Chapter 21
TWENTY-ONE
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JOHNNY
If there is one thing Gavin and Charmaine love to do, it’s throw a kick-arse party. The gravelled parking area outside The Jam Shed is full when I arrive, with extra cars lined up beside the driveway.
The path from the shed to the back of the house is illuminated by hundreds of fairy lights strung up in the trees on either side.
Guests crowd the covered entertainment area, with more spilling out onto the surrounding grass.
Low key rock music pumps from the sound system, almost drowned out by laughter and conversation.
I head straight for the kitchen, where I know Gavin will be busy refilling platters with cheese, crackers, and freshly baked sausage rolls, while also prepping a barbecue feast. “Mate,” he drawls, wrapping one arm around my shoulders for a quick squeeze.
“Glad you could make it.” His lazy smile and the faint aroma of beer tell me he’s well into enjoying the evening.
I clap him on the back. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” We chat for a few minutes before I hold up the large cooler bag I’m carrying, the assorted six packs of beer inside clink together. “Where should I stash these?”
He cackles with delight. “Mate, you’re a bloody legend.” Waving a hand, he directs me back outside. “Take these too, will you?” he adds, shoving two bowls of potato chips in my direction.
Making my way outside, I find an empty table to put the bowls onto before running into Charmaine.
She looks stunning in a slinky red dress with matching kitten heels.
“Johnny,” she squeals, throwing her arms around me.
Lifting up on her toes, she whispers in my ear, “A bunch of my single girlfriends are here. Sexy and successful.” Pulling back, she waggles her eyebrows at me.
“I could introduce you. New year, new you, and all that.”
I give an awkward laugh, appreciating her attempt at match making, despite my total lack of interest. “I’ll let you know if I need any help there. In the meantime,” I hold my bag up again, “help with these?”
Her eyes light up, and she rubs her hands together.
“Oh, I knew there was a reason I like you.” She leads me to the side of the paved area where a drinks table has been set up.
The surface is covered in assorted wine and liquor bottles, along with soft drinks and juice.
Underneath are a couple of ice-filled esky coolers.
With some effort, we manage to wedge a half dozen bottles at least partway into the already crowded ice. It will have to do.
Charmaine is called away as I’m standing to twist the top off a bottle of beer. I have yet to take a sip when a flash of ginger closes in on me from the side.
“You’re late,” hisses a feminine voice.
I turn my head. Hannah glares up at me, her arms crossed and shoulders hunched.
“Hello to you, too,” I reply, smirking at her.
She makes a grumpy sound. “Hello.”
My gaze searches the crowd, but I don’t see any sign of Calum.
“He’s over there somewhere talking to people,” she says with a wave of her hand. “Mingling or whatever.”
I clear my throat, kicking myself for being so freaking obvious. “Why aren’t you mingling or whatever?”
Indignant eyes lift to mine. “Do I look like a people person?”
My gaze sweeps over her. She’s wearing black skinny jeans and combat boots, despite the heat of the summer night.
At least her shirt is cooler. A dark plum, the clingy material drapes artfully off one shoulder, leaving her arms bare.
The riot of ginger curls hangs loose around her shoulders.
She’s as beautiful as her brother is gorgeous.
Not to mention, brimming with talent and sharp like a dagger.
But here, surrounded by strangers, she’s skittish in a way she wasn’t when it was just the two of us.
“You can stick with me if you’d like,” I suggest. “Then neither of us are alone.”
Her lips twist as she appears to contemplate my offer before giving a curt nod. “Okay.”
“Great.” I tilt my head in invitation. “Come on. I’ll introduce you to the rest of our little band family.”
“I met some of them already,” she says in a rush. “Cal introduced me.” I wait for more and she rolls her eyes before snapping, “I don’t like it when people try to hug me.”
My mouth rounds into an “oh” of understanding. That would be Charmaine. And Toni. Possibly Ned. “Let’s try again,” I say, crooking a finger at her. “If you give them a chance, I promise they’ll adore you from a distance.”
Huffing an exasperated sigh, she falls into step behind me.
I spend the next few hours hanging out with my favourite people in the world and sliding Hannah into each conversation.
Anyone who ventures too close to her finds me in their way.
