Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
______
JOHNNY
I’ve had this dream so many times already. Calum—in my arms. Loving and wanting me. I’m scared to move, in case I wake myself up. Yet, I can’t possibly keep still.
I remove his shirt first, easing the soft cotton over his head with care. When my fingertips touch down on his pale skin, his shiver sends a surge of satisfaction through me. I take my time exploring his smooth chest. The pebbled nipples and flat stomach. Goddamn, he’s perfect.
My leisurely progress is interrupted when Calum yanks my own t-shirt up and off. “More,” he breathes as he lifts himself up and onto my lap.
I can’t help but grin, even as the weight of him against my rapidly hardening dick has me hissing in a breath.
My arms come around him, and I tilt my head back to take his mouth in a deep, thorough kiss. His tongue spears into my mouth, demanding a rush my heart can’t bear to indulge. We’ve waited so long, denied ourselves so much. Holding him this way is a privilege I refuse to squander.
Pulling free of his mouth, I press our foreheads together.
“I want to cherish you.” My hands roam his body at will.
Tracing the slender lines of his torso, learning the increased length of his hair, stroking his thighs and sliding beneath his loose cotton shorts to find the rounded curves of his arse.
Pausing there, I pull him closer, urging him to grind on me. He complies and a strangled cry fills my mouth. “Fuck, yes.” His head falls to my shoulder, and his panting breaths are hot on my neck as he rides my lap. “Feels so good.”
Too good. After all these lonely months, the slow, steady roll of his hips has my dick riding the edge of release within seconds and I refuse to blow before we even manage to get naked.
With a hand on his chest, I urge him to lie back on the couch. My hands hook behind his knees, and I drag him down the cushions until he’s stretched flat out in front of me.
I take a moment to appreciate the view. His mussed hair and dilated pupils. Lips puffy from our frantic kisses and chest flushed and heaving. When my hungry gaze reaches the bulge straining beneath his shorts, I lick my lips.
“I must confess,” I tell him, reaching out to stroke my fingertips along the bare skin above his waistband, “I can’t decide what I want to do first.” The button and zipper come undone with a few deft movements, and then I’m yanking his shorts and boxers down over his feet.
His erection is rigid against his stomach, pulsing lightly as it begs for attention.
“I would dearly love to suck on you.” Standing long enough to shed the rest of my clothes, I kneel back on the couch.
His knees fall open to make room for me as he watches me with heavy-lidded eyes.
“I also want to ride you.” Leaning forwards, I place my hands on either side of his head, supporting my upper body on straight arms while my lower half settles between his parted thighs.
His hands lift to stroke my chest, my sides, any part he can reach.
Looking down between our heated bodies, I align our hips so we’re sliding against one another.
I keep the pressure light, providing enough friction to drive us to the brink, but not past it.
We both moan at the torturous ecstasy of the contact.
“Or,” I gasp, my voice husky with restrained desire, “I could sink into that tight hole of yours.” His whimper almost does me in and I buck against him.
“I could fuck you until you cover me in your come.”
“Do it,” he cries. His fingernails rake across my back as he tries desperately to pull me closer. “Do anything. I don’t care. I want it all.”
My arms buckle and I lower my weight on top of him. Our mouths meet in a bruising kiss as I reach between us, taking hold of our dicks in a mess of pre-come and sweat. “This first.” For so long all I’ve wanted is to lose myself in his touch again, just like this.
“So hot. Love you so much.” I breathe the words into his mouth, my gaze locked on his as we both rut into the heat of my hand. “Come with me.”
His breath hitches and a whine escapes his throat as his entire body goes rigid. And then he’s coming with rough, jerky motions. His release spills between us, easing the way for my own impending release.
When my orgasm hits, I give myself over to it. To him. Completely.
From this moment on, I am his.
* * *
I have no idea when the movie ended, but by the time my brain comes back online, the TV screen has returned to the promo photo.
Reaching out, I grab the remote from the coffee table and switch it off.
Darkness covers us, relieved only by the faint moonlight coming through the windows.
It’s enough for me to see Cal open his eyes.
My lips twitch upwards as I look down at him, but the knot in my stomach has yet to ease. His change of heart happened so fast. It feels too good to be true. “Cal,” I whisper, brushing my lips over his. I want to ask the question, put voice to my fears, but it sticks in my throat.
“Johnny.” He lifts his head to press kisses against my jaw. His hands stroke the length of my body and I’m already getting hard once more at the feel of him stirring beneath me.
He captures my mouth in a deeper kiss, but my head is noisy and my heart unsure. With a reluctant sound, I force myself to pull away.
“What’s wrong?” Calum asks, running his fingertips over my furrowed brow.
“I need to know this is real, that we’re together now.” The words are harsh, urgent, in the darkness. “Tell me I don’t have to let you go.”
He relaxes with a sigh and cups my face in his hands, forcing me to meet his gaze. “If either one of us was capable of letting go, we would have done it already.” His lips curve, but the slight smile doesn’t reach his eyes. “We always end up right back here.”
“Here is where I want to be,” I insist, my hands tightening around him.
“I want to be with you, too.” His nod is solemn, but sure. “For as long as you’ll have me.”
We stare into each other’s eyes as the decision settles into place between us. This step we’re taking… it is real. It’s momentous. And it feels more right to me than anything I’ve done since that morning I woke up alone in my bed.
