Chapter 35 Declan
DECLAN
Ilose track of how long Zahra falls apart in my arms. Her tears come thick and fast, not letting up once since she started.
I temper down the impulse to say or do something other than just hold onto her.
I would give her my words of comfort once her tears started to slow, but for now, she needs to feel it.
Needs to get it all out. Her sobs are filled with pain, agony, and sadness.
Each cry she lets out is followed by a deep breath.
One that I can tell centers her, over and over again.
Eventually, the sobs turn into sniffles, and I press my cheek to the top of her head.
“How are you feeling, love?”
“Like a complete mess.” She laughs, wiping her cheeks with the back of her hand. “But also like the hole in my heart isn’t as deep as it has been.”
“Good. That’s good.” I curse myself for not being able to come up with anything beyond those small words, but Zahra doesn’t seem to mind. “Can I ask what made you feel better?”
Her bottom lip trembles. “Thinking about my dad. All the happy memories I had with him. I hate that he’s not here with me now…”
“I know. No one can ever replace him.” The same way nothing could ever replace my father.
“That’s true. Though I have a strong feeling he would agree with you on one thing.” Her lips twitch up, only the hint of a smile.
“Which is?”
“That I deserve to be happy. Even though he’s no longer here to see it.” She sniffles, putting on a brave face.
“You do. You deserve that and more. And when you forget it, I’m more than happy to remind you.” I cup her face in my hands, relishing in the way she leans into my touch…and bracing myself for the inevitable moment she pulls back.
While Zahra has finally let some of her guards down, I know most of her walls are still in place.
Still, I can’t help but celebrate this win.
She’s finally let herself feel. Finally, she accepted that she doesn’t have to be in a perpetual state of mourning and that she’s not selfish for wanting to experience some joy in her life.
Now all she has to do is act on it. Until she does, I will be here waiting.
I’ll only take what she offers. For as much as she says she’s ready to live, she hasn’t said the words I want to hear the most. That she wants to live with me.
Zahra stays in my embrace, and I’m convinced I could stand here forever.
I have no idea whether it's been minutes or hours in our quiet bubble but eventually I hear a mix of voices yelling at each other outside the trainer’s room.
We separate immediately, a frown taking over my face, as we head back inside the gym.
Zahra and I freeze as we watch Azula grabs Aidan by the neck and slam him against the mirror of the gym.
“Don’t you dare, get started with me, Aidan. I’m not the one who fucked up and let your shithead of an uncle get away,” she spits, digging her sharpened nails into his skin.
“How many times do I have to tell you? He was already gone by the time I got there. Now, let go of me,” he growls the last bit through gritted teeth.
Zahra’s eyes narrow, and in an instant, she turns back into a boss.
“If you’re trying to scare Azula, you have another thing coming.
There’s not a single thing in the world that throws Azula off a hunt.
And that is exactly what she’s doing now.
Hunting down the man who tried to kill me, and anyone who gets in the way. ”
Aidan opens his mouth, but nothing comes out beyond a struggled gasp for air.
“Azula. Let him go,” Zahra demands. Azula’s lips peel back in a snarl as she releases Aidan, but not before giving him one final squeeze with the tips of her nails. Neither of us misses the way he winces in response.
“Have you ever considered putting a leash on your guard dog?” Aidan snaps uncharacteristically. Azula always manages to bring out his snarky side.
“Careful, Aidan, Azula’s bite is much worse than her bark,” Zahra warns. “So Lorkan was gone by the time you arrived?”
Aidan gives her a quick nod. “His entire estate was a ghost town. None of his groundskeepers or staff were around. I imagine someone tipped him off. The good news is that an empty estate means I was able to rummage through his office. His passports and emergency cash were all gone. I was able to find his phone though. I’m surprised he left it. ”
Aidan reaches into his pocket and pulls out Lorkan’s phone, handing it to me so I can inspect it. “That seems like an incredibly reckless move. One that I doubt he would make, especially if he made sure his entire staff was also gone by the time you got there.”
“Maybe it wasn’t reckless. Maybe it was intentional,” Zahra muses, taking the phone from me. “He probably figured I’d be able to hack into his phone and track him. Which would be a correct assumption. But maybe he still left something of value on this.”
“You don’t think he scrubbed it?” I ask.
“It’s possible. But if he left in a rush, the odds are he did a sloppy job.
So there may be some things I can salvage.
” Her eyebrows knit together as she stares at the phone with intense determination, like hacking into the phone will solve all our problems. I don’t want to trample on any lingering hope she still has, but the news of my uncle’s betrayal has rocked me to my core.
