Chapter 14 #2
“Wanting something and reaching for it are vastly different things, you of all people know that.” The harshness in Calum’s voice snaps my head in his direction.
He’s glaring at me. “Did you miss the way Ned flinched when I said Zac’s name last night?
I didn’t. Why do you think I backed off?
And fuck you for dismissing his pain like it’s some inconvenience.
Which, granted, it is, for both of us. But fuck you, anyway.
” He pushes up from the couch, tossing the blanket aside.
“Being betrayed by the people who are supposed to love you can wreck you in ways that don’t heal just because the clock keeps ticking.
” He grabs his mug and turns to head for the kitchen.
“Cal, wait.” Scrambling upright, I leap over the back of the couch to grab his forearm.
He stops, but he doesn’t look at me. The muscles of his jaw tick as he holds himself rigid.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” What? I’m not even sure what I did wrong, but I know we’re not talking about Ned anymore. “You—”
His gaze snaps to mine, narrowed in warning. I’m not quite there yet.
A second name slips into place behind the first. “And Hannah.”
“Back the fuck off.” He jerks out of my grip, backing away. “My sister and I are none of your concern.”
He’s off again. I follow close behind. “Maybe not, but Ned is my concern.” I stop behind him as he rinses his mug in the sink. “Do you know what happened to him?”
“No. But my point is, neither do you.” He turns to lean back against the sink, his arms crossed.
“Here’s what I do know. When it comes to launching artists on a global scale Zac is the best there is.
He has connections I would kill for. He’s also a soulless monster.
” His face twists with anger and disgust. “Musicians who put themselves at Zac’s mercy—and they all beg for the chance—end up in one of two ways.
They’re household names, or they’re broken. ”
Ned is far from being a household name. “Shit.”
“There are rumours,” Calum continues, more quietly, “about what happens sometimes, to the men he takes to his bed. I won’t go into them, if Ned was part of that scene that’s his story to tell, but…
” He pauses briefly, waiting for me to drag my attention back to him.
“What’s a few years to someone who has to relive their trauma every other nightmare? ”
My heart stalls inside my chest. My gut clenches and regret burns through every vein.
Everything inside me hurts. For my friend who came home so scared and small it took a year for him to sing a single note.
For this man before me who stood up for him when I was being a whiny brat.
Because apparently he can see the level of pain in Ned I’ve been blind to all this time.
“I had no idea it was so bad,” I whisper, as if that’s some kind of excuse. “He refused to talk about it.”
“Talking about the things that hurt us is hard.” He straightens with a heavy sigh and comes to stand in front of me.
“Look, Johnny, here’s the deal. I’m going to fight for Fifth Circle, you can trust me on that.
It’s not just about my job, not anymore.
I refuse to allow anyone else to get their hands on the four of you.
When I have you, I will fight twice as hard for you. That’s my job.
“Your job,” he continues, prodding my chest with a finger, “is to be there for Ned. I believe you when you say he still wants a career in music. I see it, too. But the fear is the biggest thing in him right now and he needs to know you have his back, no matter what. Whatever demons he’s facing, he doesn’t want to do it alone. I know I didn’t.”
The hurt in him is a palpable thing. His green eyes are bright with it. It presses his lips into a thin line and furrows his brow. My mouth opens to ask questions I know I shouldn’t. It’s none of my business and getting closer to this man is not allowed, but I have to know. “Cal—”
A ping sounds from the next room. My phone.
Our eyes widen as we stare at each other. Then I’m running. Stumbling around the couch. Banging my shin on the table. I’m still swearing a blue streak when I grab the phone and unlock it. My heart lurches. “It’s Ned,” I call, but Calum is already at my side.
“What does it say?”
I open the text and read aloud. “Sorry about last night. I need a few days to sort out my shit. Talk soon.” My heart races as I lift my gaze back to his.
Calum licks his lips, his chest rising and falling with shallow breaths. “Do you think he might…”
“I don’t know.” Even as I voice my doubts, hope is there stamping them underfoot. “Maybe.”
I stand up, leaving the phone behind. There’s more staring.
His body is tense, like mine. His hands are restless at his sides, like mine.
Every instinct urges me to wrap this man up in my arms and celebrate the renewed possibility of a future we both want.
But getting one thing requires the absence of the other, and we both remain where we are.
“I should leave,” he says suddenly, before disappearing into the bedroom. He returns in under a minute, shoes on and belongings tucked away inside pockets. “Let me know if anything changes?”
With a mute nod, I follow him to the door.
We almost make it.
My back slams against the wall. His mouth crushes mine. I rake my hands through his hair, down his chest, over his arse. Our tongues fight for access to each other’s mouths, and when he growls low in his throat I can’t help but grind against him in response.
Finally, haltingly, we manage to drag our lips apart. Our bodies are still plastered together, each breath combining between us. The green of Calum’s eyes is barely visible around his dilated pupils. “We can’t,” he rasps.
“I know.”
“We have to—”
“Keep our distance.” I touch my forehead to his as I say the words, stealing myself for a reality that has to be. “Thank you,” I whisper.
He cants his head to one side. “For what?”
“For coming here. For giving me what I needed.”
A smile quirks the corners of his mouth. “Johnny.” Releasing my name on a whisper of a sigh, he runs the tip of his tongue between my parted lips. “I needed you, too.”
His head lowers to my shoulder, and our arms come around each other in a fierce hug. “One way or another, I’ll see you soon.”
“Yeah.” Nodding, I force myself to let him go.
In a rush of movement, he’s out the door and striding down the footpath towards his car. I close the door, so I don’t have to watch him leave.