Chapter 15 Zahra
ZAHRA
Ihate hospitals. Including the makeshift medical wing we have in the manor.
The last time I had been in the waiting room was when Dr. Williams informed me that my father hadn’t made it.
Everything went black after that. From what Azula told me, I had to be sedated.
It was the only way they could get me off the doctor; my grief manifested as rage, and evidently, he was an easy target.
“Promise you won’t choke anyone this time,” Arman jokes, though there’s a hint of seriousness in his voice.
“That was one time, and I think I deserve a pass for it given the circumstances.” Clicking my tongue, I start to approach the door currently being guarded by three burly Irishmen. “I’d like to see Declan.”
Neither man moves an inch. I commend their dedication to protecting their boss but am not in the mood.
“Maybe I remind you that you are in my medical wing, with my staff who have worked around the clock to ensure your boss is safe and healthy. Your boss, who took a bullet for me. Which I would like to thank him for.”
Each man inhales sharply as they size me up, but still stands in place.
“May I also remind you that I am a bit trigger-happy at the moment and if you think I’m above shooting three men who get in my way, you are sadly mistaken.”
“Zahra!” Arman protests from behind me.
Unsurprisingly, threatening to shoot someone works, each man breaks their stance and finally gives me access to the door.
The fluorescent lights in the room make me squint, along with the incessant beeping of various machines, and the faint scent of chlorine.
Aidan laid fast asleep in a chair, his head on Declan’s bed, while Declan has a hand on his brother’s head as he toys with the various tubes and wires connected with his body.
His eyes flicker to mine for a second, giving me a small smile before turning his attention back to Aidan.
Looking death in the eye would do that to you, remind you of who you would have lost. Who you would have never been able to speak to again.
Who you should have told ‘I love you’ one last time while you had the chance.
“I didn’t realize you’d woken up,” I break the silence, keeping my voice down so as not to disturb Aidan’s sleep.
“Just happened. Heard you threaten to shoot my guards. Tried to yell to let you in but I couldn’t manage to get it out.
” Declan’s usually smooth and silky voice is now hoarse and dry, no doubt a result of coming off the anesthesia.
I can’t help but wonder if this is what he sounds like every morning when he wakes up.
Of all the things you could be thinking about right now, Zahra, his morning voice should not be one of them.
I hand him one of the water bottles left on the counter and find myself oddly preoccupied with the thick veins of his neck as he swallows.
Maybe Samirah was right, I should have taken some time for myself before coming in to interrogate Declan.
Clearly, the adrenaline of the night had been wearing off, and in its place was an overwhelming sense of gratitude that he had saved my life.
Gratitude and something else that I refuse to acknowledge.
Something I can’t even remember the last time I’d felt.
“Much better, thanks.” Declan clears his throat, sounding much more like himself. He gives Aidan a good shake, causing him to stir. “C’mon, it’s time to wake up.”
“Shit, I didn’t even realize I’d fallen asleep.” Aidan yawns, slightly groggy, before pouncing on his brother and giving him a big hug. “Damn, it’s good to see you.”
“You saw me this whole time. Including the trip in the back of the car.” Declan rolls his eyes, though he returns the hug.
“Don’t be an ass, you know what I meant.” Aidan leans back in the chair, turning his attention to me. “Tell your Doc I’m sorry. I may have threatened to put a bullet in him if he didn’t save my brother.”
“Eh, he’s been working for us for decades so he’s used to it at this point.
At least you didn’t choke him and have to be sedated because you refused to let go.
” I shrug, both brothers looking at me with their jaws hanging open.
“It was one time. After I found out about my dad, so, I think I’m forgiven. ”
Declan and Aidan’s expressions shift to deep understanding, making me incredibly uncomfortable.
“I was hoping to have a moment alone with you, Declan. Your brother is more than welcome to stay in one of our guest rooms and get some proper sleep,” I offer.
Aidan stiffens, adjusting himself so he’s in front of his brother. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Declan places a hand on his brother’s shoulder, gently squeezing. “Aidan, it’s fine. She’s not going to hurt me. Go get some proper sleep. You need it.”
Aidan takes a few more reassurances from his brother to be convinced but eventually he leaves the room, though not before giving me a warning glance that screams ‘Don’t do anything stupid’. I’d roll my eyes if there wasn’t a part of me that understood his sudden protectiveness.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, sitting in the chair next to the bed.
“You mean other than the fact that a bullet just went through me?” he teases.
“Right.” I wince. God, I’m bad at this. I never had to comfort anyone through anything. My entire life had been spent learning how to harden myself, so by the time I became boss, nothing could affect me.
“Don’t look so concerned,” Declan deadpans. “Doctor Williams patched me up quickly. I’m as healthy as a horse.”
“Glad to hear it.” Though I probably sounded anything but. This is why I never do small talk. “Um, I guess I should say thank you.”
He finds my discomfort hilarious, letting out a laugh that shakes the room. “You guess, huh? You’d think I gifted you a fruitcake, not took a whole bullet for you the way you’re acting now.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve just never had to comfort someone before and I’m feeling really out of my element right now.”
He fails to school the smirk on his face. “Comfort me? Have you decided to take on a gig as a bedside nurse or?”
“What, no! Definitely not. But I’ve been warned not to come in guns blazing—”
“Metaphorically speaking, or literally. Because I know there’s a risk of both options happening if I piss you off.”
“Ah, I forgot you saw that.” Perhaps killing a man could have waited until I made sure Declan had been properly cared for.
“I’ll never forget it.”
“It was quite a scene. Hopefully, it sent a clear enough message.”
“It did. There’s a lot of things I’m seeing clearer now.” The latter part he whispers to himself but I’m still able to catch it.
The words confuse me, but I don’t probe more. The list of things I need to ask him about is already extensive; I don’t need to add another. At least not tonight.
“I never thought you’d be one to bite your tongue, Zahra. And yet I can tell that’s exactly what you’ve done from the moment you walked in.” He groans as he moves to sit up, closing the space between us so our faces are only a few inches apart. “What are you holding back?”
My throat tightens, sweat forming on my palms. “It’s always been hard for me to trust people. But with you, it's nearly impossible. I don’t know if I can ever do it.”
His eyebrows knit together. “And why’s that?”
I could lie, but that would only drag out whatever game we’d both been playing with each other even longer. I need answers now. No matter how much they hurt to get. “Because I blame you for the death of my father, and your own. And I hate you for it.”
Declan’s eyes close, and the machine tracking his pulse starts to beep quicker. His heart is racing. For the first time tonight, Declan looks genuinely uncomfortable, which is saying a lot given that a few hours ago, he had a bullet lodged inside him.
“I don’t fault you for hating me.” He takes in a few long, deep breaths, slowing his heart rate down slightly, fists clenching the white sheets on his bed. “How could I when you’re right? I did kill them.”