Everything I knew was a lie. Except for Zahra.
She has made it more than clear how she’ll always be by my side.
“How long will it take you to crack it?” Azula asks.
“I don’t know. Either way, we’re still behind. Lorkan’s gone and we have no idea where he is, who he’s talking to, or who could be protecting him,” Zahra groans, dragging a hand through her hair.
Instinctively, I place a hand on the small of her back and bring her closer to me. “We’ll find him. Dead or alive. I promise you.”
Zahra gives me a quick nod, but the tension in her body remains.
“Alive would be ideal. A quick death isn’t a mercy he deserves. And I’ll make sure that he pays for it.” Azula sneers, voice laced with venom and rage.
Aidan’s gaze flicks to mine and we exchange knowing looks. Whatever hell we were imagining Azula would bring down on our uncle likely pales into comparison to what she was thinking of now.
“Start with all of Lorkan’s allies who would rather see him in charge than Declan.
I wouldn’t be surprised if he agreed to collaborate with the Italians or Russians in their trafficking routes in exchange for their help to put him in power,” I order Azula and Aidan.
The former looks at me skeptically but eventually agrees to my demand.
“Let’s go, pretty boy. It’s time to make up for your mistake of letting your uncle get away,” Azula growls, not waiting to see if Aidan listens to her before exiting the room.
Aidan looks at me, incredulous.
I nod my head in the direction of the door. “Do as she says. And maybe try actually working with her instead of going at each other’s throats. I have a feeling that if you two put aside whatever bullshit is going on between you, you’d find Lorkan in a matter of days. If not hours.”
Aidan scoffs and rolls his eyes, but eventually he gives in, giving my shoulder a hard squeeze and Zahra a quick look of sorrow before following Azula. Not that my wife notices.
From the moment I handed Zahra my uncle’s phone, she’d been inspecting it.
I’m no hacker, but I doubt whatever she’s really looking for will just magically appear on the surface of the phone.
Still, she refuses to move. Refuses to have her eyes on anything else but the target in front of her, like a cheetah staying crouched behind blades of grass before finally going in for the kill.
I adjust my hand so it now sits on her hip instead of the small of her back, and give it a gentle but firm squeeze. My intentions are to snap her out of her trance, but I also can’t help but notice how soft she is or how her breath hitches in response to my touch.
Zahra’s eyes snap up to meet mine as her tongue peeks out and traces her pouty lips. She drops the hand that’s holding the phone to her side and places her free hand on my chest, right on top of my heart. “I’m going to need time to hack into this phone.”
“I know.”
“We don’t have time,” Zahra says, exasperated. Desperate.
The urge to make her feel better overwhelms me.
I tilt her chin up with my index finger, forcing her to look at me.
“Zahra. So long as you are in this house, with me here, I promise you are safe. No one, not my uncle or his allegiance of vulture-doting morons, will lay a single finger on you. I will stand guard outside your door every second of the day, handcuff myself to you, or do whatever it is you need me to do so you’ll feel safe. ”
Zahra’s lips quirk up as her expression softens. “Handcuffs sound complicated, but I can’t deny that I’m intrigued.”
The flirtatious shift in her tone would have caught me off guard if not for the intimate moments we’d shared just a mere hour ago.
I have no doubts that if Aidan and Azula hadn’t burst our safe little bubble when they did, I would have confessed all my feelings to Zahra.
How I wanted her to know that everything between us had been real for me.
That I knew deep down, it’d been real for her too.
She leans into my touch for a moment, but nowhere near as long as I need. Cupping her chin in my palm, I bring her face closer until my lips brush against hers.
A soft whimper leaves her lips, and my desire to taste her is palpable. As is my frustration as she gives her head a shake, and pulls back from me. “I have to start working on cracking Lorkan’s cellphone. My mind won’t stop racing until I’ve made some progress.”
The rational part of my mind is in agreement, but my cock is painfully strained against my pants, begging me not to listen.
In the end, Zahra’s look of determination is enough to call to my practical side.
I sever any touch between us, knowing that the longer we stay close to each other, the less I’ll be able to control myself I don’t miss the lust in Zahra’s eyes as she looks at me, or the clear quickening of her pulse as I lean in and whisper, “Soon, my sweet wife, you’re going to lose all that control you have and let yourself take what you want.
And when you do, I’ll be more than ready to give it to you. ”
I walk away before I lose what small amount of composure I have left, relishing in the gasp that falls from her lips and the step she takes toward me as I leave.