The reasons we had for staying apart are still valid. We’ll have to face them, eventually. But not tonight.
With a final, hard kiss, I start to sit up between his legs. Our stomachs peel apart in a sticky mess and we both laugh softly. Grabbing my discarded t-shirt, I make quick work of cleaning us up before urging Calum back into my lap. “Hold on to me.”
He wraps his arms and legs tight. “I promise, no letting go this time.”
A wide smile covers my face as I lever myself up off the couch. Damn, he’s heavy, weighing about the same as me. But I’m so high on having him in my arms, I barely notice.
When we reach the bedroom, I kneel up onto the mattress and lower him to the bed, following him down until we’re tangled together once more.
We explore each other at a leisurely pace.
I spend time working him to the back of my throat, moaning at the heavy weight of him on my tongue and the combined taste of our earlier release.
When he starts to keen, I pull off. He sits up, pushing me onto my back so he can return the favour.
It becomes a game of sorts, the way we take turns bringing each other to the threshold, only to back off at the last moment.
Finally, when I can’t take anymore, I wrench the drawer of my bedside table open.
A bottle of lube lands on the bed before I go back for a condom.
Holding the foil packet between two fingers, I look at Calum.
“I was tested three months after Ellie and I split. You’re the only other person I’ve been with.
Hell, you’re the only other person I’ve kissed,” I add with a quiet laugh.
” Swallowing, I force the rest out. “I understand if you’ve been with someone…
or someones. We were apart a long time. You owed me nothing. ”
I mean every word. Until tonight, he was a single man with the right to fuck whomever he pleased. That doesn’t stop jealousy from searing my veins at the thought of another man touching him, and when he reaches out to take the condom my heart sinks.
“There was no one for some time before my last test,” he tells me. “Then… after…” He tosses the packet back into the drawer and my breath hitches. “You still don’t get it, do you? When I laid eyes on you that night, it was like other men ceased to exist. I haven’t even looked at anyone else.”
A laugh falls out of me as I return to his arms, rolling us until he’s lying on top of me. “It was the same for me. You’re the only man—the only person—I want.”
He lowers his head to take my lips in a lingering kiss. “Only you.”
Smiling, I arch up into him. “Only you.”
When I push into his body a few minutes later, when I feel his heat enveloping and welcoming me, everything else falls away. There is only Calum. Me. Us.
* * *
“I don’t know how long we’ll need to keep this a secret.”
We’re side by side beneath the top sheet, legs tangled, faces inches apart on our respective pillows. I lift the hands we have clasped between us and place a firm kiss on Calum’s knuckles. “As long as it takes. We can’t do anything that will put your job at risk.”
He nods.
“Besides, Ned will kill me if I get you fired.”
Laughter bursts out of him. “It’s entirely possible. Also, I kind of like bossing you around.”
“I like it, too.”
There’s a comfortable pause as we lay in the darkness, wrapped in each other’s presence.
“I’ll have to tell Hannah.”
I snort a laugh. “Hannah already knows.”
“That we’re official,” he clarifies.
“She’ll be happy for us?”
He grimaces. “Disturbingly happy.” Turning my hand over, he traces his fingertips along the lines of my palm. The light tickle sends tiny sparks of pleasure skittering up my forearm.
“Your parents?” he asks.
My stomach swoops and I bite down on my bottom lip.
I hadn’t even thought of them yet. This is all happening so fast. A couple of hours ago I planned never to tell them anything and now…
“I think maybe I should hold off telling them.” My throat constricts as I say the words.
Tendrils of shame weave their way into every limb.
I want to tell everyone else. I want to scream my love for this man to all who will listen.
But when it comes to my parents… “I don’t know how they’ll react, what will change. ”
How will they look at me when they find out the truth of who I really am? When they realise how poorly the son they’re stuck with stacks up against the miracle child they imagined me to be.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready,” Calum says quietly, clutching my hand tighter. “I don’t want to come between you and your parents. Not ever.”
“I will tell them,” I assure him. “When we go public?”
He nods. “Wait until then.”
“Okay.” The relief of having a reprieve only makes the shame burn hotter and I latch on to a change of topic. “That leaves the band. I don’t know if any of them suspect. No one has said anything.”
“Toni suspects.” He reminds me about the iced tea incident.
“Holy crap.” Groaning, I cover my face with my free hand. “I was so convinced we were flying under the radar.”
“Not so much,” he says with a chuckle. “I didn’t confirm, of course. He swore he wouldn’t say anything.”
I sigh. This is more complicated than I thought it would be.
“Let’s wait with them, too,” he says after a while.
“Why?”
Rolling onto his back, he stares up at the darkened ceiling. “Because, despite everything, this is still new. What if it doesn’t work out? Now we’ve given in, you might realise you’re not as into me as you thought.”
I frown. “That’s not going to happen.”
“It could.”
“It won’t.” Lifting up on one elbow, I move closer, until I’m flush against his side. “Cal, babe, I know myself. I know the way my heart works and it belongs to you now. If this is to end, it won’t be me who walks away.”
He smiles at me, nods at my words, but there’s no hiding the doubt in his eyes.
I’m not surprised. Why would he trust anyone to stay after what his parents did?
I don’t bother belabouring the point. It would make no difference.
The proof of my words will have to come with time. And time is what I plan to give.