20. Graham
GRAHAM
T he next morning, I can barely meet the doorman’s eye as I leave to get coffee.
If he knew I made Keeley cry last night, he’d attempt to kick my ass and I’d probably let him do it, because Jesus Fucking Christ, I just made a woman who barely reaches my collarbone and is currently carrying my child cry .
I didn’t think telling her this situation was a nightmare for me would even matter to her, but it did because she cares about the baby in ways she doesn’t seem to care about herself, and me and my bad attitude aren’t what she wants for her child.
When I heard the tears in her voice, when I saw her wiping her face before she rolled toward me, I felt sick. She’s more stressed by this situation than she’s let on, and I’ve got to stop adding my stress on top of it.
I’m going to turn this around if it kills me. For my kid’s sake, yes. But for her sake too.
And I’ll begin by saying, “hi” to her friend.
“Going to Starbucks, Mark. You need anything?” I ask.
He holds today’s Wall Street Journal over his head to block out the morning sun. “You ever sat on the sidewalk before, Graham?”
I knew I’d regret stopping. “I’m sure I have…at some point.”
I’m worried he’s going to ask me to sit, and I really don’t want to. I just fucking showered. I also don’t care to have everyone passing by think I’m homeless.
“That’s how we met, me and Keeley. She tried to give me that chair because she didn’t like the idea of me being uncomfortable.
I told her I’d keep it just for her in case she came to visit.
You know how many people would have come back?
You know how many people of all the millions would come down here, day after day, to check on me? Fucking one, and you got her.”
I sigh wearily. “I take it Keeley mentioned we argued last night. Do you have a point?”
He squints. “No, she didn’t mention it. But I can see she’s stressed, and I’m just wondering…why you? What did she see in you that she didn’t see in anyone else? Because I thought when she finally chose someone, she’d be a lot happier than she is.”
I rub the back of my neck. “I’m not sure how much she’s told you about our wedding.”
He laughs. “Oh, yeah, I know the whole thing. But do you think you’re the first guy who’s suggested running off to Vegas to her? No way. But you’re the first one she said ‘yes’ to.”
“It might just be a question of sobriety, or lack thereof.”
“Doubtful. She had plenty of non-sober nights out before then too. She saw something different in you—that’s why she agreed.
I guess what I’m saying is…bro, find that thing.
It’s like the whole world is connected. Can you see that?
Can you see the lace patterns in the air? Can you see all those rainbows?”
“Uh…I’m not sure about the rainbows.”
“That might be the mushrooms talking. I ate a few grams just before you came downstairs. But anyway, there’s a connection between you and you’ve got to find it.”
I still. “Just out of curiosity, it wasn’t my wife who gave you the drugs, was it?”
He laughs. “Course not. I ordered ’em.”
He pulls an iPhone out of his pocket. It’s newer than mine. “Your wife did give me this, though.”
“She bought you a phone?”
“My last one got stolen. This is how I manage her investments.”
Keeley, who has no interest in investing or saving whatsoever, asked him to manage investments for her because it would make him happy.
She loves people so wholeheartedly.
I wonder what it would be like to be among them.