A subtle shake of my head has them backing up again.
They quickly find other ways to welcome her.
Charmaine brings her prime morsels of Gavin’s cooking.
Toni regales her with over-the-top tales about his life with Ned, while randomly throwing in questions about her, which she answers with short sentences.
Eventually, Oz sneaks in to stand on her other side.
Her gaze darts to and away from him repeatedly.
His glances are slower, with some crooked smiles thrown in.
This dance goes on for a while, until he leans down to introduce himself in a quiet voice and offers his hand.
To my surprise, Hannah accepts, her cheeks turning pink as they shake.
Her other hand lifts to tuck her hair behind her ear and what the hell is happening here?
I’m still wondering if I should be doing something when Hannah touches my arm. “We’re going to get some food,” she says, gesturing to Oz.
“Sure.” I nod, attempting to look casual, before meeting her gaze more directly. “You good?”
“Yeah.” A tiny grin hovers on her lips. “Thanks.”
I wink at her. “Anytime.”
They’re disappearing into the crowd when I realise Calum has come to stand at my side. Doing a double-take, I narrow my eyes at him. “Where have you been hiding? I haven’t seen you all night.”
“I didn’t want to interrupt. She looked so comfortable with you.” His brows twitch, as if he’s still wrapping his brain around those words. “I don’t know what kind of magic you wield with her, but I’m grateful for it.”
“Glad to be of service.” I pair the words with a small bow and am rewarded with a low chuckle. “How did you convince her to come?”
He grimaces, taking a swig of whatever drink he’s holding. “She wanted me to come. I may have threatened to stay home and keep her company if she didn’t join me.”
I snort a laugh. “Brotherly blackmail at its finest.”
“It was a dirty trick, but it worked. And, who knows, in the end she may be glad she came.”
My gaze follows his to where Hannah and Oz sit in a corner of the patio, their heads bent together in conversation. “He’s a good man,” I tell Calum, although by now he already knows. “He’ll treat her right.”
Calum gives me some side-eye. “He’d better,” he says with mock ferocity.
Silence falls between us, and I shift on my feet as I lean closer to murmur, “I thought maybe you were avoiding me.” Our last meeting, at his apartment, ended so badly. We haven’t spoken since, save for the obligatory Christmas wishes in the band’s group chat.
“No, I…” He pauses, before sighing heavily. “Maybe a little.” Someone bumps into him from behind and he turns, as if reminded of the mass of people surrounding us. He looks back. “Walk with me?”
Our gazes lock. The rest of the world glitches into a distant blur. Swallowing around the sudden lump in my throat, I nod.
We wander away from the paved area, towards a small fire pit in the middle of the backyard.
A dozen or so chairs are set up around it, only half of them occupied.
We grab a couple of chairs and settle in a quiet spot on the far side.
Night has brought a coolness to the summer air.
It allows us to sit within the circle of light provided by the fire without sweltering.
The flickering flames are reflected in Calum’s green eyes; they pick up the highlights in his hair and illuminate his pale skin with an ethereal glow.
I try not to stare, but it’s pointless. I’m so lost in him, in this madness between us.
It’s a merry-go-round of want and denial I refuse to leave behind, even when the whirling leaves me sick to my stomach.
I’ve been going over and over it in my head for days now.
Eight months have passed since the night we met, and yet I’m only now realising how little I actually know about Calum Ellis.
I know he’s almost twenty-four, and managing musicians is his dream job.
He likes horror movies and drinks enough coffee to energise a small town.
But I don’t know his favourite book, if he prefers the mountains or the beach, which songs he would put on the soundtrack of his life.
I don’t know anything about his friends, or his childhood.
I know he would burn the world to the ground to protect his sister, but I don’t know why he holds so tight to the matches, as if an attack is imminent.
I don’t know where his parents are, or how long they’ve been gone.
I have no idea what his and Hannah’s life was like when they were still around.
After all these months of fighting my physical attraction to him, I’d almost forgotten the fascination that drew me to him that first night. It was more than his touch, his kiss. It was everything about him.
“I want to apologise for the way I acted the other day.” Calum’s quiet words drag me back from my ruminations. “I was harsh, and I’m sorry.”
