me. Regardless of whatever might be on his hands right now, I want his fingers knotted in my hair.
Another time, Lucy…
“I have pictures. I’ll show you sometime.” I chuckle at the memory. How ridiculous my short-lived identity crisis was. I cried and cried over the loss of my long hair. “It didn’t last long. I dyed it as close to my natural color as I could get only one week later.”
“Do you still find yourself getting upset sometimes? Over people confusing the two of you?”
I snicker. “Well, it certainly helps that she lives across the world now.”
“You miss her.”
I glance at Stone, who is going about his business searching for trash in the grass around the outskirts of the baseball field we parked behind. I was supposed to be digging into his brain, not the other way around.
“Of course I miss her. She’s my other half. I’ve never known life without her until she left.” I clear my throat, mentally swatting away the melancholy threatening to settle upon me. “I’m okay, though. Slowly adjusting. Do you miss your sister when you’re away from her?’
Stone spurts a laugh. “When I’m away from Stella, I consider myself lucky. Because we are four years apart, she can easily slip into a mothering role over me.” He pauses and worries his bottom lip. “When she left us for ten years, though, that stung. I was proud of her for pursuing her dream. I was happy she was happy. But I missed her a lot during those years. She was absent from my life my entire high school career. That was difficult for me.”
My heart races as I search my head for what to say next. Any small acknowledgment that he’s opening up to me may send him back into self-protective mode like the time I questioned him in church. So instead, I say nothing. I nod along as he continues to tell me about his sister’s career as a campaign manager.
By the time we make it back to the truck, we’ve exchanged conversation about his time in college sports, my time as a cheerleader, and his dream to one day coach a little league football or baseball team. I may not know the ins and outs of Stone Harper yet, but tonight feels like a giant first step. A leap, if you will.
I place my feet on the dash, stretching out. When I catch him looking at me, I quickly move my feet. He hasn’t said anything before, but maybe now is the time he’s finally going to ask me to stop. “So sorry. It’s a habit.”
He gives me a perplexed expression. “I don’t mind, Lucy. Has someone in your past told you not to place your feet on the dash, sing loudly in the vehicle, or not to talk about your books and stories? Because you seem to get skittish when you think you might be annoying me.”
Not knowing what else to say, I turn and look away, whispering, “Yes.”
“Lucy May Spence.” When I don’t look at him, he reaches across the truck, taking my chin and turning my face toward him. “I want you to let all of that go, okay? You are vibrant, fun, and more than welcome to sing, put your feet on my dash, and tell me all about your stories. It’s not bothersome nor annoying. ”
Tears threaten my eyes, but I push them back. No guy has ever been this invested in my passions or has liked me more than the stupid dash of his truck. Stone is—I curse inside my head. Stone is everything…
He cranks the truck, and as we drive back to Marian’s, we both sing loudly to “God Bless the U.S.A.” by Lee Greenwood.
When we get back to the house, we take turns washing up, telling Marian and Brother Johnny about the fireworks display since they opted to stay in, and then we both head upstairs for bed.
“Goodnight, Lucy May,” Stone says with a slight rasp to his voice. Something burns behind his eyes, and I know he wants a goodnight kiss as badly as I do. But we made that stupid contract that says no kissing or touching while we are alone. And we’ve done such a great job adhering to it while in Juniper Grove.
But we are back in Dasher Valley…
I take a step toward Stone as we stand in the middle of the small hallway between our rooms. “What happens in Dasher Valley…”
I don’t have time to finish my sentence because he pushes me against the wall, pressing his body against mine and claiming my lips. Stone kisses me with a passion that feels sweeter and deeper than the first time he kissed me out on the front porch. Maybe it’s because we’ve shared personal details about our lives tonight? Maybe it’s the romance of fireworks on the Fourth of July.
Or maybe it’s just him.
My heart threatens to exit my chest as his hand slips underneath my sleep shirt, his fingers setting the skin of my hips on fire. A siren sounds off faintly, but I push it out of my mind, focusing on the feel of his touch on my skin. When I moan, he whispers breathlessly against my ear, “Baby girl, there are people downstairs. Shh.”
I nod, closing my eyes and biting my tongue as his lips trail down my throat. He pulls away for a brief second, so I open my eyes to see what he’s doing. Wickedness glints in his eyes as he tilts his head and smirks. “Good girl.”
His whispered words of praise seep into my bones, and I become putty in his hands to do whatever he wants with. He takes my hand and leads me to his bedroom.
And mercy, it feels so good to be desired like this.
Someone wants me.
I’m not alone anymore.
Stone Harper is mine. And I’m not letting him leave me like everyone else has done. Whatever it takes.
After he lays me down on his gray sheets, I whisper in the darkness. “I don’t want to pretend anymore, Stone.”
His hand stiffens across my stomach, and he lets out a curse. “I don’t want to, either, Lucy May. But I don’t know how to commit. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Honesty is the first step,” I say, playing with his hair between my fingers. “You’re honest in your struggle to commit. Whatever comes next, we can face it and get through it together, okay?”
Silence echoes around the room.
“Okay?” I repeat with a little more force.
His body presses against mine, and in a small, broken voice against my ear, he says, “I haven’t wanted someone like this in such a long time.” He kisses beneath my ear. “I don’t want to hurt you, Lucy. What if I’m not enough? What if these feelings fade? ”
“I understand your struggle, Stone. I see it. But, let me ask you this: What if the feelings don’t? What if they grow?”
His kisses move down my neck. “That may just terrify me more.”
I moan again, my mind glitching. “Tell me now. Are you willing to try with me? If we go down in flames, so be it. I’m a big girl. I can handle another heartache.” No, really, I can. I promise…
“For you, Lucy May, I will try. I’ll try to overcome my issues.”
Then his lips continue their exploration in the dark terrain of this jungle I find myself in, and I say a silent plea to whoever is listening: Please let it be so…