Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
______
CALUM
“My place?”
Johnny mutters the words as he passes me in the gravelled parking area outside the rehearsal space. He pauses to look back over his shoulder, the intensity in those dark eyes striking me deep in the gut.
I open my car door and throw my bag onto the passenger seat. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“We need to talk.” He takes a step back towards me, and I glance around. Ned and Oz are still packing their gear into their cars. Gavin is locking up. None of them seem to have noticed us—yet.
“All right,” I tell him. “I’ll be right behind you.”
Releasing a breath, he gives me a short nod before walking away.
I get into my car and slam the door closed. “Fuck.” Starting the engine, I follow Johnny’s taillights down the driveway. “Goddamn, fuckity fuck.” It is a monumentally bad idea for Johnny and me to be alone together. But he’s right. We need to talk, if only to get our stories straight.
My meeting with the band went better than I ever could have imagined.
I left a copy of the contract with each of them, though I know it’s Gavin’s wife, Charmaine, who will be doing the closer examination.
It’s a good contract. I have no doubt it will be signed and on Genevieve’s desk well before the Friday afternoon deadline.
Now, all I need to do is put this situation with Johnny to bed—figuratively, not literally—and no one will be the wiser.
The drive to Johnny’s townhouse is over too soon. I reach him as he’s opening the front door. We don’t speak as we go inside. Putting down his guitar case, he locks the door behind us and turns to face me.
We stand there for a long moment. Still. Silent. Neither of us wants to be the one to end it.
“I don’t want to stop yet,” Johnny says in a quiet voice.
A hint of smile tugs at my mouth. “Neither do I. But we have to.”
“Do we, though?” Pushing away from the door, he closes in on me. “I know how to keep a secret, Cal. As long as we’re careful, no one will ever know.”
“I would know.” I raise a hand between us to stop his advance. “Ned is taking a big chance on me. He’s trusting me to do right by all four of you. I refuse to betray his trust.” He quirks an eyebrow, and I groan. “Any more than I already have, obviously.”
“Even if Ned did figure it out, this is nothing like what he went through with Zac. He would understand.” Johnny rushes through the words, restless feet shifting beneath him.
“I’m not some wide-eyed teenager falling into your clutches.
I’m a grown man. I know exactly what I want.
” His gaze stumbles down the length of me, a smile hovering on his parted lips. “I want you.”
I close my eyes as my body goes haywire, responding to his desire with jagged bolts of lust. My heart thunders. I can barely breathe. Still, I force myself to voice the only question that matters in the end. “For how long?”
“What?”
“For how long will you want me?” I open my eyes in time to see confusion falter to resignation. “You said it yourself the night we met. You’re horny and you want to get laid.” I gesture between us. “That’s all this is. Right?”
“Bullshit,” he growls. “You know it’s more.”
“Is it?” I demand. “Are you saying you want to have a relationship with me? Something real?”
His mouth twists in a grimace as he rakes clawed fingers through messy hair. “No,” he says, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t.”
The words are expected. Johnny’s thinking of himself, and fuck whatever I need.
It’s what people do. I know this. It should make the whole situation easier.
Instead, hurt erupts inside my chest until the only place it has to go is out my mouth.
“Do you want to take this chance away from Ned just as he’s found the courage to try again? ”
Johnny’s gaze narrows. “Of course not.”
“Do you want to tell Oz and Gavin they won’t be getting their big break because your cock needs time to work me out of its system before you ditch me?”
He sucks in a deep breath, jaw locked and eyes flashing. “No.”
“Then we need to end it.” I get in his face, jerking my hand up between us, the thumb and index finger held a few centimetres apart.
“We are, all of us, this close to getting everything we want, and I need this.” Our gazes clash as I continue in dark tones.
“I will not risk my job for you, Johnny. It’s too important. ”
The unspoken implication hits hard, and he flinches.
I look away, resisting the urge to take it back. Johnny is not unimportant. The way he occupies my thoughts, the current of excitement humming beneath my skin every time I get to see him, is evidence of that. But my security, Hannah’s security, has to come first. Always.
He takes a moment to collect himself before he responds. “I would never do anything to risk your job. Especially not over some stupid rule.”
“It’s not just about the rule or getting caught,” I say, my voice softening. “It’s also about why the rule exists. From the second the contract is signed, I will have a direct influence in the growth of your career.”
