Chapter 8
It was crazy to think that the one person who’d caused her so much pain and angst was actually sitting in her living room. And now the two of them were alone.
The space felt smaller somehow. She’d like to think she wasn’t affected by Brock anymore—by his voice, his presence, the way his perceptive eyes tracked her every movement, but that would be a lie.
Her gaze settled on his hair. She actually liked it longer on top. When they first met, he’d kept it military-short, all sharp edges and precision, like everything else about him. But now, the slightly tousled waves softened his face and gave him a stylish, almost disarming charm. It suited him.
She shifted in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest like armor. Maybe it was time to take a play out of Dad’s book. She’d sit in silence for as long as it took for Brock to speak first.
She ignored the discomfort pulsing between them. It was maddening how easily Brock stirred something inside her, even when she didn’t want him to. Brock wasn’t just attractive. He radiated such strength and authority. But more than that, he’d filled her world with a brilliance she didn’t even know was missing until he came into her life. It would take her years to find anyone else who lit her on fire the way Brock had. Maybe she would never experience that type of bliss again. Didn’t people say that true love only came around once in a lifetime? Hers had come like a thief in the night when she least expected it and had left just as suddenly.
They sat in silence for what seemed like forever until he mercifully broke it. “So…” He cleared his throat. “Where do we go from here?”
She lifted her brow. “Do you really have the nerve to ask me that?”
He lifted his hands in surrender. “You know me—I don’t dance around the elephant in the room. So, I’m just going to say it out loud. I goofed.”
She grunted in response.
“I thought I was making the right decision,” he went on, “but I was wrong. I was so wrong.”
A harsh laugh fell from her lips. Even though he was admitting his fault, it gave her no pleasure to hear it. This couldn’t be fixed with mere words.
His jaw twitched. “After the wedding, I was a wreck. A dark cloud of confusion had choked over me, and I couldn’t see a way out.” He paused. “And then when I got that call from Fitz… everything suddenly snapped into place. I realized I’d made the biggest mistake of my life by letting you go.” Desperation coated his voice. “I need you in my life.”
Her breath caught, and it was all she could do to school her expression. Oh, how she wished she could hear those words and feel nothing. She’d needed him, too, but then he hurt her.
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple zipping up and down in his throat. “The thought of anything happening to you rips me apart. I had to come here. I had to know that you’re okay.”
She gave him a weak smile. “Well, as you can see, I’m okay.” He searched her face with an intensity that nearly moved her to tears. Luckily, she was able to contain her emotions.
“Are you really?”
Curse him for being able to see right through her. She narrowed her eyes, suddenly fighting mad. “The pain that I’m experiencing because of the accident is nothing compared to the pain I feel here.” She touched her heart. So much for holding her cards close.
Regret shadowed his eyes. “I’m so sorry. What can I say to make you believe me?”
“There’s nothing you can say. What’s done is done,” she said dully. “Let’s just try to move on.”
“No.”
She flinched, not sure if she’d heard him correctly. “No?”
He thrust out his jaw, his expression fierce. “I won’t let you go.”
She barked out a brittle laugh. “But you did let me go. And for what? Some idiotic excuse?”
“My son’s not an idiotic excuse,” he growled.
Her voice pitched high. “Do you really expect me to believe that this was all about Trevor and some trouble he got into at school? What kind of a moron do you take me for?”
“It’s the truth.” He looked her in the eyes. “I was trying to do right by Trevor, but then, when I almost lost you … it put everything into perspective. I need you, Jules.”
“If it took me almost dying for you to figure out how you feel about me, then that’s a crying shame.”
“Wait—no. That’s not what I meant.” He leaned forward, urgency seeping into his tone. “I was confused, Jules. Torn up about Trevor.”
“You broke up with me because your son might have bullied some kids? And somehow, that justified cutting me out of your life? Explain to me how that makes any sense.”
“I felt like I had to be there for him. I thought that if I moved back in under the same roof, then maybe I could make a difference.”
She gave him a hard stare. He might be able to read her like a book, but she could read him too. “No. You were scared. You had second thoughts, and Trevor gave you an out.”
“That’s not it,” he said quickly. “That’s not it at all.”
“Then what?” The words cut coming out of her throat. “Was it Adrian? Were you still holding onto something with her?”
“No.” His face turned hard. “I never want to get back with that woman.”
She didn’t answer. Just waited.
He rubbed a hand over his mouth. “You know how I grew up. You know what it did to my mom when my dad left. It wrecked me and Luke. That’s why Luke battles so many demons. He was my protector. He shielded me from the full brunt of our dad’s mean streak. When I thought Trevor was going down the wrong path, I had to step in. I couldn’t—I couldn’t choose anyone over him. Not even you.”
Her chest tightened, an ache blooming beneath her ribs. It intensified her soreness from the accident. “I never asked you to choose,” she said quietly. “All I wanted was a chance to build something with you.”
“I know that now. I goofed. I’m so sorry.”
She blinked fast to hold back the tears that were threatening to fall. Taking in a disjointed breath, she fought to keep her voice steady. “Let’s say I give you another chance. What happens the next time Trevor acts out or needs something? Are you gonna drop everything and run again?” He tried to speak, but she cut him off. “You said everything snapped into place when you got that phone call from Fitz. Well, almost dying did that for me.”
“Jules,” he interrupted.
She held up a hand. “Let me get this out. Maybe before, it would’ve been enough for you to say you made a mistake. But not anymore.” She swallowed hard, forcing the words past the tightness of her throat. “I need someone who’s as committed to me as I am to him. I need someone who doesn’t run in the other direction when things get hard. I need someone who stays.”
“I’m sorry,” he uttered. “What can I do to make this right?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I just know that I need something more than an apology. I need to be sure. And right now… I’m not.”
Silence stretched long and thick between them.
He clasped his hands. “So where does this leave us?”
“If you came here hoping for a reconciliation, you’re wasting your time. That’s not going to happen.”
He stared at her like she’d slapped him. “Why are you being so stubborn about this? Can’t you see that I made a mistake? I’m here. Doesn’t that count for something?”
His words almost cracked her. Almost. She couldn’t afford to be the only one giving everything to the relationship.
“I deserve more,” she said softly. “I deserve a man who won’t run at the first sign of trouble. Someone who stands beside me, not someone I have to chase.”
Brock ran a hand through his hair, his voice gritty with emotion. “I get that. And I can respect it.”
She clenched her jaw. “Good, then let’s stop beating a dead horse because I can’t talk about this anymore.”
“You have to know how I feel about you.”
“Do I?” Her voice rose. “I thought I did. And then I had to find out at my sister’s wedding—from Charli and Fitz—that you were going back to Adrian.”
Regret twisted his face. “That never should’ve happened. I’m so sorry, Jules. You have no idea how sorry I am.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said softly.
They locked eyes—him pleading, her defiant.
“If that’s the way you wanna play it,” he finally said.
“That’s the way I wanna play it.”