The label on my mostly empty beer bottle tears as I scratch at it with my thumbnail. “I’m sorry, too,” I say, my voice rough with emotion. “I never should have shown up at your home uninvited. Even if I didn’t mean to see you. It was an intrusion, and it was wrong.”
He sits back in his chair. “Even if that’s true, I didn’t have to overreact.”
“You lash out when you feel threatened,” I say, turning to look at him. “It’s one of the few things I do know about you.”
Frowning, he crosses his arms. “What are you talking about?”
Swearing under my breath, I scull the last of my beer and drop the bottle to the grass.
“I’ve spent the last eight months treating you like some drug I’m addicted to.
Taking hits of you, one minute at a time, and praying it’s enough to keep me from losing control.
” I sit forwards, resting my elbows on my knees as I stare into the flames.
“It will never be enough, Cal, and if we keep going through these motions, we’ll keep ending up right back here, tearing strips off each other to get at something we’re not allowed to have.
” Running a hand over my face, I force myself to look at him. “I don’t want you to regret me.”
He doesn’t bother to deny it could happen. Hell, he’s probably halfway there, already. “What do you suggest we do?”
“I thought we could try something different. New year, fresh start?” I say, remembering Charmaine’s words from earlier.
“I would like for us to be a part of each other’s lives.
” The words are quiet, cautious. Hope is a wary flutter in my chest. “I don’t want to use the word friends.
I don’t think I could take pretending we’ve never…
been more. But I want to know you. I want you to know me. ”
He rolls his lips inwards and his eyes gleam with moisture. “I would like that.”
My eyebrows lift. “Yeah?”
Laughing, he swipes a finger under one eye and nods. “Yes.”
He holds his hand out to me for the first time in six months.
I press my warm palm to his as we shake.
I imagined this a million times, coming skin to skin with Calum once more.
My imagination always pictured a moment steeped in desperation and broken promises.
The reality is surprising in its calmness.
The thrum of awareness is still there. I still want him.
At the same time, there’s a depth to the ache that wasn’t present the last time we touched. A rightness.
We’re still staring into each other’s eyes, the renewed connection between us tentative and fragile, when the music cuts off and Gavin’s voice lifts over the din of the nearby crowd.
“Listen up, you lot. There’s five minutes left until midnight, so top up your glasses and get ready to ring in the new year.
” The music returns with a crash of drums, and Calum and I grin at each other.
Grabbing our empties, we set them beside the overflowing green and yellow recycle bin before finding our way back into the throng.
Charmaine is dancing around with two open bottles of champagne, refilling outstretched glasses.
Ned pulls me into a side hug, smacking a kiss on my cheek before wrapping his arms around Toni.
The shorter man smirks up at him, tugging on the T pendant that hangs on a chain around Ned’s neck until he bends down for a more thorough kiss.
Hannah moves into place on Calum’s other side, looking appalled by the crush of people, even as she holds tight to Oz’s hand.
“One minute,” Gavin calls.
Calum’s arm brushes against mine, and I thrill at the thought of not having to avoid such incidental touches anymore. Keeping him at arm’s length has been exhausting. We glance at each other, and I see my own relief reflected in his eyes.
“Ten,” Gavin yells, starting the countdown. The rest of us quickly join in, getting louder as we go.
“…seven, six, five…”
Ned and Toni are already making out. Hannah and Oz only have eyes for each other. Which leaves me and Calum.
“…three, two…”
I want to hug him. It seems more appropriate for midnight than another handshake, but I don’t want to push.
“…one!”
Calum throws his arms around me. I freeze for all of a second before hugging him back. It feels so good to hold him again. I’m so grateful we’ve found our way back from what felt increasingly like the brink of disaster.
“Christ, I’ve missed you.” His lips brush against the shell of my ear as the hoarse words make their way inside me.
“I’ve missed you, too.” My heart threatens to explode, and I tighten my hold on him. “Happy new year, Cal.”
He presses his cheek to mine for a brief moment before pulling away, an easy smile lighting up his face. “Same to you, Johnny. Only good times ahead, yeah?”
I’m nodding when Hannah appears, tugging on Calum’s shirt. He turns to engulf her in a hug.
Watching them, I can’t stop smiling. This is good, I think to myself. We can make this work.