“This isn’t a career. It’s a hobby.”
I snort a laugh, my eyes rolling. “Now who’s spouting bullshit? Your heart is all tangled up in the strings of your guitar. You’d have to slice it into pieces to get free.”
His body stiffens, lips pressing into a hard line.
“It’s only music. It can’t amount to anything.
” The words sound foreign coming from his mouth, and I wonder who forced them in there.
Was it the ex-wife who hated it when he got lost in music stores?
Or the parents who tried to dictate who he should be from the cradle?
“If either of us believed that, we wouldn’t be having this conversation.
” I take a step closer, knowing I shouldn’t, knowing the risk.
“Music is fundamental to who you are, Johnny. I saw it the first time I watched you play. You were like…” Emotion clogs my throat, and I pause to swallow. “You shone like the sun.”
He lifts his hands to my face, dismissing the last of the crucial centimetres I’d kept between us. His lips find mine in a hard, desperate kiss. Though it only lasts a moment, we both shudder at the contact.
“Why did you have to be both?” he murmurs, his forehead pressed to mine, fingertips clutching at my cheeks. “When I saw you that first night, you struck a spark that brought me back to life. Then you turned out to be the dream manager, too. One would have been enough, you know. Both is overkill.”
“I know, right?” I say with a laugh. My hands find the sides of his waist, gripping handfuls of his t-shirt. “I’m still glad I get to be both, though.”
Lifting his head, he looks into my eyes. “Why?”
“Because every time we kiss, that spark in you burns me alive; and because I know how hard I’ll work to give you everything you’ve ever wanted.”
“Everything except you.”
“That’s the way it has to be.” Even as I say the words, my grip on him tightens. We’re both breathing hard, the air between us hot and wild.
“I guess this is it, then.” His voice is barely a murmur. “Time to say goodbye.”
“Not goodbye,” I say with a small shake of my head. “Don’t forget, soon you’ll be seeing more of me than you can stand.”
“You’ll be ordering me around, no doubt.” His arms slide over my shoulders to loop around my neck.
Grinning, I tilt my head until his mouth is almost close enough to taste. “I’ll make polite requests, with much forethought and planning.”
He winks at me. “Sounds hot.”
“You’re hot.” The words are out before I even think to stop them.
We both freeze. Our arms are wrapped around each other. One of my hands is tangled in his hair, and I’m all but licking his lips.
“Or…” He leans his body in to mine, fitting our hips together, and holy hell he’s hard and hot and it’s all I can do not to groan.
“We could take the time to say a proper goodbye.” He watches me as my brain attempts to remember the risks and the obstacles instead of the endlessly seductive possibilities.
My fingers flex, dragging across his scalp, so I can feel him shiver.
“Nothing is signed yet,” he manages to get out between pants. “We still have time.”
We shouldn’t. I know it. I also know there is nothing I want more in this moment than to spend the night burying myself beneath this man’s skin. Imprinting myself on him so he’ll never forget how good we were together for the short time we had.
I lower my voice to a whisper, so the world won’t hear. “We have tonight.”
Johnny’s exhale is harsh with relief. A smile hovers on his lips. “Tonight,” he says with a nod. “Okay.”
“Tomorrow…” I begin.
“We’re over.” There’s more nodding. “I get it.” Any further attempts at clarification are quashed by his kiss. Fierce and thorough, he plunders my mouth until our tongues tangle and moans of acquiescence are forced from my throat.
When he finally pulls away, I stumble after him. “Get out your phone,” he says with a grin, taking my hand as he leads me down the hallway towards his bedroom.
“Why?”
“Text your sister to let her know you won’t be home tonight.” We cross the threshold of the bedroom and he slips behind me, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Because you’ll be with me, and I’m not letting you go until dawn.”
I dig my phone from my pocket, charmed by the knowledge that, even as my brain is short-circuiting, he remembers how seriously I take my responsibility to Hannah.
My hands shake as I type out a quick message, both from the adrenaline in my veins, and because Johnny is still touching me.
His lips brush the back of my neck. His hands yank my business shirt from the waistband of my pants to slide underneath.
The instant I hit send, I toss my phone onto the nearby dresser and turn to face him.
For these few hours, under the cover of darkness, he is mine.
Just as I am completely, undeniably his.